Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

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Divinegon2130
 

Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sun Apr 28, 2002 9:08 pm

Part One - The Coldhearted

For most of Gaera, it was a normal day. However, in the vicinity of DOM Swamp there was a disturbing event about to take place. A gathering of numerous humanoids, dressed only in what appeared to be robes, had gathered to judge the fate of one of their own kind.

These were no ordinary humanoids. Their faces were distorted and grotesque, each resembling an alligator's snout more than anything else. Their bodies had scales covering their entirety; some had varying shades of green scales, while others had bluish-grey scales of some sort. In addition, they had long, alligator-like tails, and the fingers on their hands had sharp, although short, claws.

The sight of these things could have been horrifying. Surprisingly, twelve of these lizardmen, seated on the ground and all dressed in grey robes, were part of the equivalent to a council of elders. There were perhaps another hundred or so lizardmen standing up to watch, but only these twelve had anything to do with the judging that was to occur. There was another very small lizardman, of about three years of age, on his knees, head down. He had a blue robe that matched with his bluish-grey scales.

Only two months ago, this blue lizardman had been taken from his parents. There was a suspicion that he had the capability to use magic. The elders had a secret agenda in this regard - they all wanted him either dead or banished. Having magic, even inherited magic, was considered heresy in this particular lizardman "society", if it could be called that.

But that was not the real reason that he was under this sort of trial. For the past year or so, other lizardmen constantly teased him about his puny muscles. A month before he was abducted by the elders, he had had enough, and used his magic against a group of eight younger lizardmen that had started to pick on him. All eight of them had died, some with major burns, some frozen to death, and one with a large hole from an ice spell through his chest.

The elders called for silence, and were obliged, as the other lizardmen quickly stopped their conversation. Then all eyes turned toward the young blue lizardman, who was on his knees. One of the lizardmen, a light green one, got up from a seated position to HIS knees.

"Zukath!"

The blue kneeling lizardman snapped to attention. His name had been called by one of the elders.

"Asssssk sssssom-"

"SSSSSILENCE!"

Zukath could only start what he was saying before the elder yelled at him to shut up. The hissing had already started, too. Hissing was common for lizardmen, as their tongues were often longer than their faces, meaning that the tongues often were walled up against their jaws. Heartless bastards... they've no clue, Zukath thought.

"No thinking either!"

The elders were ruthless, and wanted total silence, even that of the mind. They could tell Zukath was thinking of something - just what he was thinking they didn't know.

"Zukath, you undersssstand thessssse otherssss? They ssssay you usssse arcane powersssss."

"And?" Zukath was pissed - they singled him out just for magic use. That meant one thing - prejudice.

The elder was annoyed. "Enough ssssarcasm. Magic issss evil, you know."

"Not like it can be sssstopped." Zukath, by saying this, brought the other elders from their seats up to their knees.

The one that had been kneeling earlier continued. "Heresssy, you undersssstand, Zukath? HERESSSSY!"

Now Zukath had been brought to the limits of his anger. No one would dare diss his magic and live. Even if it was an elder, who could banish him. He held his right arm up.

"Put that down, Zukath! Put that down!" The elders had proved their suspicion - Zukath had some sort of magic available to him. The arm was their clue that magic was coming.

"You harasssssss, you join other onessss!" Zukath had clearly lost his mind by now.

"SSSSSEIZE HIM! SSSSEIZE HI-" The elder had started to command the crowds to seize him. Before he could get off the last "him", however, Zukath had brought his arm slightly down, and the elder was blasted by a beam of solidified water. The force from the beam hurled him back some ten feet, and the other elders, trying to figure out whether he was alive, found no signs of breathing or pulse.

While they did this, the lizardmen who had been standing around to watch suddenly closed in on Zukath. Most of them also were holding oaken clubs. Zukath knew he didn't have enough magic to harm all of them. Neither did he want to - they WERE his kin, after all. After a few moments, several of the lizardmen held onto Zukath's arms and tail, immobilizing him while the ones with clubs started to beat him over the head. After a while of this, Zukath started to slip in and out of consciousness. Eventually, all he could see was black...

Zukath came to about a day later. He was sprawled out on the ground, still having his robe, and he had no clue where he was. As he tried to get up, he winced in pain, then dropped back down. His shoulders and head, as well as his arms, hurt like hell. I guess I took one too many blows there... Zukath's thoughts changed as he leaned up a little, then, with major difficulties due to his pain, looked around at his unfamiliar surroundings. Great... the bastards banished me... Zukath knew he was in trouble. No parents to care for him, no childhood friends to be near, no one to look up to. He was to try and survive alone at such a young age. How could he do it?

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/udivinegon2130.showPublicProfile?language=EN>Divinegon2130</A]&nbsp; Image at: 5/24/02 4:53:15 am

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Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed May 01, 2002 5:41 pm

Eheheheh...*chuckles at the reference to the DOM swamp* Glad you could make use of that. ^_^

One thing I'd point out is the repitition of the words "lizardman" and "lizardmen," especially in the 5th paragraph. In place of some of these instances, you might try using a variety of nouns and pronouns, such as "the others" and "children." Particularly, "lizardman" seems a bit akward to describe a 3-year-old child.

Another thing is the instance of using "pissed" and "diss," which seem a bit too colloquial for the overall tone of the writing. I found those two things to stand up and glare at me from the narration.

