The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

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The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

Unread postby JoshuaDurron » Mon Jan 13, 2003 10:57 pm

((Introducing a new character. Depending on the reactions he gets, he may or may not show up in Gaera.))

This light...

It's warm. And soft. It caresses my skin like nothing I've ever felt.

I was in darkness... I could feel it all around me... the words, they won't stop echoing in my mind...

"With destruction, comes rebirth!"

Who am I?

I see a face... who's is it? I know it... I'm sure I do. My... sister?

"I'm not you sister..."

Those words come like a blow. No, she is not my sister. But... why?

There! Another face! So similar, yet so completely different. So... sad.

Her voice comes to me, begging. Begging for death. For an end to her torment. I gave it to her.

And darkness covered my life...

Who am I?

"It seems to be complete."

"Can we use it safely, though?"

"I don't know."

More voices. I hate them. I hate them all. Rage consumes me, and the last thing I am aware of is the terror on their faces.

Before they die.

It is a look I see thousands of times again, as more faces pass before me, in an endless, silent testament to my deeds.

Who am I?

This light... what is it?


With a start, I realize she is speaking to me again.

The one who could not be my sister...

"This light is all the power I have to give."

But it is enough. I can feel the darkness fade. And then the light is gone.


The darkness... It was mine. Now that it is gone, what do I have left?

I hated it so much. But it was my only solace. The only solace of a wounded soul.

I fall to my knees and cry.

The tears fall...


until I can cry no more.

I sit there for ages on end. Waiting for the pain to return. And then... suddenly... I realize it has left me.

Whatever it was, it left me when I died.

Whatever I was, I left it behind when the light returned me to life.

She did this for me. I know not why. I don't care.

A Maiden. Of Life. Of Light.

Her gifts fall without discrimination, going so far as to even reach to me, when I had clearly caused her so much pain.

A Maiden. Of Peace.

Who am I?

One who will serve this Maiden.

One who will stand against those who bring darkness.

One who will strive to be worthy of the light he has been shown.

One who will seek to truly call her... Sister... <p>

They call me Lorr...</p>Edited by: [url=>JoshuaDurron</A] at: 1/14/03 1:50:50 pm

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Positive Review #1

Unread postby KingOfDoma » Mon Jan 13, 2003 11:58 pm

Wow. Josh, you have a really poetic touch to your work. You make me want more, which is EXACTLY what a good writer wants of his audience.


I see a face... who's? You might wanna make that "whose is it?" just to make yourself more clear.

One who will seek to truely call her... Truly. No E, ol' pal.



Without an evaluative mind, I am forced to leave any possible errors because they may be style choices. Ah well. *possibly leaves some errors for Dia to pick up*

Nice work!

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Re: The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Jan 14, 2003 12:03 am

Thief. :P

I must say, Joshua, interesting little piece. There's a problem, though. I really never felt any concern for the narrator, or for his thoughts. Not quite sure how you can cultivate that effectively in this writing style.

Also, I don't quite get how the speaker jumps from killing people to standing against darkness. Overall the fic seemed a wee bit speeded...maybe if you slow it down some, add a bit more thought, detail, background, it might help strengthen the whole of the story. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>

Uncle Pervy

Re: The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Jan 14, 2003 3:35 am

See what Dia Said?

She's right.

This guy needs to be developed a little more. He's just conveying lines right now. He needs some kind of personality. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>


Re: The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

Unread postby JoshuaDurron » Tue Jan 14, 2003 9:52 am

Typo's corrected. ^_^
Now that I've grabbed attention, I hope to have the next part up sometime today or tomorrow.

You thought that was all of it, didn't you?

Really, though, I have a tendency to just 'sit down and pour it out' in this style, so it may seemed a bit rushed and nonsensical. But hopefully, the next part will be a little clearer and better done. <p>

They call me Lorr...</p>Edited by: [url=>JoshuaDurron</A] at: 1/14/03 1:57:43 pm


Re: The Gigantes: Legend of the Dragon's Soul

Unread postby JoshuaDurron » Tue Jan 14, 2003 4:47 pm

Faces. Of those I've hurt. I can see them still, faintly. Like looking at them through dimmed light and clouded air. Over them all... my sister.

I couldn't help her. In the end, I could only take her pain on myself, and cover her with darkness.

In truth, all my life was pain and darkness, and I spread it to all those around me.

Then I met her. One so much like my sisiter.

