Something I've thought about doing for some time:

[Shinigori V2]

Every day I work, I sit and I ponder doing this. Informal as it is, it's at least good to have it written down to allow people to gaze upon it, and become inspired by it.

I have here a guideline, if you will, of how to act in a video store to make yourself not look stupid/assholish/like a potential murder victim. Some of you may say "But Shini! I never go into a video store/Rent videos/Care!"

To you I say: Oh well, I'm still gonna write this.

TO BEGIN:

1. Working at a video store is not as easy as it looks. The job is not 100% fun and games, shits and giggles, watching movies and checking people out when they're ready. Oh, no sir. You may say that the job couldn't possibly be that hard; and you're right. It's not that hard. But it's not easy. New movies come out every tuesday. Space needs to be made for them to be put onto the shelves. This includes taking down old stuff, shifting stuff around so the titles are as alphabetical as possible, and making the space. Beyond that, there's the matter of the old boxes: Old boxes have to have the art taken out of them and filed away, and the boxes themselves stored or destroyed. This may not sound difficult, but it's rather irritating when done repeatedly for about four hours straight.

2. At most major video stores, you're issued a card. This is done for a purpose. You need the card to use the service. Without the card, they have no idea where the movie- Which is THEIR property, not yours- You're just borrowing it. As I was saying, without the card (And information provided through it), they have no way of knowing where their property is being carted off to. It is the Clerk's job to make sure that they know where the merchandise is going. Do not act as if we've ruined your day by asking what your name is and where you live.

3. This ties into point 2. Do not give us false information. We can tell if it's false. 123-456-7890 is NOT a real phone number. You're not that dumb. Neither are we.

4. Do you see how all the boxes on the shelves are in order, alphabetically? That's not an indication of "Put any goddamn thing down whereever you want, and leave it as a surprise for us later." We've grown out of hide-and-seek, perhaps it's time you have, too.

5. Yes, there is something in that box. Yes, DVDs are very light weight. It's hard to tell, but it's in there.

6. Yes. Yes, I'm sure that box contains a DVD.

7. Yes, I am absolutely positive that there is a DVD within that box.

8. No, you cannot open the box on your own. It's locked. Why is the box locked? So people don't steal our merchandise. It's also to shut you up when you ask us to be sure there's something inside the goddamn box.

9. Do you like having things thrown at you? We don't! When you're ready to go, gently put your merchandise down. Do not throw it at us, or we'll catch it and throw it back.

10. What? We're out of a title you wanted? Imagine that; someone else wanting the same popular movie you did! What a coincidence. What's that? It's our fault that the movie's not here? Damn, you've caught onto us! We're secretly stashing them all in the back, in an effort to ruin your night. You're just too damn clever for us, Mr. Thompson.

11. Yes. Yes, the line gets very long on friday. As you can see, we're doing the best we can to make it quick. Sorry for ruining your life by making you wait 10 extra minutes to watch the crappy flick of your choice.

12. What? You don't like being told about programs that actually make some sense for certain people, and we should go to hell for suggesting one of them to you? Well, how about that! We don't like suggesting them any more than you like hearing them, but you know what happens if we don't suggest them? We'll be joining you in the "People who have way too much free time" crowd. It's our job to sell this crap. And it's your job, as a customer, to listen to it.

13. Point 13 was skipped for superstitious reasons.

14. Point 14 applies where late fees still exist (At my store, they have been abolished): We told you your due date when you picked the movie up. We're programmed to tell you the due date. It's automatic. We don't even realize we're doing it half the time. Don't say you didn't know when Backdoor Pirates Nine was due back. And at least wipe it down with a cleanex.

15. So, you mean to tell me that you're 18, dispite the fact that you appear to be 15 at best? Granted, movies aren't cigarettes or anything, but that doesn't mean you're going to get Backdoor Pirates Nine before you're old enough to watch it.

And there you have it. It is said, and the world is a better place because of it :( <p>

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<div style="text-align:center">What's wrong with this ring?!</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=shinigoriv2>Shinigori]&nbsp; at: 2/5/05 5:51

[JasonAB17]

My parents are people who'd violate some of these rules. It pisses me off because I've been in that kind of job before, and know how shitty you have it working one.

What's worse is that when I ask them to back the fuck up off our server/clerk/waiter/whatever, they tend to tell me that they have the right because condition XYZ! was not met. I can instantly speculate and offer a reason why, and about 80% of the time I'm right. Of course, they just ignore me then. Because it's just a server. They can be assholes if they want to. Because it's their stupid damn money that's being spent.

... I want to kick them. Hard.

[KingOfDoma]

Amen, brother. I could go on about people doing stupid things at my Wendy's, especially TEENAGERS. Oooh, there should be a rule that keeps fast food restaurants at least 30 minutes walking distance from any junior or senior high school... <p>--------------------
Who needs lensflares?</p>

[Choark]

As a dude who worked in a corner shop that rented out videoes I already knew many of these "rules" and secretly tabbed customers on how many of them they broke.

I also had ones for alcohol, which included - Yes there is a law against selling after this time - no I can't take bribes - no you can't just leave the money here - no, you will be considered a thief - yes we have it all on tape - no, throwing them across the floor and threatening me is not very clever at all.

And so on. <p><div style="text-align:center"> </div>
<div style="text-align:center"> </div>
<div style="text-align:center"> Something cute plots your death </div></p>

[FlamingDeth]

Quote:

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no, throwing them across the floor and threatening me is not very clever at all.