Otherwise, good composition, and nice background story. Look forward to read more on it. <p>
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Divinegon2130
 

Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Wed May 01, 2002 9:14 pm

I hope I'll remember to fix those sometime, or just re-write some things in later chapters. Admittedly, 'tis hard for me to write a character history fic. At least it's harder for me than I think it was for... Daien.

Basically this is a character history fic. I figured Zukath's story would be the easiest of my characters to write for...

The first chapter also gave me a chance to introduce some aspects of the lizardman society... at least, the more vicious half. And also how distrustful they are of magic.

***Spoiler alert!!***

I will be mentioning the lizardmen deity (since the deity is currently unknown) in the second chapter. And also Zukath's "enslavement".

***End spoiler alert!!***

Sorry about putting that spoiler up there... it's just that I forget what I'm writing about sometimes, and I need a place to put it.

Edit: Moving this further up so Dia can see it. <p>

Image<font color=navy>Spellcasting lizardmen...
Image...and weapon-wielding dragons...
...don't mix. Do the math.
</font color></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/udivinegon2130.showPublicProfile?language=EN>Divinegon2130</A]&nbsp; Image at: 5/7/02 12:46:11 am

Divinegon2130
 

Part 2 coming up!

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Thu May 02, 2002 5:17 pm

Chapter 2 - Chosen Spirit

Zukath made an attempt to get used to his new surroundings. According to him, "getting used to" a place meant trying to find food and water there. However, despite all that was there, Zukath was only able to find the water, a part of the swamp under his feet. Food was nowhere to be found...

After a week of searching, Zukath gave up in despair. He only wished to be saved from the partly-mental torture he was now facing. The only way he could bother to face this fear was to kneel, as he had before, and put his face close to the ground. In his despair, he cried out, "Anya! Why me?"

His head was down, but in front of him, far off in the distance, an insubstantial being, looking much like a female human, could now be seen.

"I've had enough of always hearing them call out to me," the female muttered under her breath. She walked toward Zukath, but when she saw his face, her eyes widened.

0.0 "An emissary... they didn't!"

The female ran up to Zukath, by now having materialized, and put her left hand upon Zukath's snout. As he looked up, he saw her.

The female appeared to be fairly young, about sixteen by what would have been human standards, but she stood seven feet tall, an abnormal height for such a girl. Her hair was a brilliant light red, and had grown down to her waist, though it appeared to have been kept neat. She was attired in a suit of heavy leather, colored light green, unlike her hair, and covering all of her exposed skin... except for her hands and face, as well as an area that started about three inches above the ankles.

Below the ankles, she had no footwear, and her skin was an alarming contrast to what would be considered 'normal', but not much of a contrast against her armor. Her skin was much thicker than usual, and had a dark green appearance - something that, Zukath noted, appeared to the eye to be scales.

Zukath struggled against the hand of the female to move his head up. He was unusually weak, for he had been unable to eat anything for a week. Once he managed to lift the hand up, Zukath took note at her face and upper body. Though not betrayed by the armor, which was rather loose, he could tell, although barely, that the female was small-breasted. Thankfully for him, because he couldn't stand the sight of large breasts.

But he took more of a look at her generally humanoid face. Besides the dark green skin on her face, which was similar to that on her feet, Zukath took note of a small nose and mouth, a lack of eyebrows or eyelashes, and smaller ears than usual... but her eyes captivated him the most. A golden light glimmered from them, as if she were some higher being. And, although he didn't know it at the time, she was.

Finally, Zukath spoke weakly. "Who... who are you?"

The female's response was swift. "Zukath, I'm your maker."

Zukath was simply stunned by her words. She had come to him directly, and said that she was 'his maker'? He could only find one reason why she did this. But he was unable to pull away and run, as the female had grabbed his upper jaw tightly.

"When will you call me by my proper name?" the female continued. "It's 'Semuanya', not 'Anya'."

Zukath, too weak to physically resist her, grudgingly let her hold onto him while he replied, "It wassssn't just me. It was the resssst of my tribe, too-"

Hearing this, Semuanya abruptly let go of Zukath, who, rather than try to run, only backed up slightly. He stayed because Semuanya started to look around in her armor for something she had put there...

Then Semuanya pulled out what looked like a normal bone. There was still meat on it, however, and the female gave this bone to Zukath. Her intent was to keep Zukath occupied while she spoke, but Zukath started to tear at the meat with his teeth anyhow.

Semuanya continued her speech. "It is as I feared. They won't let me keep an eye on them, and they banished someone that could have had an infinite impact on their lives simply because he had magic."

Zukath, after swallowing down some of the meat, tried to say something at this point, but Semuanya sternly held up a hand to keep him quiet as she kept speaking. "The eight children that died by your hand, as well as the one elder... Those weren't your fault. That were their fault. I do not tolerate discriminating, but the very lizardmen I created became bigots. And they refuse to respect me anymore."

By now, Zukath had finished eating the meat on the bone, and stopped gnawing on it for a moment to ask her something. "Do I have a part in thissss?"

Semuanya knew that Zukath was going to ask that. She knew that he was a curious child, especially for a lizardman. "You're not ready for your role yet. You'll have to be stronger in every way before you can help me. I sent you to watch them, but now I'll have to change my plan. They're not going to get away with it."

