Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Sun Apr 10, 2005 2:00 am

I got into the second paragraph and felt ill.

:{ <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

Uncle Pervy

Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Apr 10, 2005 2:13 am

I want to be Brother Taser of Felicitious Enlightenment. <p>---------------------------

Your are not supposed to be reading this!</p>

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby PriamNevhausten » Sun Apr 10, 2005 3:24 am

That requires a majority vote, which requires that you find their membership and inquire about joining.

Either that, or taking the existing Brother Taser of Felicitous Enlightenment's soul and claiming your rightful place on the throne. I forget which. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>


Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Sun Apr 10, 2005 10:11 am

Alternatively, you could give the foundation a 20 Dollar Bill, as I'm sure they're all poor as hell. ... Or maybe a porn mag. Or a bag of Cheetos.

... Alternatively, you could just spout crap that sounds philosophical and angry for a few paragraphs, and they'd just decide you were superior to the other guy. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby Idran1701 » Sun Apr 10, 2005 11:10 am

...This is angry and philosophical?

We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

"Never let your morals get in the way of doing what is right" - Salvor Hardin


Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Sun Apr 10, 2005 1:22 pm

Meh. It's what they're born of, not what they're preaching.

Edit: And it needs to sound philosphical to people with small minds. It doesn't need to BE Philosophical. You can make the recipee for blueberry muffins SOUND philosophical if you want to. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=jasonab17>JasonAB17</A]&nbsp; Image at: 4/10/05 13:23

Uncle Pervy

Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Apr 10, 2005 3:09 pm

Bes, I am confused. What about this don't you like? YOu obviously have a distaste for it, which I can respect even though I don't agree with it, but I can't pin down why. Do elaborate? <p>---------------------------

Your are not supposed to be reading this!</p>

E Mouse

Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby E Mouse » Sun Apr 10, 2005 4:46 pm

I love it.

Far more than I probably should.

For reasons I shouldn't disclose yet.

Damn plot schemes.



"I'm here to burn the lollipops."</p>

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sun Apr 10, 2005 7:13 pm

This is why I've found it to be a good idea to read things in whole. Not that "Unitarian Jihad" wasn't a huge tip-off, amongst other clues. :[

ANYHOW! Sister Cattle Prod of Courteous Debate explains all!

<hr size=8 noshade align=left width="74%">
<small><ul>Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States. We are Unitarian Jihad. There is only God, unless there is more than one God. The vote of our God subcommittee is 10-8 in favor of one God, with two abstentions. Brother Flaming Sword of Moderation noted the possibility of there being no God at all, and his objection was noted with love by the secretary.

<ul>"BEHOLD! There is either only one god, multiple gods, or no god at all!"</ul>
Greetings to the Imprisoned Citizens of the United States! Too long has your attention been waylaid by the bright baubles of extremist thought. Too long have fundamentalist yahoos of all religions (except Buddhism -- 14-5 vote, no abstentions, fundamentalism subcommittee) made your head hurt. Too long have you been buffeted by angry people who think that God talks to them. You have a right to your moderation! You have the power to be calm! We will use the IED of truth to explode the SUV of dogmatic expression!

<ul>"Fundamentalists suck. Dude, seriously--God talks to you?" (('Yeah, I talked to God about it. He was pretty bummed.'))</ul>
People of the United States, why is everyone yelling at you??? Whatever happened to ... you know, everything? Why is the news dominated by nutballs saying that the Ten Commandments have to be tattooed inside the eyelids of every American, or that Allah has told them to kill Americans in order to rid the world of Satan, or that Yahweh has instructed them to go live wherever they feel like, or that Shiva thinks bombing mosques is a great idea? Sister Immaculate Dagger of Peace notes for the record that we mean no disrespect to Jews, Muslims, Christians or Hindus. Referred back to the committee of the whole for further discussion.

<ul>"(Just because we're using examples, doesn't mean we hate the group those specific examples come from)."</ul>
We are Unitarian Jihad. We are everywhere. We have not been born again, nor have we sworn a blood oath. We do not think that God cares what we read, what we eat or whom we sleep with. Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity notes for the record that he does not have a moral code but is nevertheless a good person, and Unexalted Leader Garrote of Forgiveness stipulates that Brother Neutron Bomb of Serenity is a good person, and this is to be reflected in the minutes.

<ul>"We're everywhere. That's because, y'know, rational people are everywhere. Also, people who can joke about things. And have reading comprehension.

"We're not special because we're "born again," or have "sworn bload oaths" or whatever. And y'know, we don't really think God gives a rat's ass what we read, eat, or who we fuck. Brother NB of S notes that while he doesn't really have a moral code that he follows, that doesn't keep him from being a good person--SHOCK! SURPRISE! ULG of F supports Brother NB of S's goodness." ((assumption: first and foremost, the important thing is to be a good person; then worry about god; OR, god cares about folks being a good person firstly)).
Beware! Unless you people shut up and begin acting like grown-ups with brains enough to understand the difference between political belief and personal faith, the Unitarian Jihad will begin a series of terrorist-like actions. We will take over television studios, kidnap so-called commentators and broadcast calm, well-reasoned discussions of the issues of the day. We will not try for "balance" by hiring fruitcakes; we will try for balance by hiring non-ideologues who have carefully thought through the issues.

<ul>"You are being fucksticks. No, really. Don't make us come over there. (By the way, your news sources suck)."</ul>
We are Unitarian Jihad. We will appear in public places and require people to shake hands with each other. (Sister Hand Grenade of Love suggested that we institute a terror regime of mandatory hugging, but her motion was not formally introduced because of lack of a quorum.) We will require all lobbyists, spokesmen and campaign managers to dress like trout in public. Televangelists will be forced to take jobs as Xerox repair specialists. Demagogues of all stripes will be required to read Proust out loud in prisons.

<ul>"Sweet skating Buddha on ice! Is it too much to ask people to aknowledge each others' existence and show common courtesies such as shaking hands?

"Also, there will need to be some appropriate changes to folks in certain professions..."
We are Unitarian Jihad, and our motto is: "Sincerity is not enough." We have heard from enough sincere people to last a lifetime already. Just because you believe it's true doesn't make it true. Just because your motives are pure doesn't mean you are not doing harm. Get a dog, or comfort someone in a nursing home, or just feed the birds in the park. Play basketball. Lighten up. The world is not out to get you, except in the sense that the world is out to get everyone.

<ul>"Yeah, okay, you believe it. Fine. Now live it."</ul>
Brother Gatling Gun of Patience notes that he's pretty sure the world is out to get him because everyone laughs when he says he is a Unitarian. There were murmurs of assent around the room, and someone suggested that we buy some Congress members and really stick it to the Baptists. But this was deemed against Revolutionary Principles, and Brother Gatling Gun of Patience was remanded to the Sunday Flowers and Banners committee.

