The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

For artistic creations in text format.

Moderators: KingOfDoma, NebulaQueen

User avatar
pd Rydia
Moderator
 
Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby pd Rydia » Mon Jul 14, 2003 7:27 pm

Mew. More. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Zoooooom...Zoooooom...CRASH! Enthusiasm counts. Never be afraid to try."
-=- "All cookies are good, dum-dum." -- Binky
-=- "Kazootles!"

{RPGWW -- an RPing community} -- {Hogwarts RP} -- {RP Boot Camp}
{Rydia's Pocket Dragon Encyclopedia} -- {StarDragon Oekaki}</span></p>

SALSAlys
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu Jul 17, 2003 1:53 am

As my momma says. More. o.o

Only quibble is that I think the scene with the knife could use more detail— not on the actual physical ACTION, but emotional state. Of course, the other half of my mind is thinking that the way it is right now shows a kind of vague detachment that's very fitting...

*huggles anyway*


Kotoki
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Kotoki » Fri Jul 18, 2003 7:59 pm

Mrs. Wilson looked up from her needlework as the inn door opened.

The years had not been kind to Mrs. Norwood. The last summer past had seen the death of her unborn grandchild and the loss of most of her remaining teeth. Nevertheless, she smiled as she entered the inn and saw the woman seating in the rocking chair by the dying fire. "Good evening, Mrs. Wilson," she said, taking off her shawl and taking a seat.

"Why if it isn't Mrs. Norwood," she exclaimed, peering over at her over half-moon glasses. "What brings you here this afternoon?"

Mrs. Norwood sighed and ran her hands through her hair. "I was over at the Atkins Manor," she replied wearily, "handing out lunch for the menfolks. They're still out there looking for Raile Atkins, and it's been nearly a week. The poor thing."

"What? Raile? I didn't know he was gone."

"Sure he is. You didn't know about it? He disappeared during that snowstorm we had. There's not a trace of him left outside, neither. Seems like he just vanished into thin air. Of course, the storm probably had something to do with that, what with all the wind..." Mrs. Norwood heaved another sigh. "I doubt that even the optimists of the bunch think we'll find anything but the body. Probably not even that- you know how these things go."

Deciding that gossip was far more important than embroidering, Mrs. Wilson folded up her needlepoint and put it down on the rug. "Animals, monsters and such," she said with a shake of her head. "Scavengers, all of them. What happened to that girl... oh, what was her name? Someone told me that Mr. Atkins had gotten Raile engaged."

"Oh, yes," Mrs. Norwood replied. "I can't remember myself. Well, of course the engagement's been called off, now that the groom to be is missing. What can you do, after all? She's going back home in a day or so, I hear."

Mrs. Wilson's face darkened. "Much as he'd probably like to keep her for himself, that man."

"Now, now. I won't have you saying anything against an Atkins. None of those rumours have ever been proved, and even if they were... Well, of course I'm not saying if he did anything to poor Raile, it was justifiable, that poor child, but... You know, family is family, after all. Besides, it wasn't all bad. Life in a mansion, with servants, far better than anything our children could hope for..."

Mrs. Wilson, picking up her needle and thread again, stared into the embers of the fire. "I suppose that's true," she said slowly. "And Mr. Atkins was often away. Still, something like that is just... I feel sorry for the poor, poor boy."

"He's probably happier where he is now."

"I suppose that's true, too. You know, I never even saw his face. He was trapped in that Manor all his life. Do you think that's why he... No, I shouldn't assume. But..."

"What a world," Mrs. Norwood said disapprovingly before the subject changed to less distressing matters.


User avatar
pd Rydia
Moderator
 
Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Jul 18, 2003 8:18 pm

I want to know what happened to Raile, dambit. >:{ <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Zoooooom...Zoooooom...CRASH! Enthusiasm counts. Never be afraid to try."
-=- "All cookies are good, dum-dum." -- Binky
-=- "Kazootles!"

{RPGWW -- an RPing community} -- {Hogwarts RP} -- {RP Boot Camp}
{Rydia's Pocket Dragon Encyclopedia} -- {StarDragon Oekaki}</span></p>

Kotoki
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Kotoki » Tue Jul 22, 2003 6:45 pm

The first thing that Raile notices when he wakes up is that his arms itch. The second thing is that he is very warm, and lying on a soft bed. The third thing is, after looking up, that someone with very long silver hair and deep blue eyes is looking back down at him.

"Are you an angel?" Raile asks in complete honesty.

Someone else in the room starts to laugh. "Wow, Sean," comments a female voice pleasantly, "how many times have you gotten that one?"

"Many time, in extremely different situations," responds the man with grin. He looks down at Raile again. "Good morning. Before you ask where you are, this is the medical ward of the Riveran Sacred Temple of Ashura. Would you like some tea? Something to eat?"

Raile sits up in the bed- it takes a little while. When he looks around, he sees that he is in a room which has been painted a soothing pale yellow. The windows open onto a sunny courtyard with large, leafy trees. His throat hurts and his arms are still itching, but he feels much better than dead.

"Yes, please," he says quietly. "Both."

"Right. Haruna, if you would?" A ginger-coloured Nekojin woman sitting on the sofa, presumably the one who spoke earlier, nods and exits the room. Sean smiles at her back. "That's Haruna Mizutani, a colleague of mine. I myself am Sean Valentine, a humble priest of Ashura."

The boy tentatively extends a hand. "Raile Hawking."

Sean kisses it, lightly. "Well then, Raile," he says, "you've been asleep for about a day and a half now. You came rather close to dying back in that field. In fact, you probably could have died before we found you... If not from your cuts, then from the cold."

"Why didn't I?" he asks, thinking back. He can't remember exactly when or how he fell asleep, but he was sure that it was snowing so hard he would have been covered. He can't imagine anyone finding him in all that white.