Before Zukath could say anything else, she started to walk away from him. As she left him, she also left a few words: "I'll instruct you when the time comes."

Semuanya eventually faded from Zukath's sight, and the young lizardman was simply overawed. First, she had taken a harsh stand toward him; then, she had helped him to survive. He was SO overawed, in fact, that he simply passed out.

With this being the second time in three days that Zukath had lost consciousness, it was no surprise that he woke up in an unfamiliar place. The surprise came when he finally came to... in what looked like another village.

Have I been allowed to return? Zukath thought simply.

This thought immediately went away when he saw the huge, ugly man who had been standing over him. An overseer, apparently. After one look, the man lifted his head up and shouted.

"He's still alive! Get him working!"

Don't tell me... that these are the ogres my parents told me of! Zukath started to panic. After having been talked to by his deity, his lack of awareness led him to being enslaved by a physically inferior race! At least that's what the lizardmen had thought. But Zukath couldn't stand that thought anyway. He had to either escape or accept being enslaved. Zukath chose the latter course of action. At least he'd be taken care of slightly, unlike the coldhearted lizardmen that had abandoned him.


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Re: Part 2 coming up!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Mon May 06, 2002 9:21 pm

Have read. Too tired to say much -- a quick proofread will show you your one or two grammatical mistakes. Some paragraphs could use a little expounding to build a little bit of the reader's expectations...it kinda flows just a little too 'fast,' IMO. Otherwise, very good, and interested in reading more. <p>
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Archmage144
 

Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Archmage144 » Mon May 06, 2002 9:32 pm

Overall, I like it. A few notes:

The use of the emoticon 0.0 was kind of unusual. Usually, description is better than inserting emotes into a fic. It just seemed out of place.

The phrase "got up to his knees" is a bit strange. I'd suggest "rose to his knees" or "shifted positions so that he was kneeling" instead. Personally, anyway.

I don't really have any other comments. You're a fairly good writer. *nod* Makes me want to continue my Hakaril fic... <p>
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Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Nakibe » Thu May 09, 2002 9:19 am

Beware of Mad Fic Bumpers. Feed my head, please. ^_^ <p>
*lurks*

Warning: The previous was a work of Chaos. Anything said above was written by a certified nut. Caution is advised

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Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu May 09, 2002 3:16 pm

*kicks Nak outta her head*

AN' STAY OUT! <p>
<table><tr><td>Image</td><td><small><small>Quotes of the moment:
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Divinegon2130
 

Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sat May 11, 2002 9:03 pm

Before I write part 3, I must say that I appreciate all the comments that have been said so far. And I never thought I was that good a writer. Maybe the good writing will spill into my regular RPing someday....

...if it hasn't already. Now to go write the next part. <p>

Image<font color=navy>Spellcasting lizardmen...
Image...and weapon-wielding dragons...
...don't mix. Do the math.
</font color></p>

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*casts spell: ego inflation*

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat May 11, 2002 9:07 pm

Aye, you're not a bad writer at all. You also come up with good background, did well describing the wereraven race, and I like reading your feedback on things like the spell guide, etc. <p>
<table><tr><td>Image</td><td><small><small>Quotes of the moment:
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Better feed fic bumpers' heads.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sat May 11, 2002 10:14 pm

Chapter 3 - First one's the hardest.

Zukath's troubles with enslavement started very early. The first thing he did that got him into trouble, in fact, was just after his 'initiation', where he was told what not to do under servitude - which was almost everything he was used to doing in his lizardman tribe. He was also told about punishments for doing things wrong or not working fast enough. After this, he was sent to start working. His duty? He was to be in what appeared to be a rock quarry, carrying stone blocks to a spot where the ogres could put them in place for defensive walls.

The first time he tried to lift the stone blocks, his back almost gave out on him. He had to drop the block he had tried to lift, but in the process it landed on his feet. They were trapped for a while, then, seeing how he was trapped, another of the enslaved beings working there walked over and lifted the block off his feet.

When Zukath's eyes met this other slave's, he was thoroughly surprised, ignoring the fact that his toes were now almost totally numb. The other slave in question was a lizardman with dark green scales and at least a foot in height over Zukath.

The fact that he was another lizardman alarmed Zukath. This means... I'm not the only one, am I? Zukath thought to himself.

Later that night, Zukath had more time to get used to his new home - and the 'slave quarters', as one might call it, was not as bad as could be imagined. Rather than being run-down shacks, the 'slave quarters' were constructed of stone, and, even though there were at least thirty of the slaves packed into each building in the 'quarters', the buildings were spacious inside, apparently constructed to give the maximum amount of room for the least costs of constructing them. The ogres knew from past experiences that to keep their slaves from rising up against them, they would have to concede some things to them, and living space was one thing they conceded.

While exploring the 'slave quarters', Zukath, his toes still numb from having the heavy stone block on his feet earlier, heard something whisper to him. Turning, he found the lizardman who had earlier lifted the block from his feet standing far behind him.

"C'mere," the mysterious figure said. Zukath, not having anything better to do, decided to approach him. As he approached, the lizardman asked him, "Can you feel them yet?"

"Not sssso," Zukath replied.

The lizardman, hearing the hiss of Zukath's voice, changed the subject quickly. "That hiss is going to get you in more trouble here than you can imagine. Maybe one of us that's been around here awhile can fix that."