---

Heehee. This quote makes the entire thread worth it! <p>
<hr width="70%"><center>
This month's "Transformer of the Month" is Grimlock in a Santa hat! He's quite jolly.</center></p>

[PriamNevhausten]

We've actually had a lot of problems with high school brats where I work, too. Well, up until two weeks ago, anyway. Deal is, we're close enough to THREE high schools that we became the unofficial 'hang-out' spot for after basketball and/or football games. The manager who used to work Friday nights, when this occurred, recently got canned. The new manager for Friday nights ain't be havin' none of that bullshit. That motherfucker wasn't messing around.

These kids would clog up our walkways so we couldn't get food to people, disturb the other customers, and only one out of about 7 of them would actually get food. Recall, we're talking about 50 kids. PER high school. Most of the rest of them would get 'water,' by which I mean 'free sprite.'

But that week, no quarter was given. "You guys have to find a place to sit or leave. Or I *will* call the cops." Oh, and he did, too. One of the officers who's one of our regulars stopped by and basically just stood around as an intimidating presence. Which also meant they could not filter into the bar area, and spread their girth out.

The next week, we only had a crowd from one of the high schools, and only half its normal size. This week, none of the groupies showed up. It was glorious. Rumor has it that Romper Room, such as the manager called it, has moved to Steak'n'Shake, which makes me laugh considering the total seating capacity of Steak'n'Shake is about 60. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[BrainWalker]

When I was working at Gamestop, I became well acquainted with almost every single one of these, but one of them pissed me off more than any other.

Quote:

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4. Do you see how all the boxes on the shelves are in order, alphabetically? That's not an indication of "Put any goddamn thing down whereever you want, and leave it as a surprise for us later." We've grown out of hide-and-seek, perhaps it's time you have, too.

---

People are retards, I swear to God. I eventually gave up on ever getting anyone to realize that our language consists of a sequential alphabet. I just wanted them to put stuff back in the right fucking section. They'll put used Gamecube games in the new section, they'll put new Xbox games in the used PS2 section, they'll stash everything they've been carrying around and looking at for the past hour into the used DVDs section because they lost interest. Kids will throw GBA game boxes on the floor and parents won't do a damn thing about it. And I'm pretty sure at least half of them don't do it because they're morons, they do it because they know it's our job to fix shit like that, so why should they bother to show a shred of human decency and spend an extra 10 seconds of their life making our job slightly easier?

And of course it's these same people who get pissed off when they can't find something. Fuckers.

#12 also aggravates me, but not nearly as much 'cause I didn't have to deal with much of it. Most people understand that we're just doing our job and just say "No thanks" if they aren't interested, but every now and then you get a bitchy PTA mom who gives you the "I'm not interested" line with the vocal context that sounds like they're blaming you, the clerk, personally, for the downfall of America's youth or something.

We had fun talking about people like that after they left. <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=brainwalker>BrainWalker</A]&nbsp; at: 2/6/05 2:28

[PriamNevhausten]

Oh, the stories. So many stories...

How about the people who don't listen? People will look up at the menu we have above the register area, which is fine when they're in line. And then they walk up to the register and angle their vision upwards at about an 85 degree angle to continue looking at this menu. Okay, I can see that, they simply don't realize there's a menu--which is, by the way, far more detailed and complete--right in front of them, under the glass on the counter. But when I actually point this out to them, and they say "okay" and look at that menu for five seconds before stepping back and looking at the ceiling-esque menu again, there is no excuse save utter stupidity.

No, water does not cost anything. We WILL make fun of you for asking. To your face.

If you look at the pictures behind me, one depicting potato products in a circular shape and one depicting potato products in a wedge shape, and ask which one is the Potato Wedges, I am going to get bitingly sarcastic with your dumb ass.

Similarly, if you ask whether the Hot sauce is hot, you show yourself unable to process even the most basic of logical thoughts, and I will treat you with this in mind. Please do not mind my twitching and gaping as I question whether you really uttered that sentence.

If you don't ask for a Kid's Meal for your kid, I do not know that you are ordering for your kid and I will not ring a kid's meal in for you. Please stop presuming that I am a telepath.

Tuesdays are a fucking busy day. Wings are half price. Everyone and their brother is, of course, going to be at our store. Please bear this in mind when you place your order: You *will not* receive your order within fifteen minutes, even if you only ordered six wings, because we're fucking busy. Sit the fuck down. We know your buzzer hasn't gone off. No, there's nothing wrong with it. It's just that we're human and have to obey physics. No, I can't personally do anything for you--I am a cashier, and no matter how evilly you look at me your wings will not cook faster.

When you place an order on the phone, we will tell you about when it is ready. Please have a five minute tolerance on this time. Complaining about time when it's only been fifteen minutes on an order we told you would take twenty to twenty-five is not reasonable or fun.

No, we will not give you free things. The more you ask, the less free things we will ever think of giving you. Yes, we know you are in here all the time. Thanks for your business, but we can't stay in business if we keep giving all our shit away.

I wasn't actually intending to write my own manifesto here, but hey. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[Shinigori V2]

It's fun, isn't it? :D <p>

---

<div style="text-align:center">What's wrong with this ring?!</div></p>

[Choark]

Again about selling beer and wine and such like after 11:00pm which is illegal and can't be done as our tills don't allow us to scan them - so as soon as the tills clock gets to 23:00 thats it - no beer for you...

... Anywho.

Some french dudes come in at 23:15, or there abouts, and bring some wine to the desk despite me mentioning that it can't be sold to them when I saw them heading over to the wine section.

So, again, I tell him I can't sell it.

"You can't sell it?" He asks.

"No" I say.

Clearly this wasn't enough because he made no movement to leave and was still looking at me and that wine bottle was still there.

"I would like to buy this wine." He taps the wine bottle to make sure I know its this is what he wants.

"Look, I can't sell it to you" I say agan

"Why?" He may have said more but I can't remember it with 100% recal.