<ul>"Don't take yourself too seriously."</ul>
People of the United States! We are Unitarian Jihad! We can strike without warning. Pockets of reasonableness and harmony will appear as if from nowhere! Nice people will run the government again! There will be coffee and cookies in the Gandhi Room after the revolution.


Also: [1] http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL, and [2] http://billmon.org/archives/001816.html <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>


Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 8:55 am

I may have been mistaken in assuming these people took themselves seriously, as previously I was imagining them as a bunch of social rejects who want to bitch at the world and don't quite know how to do it.

However, I'm not particularly interested in reviewing the information to correct myself. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:56 am

Well, at least you're honest.

As previously pointed out to me, though, perpetually avoiding things you don't like, might not like, might not agree with, etc., can lead to misinformation, misunderstandings, and general lack of knowledge. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>


Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:13 am

Yes, but we live in a nation that, if not built on these concepts, now thrives on them. o.o

... *explodes* <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Apr 12, 2005 12:05 pm

I *wish* our nation were built on these concepts. It isn't actually a fanatical group or fanatical people (well, there was Brother Gatling Gun of Patience, but he was put on the flower committee to cool down for a bit). Though their satire is taken a bit to extreme on a sensitive subject.

I do know what you mean to say, though. :[ This is certainly...an interesting time to be coming into adulthood in the United States.

Crap, I made him explode.


I should have learned better from April 1st. u.u

*starts reassembling Bes from various Bes bits* <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>
</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 4/12/05 12:06

Lauritz Melchior

Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby Lauritz Melchior » Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:52 pm

Heh, that sounds like a dogfood to me. Bes Bits: with hearty junks of Bes meat.

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Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Apr 12, 2005 1:55 pm

Perhaps, but I've met Bes, and trust me, this much resembles dog food more than he. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>


Re: Dia brings you: Random Web HI-Larity!

Unread postby JasonAB17 » Tue Apr 12, 2005 9:02 pm

Besides, if I was some kind of debateably noursihing food produt, I'd totally either be bacon, due to my fatty nature, or cheese because I inhale the stuff.


*Dia makes 1x Bes Golem*

I feel the need to do mindless tasks without question. o_o <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

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holy shiznit

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Apr 15, 2005 9:41 pm

the vulva puppet

The Wondrous Vulva Puppet is soft, receptive, visually beautiful and they smell good! Rather than being embarrassing, they encourage thoughtful dialogue, allowing a connection with the emotional and spiritual aspects of sex. The puppet is used in the following ways all over the world:


With a child's first question of "where do I come from?", Vulva Puppets are an invaluable tool for learning. The opportunity to have "THE TALK" will naturally present itself allowing comfortable matter of fact conversations about the emotions and responsibility connected with sex. Wondrous Vulva Puppets invite thoughtful dialogue, a connection with the sublime, with the moral and spiritual aspects of sex, and allow the expression of feelings and concerns.

Adults seeking a deeper intimacy with their partners, use a Wondrous Vulva puppet to lighten the mood while having those often difficult conversations about sex.

Here are a few quotes & stories:

"I had already gone to bed, nursed the baby to sleep, brushed my teeth and laid down in the comfy bed with my daughters when...what popped into this Home Educator's Head? Vulva Puppets, that's what.

Now I had seen these (much larger than life) handmade Flowers of Womanhood before, and I always liked them. As an Earth Mother, a childbirth attendant, and a Mother, I have seen a lot of vulvas and each is individual to the woman. I don't like porn, but I am sure there are plenty of other vulvas out there to see, should I be so inclined. I have various reactions to them, given the circumstances. I know that there were times when changing my daughter's diapers I almost felt tearful, thinking that my Immortality was there beneath my gentle cleaning...these were the Passageways of my grandchildren-to-be. It seemed an eternal link to the past and to the future.

The other night a woman came onto Late Night with Conan with a vulva puppet. Bad parents that we are, our little darlings were still awake and we all howled at how embarrassed and inept Conan was. He was afraid of the basketball sized vulva puppet.

Then, as serendipity would have it, the very next day I could have used one of my own (puppet, that is.)
Now as you might expect, sex education here at the Hestia Academy for Young Wild Women is pretty darn open. There is nothing that is off topic or unmentionable. The girls have been able to draw their own "flowers of womanhood" for years, although Tabby still refers to Shelby's "flipper-flappers" rather than using the term labia. Well, I try. Unlike people who think that the best way to preserve a daughter's chastity is to try to keep them free from the knowledge of sex, I live in the Real World, where the neighborhood kids have heard of stuff that sometimes I haven't. (Usually involving small rodents). So we talk about everything, freely." ...Written by hestiahomeschool, on a blog.

And from Raphael More, Oceanic Tantra Teacher, Director of the Kahua Hawaiian Institute...

"Your Wondrous Vulva puppet has been a life saver. Teaching the anatomy of the door of the goddess usually brings up a lot of emotions and men's faces tend to become pale. However with the the vulva puppet we can explore in a much more fun and relaxed way. This sets an emotional tone of lightness and confidence which is very important for beginners."

and from the Planned Parenthood Educational Center in Des Moine Iowa ..

"Your Wondrous Vulva puppet is the most beautiful expression of a woman! We use the puppet in virtually all our workshops and programs."


Vulva Puppets encourage storytelling. Therapist and counselors speak of the impact a puppet has to open communication and expressing experiences, fears and anger which often leads to emotional breakthroughs.

I was invited by the founder of "Releasing Inner Secrets Kept", (she was one of the first women to testify to a Congressional Committe on childhood sexual abuse) to her first conference on sexual abuse. I set up my table filled with Wondrous Vulva Puppets, in the beginning, not one, of the thousand attendees would look my way, let alone stop at my table. As the day wore on, and as the attendees (mostly survivors) came out of conferences and lectures, they began stopping by my table to ask questions, pick up a puppet, share a story and in no time, there was an impromptu "puppet show" going on with women crowding around the table waiting for a chance to let their Vulva speak.

Claudia Pearce, Sex Counsellor, Melbourne, Australia wrote:

"I've had your puppet for years now, my clients love her-her name is Marigold and she is a role model and a delightful addition..

Celebrate the Feminine!

Wondrous Vulva Puppets are used to share stories of menstruation and menopause, rites of passage, love, sex and sexuality, and the miracle of birth. Honor a bride, lover, mother, daughter, wife, sister or friend with the most beautiful expression of a woman. All women have a story to share and with the Wondrous Vulva Puppet, the sharing is remarkable.

eve ensler


The Wondrous Vulva Puppet is a POSITIVE, feminine perspective used to celebrate our body and encourages us to trust our feminine intuition.

A Vulva puppet provides teens and young women with valuable information about body image and sex. Bestowing self esteem and an opportunity for her to receive clear messages about what sex is, and isn't.

Eve Ensler's award winning play, "The Vagina Monologues", was inspired by the Wondrous Vulva Puppet that's right, the Puppet inspired her to write the play. In the photo (left) she holds her most recent puppet in a "Woman of the Year" photo in MS magazine. Just think what stories you could share with your own.