Zukath eyed the green lizardman carefully. He thought something was suspicious, but before he could say something, the other lizardman continued. "And I'll help you with lifting those blocks. So you don't crunch your feet again like this morning."

Even though this last bit was said in a more humorous manner, Zukath, after some thinking, found the other lizardman's words to be convincing, and believed them to be true, as well. Choosing his words carefully to avoid another hiss, he responded, "I like the idea. Can we go ahead with both of them tonight?"

The other lizardman answered, "Can't start either tonight. We've got to get some sleep for tomorrow. I'll send you to someone in order to fix that hiss, and I'll help you in the quarry." After thinking for a while, the lizardman added, "Oh, and before I forget... get used to calling me Ananutem. I don't like any other name I've been given."

Zukath, who had started to walk away by now, turned back to the one who was to be helping him out. "Zukath will be good enough," he told Ananutem.

"Funny name." Ananutem was trying hard to avoid laughing at Zukath. "Well, see you tomorrow."

Zukath, still not having much of a clue what to do, headed to the building where he was to be housed, the robe he'd been wearing for over a month now starting to tear.

The interior of the building had several dozen straw mats, and was slightly chilly. These problems were lost on Zukath, however, who simply went over to the closest of the mats and laid down on it, his face staring into the ceiling.

His last thoughts before falling asleep were whether Ananutem was going to keep his word or not. Zukath knew he had to take the chance. He didn't want to risk smashing his toes, which he still couldn't feel at all, again.


Divinegon2130
 

Re: Better feed fic bumpers' heads.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Wed May 15, 2002 10:11 pm

Well...

Any comments on that last part? Suggestions? I'm not really going to continue until I get some comments. <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=2>
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*fic bumps*

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu May 16, 2002 3:40 pm

It's read. It's enjoyed. *noddle* I'm not much on critiquing, but IMO your writing is improving. I couldn't find any flaws right away. So...continue now. =P <p>
<table><tr><td>Image</td><td><small>Quotes of the moment:
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Divinegon2130
 

The fourth part of the story.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Fri May 24, 2002 12:49 am

Chapter 4 - Scared, or just helpful?

Very early the next morning, Ananutem, who had been sleeping across the room from Zukath, woke up. He walked over to Zukath, but instead of waking him up right away, he kneeled down at Zukath's feet, looking at how bad they were.

Ananutem thought, Whoo, this guy's toes got SMASHED. And now they're starting to swell already. No way I can help with that... Good thing someone in here knows, judging from what I remember of last time I had something bad happen to me before. Better go get him.

He stood up and went to awaken one of the others in the building, who was still sleeping at the time. This other man was a human, a short human at that, but he knew more about taking care of swollen toes than Ananutem did.

The two of them went over to Zukath, still sleeping at the time, and Ananutem pointed out the swollen toes. The human took a quick look at them, then turned to Ananutem and asked, "What happened to him?"

Surprisingly, no one else in the large sleeping area woke up in response to this... not even Zukath, who was closest. Ananutem told the human, "Big block in the quarry. On his feet."

His language may have been succinct, but Ananutem knew what he was talking about, and the human understood. He replied, "He's not going to be walking for a few days. Those are BAD."

The moment the human said "BAD", Zukath stirred slightly, hearing them speak but not understanding. The human stood up, but when Zukath opened his eyes and looked up, he was not surprised, because Ananutem was there, still kneeling.

Zukath looked at the human, moving his head up and down as if looking him over. Finally he turned to Ananutem and asked, "Who?"

Ananutem figured that he had better introduce the two to each other if he wanted to keep the promise he had made to Zukath the night before. Gesturing slightly with his left hand, he said, "Zukath, this is Allen. He'll be helping you out probably more than I can. Allen, meet Zukath, a relative newcomer here. Don't make fun of him just 'cause he's blue. He ain't tryin' to get home."

He paused for thought, then added, "And, Zukie, it looks like you won't be walking for a few days. Look at your toes."

Zukath, not liking the fact that he had just been called "Zukie", did as Ananutem asked. And his eyes widened when he saw that his toes were larger than normal.

"Yikessss." That was all Zukath said. Ananutem was surprised that Zukath had kept his response so short. Yet the two hadn't known each other for too long. Some surprise was to be expected.

Allen, the human who'd been there the whole time, held his hand out to Zukath. Zukath, wondering what was going on, didn't respond. But when he saw Ananutem's eyes move from him to Allen's hand, he apparently figured out what to do. He reached his right hand out to grab Allen's hand, and then Allen proceeded to shake hands with Zukath.

"A pleasure for you to be here," Allen said.

Ananutem turned to Allen, and whispered something in his ear. Allen then started to walk away from Zukath, who turned his eyes to Ananutem.

"I think you'll fit in fine here," Ananutem said. "Now get some rest. This kind of life is rough."


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Re: The fourth part of the story.

Unread postby Nakibe » Thu May 30, 2002 2:22 pm

*uses PSY BUMP ALPHA*

^_^ <p>
*lurks*

Warning: The previous was a work of Chaos. Anything said above was written by a certified nut. Caution is advised

MY head, Dia!!! eVe</p>

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Re: The fourth part of the story.

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jun 06, 2002 6:42 am

*bumpity* <p>
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Divinegon2130
 

Sorry for the delay of Part V.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sat Jun 08, 2002 10:27 pm

Chapter 5 - Resting Place?!?

