God Hates Figs

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Kai
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God Hates Figs

Unread postby Kai » Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:28 pm


FlamingDeth
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Unread postby FlamingDeth » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:20 pm

Jack Chick, get a comic about this topic out ASAP! Millions of people are going straight to hell!

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Capntastic
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Unread postby Capntastic » Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:54 pm

And lo, did Jesus sanctify the microwaveable chicken pot pie, and denounce all food that have not had the purifying grace of preservatives. Amen.

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BrainWalker
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Unread postby BrainWalker » Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:27 pm

Jesus comes off as kind of a douche in those first two stories. I mean, what, he's hungry, and he's pissed because figs aren't growing on a fig-tree, in the fig off-season? What the Hell did you expect if figs aren't in season, genius? So rather than moving on and finding something that IS in season, he kills the tree with harsh words. That's class.

That's not cool, man. That's like going to a party horny and calling the first girl you talk to a whore if she won't fuck you. And then stabbing her to death.

Classy.

It's a good thing I am aware the Bible was written by human hands, otherwise much of it would be rather detrimental to maintaining both faith and sanity. Not that I'm sure I have either, lately.
Anime is kind of like fish in that it is better the less "fishy" it is.

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Seethe
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Unread postby Seethe » Wed Mar 18, 2009 1:15 am

Tree got off easy. If it had been bearing fruit at the time, it would've had to watch as Jesus ate one of its children.

Seriously, though, it's really just a metaphor. You know, for the fact that if you don't serve Jesus when he calls on you, he'll kill you.

... Hrm...

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Archmage
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Unread postby Archmage » Thu Mar 19, 2009 10:53 am

But plants want you to eat their fruit so that you will deposit their seeds elsewhere.
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pd Rydia
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Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:35 pm

Archmage wrote:But plants want you to eat their fruit so that you will deposit their seeds elsewhere.
What sort of thing are these trees planning by getting us to deposit their seeds in our sewage system?

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PriamNevhausten
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Unread postby PriamNevhausten » Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:52 pm

Crocodiles, obviously.
"You haven't told me what I'm looking for."
"Anything that might be of interest to Slitscan. Which is to say, anything that might be of interest to Slitscan's audience. Which is best visualized as a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth, Laney, no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections."
--Colin Laney and Kathy Torrance, William Gibson's Idoru

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pd Rydia
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Unread postby pd Rydia » Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:10 pm

Are you sure it's not the conchodrilos? I have heard they cause problems when yelled at.

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Molokidan
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Unread postby Molokidan » Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:09 pm

how dare you all ridicule my zombie king
"Well slap a dead fish on me and call me Molokidan!"

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Archmage
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Unread postby Archmage » Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:26 pm

Molokidan wrote:how dare you all ridicule my zombie king

Yeah, we should be eating him instead.
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Kyne
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Unread postby Kyne » Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:22 am

So the moral of the story is that the root of all evil is in fact the root of a fig tree?

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PriamNevhausten
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Unread postby PriamNevhausten » Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:59 am

Hell yeah. It be keeping us from the hot classical genitalia and all that. Oh, right, and the Bible says no.
"You haven't told me what I'm looking for."
"Anything that might be of interest to Slitscan. Which is to say, anything that might be of interest to Slitscan's audience. Which is best visualized as a vicious, lazy, profoundly ignorant, perpetually hungry organism craving the warm god-flesh of the anointed. Personally I like to imagine something the size of a baby hippo, the color of a week-old boiled potato, that lives by itself, in the dark, in a double-wide on the outskirts of Topeka. It's covered with eyes and it sweats constantly. The sweat runs into those eyes and makes them sting. It has no mouth, Laney, no genitals, and can only express its mute extremes of murderous rage and infantile desire by changing the channels on a universal remote. Or by voting in presidential elections."
--Colin Laney and Kathy Torrance, William Gibson's Idoru


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