Each and every Wondrous Vulva Puppet is individually hand-made, using the finest imported silks and velvets. By request, I make special orders. It takes approximately 8 hours to complete a puppet. Each one is given a name inspired by great femmes of literature & folk-lore, or Goddesses from around the world and includes a story of her namesake. All are adorned with hand beading and semi-precious stones. Each one is infused with custom made potpourri. Finally signed and dated. The Wondrous Vulva Puppet, is a work of Vulvalutionary art. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>

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Re: holy shiznit

Unread postby KingOfDoma » Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:38 am

... or, y'know, you could teach your kids YOURSELVES about sex, instead of leaving it up to the schools to teach them their values and not yours... <p>--------------------
UT! No complaining! If you didn't want to be slaves, you should have told your parents to put up a less pitiful defense against the TIK'LA! Mm? Did any of you do that? I didn't think so...

-Bob the Angry Flower</p>

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Re: holy shiznit

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat Apr 16, 2005 4:43 am

Yes. Teach them with the aid of the Wondrous Vulva Puppet.

I dunno about you, but I want one. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>

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Re: holy shiznit

Unread postby PriamNevhausten » Sat Apr 16, 2005 6:23 am

.....custom-made potpourri? ......a NAME for each puppet? ......puppets for 17-year-olds?

Call me crazy, but I'm not sure this will ever catch on. At all. I mean, I could see it being used as an educational aid, sure, in the anatomical sense (these are the labia, this is the clitoris, etc), but 'telling your own vulva puppet stories?' I might be totally off track here, but I doubt the feasibility of such a concept.

Not to mention it gives some women something else to compare themselves against. What about women who have bigger or smaller clitori or labia? They look to this example and call themselves freakish. (For the record, if you doubt this, look to the talk about Barbie and her vague role-model status.)

I say the problem is with the men. MEN are uncomfortable talking about sex, MEN think that education about sex is rubbish (hey, all our parts are on the outside and easily observable, so that means we can pretty much just gloss over any informative actions for everyone, right?), MEN 'set the rules' for sex and what it is and how it is done. (On the other hand, of course, women have always known how it is done well.)

Not that women don't have their share of issues with the stuff on their own, mind you--I just felt like bashing my own gender for a bit. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

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Unread postby FlamingDeth » Sat Apr 16, 2005 7:07 am

Hey, all I saw was male-bashing. :(

You silly Xyfale. <p>
<hr width="70%"><center>
This month's "Transformer of the Month" is Grimlock in a Santa hat! He's quite jolly.</center></p>

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Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat Apr 16, 2005 8:05 am

You mean vulva aren't supposed to be that big, purple-mauve-and-brown, and made of cloth?

Shit! <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>

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Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat Apr 16, 2005 11:48 pm


1920s slang


(idea) by agazade (2.2 mon) (print)
Tue Oct 29 2002 at 5:12:04

In the 1920s, a distinctive youth culture emerged for the first time in the West. [...] A myriad of new words and phrases became popular among them, and a whole new language was born. From then on, every generation would have "their" words, which would identify them against other groups.

These youths were the first that were inspired by mass media. Radio, cinema and a growing number of magazines scattered new expressions much faster than they had been before, and so a dialect of age instead of geography was created. The morals of temperance being smashed as kids openly broke the law of Prohibition are reflected in this language, as are new partying styles, and an emerging hard-boiled gangster patois which gained a bit of fame and glamour along with the gangsters of the era.

The words included in this list were not all coined in the twenties, but were in common use then. The list is supposed to give a picture of how many young, hep people spoke back then. Some words coined or grown popular in the 1920s have spread into common use today, while others have faded into ridicule. [...]

Good things

Berries - attractive or pleasing, as in "It's the berries."
Big Cheese - the most important or influential person, boss.
Copacetic - wonderful, fine, all right
Darb - an excellent person or thing, for example someone that can be counted on to pay the bill.
Dog's bollocks - a somewhat daring superlative.
Hoot - something very amusing.
Hotsy-totsy - just right, perfect
Jake - OK, as in "Everything is Jake."
Lettuce - money, that is, green notes. Same as kale, cabbage, long green, folding green.
Oodles - a lot.
Ritzy - elegant (from the hotel).
Spiffy - an elegant appearance, fashionable. Same as Swanky.
Swell - wonderful. Also a rich man.
The bee's knees - wonderful, sweet, or extraordinary. Similarly the cat's meow, the cat's pajamas and a host of other animal oddities.
The Real McCoy - genuine article

Bad things

All Wet - an erroneous idea or individual.
Applesauce - an expletive, as in "Ah applesauce!"
Baloney - nonsense.
Bluenose - an excessively puritanical person, a prude, creator of the Blue Nozzle Curse.
Bronx Cheer - a loud noise, used to indicate disapproval. Either a boo or a raspberry.
Bunk - nonsense.
Dumb Dora - a stupid female.
Flat Tire - a dull witted, insipid, disappointing date. Same as pill, pickle, drag, rag, oilcan.
Gold Digger - a woman who associates with or marries a man for his wealth.
Gyp - cheat.
Heebie-jeebies - the jitters, fear, goosebumps.
Horsefeathers - term of derision for nonsense or lies.
Lounge Lizard - a guy that is sexually active.
Mrs. Grundy - priggish or extremely tight-laced person.
Quiff - Slut or a cheap prostitute.
Rag-a-muffin - dirty or disheveled person.
Reuben - simple country bumpkin.
Runaround - delaying action.
Scram - ask someone to leave immediately.
Tell it to Sweeney - tell it to someone who'll believe it.
Wet blanket - solemn person, someone who puts a dampener on someone else's fun.

Bus - old, worn out car.
Jitney - a private cab.
Dog - a troublesome car.
Jalopy - old car.
Tin Lizzie - a T-Ford.

Bathtub gin - homemade, illegal spirits.
Bootlegger - one who traded in alcohol during Prohibition.
Bump Off - to murder.
Fall Guy - victim of a frame.
Frame - to give false evidence, to set up someone.
Hard-Boiled - a tough, strong guy.
Moll - a gangster's girl.
Pinch - to arrest.
Torpedo - a hired gun.
Take for a Ride - to drive off with someone in order to bump them off.

Drinking & Partying
Blind Date - going out with someone you do not know.
Bull Session - male talkfest, gossip, stories of sexual exploits.
Bum's Rush - being thrown out from an establishment.
Drag - a dance, or to go to a dance.
Drag a Blind - take a blind date to a dance.
Gate Crasher - an uninvited guest.
Giggle Water - an intoxicating beverage such as alcohol.
Gin Mill - establishment where hard liquor is sold, bar.
Hair of the Dog - alcohol shot.
Hip - possessing a hip flask of moonshine.
Hooch - Bootleg liquor.
Hoofer - Dancer.
Joint - a club, usually selling alcohol.
Mule - alcohol.
Panther Sweat - whiskey.
Petting pantry - movie theatre.
Prom Trotter - someone who attends all of his or her school's social functions.
See a man about a dog - go somewhere to drink.
Speakeasy - illicit bar selling bootleg liquor.
Spifflicated - drunk. The same as canned, corked, tanked, primed, scrooched, jazzed, zozzled, plastered, owled, embalmed, lit, potted, ossified or fried to the hat.
Upchuck - To vomit when one has drunk too much.
Whoopee - To have a good time.