But no matter how I tried, I could not redeem myself. Like it had with my sister, my shadow fell over her.

Yet despite the pain I caused her, she healed me.

With her light.

The Maiden...

It's not warm anymore. Has the light faded?

Where am I?


The sound of myself, sitting up.

Around me are ruins.

Behind me, a gateway.

Beside me are the doors that once stood in the gate, now fallen from their hinges.

I cannot see the sky. And it is dark...

For a moment, I just sit. Then I notice that I am not entirely alone.

A man lies nearby, face down on the ground.



A careful movement and I rise to my feet. Sand and grime rasp under my bare feet as I walk over to him.


It is clear, even before I roll him over, that he is dead.

But I want to look into his eyes.

They hold terror. And darkness. Darkness and pain beyond even my own.

What is this?

Could the Maiden have helped him?

Why was I saved from the darkness that consumed me, when he was not?

I do not know.

I do not even know why I was saved.

Truely, rebirth has followed destruction.

I must begin again.

But this time, I will not fail her. My sister. Or the Maiden.




I walk to the gateway. Stretching about in all other directions there is nothing but rubble and ruin. If there is a place to start, it is here.




I pass through the gate.

Time passes. How much, I am not sure.


Hu? What's this?

I see a man there. He waves, apparently just giving a greeting, and turns back to his work.

Without noticing, I have walked into a field of grain. The gate is gone.

I look back at the man who called to me. In his eyes I had seen it. A glimmering reflection of the light.

Why? Has he, too, met the Maiden?

Or is this light his own?

Does it come from somewhere else entirely?

I do not know.

"Is something wrong?"

He is looking at me again, and his gaze is troubled. I realize my stare makes him uncomfortable.

-I was wondering... where your light comes from.-

The man is taken aback, and looks confused for a moment. Then he shakes his head, as if to dismiss me.

"Heh. Kids these days. Get stranger every day."

He returns to his work once again, leaving me to wonder on what he said. Am I a child? I do not feel like one.

Has rebirth truly changed me so much that I appear as a child? I know little more than one...

And yet, I feel a stronger purpose than any child ever could. To find the light. To find the Maiden. There lies the answers.




I'm walking again. Where I do not know.

In the sky above, the sun sets. I walk towards it. Perhaps I will find the place where it rests. Perhaps not.

Either way, I follow it's light. Hoping it will lead me to the greater light I seek...

((Further comments? I realize his character is still flat, but I'm hoping to remedy that in the next few segments. It would help greatly if you would tell me exactly what type of character development you would like to see take place.)) <p>

They call me Lorr...</p>Edited by: [url=>JoshuaDurron</A] at: 1/14/03 9:32:48 pm


::gets stuff rolling::

Unread postby JoshuaDurron » Fri Jan 17, 2003 9:54 pm

It was naive, I suppose. I thought I could just start walking, and find something.

Two weeks after I started doing that, and I've gotten nowhere.

I also haven't remembered anything else about what I seek.

I have discovered I have a short temper, and little patience. I doubt my task will be as easy as I thought it would be at first.

I suppose my appearence is against me, though.

After all, I appear to be no more than a child of ten, with a rat's nest of hair on my head and a slight figure. People see a child like me, drifting about town, and brush me off as unimportant.

They don't notice my eyes. But I see clearly into theirs.

You can tell so much about a person just by looking at their eyes. Reflected in them is all the light, or all the darkness of a soul.

What disturbs me the most is that the majority of the people I see have neither light nor darkness in their eyes. Rather, their eyes are like glazed glass, as if they no longer care about what it is they behold.

In a world so full of apathy, is it any wonder people fall into darkness so easily?

I have found one place that seems to give people light.

A small building, on the outskirts of this village I have found myself in.

A training hall, I am told, where people learn the ways of the soul.

There is no point in my looking about with no direction.

And so, it is with great uncertainty and treppidation that I approach the door.

And knock... <p>

They call me Lorr...</p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: ::gets stuff rolling::

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Jan 17, 2003 10:11 pm

If your point is to leave the reader confused, you've accomplished this.

Anyway, you did better on the last segment with paragraphs, but in the earlier segments and to an extent the last one you overuse line breaks. This is my opinion, you should gather a few more, because I realize this is a style you might be using. I'm not sure it entirely serves your purpose, however.

Image <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>Edited by: [url=>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/11/05 16:55

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