Thinking 'fair enough, he may not know the law, heck I didn't until first year at uni so no problem.' "Its past 11:00" I say, pointing to the clock behind me for greater effect. "As soon as its 11:00 we can't sell any alcohol, its the law." I expected a question after this because it always asked.

"Ah yes I know" He said nodding "but I would like this wine. But I can't have it?"

"No you can't buy it anywhere else either" Is what I expected to say, however, he didn't ask the question I expected. In fact he knew of the law and was still here asking me. I check the shop to make sure there's no queue forming. Seeing there isn't I didn't much reason to hurry this along too much.

"No, you can't buy it."

"No?"

"No."

"No, no" He asks, repeating the second no stronger. Ah, maybe this is finalility.

"No.. No." I say. There, we have got to the point of two No's, he understands and all is good.

"But I still want this wine and I have the money."

He won't quit. He won't stop. I had a sudden feeling that for the next forty five minutes I was going to be talking to this guy about how much he wanted this cheap wine.

"I can't ring it through, sorry." I show him the till, I make a point of trying to put the wine through and show him the clear message off "ALCOHOLE SALES ARE FORBIDDEN AFTER 23:00".

"So I can't buy this wine?"

"No. No you can't buy this wine"

"No, no." He repeats the two no's again.

Yet still he stands before me, with money, wanting the wine.

Suddenly a friend of his brings over another bottle of the same wine... you can guess where this is going.

"Can I buy this wine?"

"No. Look you can't buy any wine, or beer, or anything from the alcohol section. Its closed. I know it doesn't have any shutters or is covered up but its closed. The law says I can't sell it you, the till won't let me sell it you.. I'm on camera so I can't sneakily sell it to you.. I can't sell this wine, or any wine, to you." I'm not sure but I think I managed to say all this with an even voice as I was trying not to explode from WTFery.

"So, no no, I can't buy this wine.

"No, you can't. No, no... No!" I say in desperation.

You should of seen his face suddenly change. From a guy who's looking at you expectidly to sell this wine to sudden relisation.

"Oh!" He exclaims. "No, no, no!"

"...Right. no, no ... No."

With that he says sorry, puts all the wine back and leaves.

So there's a lesson to anyone... To make a frenchman to understand no, it must be repeated three times. Maybe this is why the French are pretty well known for there unrelenting quest for Loooooove from the women.. because no women bothered to repeat No three times to them.

...

Well there you go. A True, very borring, story. <p><div style="text-align:center"> </div>
<div style="text-align:center"> </div>
<div style="text-align:center"> Something cute plots your death </div></p>

[EKDS5k]

Number 4 is kind of funny. See, it's your job to keep the video store sorted alphabetically, for my convenience. Not the other way around. It is what you are paid to do. If you have to spend an extra half an hour (or whatever) every day reorganising the store, well, you get paid for it, don't you? You realised this when you started working, yes? If I change my mind about renting something, and don't feel like taking it back to where I got it, then why shouldn't I just set it down?

Aside from that, I agree with the general sentiment of this thread, having worked at 2 convenience stores and a Starbucks.

No, I can't return this three year old mug that you just now broke for full price.

It says "Venti." That's an n. It's not "Verti," and anyway, it's written in capital letters on the menu.

Small, medium, and large are relative terms. When the cups are on display in front of you, asking for a "large" gets you the biggest one, so don't be confused when I don't reach for the medium cup.

Do you know what the word "assorted" means? It means there are various different kinds of muffins in the proximity of the sign saying "Assorted Muffins." You can order "Four assorted muffins," or even three, but saying "I'll have an assorted muffin" doesn't make any sense.

We have around 20 different kinds of "regular coffee beans." When I ask you a bunch of questions about what you want, it's because I don't want to give you one that tastes like shit, only to have you bring it back the next day. Your paying twice as much as generic supermarket coffee, so is it not worth an extra three minutes to get a good one?

I'm done now.

[Idran1701]

Quote:

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If I change my mind about renting something, and don't feel like taking it back to where I got it, then why shouldn't I just set it down?

---

Courtesy? <p>

---

"Never let your morals get in the way of doing what is right" - Salvor Hardin
</p>

[KingOfDoma]

... OK, I've resisted bitching about my low-wage job for long enough.

PEOPLE. Do you want to make my life infinitely easier? BUS YOUR OWN DAMN TRAY. I work at a Wendy's, NOT a frikkin' Appleby's. If you get your food in a paper cup and not on a plate, THROW IT AWAY YOUR OWN DAMN SELF. Do you know how ANNOYING it is to have a bunch of kids whirl in, buy 1 junior bacon cheeseburger each, then leave ketchup stains, burger wrappers, and fry cups all over everywhere. Yes, it's PART of my job, but that's just because we realize that some people are naturally lazy and won't do it. There are garbages. Use 'em. Or else I'm coming to where YOU work and leaving a mess.

Oh, and speak up. When giving your order, look RIGHT at the cashier and speak slowly and clearly. Having to guess what you say sucks, and, at least where I work, when you have to delete an item off your order, they count it against me. And the store as a whole. So know what the hell you want.

And one more thing. At least at Wendy's, hurry it the hell up on the drive through window. First, there's the obvious fact that there are people behind you that are just as hungry (and more decisive, hopefully), then there's the fact that when you actually at the speakerbox, a timer has started. And, yep, you guessed it, the longer it takes, the worse we look. So, how about you stay JUST BEFORE the speakerbox, and find your order. And pay with bills. Coins waste time. Trust me.