Feelings & Relationships
Baby - sweetheart.
Bank's closed - no kissing or making out, sorry.
Carry a Torch - hopelessly in love.
Crush - an infatuation, falling in love.
Daddy - young woman's older lover.
Get a wiggle on - get laid.
Line - insincere flattery.
Kiddo - friendly form of address.
Middle Aisle - to marry.
Neck - kissing with passion.
Nookie - sex or woman considered sexual partner.
Pet - same as neck, but more so.
Struggle Buggy - the backseat of a car. A parent's worst nightmare.
Stuck On - having a crush on.
Wife - steady girlfriend or dorm roommate.

Style & Appearance
Backfisch - not-yet-adolescent girl. (German)
Bob - shockingly short hairstyle for girls.
Cake-Eater - An effete ladies' man, or someone who attends tea parties.
Cheaters - eyeglasses.
Dogs - human feet.
Doggy - well dressed, but in a self-conscious and conspicuous manner.
Drugstore Cowboy - a guy that hangs around on a street corner trying to pick up girls.
Flapper - a stylish, brash, hedonistic young woman with short skirts and shorter hair. Also Jazz baby.
Gams - a woman's legs.
High-Hat - to snub.
It - sex appeal.
Joe Average - a normal college student.
Joe Brooks - a perfect dresser.
Joe Zilch - the average student or below.
Keen - attractive or appealing.
Kisser - mouth.
Pushover - a person easily convinced or seduced.
Sheba - woman with sex appeal (from the movie Queen of Sheba or Clara Bow).
Sheik - man with sex appeal (from the Valentino movies).
Smooth - well dressed without qualification.
Water-proof - face that doesn't need any make-up.
Wet - over-dressed or dressed oddly.


(idea) by Zara2 (1.5 y) (print)
Mon Dec 02 2002 at 16:51:53

There was also a large number of people who were part of the "Viper" sub-culture with a great selection of slang-words for thier favorite past-time... Smoking the green. [...] A few slang words that I was able to pick up off of a CD called Rare Reefer Tracks that is a large colection of Viper jazz songs.

High: As in "getting high" or "I'm so high"
Dry: A referance to the effect of "cotton mouth." Often used as a substitute for "High"
Loaded: "Jack, I'm loaded" = "Man, I am high"
Viper: as in "He is a Viper." One who smokes gage. Usually also a member of the Jazz sub-culture.
Moogle or Muggle:
1. A person who smokes gage but is not a Cool Cat or a viper
2. A joint
Tea: Marijuana
Gage: Marijuana
Blow some gage: Smoke some marijuana
Mary-Jane: Still in use but I have a 1930 song with this as the title.

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Why must girls squat to pee?


(idea) by Socialist Wolf (3.8 y) (print)
Sun Mar 25 2001 at 8:39:33

Many females do have difficulty peeing while standing. This is a psychological phenomenon caused by comfort, much as many writers must sit in a certain spot in order to write freely, or many people cannot sleep with the lights on. Most women have been squatting their entire lives, and without some basic mental reconditioning, are in fact unable to pee standing up.


(idea) by Nawal (1.3 y) (print)
Fri Jul 11 2003 at 9:05:35

Women can pee while standing up, and i am living proof.

My experience occured my freshmen year in high school. I was on the way home from an indoor track meet, when all of a sudden the bus came to a halt. Apparently there was an accident, and we were stuck in gridlock traffic for a good five hours.

So there we were, a bus full of teenage girls. On top of that we normally get home around midnight, so it was the wee hours of the morning when we all started feeling the urge. Naturally, it finally got bad enough that my friend just had to go. Unfortunately, we were under the supervision of our coach, and she didn't want us going to the wooded area on the side of the road, because some people were driving up on the shoulder and she worried we might get hit. We were in the middle lane, so we didn't really have any options though. Well, my coach told us that we should just pee like a man.

The idea was to drop the pants, and just lean forwad, that way the urine leaves in a path away from the body. In order for this to be successful, two other people were needed, to hold a blanket to cover the person up while they pissed against the side of the bus. I volunteered to hold the blanket cause my friend needed to go so bad, but when she got there, she couldn't do it. There were cars all around us, so i don't blame her. Unfortunately, that meant i had to go first. I have to say it wasn't a pleasant experience, but it certainly was entertaining. I was just a little confused after where to put the tissues when i was done.. i just dropped them on the pavement. Soon, all the girls on the team learned the skill of peeing like a man.

Only thing left to say is i feel bad for this kids who ride bus 14.

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Feminists For Fornication

(person) by Mad_Dog_Fargo (3.3 d) (print)
Fri Mar 02 2001 at 22:36:34

"We like men. We like sex with men. We love men. We love cock. We like looking sexy and we are not ashamed to do so. And we're feminists."

So proclaims a brochure about the Milwaukee-based not for profit group Feminists For Fornication (FFF). Led by one Katinka Hooijer, these women crusade against the more traditional concept of feminism, one which rallies against pornography as degrading and exploitative. They encourage open-mindedness and individuality, urging women to make their own choices about what they do and do not enjoy, and not to feel ashamed if their desires fall outside of "acceptable societal norms".

Hooijer teaches a course called Cultural Symbols, Feminism, and Pornography at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee and has a master's degree in Anthropology from the same institution. The original title of her thesis was "Pass the Penis, Please", but at the request of faculty she changed it to "Sex, Symbols, and Subjectivity: An Anthropological Approach to Feminist Rhetoric and the Construction of Sexuality".

The self-stated objectives of Feminists For Fornication are:

• Send Out A Positive Message About Sex: We will concentrate on the positive and pleasurable aspects of sex and female sexuality while acknowledging (but not dwelling on) the negative and dangerous aspects.

• Teach Tolerance: Female sexuality is thought about and experienced in many ways depending on class, religion, ethnicity, physical capabilities and sexual orientation. Women have no right imposing sexual or social norms on other women. This means recognizing the complexity and diversity of female sexualities. We encourage women to seize the opportunity to explore their bodies and pleasures.

• Support And Encourage Women In Their Personal Choice To Utilize Sexually Explicit Material: Sexual categories are relative; one woman's idea of porn is another woman's idea of obscenity. In other words, what turns me on might not turn you on, and whether you call it smut, erotica, hard-core, soft-core, cheese cake, "female-oriented," violent, lesbian, gay, or S and M, it's all a matter of taste.

