I certainly don’t resent a chance to organize my beliefs into writing. Of course, I won’t call myself an authoritative source. But I will try to work out what makes the most sense to me.
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Can that also mean that it is God's Will that I haven't recieved this belief then? That I haven't recieved this gift? That perhaps He wanted me not to believe in Him? Or is it taken that I meerly ignored His Will?
Those who would say that you have merely ignored God's will would say this: "If you are to receive faith, you must first of all realize that you are a sinner, and then you must pray for salvation." Of course, in order to truly realize that you are a sinner, you must realize that there is a god to sin against. But that takes faith. By this way of thinking, you couldn't actually receive faith unless you already had it. Sort of a catch 21 there.
I think that it makes more sense to say that if someone never receives faith, then it, in fact, is God's Will that he should never receive faith. Someone will only receive faith if he is one of the Elect and it is in God's Plan that he receive it.
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If it was by His Will that I do not believe in Him, or wasn't given His Will to believe in Him... Then is it my fault I don't? Or His? And if it is His Will so that I don't believe in him, would I be judged the same as everyone else? Or would I be thanked and handshaked for following what He wanted me to?
I don't believe that it would be right to blame God for anything. But it also can't be your fault since you didn't have any say in the matter. To tell the truth, I wouldn't even call it a "fault." To call it a "fault" would imply that it is an imperfection in God's perfect Plan.
As for what happens in the afterlife... I can't really say for certain. Honestly, my reason for saying this is not because I'm afraid to tell you that I think you're going to Hell. Even if I did believe that you were, I wouldn't think it right for people to be annoyed with me because of it. For one thing,
my beliefs can't decide
your fate. And for another thing, it wouldn't be as if I were looking down on you. If anything, Christianity demands that I consider myself to be
below anyone else. And, of course, I certainly don’t
want you to go to Hell. So, given that there should be no disadvantage in me telling you that I think that you will be condemned, I make no lie when I still say that it truly isn't my opinion that you would be punished in the depths of Hell, but I also can't say that it is my opinion that you won't be. The Bible itself and the many lines of Christian thought are just too conflicted for me to make a decision on this matter. Of course, the rest of the views I am expressing also come from conflicted lines of thought, but reason can be applied to them in order to extract some decision. In this matter, though, the only reasoning device I could possibly apply would be my conscience, but it is given more to human sentiments than to logic.
Admittedly, my thinking in this area doesn’t stay neutral all the time. In fact, it usually isn’t neutral. Most of the time, I either think that good people who don’t persecute Christians or hate the Holy Spirit but simply don’t have faith don’t go to Hell just for that reason or that they do go to Hell. Sometimes I think that they go to the “Outer Darkness,†which I believe to be either a void that their bodiless spirit wonders around in or simply a state of oblivion. And sometimes I think that they are given new bodies on a world similar to Earth where they will feel the same amount of joy and pain that they felt on Earth but also never die. Still, if you asked me to take a definite side in this area, I wouldn’t do it.
Now, I don’t think that they go to Heaven or, if they do, they don’t reach the highest parts of it. I believe the Elect to be the ones who have been chosen as God’s highest ranking servants to rule at His side forever. In other words, they are God’s vassals. (I don’t believe that they are superior people. It’s just that their rank is higher.)
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Now say He's planning on giving me His Will later? What if I die before then? Is it my fault then? Or won't I die before then because of His Will? And if thats so.. then do we have any free will and can we be judged by Him if we're just following His Will to begin with?
I will say that if He is planning on giving you faith sometime in the future, then you won't die before then. As far as free will goes... I don't believe in it. I don't recall seeing anything about free will in the Bible despite the fact that Christians use the concept to explain why God allows bad things to happen. I believe that the Bible makes it clear that everything that happens does so because it is part of God's Plan. If someone is given children, it was part of God's Plan that they have children. If someone uses artificial methods to create a baby, it was part of God's Plan that they do that. If someone gets mugged in an alley, then it was part of God's Plan that they be mugged in the alley and that the mugger mug them. If someone is to be judged by God, then it was part of God's Plan that they be judged by God. And, of course, if someone is damned to Hell for eternity, then it was part of God's Plan that they be damned to Hell for eternity. (By the way, I don't think that artificial methods of creating children are sinful. The idea that they are comes from Natural Law rather than the Scriptures. Several passages in the Scriptures make it clear that if anyone adds to or takes away from God's word, then God will add to their suffering or take away from their happiness, respectively. So I’m not going to add something as broad as Natural Law to God’s word.)
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Or is it that He chooses those who are worthy of having the gift of faith and those who don't were never worthy of it to begin with? And if so, what is it that makes me not worthy of the gift?
I don't believe that worthiness has anything to do with it. I don't believe that I should think myself to be any more worthy of Salvation than anyone else. I don't believe that I should think Him to love me any more or less than he loves anyone else. My faith was given to me by God's Grace alone. I know that this can be made to sound arbitrary and unfair, so I can only hope that people won't be too annoyed with me for believing this. I can't really help it. But for my part, since I can’t see God as being guilty of wrongdoing, I won't accuse him of unfairness either.
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Or is this faith that God is not there His gift to me? As faith is a gift?
Huh… to call that a gift…
I guess you could… In fact, yes. I would be comfortable in calling that a gift. God wouldn’t give you something that would divert you from His Plan. To me, it should be obvious that His giving it to you would be for the purpose of helping to cause you to do what is in His Plan for you to do. In fact, it has already helped cause you to cause me to organize some of my beliefs into writing.
Now, for
you to call it a gift from God would be another matter. If you truly believe that it is a gift from God, then that would have to mean that you believed in a God to give it to you. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the Christian God that you believe gave it to you, but it would have to be a God. If you don’t believe in any God, then you can still call it a gift and you can still appreciate it if you feel that you should, but it wouldn’t mesh with your beliefs for you to say that it is from God. It’s probably more accurate by an atheistic way of thinking for you just to say that it is a conclusion that you arrived at through reason or that it is a conclusion that you remained at because you couldn’t arrive at any other conclusion through reason.
***
So, basically, I believe in predestination. I believe that everything happens according to God’s Plan and that every part of God’s Plan is the way that it is because that is the most perfect way that it can be. If you show me an example of something that seems bad and ask, “how can this possibly be the most perfect way that this could have happened?†I will say, “I don’t know, but I just believe that it
is the most perfect way that it could have happened.
Also, so that people aren’t confused, I want to make something clear. I don’t think that when God gives faith to someone, that they just begin to believe all of the sudden while just sitting there. I believe that if it’s part of God’s plan for someone to receive faith, events will unfold in their life that will lead them to have it.
Furthermore, I don’t want people to think that I am a Christian for reasons that are entirely beyond logic. In fact, I actually have a logical argument, based somewhat on St. Anshelm’s Ontological proof, that I used just last week to fend off a bout of pretty serious doubts that I was feeling. I could post it, but I won’t if no one requests it because I would consider it to be too assertive of a thing to do in this situation. I don’t want to upset anyone.
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And now, the original question. What keeps me going?
It shouldn’t be surprising by now for me to say that faith keeps me going. Also, I seem to feel better about myself after making it through a hard period, so I suppose the fact that I feel that I can become a better person than I previously was if I keep going helps too.