Zukath had been sleeping when he felt something pushing at his side. It was enough to arouse him... and as he opened his eyes, he saw that it was just Allen, the human he had met earlier that morning. Then he felt something cold being placed on his feet. Looking up, he saw that it was just ice.

"You sleep this long normally Zukath?" Allen decided to ask.

"Longer, actually. I had that kind of time before." Zukath did seem tired still... but Allen then told him, "You won't ever be able to get enough sleep when you're just fine, then."

"Why sssso?" Zukath had a look of curiousity on his face - he wanted to know what was going on and he wanted to know right away.

"You've missed roll call. That's normally very early. Normally, when you miss roll call, they drag you outside and whip you several times. However, I told them what happened, and they're letting you stay here for a couple of days just to recover." Allen sounded as if he were reading off an entire day's schedule - he had a rather boring tone of voice.

"And there'ssss another problem, too." Zukath made note of what Ananutem had said earlier Hisses would get him into more trouble.

"What is it?" Allen asked out of curiousity.

"Can't you tell by the way I sssssspeak?" Zukath didn't sound angry, just a little irritated.

Allen seemed to get the idea. "Talking of that hiss?"

"Yessss." After Zukath said this, Allen thought for a minute. Finally, he responded, "I'll have to get another of the lizardmen here. Ananutem already said that he won't do it."

"Did he tell you thissss directly?" Zukath pointed to Allen as he said this.

"No, but I heard one of the other lizardmen say it." Allen started walking backwards toward the door, saying more to Zukath the whole time. "Well, I have to get going. I'm only allowed to visit like this when permitted, and I don't have much time left to visit."

Allen then left, leaving Zukath to ponder what was going on. Who would help him get rid of his tendency to hiss? How much time would he be allowed in order to recover? And why was so little sleep allowed?


Divinegon2130
 

A little fast forward.....

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Thu Jul 04, 2002 8:15 am

Part VI - Five Short Years

For five years after Zukath recovered from that incident, he worked as hard as he could, albeit carefully, and grew to be physically powerful. Becoming mentally powerful, however, was something done in his off time. The ogres had a mage with them, and Zukath was able to pick up a few clues on controlled spellcasting while the mage was asleep.

One time, however, the mage caught him reading his books. Zukath was on the receiving end of a different method of punishment. Since lizardmen seemed to resist the whip, the ogres came up with a different plan to punish them. They splashed them with oil that was extremely heated, varying the amount for the degree of punishment. In Zukath's case, the oil covered his tail and part of his feet. This was considered light punishment for this method.

However, after five years, the ogres started becoming much more restless. Zukath decided he'd ask. And who else would he ask rather than his friend Ananutem?

One day, while both of them were in the quarry, Zukath brought up the subject of what was going on. "I think there's something wrong," Zukath told Ananutem.

Ananutem replied, "From what I can tell, there's a war going on. They ALWAYS get this way during a war. You've just never been here while they've had it up until now."

Zukath then asked, "Why? When was the last war?"

Ananutem thought about this for a while. Finally he responded, "I don't know. I think I was only one year old when it happened."

Zukath then said, "That's a LONG time. You know who they're fighting now?"

Ananutem appeared to be puzzled by this. He said, "No clue who they are." <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=1>
"'E's gotta mind?" - Rai'm Tymisson (Rydia)
"Nothin' but nuke!" - From Darkblade's comics #7 and #8
"If you do know how to raise the dead, please remain seated for further instructions." - Mahou (Nekogami)

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Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 04, 2002 7:30 pm

I'm still reading this. What's up with the hiss thing? >_> how did they fix that, by cutting hsi tongue?? o.o?? I really think the story should address that (although you might be planning to do so later). <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment (RP quotes):
-=- "I FOUND A CORNER! I found a corner, I found a corner! See, right here! Stuck on the wall! It's a corner! Woo hoo! Now, to stare at it!" -- Daenj'r Tymisonn KingOfDoma)
-=- "Alright then. Now we're one big happy band of happy adventurers, maybe we should get back to the killing, hmm?" -- Jak Snide (Jak Snide)
-=- "Look hun, it's...uh...raining... ...frogs...O_o;;;" -- Aya, Queen of Doma (LDC)
-=- "MEAN HORSIES DON'T GET BISCUITS!!!" -- Solis Darylshield (Nakibe)</p>

Divinegon2130
 

Re: Tale of the Lizard Mage (fic)

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Thu Jul 04, 2002 7:46 pm

Quote:
What's up with the hiss thing? >_> how did they fix that, by cutting hsi tongue??


...I KNEW I missed something. I'll describe what exactly happened in full detail in the next installment, but for those that are impatient, I'm going to call it "holding back the tongue". When a lizardman that has been taught how to "hold back their tongue" is tired, they don't "hold their tongues back" and they hiss a lot. If a lizardman hasn't been trained, they obviously will not "hold their tongue back", so they hiss constantly. <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=1>
"'E's gotta mind?" - Rai'm Tymisson (Rydia)
"Somebody pick up the gryphone!" - FlamingDeth
"If you do know how to raise the dead, please remain seated for further instructions." - Mahou (Nekogami)

These messages brought to you by Divinegon2130. View his online journal here.</font size></p>

Divinegon2130
 

Re: A little fast forward.....