• Women Teaching Women: We as women should be able to think and speak within our own movement about our sexual experiences, fears, desires, and pleasures without being judged. The only way to broaden the discussion of sexuality is to talk about it.

The group does not claim to be sporting any new ideas. In the past couple of decades, women have become increasingly assertive about their sexual needs, and increasingly open to new sexual possibilities. A growing number of women view "hard-core" pornography, or practice role-playing, bondage and other "fringe" sexual activities in the privacy of their own homes.

However, in our own homes we are relatively free from scrutiny and social judgement. Doing something with the doors locked and the blinds closed is one thing, but most women wouldn't be comfortable discussing these practices in mixed company, let alone standing on a street corner and shouting them at the top of their lungs. This is essentially what FFF is doing, shoving their sexuality in the faces of the people who try to restrict it, saying, "We like it, and we're normal people."

"We'd like to piss off anyone who's on one extreme or the other," says Hooijer.

They've certainly succeeded in doing that, earning more or less blanket disdain from the members of the traditional feminist organizations and movements in the area. They have been accused of wholesale undermining of the feminist movement by the Milwaukee Women's Center, a charge which they heartily deny.

"We are tired of being called sluts and anti-feminists. Our concern is that the anti-pornography feminist movement is prescribing sexual norms that will label women who enjoy sexually explicit material as deviant."

To spread their message, FFF holds various rallies and festivals throughout the year like their Sensual Assault Show, which showcased a wide variety of erotic video, film and art, as well as sexual workshops by local dominatrixes. Their Carnivalust, held last year at Milwaukee's Lakefront Brewery, also featured nude tag-team oil wrestling, a continuous saturation of porn movies, and sexual games of all kinds. Free condoms are prominently available at all FFF gatherings.

FFF is at the admittedly more vocal and extreme end of a growing trend, that being women who are beginning to find that traditional feminism is too confining and doesn't realistically address all their needs or let them be who they really are. They feel that many of the original objectives of the feminist movement have been achieved, such as the collective acceptance of the fact that women are intellectually and professionally as capable as anyone else. It's their mission, then, to help the feminist ideal change with the times, rather than continue blindly crusading onward like, for example, the union movement in the US.

They're also more fun at parties than Andrea Dworkin.

As a footnote, I've tried to write this node as an objective representation of the goals and ideals of FFF, rather than a subjective expression of my own opinions. If you think it's poorly written, downvote away. If you don't agree with what it says, find some way to downvote the FFF ;).

And on the bibliographical tip, all quotes and excerpts were taken from brochures and/or handouts published by Feminists For Fornication, but the rest of the content and composition of the write-up is original.

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If you really mean it, set yourself on fire
(idea) by LordOmar (1.3 wk) (print)
Tue Jun 12 2001 at 16:50:02

The Buddhist monks in Viet Nam knew how to protest. They lit themselves on fire to protest the war in their homeland...

They set the standard

Now if you're protesting, and want me to think twice about what I'm doing you need to take a page from those Buddhists. A few conflagurated Vegans might make me think twice before I bite into that t-bone.

Pro-lifers, instead of killing doctors, which, honestly isn't doing much good for your PR department, you might try a gasoline shower followed by a butane lighter enema.

If the WTO riots showed me one thing it's that the traditional forms of protest used in the US aren't doing much good. If you kill someone, trash private property and generally make a nuisance of yourself you only look like the bad guy. Setting yourself on fire, however, shows the strength of your conviction, you are willing to die, in the most brilliant way possible, for your cause. You might actually get some legislation passed.

Mr. President, Sir, you're losing voters.

"Down in the polls, am I?"

Not exactly sir.

"Popular opinion against me?"

You might say that....

"Well, what the hell is going on?"

Well sir, they are setting themselves on fire.


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It's a bird! It's a plane! It's sarcasm flying right over your head!

(idea) by Uberfetus (1.1 y) (print)
Thu Apr 27 2000 at 23:18:39

A retort used against someone who has just taken your obviously sarcastic statements as an indication of what you actually believe. Has the effect of both stripping the easily offended jackass of any perceived upper hand in the argument and making him/her even more furious that you had the audacity to publicly declare their idiocy.

All meaning that you, the sarcastic smartass, triumph again.

Bonus points if you point upward and actually get your victim to look at the sky before the punchline.

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Fucked up Facts from History

(place) by DoubleD (3.7 d) (print)
Fri Aug 18 2000 at 4:41:01

The following is the labored result of my worthless Bachelor's work in History.

Fucked Up Facts from History

The Horny Kid

Apparently the Mendesians (a group of ancient Egyptians) venerated the goat; especially the male ones (typical sexists eh?). In fact, goats were so special that every now and then the Mendesians would all get together, choose some especially virile goat, and all watch it have "intercourse with a woman in full view of everybody". (Herodotus, The Histories)

Ever see Bachelor Party?

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That

The Roman emperor Elagabalus (218-222) dug women's fashion. He liked it so much that he constantly wore women's clothing in public, and acted with all "the manners of the female sex". But wait, that's not all. Apparently he also had a harem of `mates' to whom he apportioned great titles to, one even being officially titled Emperess's Husband. The Praetorian Guards didn't like it too much though. They ended up repeatedly slashing him, dragging his effeminate body though the streets, and then throwing him into the Tiber. Nobody knows what happened to his bitches.(Gibbon, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire)

Huh. J. Edgar Hoover got off easy (no pun intended).

Waste Not

The ancient Massagetae were even more waste conscious than the Eskimos. Not only did they freely share their wives with one another (just "hang up your quiver in front of her wagon and then enjoy her without misgiving"), but they also had efficient parties. When a Massagetaen deemed themselves too old to keep on living, they threw themselves a massive going-away binge. The whole family would show up and pay their respects by first killing them, then boiling them down with some cattle meat (for spice), and then top it all off by eating every last bite (leftovers were disrespectful). "This they consider to be the best sort of death." (Herodotus)

See? Jeffery Dahmer was just an old-fashioned conservative.

Whips, Chips, Chains, and Vegetables

During the Roman Golden Age, the penalty for adultery was a mob beating followed by a large radish violently shoved up your ass. (Lucian, The Death of Peregrinus)

The centuries of progress are to be measured by the hamsters of Richard Gere's anus.

The Bigger the Bag, the Bigger the Box

In ancient Lydia, every woman came with a dowry upon marriage. However, the larger the dowry, the lesser the snugness. Apparently every "working-class girl in Lydia prostitute(d) themselves without exception to collect money for their dowries". So if a man married a gal with a hefty bag of cash, they were also guaranteed to get professional lifetime care. What a combo. Bonus for the ladies though: "They choose their own husbands." (Herodotus)

Bet they didn't have a 50% divorce rate.

And HE said unto them: "Keep the chitlins and drumsticks; torch the rest."

