Burdens of the Father (fic)

For artistic creations in text format.

Moderators: KingOfDoma, NebulaQueen


Burdens of the Father (fic)

Unread postby viator22 » Mon Jul 15, 2002 1:14 am

I'll start a fic here tomorrow or as soon as I get a chance. I have to have it because until Caught in the Middle gets started there's no explanation to Thadin's past without major re-writing (Rydia and AM know what I'm talking about). And it's already shaky enough writing so...

Anyway, expect something here tomorrow or the day after. <p>--------The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster "is like having your brain smashed out by a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick."</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/uviator22.showPublicProfile?language=EN>viator22</A] at: 7/16/02 8:27:03 pm


Re: Burdens of the Father (fic)

Unread postby viator22 » Tue Jul 16, 2002 4:28 pm

Refa slowly scanned the area before him. To most beings it would have been a bleak view. To him it was home. The Northern Reach of the Shuman Mountains stretched out before him in muted greys and whites, broken only by the orange glow of the accursed goblin’s watch fires. As always those fires made the stout Dwarf frown in a more than slightly unpleasant way. To his left and right stretched the answering glows of Dwarven watch fires, warming his heart as well as his body.

“Alright Refa your off watch for now,” said the armor-clad Dwarf who had just come up the steps behind him, “anything to report?”

“Nothing out of the ordinary, there may have been a raiding party try to go through earlier down near Deeper Delve but I’m assuming that they stopped it. They put up a brief warning but then they flashed the ‘All Clear’.”

“Strange,” said the other Dwarf, whose name was Tarin Stoneye in addition to being the commander, “I should have had a message by now. I’ll send a runner.”

“Aye, aye sir,” said Refa, saluting smartly. He took one more glance out over the ramparts and turned back to find all hell breaking loose. Tarin’s two one-handed axes were locked in the air with a curved Goblin sword. The Goblin was on the other side attempting to force the sword through the commanders’ head. Quickly unlimbering his War Hammer, Crusher, Refa swung it around and smashed the vile creatures miss-shaped skull. Tarin shot him a brief look of thanks before practically jumping down the stairs. It was only then that Refa registered the shouts of Dwarves and Goblin engaged in battle.

“May the ancestors bless us, and Gaera protect us,” breathed Refa in the ancient battle prayer of his clan before he too dived into the fray.

(This is pretty bad. Tell me what you think.)
<p>--------The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster "is like having your brain smashed out by a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick."</p>

Posts: 1204
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 12:28 pm

Re: Burdens of the Father (fic)

Unread postby Nekogami » Sat Aug 10, 2002 11:53 pm

The style is nice. They way you word things over all is well-done though there are a few parts that could be improved.("Dwarf frown in a more .....heart as well as his body." for one.)

The fires he sees to his right and left confused me. You say it warmed his mind and body but in the sentence previous he was looking out into the distance so I wasn't sure how close the fires were to him. If they are sprawled out then he might not be as warmed, if they're close in you might want to clarify that somehow.

The part where the goblin attacked them seemed kind of forced. I'd think that dwarves would have heard 'all hell breaking loose' before it actually broke. If they heard the sounds of battle first, turned, THEN saw the goblin it'd flow a little better.

I like dwarves and I'll try to critique this whenever I get the mind to. <p>
<center><table border = 1><tr><td><center>Image
"You're cruel." "I am?"
"Yes. You are." "I aaam?"
"Yes. You are." "....Well, what can you do? *sigh*" --Nadeisco</center>

<center> 2 Sugoi!~~Mmm, Mechage RPGWW style!~~Live Journal</center></td></tr></table></center></p>


Re: Burdens of the Father (fic)

Unread postby viator22 » Sun Aug 11, 2002 12:52 am

0_0 Holy $%@!, somebody dug this up! And commented!