"Funny thing about that," Sean replies conversationally. "When we found you, your cuts were already healing. You'd also set up a shield. It took both of us to dispel it. You're quite a prodigy, as I'm sure you've been told at some point or another."

Raile blinks several times. "What are you talking about?" he asks.

Now it's Sean's turn to look confused. "You're a white mage. Nobody's ever told you? You never figured it out yourself?"

"I'm a what?" asks Raile. He's read about magic in books, of course, but never actually... not even when he saw his cuts glow and seal up, or when he became aware that other people got sick for more than a few hours at a time. He flushes and lowers his eyes, feeling like an idiot. "I mean... sorry. I don't get out much."

Sean shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. Today's the first day of the rest of your life, anyway." He looks out the window for a moment and takes a deep breath. "Listen. I'm not going to ask when you tried to kill yourself, all right? It's none of my business."

"Mm."

"However... Your body used magic to heal and protect itself, even after that." Sean lifts Raile's face up and looks him in the eyes. "Remember that for at least a little while, because it's important. It means you didn't want to die."

Raile bites his lip a little. "I wanted to get away," he says. "I didn't want to be trapped there. In that house, I mean... I just wanted to escape."

Sean sighs heavily. "So you could have just left, then. Maybe it would have been hard, but you could have. People always say that they were trapped, or make excuses about things. No matter how much there is stopping you from getting away, you can always do it. There's always more than one way out." He stops and laughs sheepishly. "Sorry. I don't mean you in particular. I shouldn't preach to you."

"I think I probably need someone to preach to me right now," says Raile softly, looking up at him.

There's a knock on the door. "Sean," Haruna's voice says disapprovingly, "if you're in there seducing a little boy who also happens to be a suicide attempt, I shall be very displeased."

"I don't do things like that on duty," Sean replies with similar severity. "But even if I did, Haruna, I've told you before- sex is the cause and solution to all life's problems." He opens the door for her and they both begin laughing.

Raile, eventually, begins to laugh along with them.

---

It has been two months.

Raile, right now, is standing in front of the Doma City Temple of Ashura. It's a huge building. He feels nervous for a moment, and his grip tightens on Sean's hand.

"Will you be okay?" Sean asks quietly as they walk up the steps. "If you don't want to do this, it's not too late. You can still wait a year."

He has been living with Sean for the past two months. At first it was supposed to be a temporary arrangement. Eventually, after they both figured out that there was really no other place he could go, a bed was bought and he moved into the former storage room. The house isn't very big, but it feels comfortable to him. He's glad he's staying there.

It's not as if he hasn't been in the temple before. Sometimes he visits patients along with Sean, or takes him lunch- which he buys, he hasn't learnt to cook yet. Today is different. Today he starts his training as a priest.

The time he's spent in Doma City, where it never snows, has made him happier than he ever thought possible. The worst thing he has to look forward to is strands of Sean's hair in his food. The best... he can't even begin to think of what the best might be.

"It's okay," he says. "I'm ready." He holds Sean's hand for a few seconds more before breaking away and running up the rest of the steps alone.

Raile Hawking enters the building.

THE END


User avatar
pd Rydia
Moderator
 
Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Jul 22, 2003 6:58 pm

<ul><small>"Sean sighs heavily. "So you could have just left, then. Maybe it would have been hard, but you could have. People always say that they were trapped, or make excuses about things. No matter how much there is stopping you from getting away, you can always do it. There's always more than one way out." He stops and laughs sheepishly. "Sorry. I don't mean you in particular. I shouldn't preach to you.""</small></ul>This paragraph could be better...the words seem to tumble out a bit too quickly...maybe you could separate the words into chunks be descriptions of pauses, movements, gestures, expression...

Also, you misspelt Rivaran as Riveran.

Now...Bravo! ^_^ A story well played out. Thanks for writing this. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Zoooooom...Zoooooom...CRASH! Enthusiasm counts. Never be afraid to try."
-=- "All cookies are good, dum-dum." -- Binky
-=- "Kazootles!"

{RPGWW -- an RPing community} -- {Hogwarts RP} -- {RP Boot Camp}
{Rydia's Pocket Dragon Encyclopedia} -- {StarDragon Oekaki}</span></p>

User avatar
Jak Snide
 
Posts: 5457
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 7:14 am
Location: London

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Jak Snide » Tue Jul 22, 2003 7:37 pm

Indeed, t'was a very enjoyable read!

Now get working on something else, lest legs be broken. e_e


SALSAlys
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby SALSAlys » Tue Jul 22, 2003 9:38 pm

*applauds* We love Raile indeed.


Kotoki
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Kotoki » Tue Jul 22, 2003 10:32 pm

Nononononono. Remember, oniichan, you said you wanted to write that one story?

Now it's *your* turn. Have fun mutilating!


User avatar
Jak Snide
 
Posts: 5457
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 7:14 am
Location: London

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Jak Snide » Tue Jul 22, 2003 10:59 pm

I won't be writing that story, unfortunately.

The SAS will.


SALSAlys
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby SALSAlys » Wed Jul 23, 2003 10:38 am

Do I get to bite him if he doesn't write ANYTHING? Or the SAS doesn't?


User avatar
Jak Snide
 
Posts: 5457
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 7:14 am
Location: London

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Jak Snide » Wed Jul 23, 2003 11:01 am

Take your chance now, Lys.


Kotoki
 

Re: The Dead of Winter: A Raile Story

Unread postby Kotoki » Fri Jul 25, 2003 3:45 pm

Oniichan, do eeeet. I can't do it, but that doesn't mean I don't want to see it done.


Previous

Return to Fanfiction and Other Writings

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests

cron

Yalogank