According to Moses, the Lord said he really gets giddy when you bring a nice bull into your home, kill it, cut it up in neat pieces (placing its "entrails and its legs" aside for washing), collect the blood and splatter it all over the place (including on everyone present), and then torch the remains. The ensuing stench creates "a pleasing odor to the Lord." Well, except the legs and entrails. Those are yours to keep. What a nice God. (Leviticus, 1:8-9)

Yet another example why Jews are cool, and Christians are just wine-drinking pansies.

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How to be a convincing teenage girl on IRC

(idea) by FastEddie (1.5 wk) (print)
Tue Nov 20 2001 at 23:44:57

The Noder Association Of America has rated this node as NC-17. It contains sexual swear words, general amoral ranting, and small pieces that could break off and choke a toddler. Be warned.

I don't think it's possible for me to node this without opening myself up to the quite justifiable response "How in the Blue HELL do you know so much about this?". Of course, the answer can only be "Because I'm a sad, lonely, sex-starved net geek who gets off on chatting to other men while pretending to be not only of the opposite sex, but frequently borderline in the age of consent stakes".

I can only beg of you to believe me when I say that I know how to do this because:

* When I first discovered IRC, nothing provided me and my friends with more amusement than to get a sad middle-aged Yank all juiced up before revealing that 'Cindy the dance student from England' was in fact Eddie, Steve, Scott and Nick, four drunken university students of a very male persuasion.
* A little later on in my Internet career, I fooled the aforementioned Steve into believing that I was an 18-year-old dancer at a local club for THREE MONTHS.
* As a brilliant excuse to do something that I enjoyed for a computing module essay, I explored Internet chatrooms from a girl's perspective.
* It's so much easier to get laid when you're female.

So, frantic disclaimers over with, let's get to the meat and two veg of the matter. How do you convince any man you may meet on IRC that you are an actual, flesh and blood, horny teenage girl? It's harder than you'd think. For a start, if you hang out on IRC long enough, you run into plenty of unconvincing wannabe females. Secondly, if you're a guy, you innately know how guys think. And finally - it's easy enough to get a guy believing you while he pictures you and whacks off. It's the mark of a true sensei to keep him interested post-orgasm and beyond.

Do's and Don'ts

* DON'T choose UKCumBunny as your nick. It's a dead giveaway unless you are a 29-year-old dominatrix.
* DO choose a realistic nice girl's name like becky_stafford_16_uk. It hints that you are not just sharking for sex, and also gives away your location and age without losing your innocence.

* DON'T claim that you are any of the following: a cheerleader, bisexual, soaking wet, wearing your school uniform, naked.
* DO list your interests as 'music, parties, boys, sport, clothes, the usual'. You're a typical teenage girl, after all.

* DON'T ever use sexually-explicit vocabulary unless your mark uses it first, and then only in the exact form that he did. It's not realistic to reply to the question 'do you have any sexual fantasies?' with 'more than anything, i want a man to jet his sticky cum all over my soft teen titties'.
* DO refer to your anatomy as 'my boobs', 'down there' or 'my bottom'. Have some fun and choose some stupid names for your bits. Nine times out of ten he'll use the exact same word as you and will sound ridiculous :)

* DON'T describe yourself as '34DD-22-35 with blonde hair to my shoulders, a tight, firm ass and a completely shaved pussy'
* DO bemoan the fact that your boobs aren't really that big, all your friends get more attention than you, that you don't think you're sexy and you wish you looked like Natalie Portman/Sarah Michelle Gellar/Jennifer Lopez. When they see your picture, they'll fall over themselves to compliment you.

* DON'T send them a picture you found on http://www.anal-dutch-teens.com. The single biggest giveaway is sending an obvious pr0n pic and claiming it to be yours. Even an amateur nude pic is pushing it.
* DO find a few clothed pictures of a pretty girl who has a good body, is dressed to show at least some of it, and a nice smile without being gorgeous. If you were a hot teen girl, would you look for Mr. Right in #!!!!!!youngergirlsandolderguys ?

* DON'T let yourself slip into generic porn vocabulary as soon as the conversation heats up. Don't use your full vocabulary either, or type too fast if you are L337.
* DO type all in lower case and dont worry 2 much about punctuation, its also a good idea 2 abbreviate everything u type 2 ur irc boyf. giggle a lot too and use '/me blushes' and lots of :) :) :))))). Especially when he tells you you're so hot.

* DON'T let slip that you have any knowledge of the sexual arts. Virgins are money on IRC. You can have french kissed, had your boobs felt, even been fingered. But you have never - and The Rock means NEVER - had any of the following: A threesome, lesbian sex of any kind, a cum-bath, a fist inside you, sexual thoughts about your sister (who is also NOT bisexual, a cheerleader or a porn star).
* DO express a desire to be taught all about sex, and that when you find a man you trust and love you will let him do anything to you. This can include all of the above - as long as he mentions it first.

* DON'T admit to being sexually aroused within the first half hour of chat. Neither are you masturbating when he asks. Neither have you got anything in any orifice.
* DO admit with some embarrassment that you masturbate regularly, that you feel kind of 'tingly' in your pussy, and that you'd kind of like to try anal sex - even if it hurts.

* DON'T, even in the height of a supremely sexual chat, let it all slip at the end by begging him to ream your tight little virgin butt or video you and your sisters sucking and fucking all night long. He will figure out that you are a complete fraud and will close the chat as soon as he shoots his load.
* DO ask him to mail you and hint that a Real Life meeting could be in the offing...especially since your chat has been so special and you can't stop thinking about him. Save the really kinky shit for when you're growing tired of the poor sap. You sick fuck.

So there you have it. An instant guide to success. Or, at least, it would be if it wasn't an instant guide to being a sad, morally-bankrupt geek boy who's pissing his life away helping other men jack off. I hope that orgasm's worth it, Junior.

Addendum: Ooh, how the softlink abuse cuts me to the bone. (Insert rant about how those who use softlinks to review nodes are cowardly, subhuman scum here). Have you had your heart broken by a gender-bending IRC prankster? Did it hurt? Did it make you feel like your world had collapsed...like you'd wasted weeks of your existence and all of your love on nothing more than a mirage, a trick of the light, a product of your own gullibility? The Jerry Springer team are waiting for your call!

Come on, Junior...face it. The knowledge that she is out there, somewhere, some channel, some server...waiting for Mr. Right, waiting to be found, waiting for you...isn't it that knowledge that deludes you long enough to pick yourself up, dust yourself down and get straight back on that chat server to find her, and maybe get your heart stomped on again and again and again? Hey, I found her eventually. And you know what? It lasted eight months.

That's why I don't go online to look for her anymore. And that's why I don't have any sympathy for men who look for her in #!!!!!!schoolgirlsexchat.

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Why I am going to pretend I am a girl online from now on

(idea) by moJoe (2.4 mon) (print)
Fri Mar 17 2000 at 23:52:47

I have noticed the most amazing thing. I actually noticed it a long time ago and it seems to be the same no matter where I go. There are usually more males than females and the males drool all over and pay lip service to the females all day long simply because, well, they are female.