If there's anything else to say, I'll say it later. But there probably would be.... teenagers... eVe <p>--------------------
Who needs lensflares?</p>

[BrainWalker]

The problem isn't that I think people ought to put everything back exactly where they found it, although that really shouldn't be difficult. I just don't think that the person I just saw lay a stack of PS2 games in a gap in the used DVD section has any right to complain becasue they can't find something that I put in it's rightful place 30 seconds ago but already got moved by some lazy ass just like him. We're busy at Christmas time. It's easy to tell when we're busy, because there will be lots of people in our store. People need to realize that helping customers with their questions, processing sales with efficiency, and managing stock are all more important than making sure that NBA 2k4 comes before NBA 2k5. I actually got formally reprimaned twice within my first week for placing too high a priority on organizing the shelves. Sure, when things aren't insane, we've got plenty of time to rearrange the shelves for the fourty millionth time. But sometimes we DON'T have plenty of time, and that's when it gets really annoying. Especially when people who cause the problem come to us to complain about it. We lose business if people can't find what they're looking for because it's more convenient for Joe Everyguy to toss his game box in the nearest gap than it is for him to walk all the way back to the section he got if from, so of course it aggravates us. <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[PriamNevhausten]

I forgot the EXTREME section of my bitching!

Please do not uncap the salt and pepper shakers and dump them all over the tables/floor.

Please do not pour your drink all over the place. We understand that spills happen, but please either get some napkins and take care of it, or tell us so we can. Soda, when it dries, becomes sticky and resilient. You all figured this out when you were two.

For the love of God, do NOT set fire to random objects simply because every ash tray has matches with it. What the fuck is wrong with you?

For that matter, if a table doesn't have an ash tray, that's a very non-subtle hint that you're in the NON-SMOKING section. Please do not go into the smoking section and pilfer an ash tray from one of those tables just so you can smoke where you are not allowed.

That hole in the condiment stand? You know, the one that has a box of mayo and horseradish packets if you look through it? It's not a trash can, that's where we keep our stock, and someone is refilling the lemon pail that usually goes there. Please don't throw your straw wrappers and other garbage down with our good stock. The real trash can is a mere meter away. You don't even have to move your feet to get to it.

Yes, I know the buzzer buzzed when I handed it to you, two seconds after I told you the total on your order. No, your food is not ready before I have even opened the register to get you change. I reserve the right to be extremely sarcastic and unhumorous should you ask more than once. You know better. And no, it's not funny when you ask. I have kept track of the number of times people ask this in a day, and I call this number the Stupidity Index.

That is all. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[Spleen]

I'd do one about my own exciting field of camp counseloring, but no one here has kids, and thus no one here could possibly be the people making my life hell all summer. <p>__-__-__-__-__-__

"If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one's around to hear it, it was obviously the work of ninja."
-Darkknight

"Screw normal, because if you're normal, the crowd will accept you, but if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader."
-Christopher Titus</p>

[KingOfDoma]

Who cares? Bitch anyway. It's cleansing. <p>--------------------
Who needs lensflares?</p>

[Endesu]

Ooh!

I just love working at Papa John's. Oh, sure, the free pizza is nice, the gift certificates you get for acing the 'mystery caller' calls are nice, and every now and then, you get off early.

But, no, the very best part is dealing with the customers!

1. If your record says you can't pay with checks due to a bounced check, you can't pay with a check. I don't give a shit if your brother or your sister or your mentally handicapped aunt placed the order, you can't use a check. Pay with cash or a credit card.

2. A "pizza and movie" deal involves getting a pizza and a movie. These days, movies are typically sold on DVD. This should be obvious. Yes, DVD... a Digital Video Disc. Yes, I said DVD. And for christ's sake, the insiders here have to answer the damn question dozens of times each day. If you're not interested, don't ask for the spiel.

3. If you want to use a special deal, ask for one. If you want to use a coupon, bring it up. We can't read your goddamned mind. If you wanted the deal, you should've brought it up in the first place.

4. You know, every now and then it might rain outside, or fall under some other crappy condition of weather. Traffic is shitty around here during crappy weather. This may cause your order to be slightly slow in delivery! We apologize if your order is five minutes late, we know that clogging the arteries of all of your guests is an absolute necessity.

5. Yes, you want twenty pizzas. Yes, you need them for a high school. No, we can't send them in TWENTY FUCKING MINUTES. On a Friday, on the busiest day of the week, we don't have the time or the space to slam out twenty pizzas in such a short amount of time so we can earn whatever piddly shit amount of money you want to pay. Oh no! We missed out on 40 bucks! Fourty bucks is so much better than two hundred dollars from other customers! If you need the pizza so bad, call a competitor.

6. Speak up or use the volume dial, for god's sake.

7. Wear a fucking SHIRT, especially if you are middle-aged and have saggy manbreasts. If you want to show off your physique, fine, but do it somewhere where food isn't being sold.

8. If you want to call and leave psychotic messages about how we killed your dog and gave it to you in a pizza, call the district boss. No one likes him.

That was somewhat cathartic. I'm tempted to do one for Schlotsky's... <p>

---

<span style="font-size:x-small;">I can't wait to see the terrified looks on their faces! They're so adorable when they do that!
</span></p>

[PriamNevhausten]

Wow. Now I feel all lucky, because I didn't get any of that shit at Domino's.

Also, you separate rants? The only reason I didn't include my Taco Bell shit in my rant(s) is because it's so far removed from the *real* problems at BW3 that they no longer matter. I mean, seriously--I could bitch about wiping up lettuce from someone's kid's blast radius, but then I remember people lighting things on fire and/or having drunken fights on the sidewalk.

Suddenly, a few shreds of produce here and there don't seem so bad. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[BrainWalker]

I am tempted to light a chicken wing on fire now.

...

nope, wait, there it goes. <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[FlamingDeth]

If it wasn't on fire before, then it obviously wasn't spicy enough! <p>
<hr width="70%"><center>
This month's "Transformer of the Month" is Grimlock in a Santa hat! He's quite jolly.</center></p>

[Spleen]

Okay, then.