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sat Jul 13, 2002 4:08 pm

Chapter VII - Turning Blue with Envy

It was at that point that the ogres had found them standing there. They were furious.

Zukath looked up in fear. "Wh... what is it?"

His tongue, which he had recently learned to 'roll' backwards to prevent speech impediment (comparable to a human folding his tongue back without the aid of his hands), came out of his mouth for the first time in a couple of years.

"Our troops have gone missing. We have to find them or else all of us will end up dead."

Zukath and Ananutem winced. They knew this was serious business, since if the ogres died, there would be no way the two could survive on their own. A lot of the other slaves had been killed recently, and Zukath and Ananutem were the only two who were perfectly well.

Ananutem was the first to speak. "Want us to bring together a search party?"

One of the ogres shook his head. "No. We still need both of you here-"

Zukath interrupted the ogre, bringing his tongue back again. "But, there is no other option. If you just leave us here, you're going to die, and so are we!"

The ogre that had been speaking sighed rather heavily. "Fine. You come with me. The other one must stay."

Ananutem was outraged. How dare they take the younger of the lizardmen with them and not the older! But, to his dismay, the ogres ignored his pleas to bring him too.

It was at that moment that he started to plot his revenge. What did they see in Zukath that they didn't see in him? <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=1>
"'E's gotta mind?" - Rai'm Tymisson (Rydia)
"Somebody pick up the gryphone!" - FlamingDeth
"Excuse me sir, but I don't like this one. Can I get one with chocolate sprinkles?" - Yusuke (from Yu Yu Hakasho)

These messages brought to you by Divinegon2130. View his online journal here.</font size></p>

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Double Feature today.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Fri Aug 02, 2002 11:00 pm

Chapter Eight - Battle Plans

Eventually, the ogres, as well as Zukath, came to a small tent. Other ogres were in front of it, and the coming ogre brought the lizardman to them.

"Well, what have we here?" one of the ogres asked.

"A new recruit," the coming ogre replied. "He seems to WANT to fight, ignoring our protests that we have our situation under control-"

"Enough babbling," Zukath finally burst out in impatience. "What am I supposed to do?"

"Patience," one ogre started to say, when another ogre closed his eyes for a moment.

"Hmmm..." the ogre said when he re-opened his eyes. "This one's not your run-of-the-mill lizard.... I sense..."

"Magic, right?" Zukath tried to finish the ogre's sentence.

"Yes, lad, magic. You may have been a good choice. Not like that other unruly one..."

Zukath assumed that the 'other unruly one' was Ananutem. But he didn't bother to say anything. He watched on as the other ogres looked him over, eyeing his thick scales and especially his tail. Then the one who had closed his eyes earlier looked straight into Zukath's eyes, as if he were staring into him....

"All right, let's go find them," this ogre said. With that, the entire group, which in all numbered about 25 individuals (including Zukath), set out of the 'camp' into the nearby woods.


-------Chapter 9: Swearing Vengeance----------

After two hours of travel through the woods, along what seemed to be a well-beaten path, the search party discovered something. The appearance of a skull... an ogre's skull... as well as the footprints of some three-toed creature, and a line as if something had been dragged along the ground....

Zukath checked his own feet and his tail. The prints in the dirt seemed to match those of his own feet and tail. That's when he came to a realization.

He figured out why the ogres didn't want him and Ananutem to go initially. He figured out WHO they were fighting. They were fighting lizardmen! But he couldn't turn away, since he was part of the search party.

Then, a voice entered his head. A decidedly female voice, one he swore he could have known before. It yelled, "HELLOOO!!!!"

If you're going to enter my head like that, don't yell at me, Zukath thought.

"Oops, sorry," the voice responded. "So you managed to get yourself fighting your own kind?"

Yep, and it couldn't get any worse, Zukath thought.

"Well, it's about to get better. See what's in the trees?"

That's when it happened. Something green burst out of the trees farther away and started charging towards the search party. Zukath, not wasting time, held one hand out in its direction.

Suddenly, the green thing became an orange-ish thing, as flames flickered around it suddenly and rapidly. The creature let out what sounded like a scream before collapsing, still aflame.

"Those are the ones that ditched you. Now, maybe we can cooperate?"

Before Zukath could think any more, about a dozen more of the green things burst from the trees. It quickly dawned on Zukath that these were no ordinary things. These were hostile lizardmen.

Within five seconds, six of the ogres in the search party had had blades run through them. None of them looked like they were going to survive.

Suddenly, more and more lizardmen swarmed from the trees. Zukath now realized what had happened to the troops the ogres had sent out. They had been ambushed and slain before they could really react.

At this point, Zukath suddenly felt extremely nauseous, his very being flooded by something. He nearly passed out in his sudden wave of illness, even after he realized that he was no longer in control of himself.

By now, all the ogres who had been with him had been killed. Zukath was the only one - one against at least a hundred. But what had come over him?

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/udivinegon2130.showPublicProfile?language=EN>Divinegon2130</A]&nbsp; Image at: 8/3/02 3:00:46 am

Divinegon2130
 

Laying Waste.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sat Aug 03, 2002 9:03 pm

(Before I start this tenth chapter, I'd like to point out that there's not much left of this. Probably only two or three more installments after this one is completed. Constructive comments are still appreciated - just no complete berating.