If you are male, most men seem to have no interest in you what-so-ever. They have made up their mind about you and already decided to ignore you before you have even opened your mouth to speak.

If you are female you get the benefit of the doubt and lots of positive attention and, dare I say ass-kissing; in hopes of what I still have yet to discover. Net sex? Flirting? hopes that they will fly out to you and fuck your brains out? what? To this day it boggles me.

Men and women on-line are the same as far as I am concerned. Often men are too busy trying to suck up to girls and girls are often too busy trying to get men to suck up to them to be very interesting, but other than that they have equal potential to be interesting or uninteresting in my eyes. I have counted the people that I consider my friends on here and to be quite honest, the male/female ratio is quite equal. I have counted my nodes about females and my nodes about males on here, and they are exactly equal.

If you are having troubles with what I am saying, read the disclaimer. I will also add that none of this makes me any better than you, and in fact I am sure you have noticed this same phenomenon as well. You go to a new site; you are a guy. You don't know anyone and no one will even acknowledge your existence because they are too busy playing the respective rolls of sucker and suckee; but if you happen to have a female nick name, well then, you get all but dragged into the conversation kicking and screaming.

As much as I love courting and am facinated with sex, I often times think that even people who think its sinful or bad and don't have it, let it run them because of it. It has a time and place.


(idea) by Quizro (3 d) (print)
Sat Mar 18 2000 at 0:07:27

You know, I'd never realized before this just how attractive moJoe is. Suddenly I find I am no longer able to ignore him, and wonder if perhaps he will consent to Net sex with me.


(idea) by Segnbora-t (now!) (print)
Sat Mar 18 2000 at 0:29:21

Of course, there are plenty of women using ambiguous or male pseudonyms online, to avoid being besieged by men, so they can do whatever it is that they are on the Internet to do in the first place. (This probably contributes to the amount of attention those who are willing to admit to being female have. But presumably those who continue using identifiably female names don't object to the attention.)

There is a small but appreciable number of men who think that being female and saying anything remotely sex-positive online constitutes asking for all sorts of propositions. No one from Everything has done this, but I've gotten mail from guys who saw my web site and sent me propositions for group sex, or who started conversations and then were angry and offended when I said no, I wouldn't go out with someone I only know from a total of two e-mails.

So I approve of moJoe's strategy. Let the jerks be deceived; maybe if they find out the truth they will learn some manners.



(idea) by ModernAngel (13 hr) (print)
Sun Apr 30 2000 at 18:17:21

Way back in my AOL newbie days, I did this. "ModernAngel" started out as the screenname of an assumed persona, "Brandy Leigh McLeod". It was educational. Since "angel" seems to equate to "female" in many virtual arenas, I still get the occasional "Wanna cyber?" query, or (much more often), an unsolicited, private "hi." that I am supposed to pick up and run with. On several occasions since I dropped the pretense of femininity, I've had people say to me "dude, get a more masculine nick" - because the nick screws up their expectations of how they might want to interact with me. It starts with a sweeping generalization of who I am, and a nick is supposed to somehow encapsulate everything of interest about me...

It is ridiculously easy to pull off, but the novelty wears thin quickly. (Or did for me, anyway.) Contrary to Saige's theory, I think gender cues determine a lot of what we read into a chat/post author's personality/style, not vice versa.


(idea) by Master Villain (2.8 hr) (print)
Tue Feb 06 2001 at 8:47:33

It is true that people take things at face value. When I first started chatting on the internet I used the name I have now, but due to the nature of the chat site (yes, for some reason people were on a cyberfucking site for good clean fun) I was asked on three seperate occasions if I was into tying up young girls and punishing them. All because my name was Master Villain.

Many (all) of the women who I chatted with there complained of occasionally (always) being hit on in private messages as soon as they entered a chat room. I decided I had to put this to the test, and entered a chat room using the name Sarah. I got four people saying "hi", one asking me what kind of panties I was wearing, two asking me "Wanna fuck?", and another guy said he had 18 inches of hot throbbing cock with my name on it. The way to deal with this is pretty straightforward, you just say "No thanks" in the open to one of them, and they all shut up. Unfortunately, the guy I said it to (one of the "Wanna Fuck" guys) started asking me why not. I felt the need to explain I wasn't there for cybersex and then he decided he had to look like a nice guy and get to know me. Rather then be exposed as a weirdo I had to get to know me as well, very fast. So Sarah was a 21 year old teacher who has long brown hair and blue eyes. For some reason shes a few years older than me (Shes 26 now). Oddly enough it was easy to do, by not talking about anything sexual. You don't need to go into great detail about your appearance because they just assume you look like their ideal girl anyway.

All in all a fun experience but strangely addictive. Sarah still comes out to play every now and then. I just wish she would stop going to all those porn sites.


(idea) by knar (1.7 y) (print)
Sun May 06 2001 at 21:34:20

Two years ago, I programmed an artificial intelligence bot for mIRC (famous IRC client), which now has become quite known in Spain (despite it consists on few more than a bunch of well-placed ifs).

In order to test it, I made the bot join some channels in the Spanish network and open some queries (an easy way to implement a Turing test). Everything went normally. Some people soon ignored the bot while others had quite long conversations with it.

When I was about to release version 2.0 and my bot was getting quite famous, someone suggested he could make a female personality for it (it's modular, so you can select between several possible "minds" and add more). He took the original bot AI, changed all adjectives to their feminine equivalents, modified some (but few) sentences from its databases, and added lots of sentences related to sex, so that it could recognize most sex-related words and give different responses.

Before including it in version 2.0, I wanted to try some Turing Tests with this new personality, so I gave the bot a female nick (Silvie) and made it join channel #amor (#love in Spanish). I didn't have to open any query. I counted thirty-six queries in a minute. And I'm not joking. I repeated this test several times and I got an average of twenty queries by spending just a minute on the channel, while with the male personality I got none. But there is something even more pathetic: many times, after repeating the experiment two or three men had sent the bot their phone.

What else can I say? We are dumb. I like to think that I'm not, but... what if I'm wrong, and all men, including me, are dumb?


(idea) by ConfusionTheWaitress (2.8 d) (print)
Wed May 23 2001 at 0:34:25

Given that it must be common knowledge to anyone with half a brain that all nubile young girls in cybersex chatrooms are in fact men or boys of varying ages, a scientific test was needed to measure exactly how much people cared.

Logged on to an IRC server and joined a few cybersex channels using the nickname PretendingToBeAGirl.

At first there was silence. Then a bleep. A private message, contravening the channel rules about asking before messaging but, hey, I didn't really care...

(namewithheld) so ur a guy?
(PretendingToBeAGirl) yep. hello. wanna cyber? ;)
(namewithheld) sure, okay.

I. Kid. You. Not. I pretended to be a busty female future-cop in an all-over rubber uniform (his idea) and he was a criminal that I was to - ahem - interrogate. I haven't laughed so damn much in ages.