I love being a counselor. The kids, minus two or three FUCKS, are awesome. However, their parents are often not awesome, and tend to be rather stupid, in fact.

1. Yes, you needed to bring your kid with a lunch and a snack. Yes, it said in the camp literature. Yes, we're sure. No, it's not our fault if you didn't get the camp literature. Bring it up with my boss.

2. Yes, we're still going in the pool if it rains, as long thunder and lightning don't start. Rain is water, and pool water is water and chlorine. When you mix the two, you just make water with a lower concentration of chlorine. Having a little less chlorine in the pool will not kill your kid, so we can see no reason not to take them to the pool.

3. If your child doesn't speak English, don't send her to our camp. No one here speaks Turkish. (We actually had two girls last summer that spoke only Turkish)

4. If your child has a debilitating mental disorder, don't send her to our camp. We are not trained to deal with special needs kids. (We had a girl last summer with Down syndrome)

5. This isn't the basketball/baseball/roller hockey/whatever camp. That camp meets over by the basketball/baseball/rolley hockey/whatever court or fields, which are about a half mile away. They also have a sign in front of them that says the name of their camp, and paraphenilia of their chosen sport.

6. No, you can't stay. Let your kid learn to be a little independent. If you stay, the kid will be hanging on you instead of trying to make friends. Plus, don't you have a job or something?

7. If your child has a deadly peanut allergy, tell us when you're signing the kid up (possibly by writing it next to "Allergies:", so preparations can be made. Don't mention it on Monday morning when you're about to leave the kid to us.

8. If your kid doesn't like to do any sort of physical activity at all, don't send him/her to our camp. We do no arts and crafts, music, or anything. All we get is an assortment of balls and a couple bases for kickball. Your child will be fucking bored if they hate athletics, and that affects the other kids, makes our job harder, and reflects badly on us. There is an arts and crafts camp that meets in the building over there. Sign your kid up for that next time.

9. Tell your kid to leave his Yu-Gi-Oh cards at home. Not only do we not want to hear about them for six hours a day, they also have this amazing tendency to get wet, ripped, lost, or stolen at camp. Plus, if they do get lost, I'm the one who has to look for it, being a junior counselor.

10. Put your name on your kid's backpack and lunchbox. Not only does the camp literature that you received say this, but it stands to reason that more than one kid will come with a Shrek lunchbox. Hopefully less than five, but it has happened.

11. Tell your sixth grader to stop cursing to make him look cool. He's not black, nor from the ghetto, despite what he tells us in his whiny, prepubescent alto. See that kid over there? That's a black kid from a bad neighborhood in Asbury Park, who can only afford our cheap-ass county-run camp because our boss is an extraordinarily nice guy. If this kid doesn't curse - and he doesn't - then your white suburban fuckface doesn't need to.

12. I don't know if I had your kid last summer. I get a new group of eighteen kids every week, so there's a lot of kids I have to deal with. And hey, guess what? Your kid aged a year since I last saw him/her. With extraordinarily few exceptions, a week after a kid leaves our camp, he or she is just another face in the crowd if we see them at the park or about to take swim lessons. Maybe your kid should develop a memory and actually recognize their counselors. After all, we haven't changed as much, and it's much easier to pick four out of twelve than one out of about sixty. <p>__-__-__-__-__-__

"If a tree falls in the middle of a forest and no one's around to hear it, it was obviously the work of ninja."
-Darkknight

"Screw normal, because if you're normal, the crowd will accept you, but if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader."
-Christopher Titus</p>

[Vampire Jester Jinx]

:D:D:D:D:D

I work in the IT department of my university. I serve two roles. I work as a lab assistant some of the time, in the main public labs, babysitting the front desk, answering questions, dealing with student accounts and servicing printers. Then most of the time I work in the Multimedia department checking out equipment, doing inventory, updating the webpage, making presentations, editting video and boring tedious shit. These are my woes. Yo.

1: Before you turn off a computer, for the love of God almighty make sure it is YOUR computer. See these lines of computers might get confusing. But it's pretty easy to look at the end of the row, and figure out whether the one on the left or the right of you is yours. You do not know how many near maulings/bitchfests/breakdowns have happened during peak hours in the labs because dumbfuck #1 turns dumbfuck #2's computer off instead of his own. Dumbfuck #2 was working on his thesis paper to graduate! Oh shitsticks! He's lost everything! .........This happens at least 3 times a shift for me.

2. The floppy drive isn't broken. I assure you. Once again, check which fucking computer you put it on.

3. When I make an announcement to stop printing for a moment because I need to change the toner, and you do not. And I cancel your print. Do not come up later and bitch at me, or bitch at me while I'm fucking with the damn toner. I'm doing this for you, shit brains. So you can print of 70 pages of crap for free and it look good.

4. You've forgotten your password/account/email/brain. That's fine. I can pull that up in two seconds. But I need your damn student ID. Don't have it? I cannot do jack shit. OH! You have your drivers license/know your student CID number. Uh huh, not happening. I need your damn card. YOu have your card, but you didn't activate it, and you want an account.....Dumbfuck, it won't work if you don't take the time to activate it.

5. I am a lab assistant here to help keep things running smooth, you from being a jackass, keep things quiet, and help you put tables and indexs in your damn word file. I am not computer wonderwoman, therefore do not call me and say, "Uh.....so, halo won't run on my computer.....why?" Like I know that! I am not your fucking tech support for anything other than the computers in the lab. CALL DELL. I get these calls about once per shift.

6. I have personally posted up HUGE ASS bright neon posters all over the labs, and outside them with ILLUSTRATIONS not to bring in food/drink, children or cell phones into the labs. Yet a cellphone goes off every ten minutes. Do not bitch at me for coming over and telling you to turn it off or leave. It's fucking policy. Computer labs should be treated with library behaviour. Most of the people in here are trying to do homework up here in between classes or because they lack a computer at home. Just because you're some ape who came in to play minesweeper, check your email and chat on Yahoo doesn't mean you can interrupt the people trying to get their shit done.