Anyway, here we go.)


-------------------------------------------

Chapter 10 - Laying Waste

Of course, Zukath was not really alone fighting these lizardmen. This realization came to his mind once he figured out whose voice it was initially that had told him of this predicament.

He realized it was the voice of his deity calling. It didn't take very much brain power to put two and two together and discover that Semuanya had possessed his body.

Of course, he could also feel her reaching into his mind. More specifically, the part of his mind that held his magic power. She wasn't after all of him - she just wanted to be able to use him for her purposes.

But there was no time for misgivings like this. He allowed her to control him, even if all he wanted was revenge against his own clan, the ones who had forsaken him in the past. Letting out an infernal scream of rage, he stretched his arms outward, changing his stance to a more spread-out one.

He felt mana rage through his body, feeling his hands heat up far beyond the point where his flesh would have burnt. The flame produced, however, was not the kind he could have produced on his own. Rather than red fire, this was a sort of dark green fire, as if there was a toxic substance involved as well.

Soon after that, a dark ring of some substance that Zukath hadn't seen before spread from his body and washed over the offending lizardmen. All of the offenders were set aflame, a blackened fire burning not only at their outer flesh, but at their insides as well, though this could not be seen.

Once this happened, Zukath bent down to his knees. For the first time in his life, he found himself vomiting - several times in a row, in fact - as a direct result of overabusing the mana flow with such a powerful attack. But he still was able to maintain consciousness. He kept his head down, though, since he was still feeling very nauseated.

When he finally was able to bring himself to looking up, he realized he was in control of his own body again. He also noticed that the lizardmen that had attacked him were all dead, their bodies blackened as if burnt. Curiously, some of them had brought weapons in an attempt to kill the entire search party. Zukath went over to examine some of these weapons.

The first one he saw was a sword. He picked it up, and tried to swing it. It slipped a little in his hand. Realizing this was not the weapon for him, he set it down and checked the next one. It was a flail of some sort. He tried to pick it up, but his fingers could not find their way around its relatively tiny handle without extreme difficulty.

Then, he eyed a weapon - two weapons, actually - that he might have been able to find useful. He picked up one of the weapons in both hands, looking more carefully at it. It appeared to be a simple band about as large as the palm of his hand, with a set of long, sharp blades sticking out on one end. Zukath slid the ring over his right hand, as carefully as he possibly could, and then clenched his right hand into a fist.

From this, he figured out that it was some sort of claw-like weapon - he hadn't seen a lot of these before, but he did see a few during his time as a slave. He picked up the other one of these and, carefully, slid it over his left hand.

Now, he took another look around. Although still ailing, Zukath found that he was able to stand now. Eyeing the footprints, he remembered his "mission". He was to destroy the entire tribe.

As soon as he could, he started walking, following the footprints as best as he could. <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=1>
"'E's gotta mind?" - Rai'm Tymisson (Rydia)
"Somebody pick up the gryphone!" - FlamingDeth
"Excuse me sir, but I don't like this one. Can I get one with chocolate sprinkles?" - Yusuke (from Yu Yu Hakusho)

These messages brought to you by Divinegon2130. View his online journal here.</font size></p>

Divinegon2130
 

Hopefully this is emotional enough.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Fri Aug 23, 2002 1:37 am

Chapter 11 - Tortured Soul

Zukath still felt very ill as he followed the footprints. At times, it was so bad that he had trouble walking. This, of course, made his trek all the more difficult. He wasn't sure if this travelling was some sort of punishment or the way towards revenge.

After about ten hours of forced marching, Zukath's body couldn't take it anymore. His mind made desperate attempts to drag onward, but his body just gave out every time he tried.

It was an unusual occurrence to Zukath. How could his body disobey his mind? What was going on? Finally his mind gave up in despair, and Zukath found himself sleeping, right in the middle of the path.

The dream he had lapsed into was a horrid one.

In the dream, he and Semuanya were standing in the middle of a primitive village. Zukath recognized this as the village he was raised in. What was different about the village, however, was that it was burning, as if an uncontrolled fire were winding through the city.

One of the village elders ran up to Zukath, pleading and begging for him to stop the fire. However, Zukath simply took his sharp claws and sliced off most of the elder's mouth. He then finished by forming ice around his hand and decapitating the lizard.

This was followed by cackling..... Zukath's cackling..... as he watched the village burn before his eyes. This cackling seemed to become quieter and quieter.....

As Zukath suddenly woke up. He was in some sort of clearing, with ashes scattered all over the ground. This was when the thought struck him.

That dream.... Was it one? Or was it a twisted reality that my mind witnessed?

He stood up, seemingly feeling better than he had been, and walked around. To his alarm, the ground seemed warm. Not warm as if it were alive, but warm as if something had been burning not too long ago.

Then he realized that his "dream" was no horrid fantasy. Panicking, Zukath started searching around frantically. Sure enough, he found he was in a ruined village... the only entities he was looking for, however, were his parents.

He found them buried under the ash, perhaps the only two lizardmen who had died intact... that is, were still whole after their deaths. The others, Zukath presumed, were burnt until only the ashes were left of them. But these two were intact.

Furthermore, his mother had something in her closed hand. Zukath opened this hand... to find a small gem, a sapphire. How she had been able to hold onto it through this fire was beyond him.