Thanks for the thoughts Neko, anything I can do to improve my writing helps. I have a bad tendency not to explain things in adequate detail ^_^;;

The Dwarven forts are on the eastern border with Grub'Nac the goblin nation. The nearest fort is Deeper Delve 6 miles to the south and Valen's Forge, 7 miles North. There are few intervening walls thanks to the steepness of the local terrain. Each of the Fortresses straddles a pass into Ter'Ghul, the Dwarven kingdom. The signal fires of the forts, which include one to Refa's right, are the fires I refer to "warming his heart as well as his mind."

I started another segment today but was unable to get much done thanks to my little sister. It'll be here soon. Along with the Pervy pic. I promise.

*runs away*
<p>--------"If you wreck us or fling us into the sun, you will be more unhappy than I, since it is my destiny to die in space"- Henry Belt (kudos if you know the story)</p>

User avatar
pd Rydia
Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

holy @#%$ I forgot to read this one. ;_; gomen

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sun Aug 11, 2002 1:12 pm

Wheeee... o.o

Amanda about said what I would. There's a few typos I can spot, too (like "your" instead of "you're").

I can't believe I forgot to read this one. I make a note to read all the fics on this forum. ;_;

Oh yeah. More. ^_^ <p><font color=navy><hr width="47%"><small>Hello, my name is Dia. I'm a dragongirl, and I bite. RAWR!<hr width="31%">Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Love is when your brain stops working." -- White Knight
-=- "Love is when 72 billion monkeys steal a porsche and drive it off a cliff." -- SuperRube
-=- "LOVE IS WAI." -- me</font></p>


Enter the High King

Unread postby viator22 » Sun Aug 11, 2002 4:05 pm

Durin Do Grunrear Ironhold the second, High King of the North and Supreme Ruler of Ter’Ghul was in a bad mood. He had good reasons, five of them in fact. It wasn’t often that he was in a good mood anyway.

“Five attacks in the span of two days,” grumbled the high king. That in itself was not unusual. In fact, it was unusual to go more than a two days in a row without trouble somewhere. Raids and counter-raids were an everyday fact of life for the populace. And there was still the threat of Dragons, Giants, and s when it wasn’t Goblins. What made these raids unique in that they had the marks of planning.

The king looked over the messages again. In each case a pair of Ogres had led the attack, acting as “battering rams” to get within the walls. From there the Goblins had fanned out and attempted to rush the keep. Only valiant efforts on the part of the defenders had kept the intruders from capturing the keep and winning the day. The losses of both sides were horrible.

And the King still couldn’t figure out what they had hoped to accomplish. The Goblins and Dwarves both knew that if they did manage to capture a fort, reinforcements would be there within the stretch of a few hours to reclaim it. They could shove a few raiding parties into enemy territory but even those would be intercepted. It just didn’t make sense.

With a heavy sigh the king let go of his thoughts on high strategy. It was time to meet with the Grand Council again. Shouldering his ceremonial Mattock, he sat off down one of the many passages that stretched off from the throne room, already in deep though about what he would say to the finicky group of Dwarves.


Grubba was proud. He was conceited, vain, and all things of that sort, as Ogres tend to be. He was assured in every aspect of his superiority.

His muscles rippled and bulged underneath his cloak of Giant Bear skin. He was quite proficient with the iron-bound club that hung from his side and he was at least 2 feet taller than all of the little un’s that followed him in the cleared path he made as he moved forward. It was all very gratifying to the Ogre’s immense ego.

What’s more he’d been hand-picked by his chieftain for this assignment. The chief had told Grubba that it was because of his skill and importance that he had been picked to go. In reality the chief had sent Grubba because he was to stupid to realize that he was being sent into certain doom, but Grubba didn’t have the faintest clue of that. The only thing Grubba knew was that he was going to come back with a bag of Dwarven heads. Then he would get his pick of the females, the best food, and the most comfortable quarters.

With these comforting thoughts in mind, Grubba didn’t mind the fact that right now he was trudging through snow up to his waist. He didn’t even mind the annoying little un’s walking in his tracks. He was going to be rich.


Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 17:06

Return to Fanfiction and Other Writings

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 0 guests