7. When labs fill up, which they do mid day, and someone comes the the LA's needing to do homework, we have right to ask people who are just playing games or chatting to leave. And yes I can tell who is doing what. I can see what's on your screen. Which I will discuss in my next point further. Do not shoot me death looks and plan to mug me. Just get off the damn computer speedily.

8. I CAN SEE WHAT YOU ARE DOING. That is why I'm in the nifty raised platform desk. I am all powerful IT GIRL RAWR. I swear to God, do people really think they can come into a public lab and lookup porn and not be caught? RAAAAAAAAWWWR. One day I shit you not, a guy was playing a very graphic dating sim on the computer. And I had to tell him twice that was not appropriate. He didn't understand why, or tried to tell me it was something else. "'S just a game. 's not anything bad." ....."Right, because mini games about ripping womens bras off then fondling them is perfect for an open public facility. Shut it down, or leave. Do not close it, and you'll have to leave." Stupid fucko.

9. LOG OUT WHEN YOU LEAVE. Seriously, that's for your own protection. That's what saves you from some other fuckwit getting on your account and deleting everything you have. It takes two whole clicks to log out of your account. DO IT. It also shows that the computer is free, and that you haven't simply just stepped away from your desk.

10. Pick up your floppy disks. You know how many floppies I've collected out of computers in the morning shift the first two weeks of school? Close to 100 now. It's not that hard to remember, and you might want your shit later.

11. I rent you head phones, so we do not have to listen to your crap. This does not mean start SINGING along so we have to hear it anyway. I do not want to hear your nasal tone deaf rendtion of Jay-Z.


OKAY. Multimedia rants.

12. ......For the love of god, do not send me work requests consisting of telling me that the bulleted list on so and so page has one item in the list a tenth of a centimeter off from the others. HONESTLY. You cannot see it without the aid of a ruler and super anal retentive powers. I get these work orders constantly.

13. Do not complain when you come and check out laptops/projectors/video cameras and I make you fill out paperwork. I am handing you something that costs several thousand dollars, forgive me for wanting to know who you are, wanting a time limit, and how I can hunt you down and break your kneecaps if it's not returned on time.

14. The multimedia lab is not for public use. It is for the multimedia staff only. If you want to come in here and use our super fun toys, you need this permission slip signed by your proffessor and you need to book time with one of the assistants here in the lab. No if ands or buts. You cannot check your fucking email in here.

15. NO. I cannot change your webpage when you come in and say, hey can you do this. I've been over this with you a bamillion times. You have to submit a work order through the help desk, for me to do anything for you. This is the only way I can show my bosses I have done anything at all. Which influences my jOrb status. I have to be able to show I did something at the end of the day.

16. So your a faculty member and you've sent a student down to pick something up for you! That's great!.....I can't give it to them if it's over about 2,000 dollars. You'll have to pick it up yourself. Or do a fuckton of paperwork. Deal.

17. you are a student who has a video editting project! :D The project is for you to showcase your video editting skills. DO NOT ask us to do it for you. No dice. Advice sure. Do your homework for you? Fuck no.

18. Oh senior Grammar Nazi. Kiss my lily white ass. I did not write the text on the page. I did not I did not I did not. Therefore, when sending me corrections.....do not explain in detail why it is wrong. I honestly don't give a fuck. I'm wasting my bosses time getting a grammar lesson. I just want to fixing the bleedin' page. And get paid.

19. If you want to indepently update your departments webpage without having us do it. Learn HTML. 9 times out of 10, the webpage will be handed over to Mister Joe Proffessor, and he'll fuck the whole thing over, and cause downtime for that section of website, then a work order will have to be submitted anyway for me to clean up your mess, which is ridiculous, because I no longer have the files, and you tend to be too big a motard to get them to me properly. Then I have to book time to sit down and tell you how to do this properly. And you don't listen. Because you have a Masters degree and I make 5.80 an hour. And we do this song and dance over again next semester.

20. All sections of the website must be converted to the new layout. We do not care if you update and maintain your own section of the site. It has to be uniform with the rest of the site. Which is very nice and I'm sure took much crying and wailing to make so nice. Look, we even have templates for you. SO NO. You cannot have your cheap cheezy ass brilliant webpage that even a two year old could make with bad clipart and kids font. NO NO NO. This is a university damnit. If you want prospective students to give you a chance, you'd better look proffessional. And you can't hide from us either. I can change the website anyway. I'd just like your compliance and so would my boss, and all the higher up people. We all want the website to be uniform and nice. It brings students. Students bring money. And money is why I'm here.


.....I am very paranoid that I'm filling this out at work. *shrugs*


Edit like five minutes later.
Gripe #4 has just happened now. >.> They were nice about it at least and finally found said card. o.o If only I am so lucky with the rest. <p><div style="text-align:center">

---

I rule the fanart forum with a fist of irony. .....I have nothing else witty to say. Or quote. I'm a sad person.</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=vampirejesterjinx>Vampire] at: 2/7/05 9:32

[BrainWalker]

Spleen's #11 actually got me to say "DAAAAMN!" aloud. That's fairly respectable.

Also, Lex's entire rant makes me laugh, 'casue I used to jaw with the comp' lab grunts back when I was at Sinclair Communnity College. They're really underapreciated. <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[The Great Nevareh]

I've worked a few jobs in my time, and the one where I think perhaps some of the most interesting infractions occurred was at a Laser Tag place. I was one of the people who worked there in shifts, and everything usually ran smoothly, except on Friday and Saturday nights when everyone scheduled parties- then you had a staff of something like seven people compensating for as many as a hundred twenty people at once.