When he finally came to the realization that his parents were not alive, his emotions overcame him rather rapidly. He bent to his knees, bringing his head over his mother's remains....

And, for the first time in years, a tear came down his cheek and fell upon her body. He was crying.... soon, he was crying rather uncontrollably. The only people who could have really loved him.... now gone for good.... he could not stand such a mental disturbance. The ogres never really paid him that much attention.... neither had Allen or Ananutem. And the lizardmen he had lived among for the first years of his life were the most cold-hearted bastards he'd known. But his parents actually cared about him.

He found himself crying for over a day, his sorrow carrying on through that night, when he actually cried himself to sleep.

The next morning, he woke up and found he wasn't sad anymore. In fact, he was angered. Angered that someone had brought his worst fear out. Angered that the ogres that had led him here had made him march out with him....

Angered especially at one of his remaining brethren, Ananutem, for not trying to stop him when he had the chance. Now, newly-found vengeance boiling in his veins, he started marching, not even bothering to eat.

His mind didn't care if his body was suffering from the effect of starvation. His mind only thirsted for revenge against his captors. <p>
Image<font size=4><font color=bronze>Current quotes:</font color></font size><font size=1>
"Like I said, babysitting." - Hiei (from Yu Yu Hakusho)
"Looks like Team Zombie is blasting off again!" - Nakibe, and later, LadyDragonClawsEDW
"Suzaku = Will from Illusion of Gaia gone evil" - Uncle Pervy

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Re: Hopefully this is emotional enough.

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Aug 23, 2002 3:35 pm

Just a note to let you know I'm still reading this. I'm a little too drained to be able to critique right now, though. <p><font color=navy><hr width="47%"><small>Hello, my name is Dia. I'm a dragongirl, and I bite. RAWR!<hr width="31%">Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Love is when your brain stops working." -- White Knight
-=- "Love is when 72 billion monkeys steal a porsche and drive it off a cliff." -- SuperRube
-=- "Love is an intricate dance of lewd comments and biting." -- Lord McBastard</font></p>

Divinegon2130
 

And now, the conclusion.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Sun Aug 25, 2002 9:48 pm

Chapter 12 - Vengeance's Tears

It took Zukath two days to return to the slave camp. During this time, the few surviving ogres were growing worried about whether something happened to the search party.

Ananutem, on the other hand, being the last surviving slave, was growing increasingly angry over this worry. The anger didn't stem from his perceptions of their worry, but rather from the resulting aggravation of his problem with Zukath. Jealousy, rather than true anger, was driving his mind. After the first day, it got so bad that he ended up going rather insane.

That day, he snapped when one of the ogres tried to get his attention so they could talk. This particular ogre had been one of the few that always carried a whip. He had called out to Ananutem, and when that didn't get his attention, he whipped the lizardman.

Needless to say, it was the last thing he ever did. Almost immediately after, Ananutem snapped his neck, and then went on a rampage through the remnants of the camp. It was at this time that his strength seemed to serve him best, as his relatively primitive mind now perceived every ogre... no, every living thing as being a potential threat.

By the time Zukath got back, Ananutem was the only one still alive. He had killed all the ogres, and now Zukath had become his main target. He wasn't aiming to hurt him right away, however.

Zukath surveyed the remains of the camp. Upon seeing the destruction, he pondered what could have possibly caused this.

Then he saw Ananutem. The steaming mound of green, unsightly flesh that had previously cast him to such a fate. Despite all this anger, only three words came out of Zukath's mouth.

"You sick dog."

Ananutem's mind now perceived that Zukath didn't want him alive. This was the last straw for Ananutem. Especially considering that the source of his hate was now in front of him. With Zukath out of his way, he could find the tribe he was taken away from and return to a normal life.

With these goals in mind, Ananutem charged upon the smaller Zukath. Unluckily for him, however, size was unable to be the only factor in this situation, as Zukath wound up his fist, which was now glowing a light blueish color.

Just as Ananutem jumped upon him, Zukath punched his adversary.... sending him flying as a column of ice shot out. For all his endurance and tolerance of injury, even Ananutem couldn't have possibly remained standing, for the smaller Zukath had broken his ribs. Zukath, however, noted that his adversary was still breathing.

Not wanting to face the other lizardman's rage directly, Zukath ran through the woods. Though he was a little hungry, since the last time he had eaten was that morning, he wasn't so badly famished that he'd have trouble running.

And he spent fifteen years that way.

Fifteen years on the run from anything that was both completely scaly and about his size.

Fifteen years trying to gain the trust of other races so that his rival wouldn't have the opportunity to combat him alone.

Fifteen years... looking for a way to dispose of Ananutem permanently.


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Re: And now, the conclusion.

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sun Aug 25, 2002 10:22 pm

And so it concludes...

Again, I'm a bit too drained to give any constructive commentary. I'll try later, however. Maybe when you post up a second, self-revision of your story.

All in all, an interesting piece. Strong conclusion, even if it's a bit abrupt.

Image <p><font color=navy><hr width="47%"><small>Hello, my name is Dia. I'm a dragongirl, and I bite. RAWR!<hr width="31%">Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Love is when your brain stops working." -- White Knight
-=- "Love is when 72 billion monkeys steal a porsche and drive it off a cliff." -- SuperRube
-=- "Love is an intricate dance of lewd comments and biting." -- Lord McBastard</font></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 16:39


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