I got a few other messages as well. Some just curious about my nick and some didn't mind a bit of cybersex. Sure, it got boring after a while but, still, it was hilarious while it lasted.

In conclusion, it is common knowledge to anyone with half a brain that all nubile young girls in cybersex chat rooms are in fact men or boys of varying ages and, to be honest, there are people that really don't care, so long as you're willing to be what they want you to be. And, to be honest, why should people care? It's not as if any long-lasting relationships have emerged from online cybersex. Most people are blissfully aware that the woman on the end of a sex phone-line looks nothing like the woman on the sex phone-line advert but still, somehow, people get off to them. Just as long as people get what they want, I don't see any harm in that.

update: i have also tried the same 'experiment' with the nickname PretendingToBeABoy and considerably more successful results. boys would message me and think it 'kinda cute' when i told them of my plan and then they'd pretend to be a girl.

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I love Slim Shady and I am not a teenage boy going through puberty

(idea) by indestructible (now!) (print)
Thu Oct 26 2000 at 16:42:45

I used to tease bleach blond neighborhood boys with heckling 'will the real Slim Shady Please Stand Up!' as they passed my apartment balcony. Since then, something has happened. This summer I bought both his CDs, downloaded his old underground stuff with Scam, learned most of his lyrics and have a mosaic of his pictures on my desktop. I am even going to his concert in Montreal tomorrow (Oct 27 - 2000).

I am the ridicule of all of my friends for this, but I Don't Give a Fuck. I am in my early 20s and a female Business student. I have hardwood floors, blonde hair and great literature on my book shelves. I like Starbucks and shopping. Everyone thinks I am cracking up. They just don't get it. I see Eminem as an individualist who isn't afraid to say what he wants. Here is why: As in Freudian psychology, he has three personas - Slim Shady, Marshall Mathers and Eminem.

Slim Shady is the id all of his desires and fantasies set free and expressed explosively. Yes, it is crass and chilling at times, but it is expressing truly what he wishes. Slim Shady kills his wife and rapes his mom like in Kill You

"Just bend over and take it like a bitch, okay ma?"

It also shows his elemental emotions like in the song Kim when he says.

"I hate you,
I swear to god, I hate you,
oh my god, I love you".

Or when he is asserting his individuality in Criminal

"Preacher Preacher 5th Grade teacher
you can't reach me, my mom can't neither...
...you ain't able to stop these thoughts
you can't stop me from topping these charts"

Marshall Mathers is Eminem's real name, it represents the superego. It is thoughtful and introspective. It slips into the songs like Stan where he tells an obsessed fan that he should get some counseling and treat his girlfriend better. It also shows when he criticizes the media attention on Columbine High when lower-class urban violence often goes unnoticed. In The Way I Am

"Look where it's at,
middle America,
now it's a tragedy,
now it's so sad to see,
mid-upper class city""

Finally, there is Eminem who is the mc in charge of everything. This is the ego, most effected by the outside world and most in control; the stage presence who weaves the rhymes.

Slim Shady was born soon after Eminem's daughter Haley. He knew that positive rhymes about transcending the street-life were not selling for him, and he knew that he had to try something different. He had a family to support and a minimum wage was not going to cut it. He said of results from his clean style "I wasn't making records, I was making pizzas"(http://www.salon.com) Slim Shady exploded onto the scene -he went to the rap olympics, was discovered by Dr. Dre and the rest is history.

Do I like him as a person? Do I want to meet him? Is he a good role model for kids? No, no and no. However, I do respect him as an artist. Artists are rule breakers, they are supposed to hold a mirror to the world. Their job is not to teach kids how to behave.

Eminem expresses intuitively what many of us have to learn in University classrooms. My friend saw him in an interview and told me "That guy is so uneducated!" which to my friend, means stupid.

This is just elitist university student thinking, trying to justify a four-year investment. "Of course everyone else is inferior," says the university student, "they haven't been to the four-year intelligence factory."

However, if you listen to some of his music, even though he might not have the vocabulary of someone who the world respects as intelligent, he still expresses ideas in a new and open way.

Here is a final quote to sum it up:

"You mother fucking chickens ain't brave enough
to say what I say so just tape it shut
Half the shit I say I just make it up
to make you mad so kiss my white naked ass"</small> <p>
<div style="text-align:center">"Pants are bad!!! We should wear pants only on our head you conformist bastard!!! Pants are the devils work!! Run freee!! And pantless!!!" -- Vulture</div>

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Unread postby PriamNevhausten » Sun Apr 17, 2005 2:25 am

I wholly endorse everything about this FFF thing. In fact, if I learn of a rally near Ohio, I may attend myself. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

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Unread postby Justice Augustus » Mon Apr 18, 2005 12:58 am

Quiff - Slut or a cheap prostitute.

But a quiff is a hairstyle....this tells me a lot about Kraken, who has had one as long as I've known him.

"Moreover, when on the following night, much to his dismay, [Caesar] had a dream of raping his own mother, the soothsayers greatly encouraged him by their interpretations of it: namely, that he was destined to conquer the earth" - Suetonius, The Twelve Caesars - Julius Caesar, chapter 7</p>

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Unread postby BrainWalker » Mon Apr 18, 2005 9:28 am

Shit that's a lot of shit.

I'll have to see if I can't read all that later, when I have less than a zillion things to do. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image</div></p>

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Unread postby Zemyla » Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:33 am

Which is why it's funny when people think I'm female, and I don't contradict them. <p>-----
Do not taunt Happy Fun Zemyla.

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">I think boobs are the lesser of two evils. - Inverse (Pervy)
Dammit, Dan, I'm not dating a damn NPC! - OOC Will (Will Baseton)
Of course! Anything worth doing is worth doing completely wrong! - Travis English
Ultimately, wizards and clerics don't say, "Gee, I want to become a lich because weapons hurt less and I don't have to worry about being backstabbed; that whole 'eternal life' thing is just a fringe benefit."-Darklion
But this one time I killed a walrus with my bare hands, and I suddenly understood spherical coordinates. - KnightsofSquare
Also, when you've worked a 36-hour shift as an intern you too just might pour yourself a catful of coffee and sit down to cuddle with your travel mug. -eirehound

Adventurers! | RPG World World | The Phantom Lord's OT Board mkII | Indie Madnesse | Brotherhood of Elitist Bastards</p>

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Unread postby Endadelta » Mon Apr 18, 2005 11:48 am

There was some some of crappy MMORPG a ways back that DW was involved in. It used ripped RPGM95 graphics and was basically stuffed to the gills with elitists, PKers, and hackers.

I didn't have much luck playing as a guy, but when I found that Pervy was having extraordinary luck as a girl, I tried it myself. Suddenly, no one was trying to PK me, people were offering to help me, and random folks seemed oddly interested in chatting with me. Then again, this is common with any MMORPG, so no surprises there. <p>



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