In order for a lot of these to make sense, some background is in order- This place isn't very large, it has two bathrooms, and everything is done with computers and monitors mounted in a lot of places so you can follow the game while it's happening. There are two computers out front used for registration, and there are fifteen computers scattered around that make administering the entire game possible, eight of which are visible by those who came in to play. One of the neat features about this place is that there is a deck that you can see the entire playing field from, and it has the added advantage of giving a good deal more ventilation to the field since it opens into the lobby. Now for my list.

1) No, you may not touch the computers.

2) No, you may not hang off of ledges like someone from a movie.

3) Please avoid joining groups that you did not enter with- birthday parties tend not to enjoy having extra people they didn't come in with suddenly attatching themselves to the group that has pizza and cake.

4) No matter how hard you try, yelling at the person in the bathroom won't make them come out any faster.

5) Hey, remember the computers? And how you aren't supposed to touch them? Yeah, that hasn't changed.

6) Smoke machines are, in fact, cool. They're also cancerous in closed environments. We don't have one. Don't ask us to take it out, because we don't have it.

7) No acrobatics. The equipment can't take it and you probably can't do it. No matter how cool Trinity looked running on the wall, you won't be running on the wall.

8) We show you the safety video for a reason. We expect you to follow the rules laid out there, and we don't want to hear you whine when you get removed from a game because you were breaking seven or eight of them at once, endangering not only yourself but other people who are playing.

9) You gun is not supposed to be used as a bludgeon.

10) Your helmet is not supposed to be used as a bludgeon.

11) Yes, we do have little rooms where you aren't allowed to go, and no that's not where we keep all the puppies, unicorns, and delicious candy. So stop trying to get in in the middle of a game.

12) Don't touch the computers.

13) Oh, my. Your score is not what you think it's supposed to be. We did not cheat to make one of your other little friends or the birthday boy have a higher score than you.

14) Don't sit on the plastic chains. They're made of PLASTIC.

15) Please avoid extremely loud swearing. You may think that only you and your friends can hear you, but in truth the sound carries up to the deck where you were just watching the last game from and out into the lobby where we're trying to get a group of people to play a game amidst your amazing repertoire of expletives.

16) Vending machines are made to vend, not to beat. Please don't break them.

17) Oh, my. You have lost your arcade game. I cannot do anything about that except maybe to teach you how to play more efficiently.

18) You cannot take the gear home.

19) Those things with the monitors that you see us standing in front of are computers. Don't touch them.

20) Don't take apart the equipment. It's not full of the secrets of laser tag, it's full of wiring and circuitry older than I am.

21) Don't challenge the staff to a game. We are incalculably better than you are. We sit around here, all day, and frequently have nothing to do but play laser tag. If you beat us in a game where we were asked to sub in to make the teams even, we weren't really playing. That wouldn't have been the least bit fair. If we refuse your challenge, don't call us names.

22) Yes, it is carpet, so you don't have to ask me eight or nine times about it.

23) You may not play for free, even if it's just to try it out. We may dress like we're from an eighties sci-fi flick, but we aren't stupid.

24) I don't know how you could possibly think you could get away with this, but please try to avoid walking out with one of the computers.

25) No smoking extends to the bathrooms and the playing field.

26) If you're on the deck and things are extraordinarily quiet in the game field, please avoid shouting out to your friends (most of whom you can't make out because it's so dark) about where people are. They're trying to hide.

27) Don't climb up on the partitions and the walls. They're thin, you'll fall, and you'll make a damn fool of yourself while doing it.

28) You know how there's, like, a hundred people in here? We kind of need to pay attention to them. So don't detain us endlessly. We might like the break, but if we also like getting paid, we really can't stand around while you ask us an endless series of inane questions.

29) Yes, that is candy, no you can't have it for free, and we have the price up here in big bold letters. If that's too expensive/not what you want, then I'm sorry but that's all we have.

30) Don't drop things from the deck down onto people who are playing. It's not nice, you might hurt them, and you'll probably damage our equipment.

I guess this list could go on forever. All of these had happened multiple times while I was there. <p>[---------------------------]
"There is great disorder under Heaven, and the situation is excellent."
-Mao Tse-Tung

"I eat the talking bees because I am George Washington Christ"
-From "Bob the Ball"</p>

[Zemyla]

This is why I will try never to work in a job where I have to interact with customers. <p>-----
Do not taunt Happy Fun Zemyla.

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">I think boobs are the lesser of two evils. - Inverse (Pervy)
Dammit, Dan, I'm not dating a damn NPC! - OOC Will (Will Baseton)
Of course! Anything worth doing is worth doing completely wrong! - Travis English
Ultimately, wizards and clerics don't say, "Gee, I want to become a lich because weapons hurt less and I don't have to worry about being backstabbed; that whole 'eternal life' thing is just a fringe benefit."-Darklion
But this one time I killed a walrus with my bare hands, and I suddenly understood spherical coordinates. - KnightsofSquare</span>

Adventurers! | RPG World World | The Phantom Lord's OT Board mkII | Indie Madnesse | Brotherhood of Elitist Bastards</p>

[Vampire Jester Jinx]

very likely for the better.
:D <p><div style="text-align:center">

---

I rule the fanart forum with a fist of irony. .....I have nothing else witty to say. Or quote. I'm a sad person.</div></p>

[Jak Snide]

While I haven't had to endure the idiocy of the masses from such a position myself a friend of mine says she's had people come into the shop where she works (being a small, fancy-ish food store), complain about their day and then leave without buying a thing. That sort of thing happen over there at all?

[KingOfDoma]

I've tried to be nice.

I've tried to be civil.

But if one more person doesn't know what constitutes a frikking combo, I'm going to snap.

At MOST fast food restaurants that involve burgers, a combo is a burger (or other main dish item) fries, and a drink. This has gone on for YEARS, easily beyond when I can remember.

SO HOW COME PEOPLE STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE?

Every day I do till, I get people puzzling at this whole "combo" thing. Putting three commonly ordered items together at a lower price? Really? When did this happen? GRAH. Watch TV every now and again, whydoncha? Or better yet, LOOK AT THE DAMN COMBO BOARD HANGING FROM THE CEILING NOT 3 FEET FROM YOUR HEAD.

Gah... I KINDA understand people who are slightly confused by my particular restaurant's new combo side policy. But only to a degree. YOU DON'T WANT FRIES. FINE. WE'LL GET YOU CAESAR SALAD INSTEAD. IN OTHER WORDS, INSTEAD OF GETTING YOU FRIES, WE WILL GET YOU SOMETHING ELSE. NO, YOU DON'T GET BOTH OF THEM. WE WILL CHARGE YOUR ASS EXTRA IF YOU WANT THAT. SORRY.

Oy...

Anyways, that's my rant. And if you order a burger, fries and a drink separately from me, be warned. You are now going to pay full price, genius.

EDIT:

One little addendum.

I am equally annoyed by those who don't know what a combo ISN'T.

Some Jerk: Yeah, can I have a number 2 combo.
Me: Sure. What would you like to drink?
SJ: No drink. I just want the fries and the burger.
Me: ... so you DON'T want the combo then? e_e
My brain: *several swears and voodoo curses*
Me: OK, then! *incurs the well hated VOID*

Without the drink, IT'S NOT A COMBO. Without the fries, IT'S NOT A COMBO. If you want a frosty instead of your fries, IT'S NOT A COMBO. Lord. Get brains in your heads. <p>--------------------
UT! No complaining! If you didn't want to be slaves, you should have told your parents to put up a less pitiful defense against the TIK'LA! Mm? Did any of you do that? I didn't think so...

-Bob the Angry Flower</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=kingofdoma>KingOfDoma</A] at: 4/13/05 19:29

[PriamNevhausten]

Cell phones. Don't be on a cell phone when you approach the register, please. I don't mind particularly, but the people behind you do.

I've gotten to the point where I'm keeping my eyes out for low-range cell-phone-frequency transmitters to fuck their shit up when within a yard or two of the counter. Seriously, people, get off the fucking phone for two seconds. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[KingOfDoma]

Ooh. That's another thing. THEY DO ANNOY ME. I'm sorry, but I find it rude that you can't finish your damn call before you get to me. If it's so important, either stay out of the line (whether inside or out), and then pay me your attention, thanks. Just cuz I work fast food doesn't mean I can't get even the tiniest iota of respect. <p>--------------------
UT! No complaining! If you didn't want to be slaves, you should have told your parents to put up a less pitiful defense against the TIK'LA! Mm? Did any of you do that? I didn't think so...

-Bob the Angry Flower</p>

[Ganonfro]

Sadly, it usually does mean that they deemed it that you don't get any respect, for having such a crappy job. After all, they're so much better than you, for having a better profession.

Cho, I totally related to your convenience store antics. What was more a problem with me was that we require an id for every alcohol sale, even to those obviously older than 21. NY State law requires it, and when old men don't get that, they get very very bitchy. Seriously.

[PriamNevhausten]

Old women, too. I sort of cut corners for people whose names I know off the top of my head, but if I don't know your name then don't get shitty with me when I ask to see your ID. There's about four thousand people that come in to my restaurant, and you are one four-thousandth of that population segment. Please shut the fuck up and show me your goddamned driver's license before I confiscate your card, thanks.

What's that? You don't have your driver's license? And you drove here? What the hell is wrong with you? Be thankful that the policeman who hangs out in the store isn't there when you say that! <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[SuperRube]

Just wait until you become management. You'll take every batshit insane customer in the world with a smile on your face once you find out that the lazy little fuck shit that your work with that everyone hates determines your job performance.

It's even better when you have to take full responsiblity for their actions, but you have no way of actually punishing them when they do something wrong. And they know it.

[PriamNevhausten]

There is always a punishment method.

Also, management around here wouldn't be so bad if not for the shitty hours. Like hell I'm going to work until 4am every evening/morning.

More bitching to come later! <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[KingOfDoma]

Quote:

---

There is always a punishment method.

---

Like what? Written reprimands? I'm sorry, but those are usually worth the paper they're printed on. The only things dicks like that understand are pay cuts and getting fired. <p>--------------------
UT! No complaining! If you didn't want to be slaves, you should have told your parents to put up a less pitiful defense against the TIK'LA! Mm? Did any of you do that? I didn't think so...

-Bob the Angry Flower</p>

[PriamNevhausten]

That's why they call it 'at will' employment. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[Ninja Mus]

As in 'payable when your supervisor strangles you?'

If so, maybe I won't get a cretin job this summer after all.

[Justice Augustus]

Punishment method: "Fuck off, you're fired."

Seriously, I had one boss who was the nicest guy to work for if you did the work. If you arsed about and didn't help, he would be more than happy to see the back of you.
<p>

---

"Moreover, when on the following night, much to his dismay, [Caesar] had a dream of raping his own mother, the soothsayers greatly encouraged him by their interpretations of it: namely, that he was destined to conquer the earth" - Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars - Julius Caesar, chapter 7</p>

[PriamNevhausten]

I almost worked for a manager who had a policy of, as he put it, "If there's a worker who's giving me a headache, I'm not afraid to get rid of the headache by sending them home." Early dismissal is a powerful tool, especially when the employee realizes that suddenly their paychecks are seeming rather small. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>