I likes it. Have some opinions about the dialogue but I'll have to go over the demo again and note down specifically what I thought was good/bad.
Bonus points for use of Valkyrie Profile music.
Edit: And Doug reminds me that the music did seem lackluster at points.
Edit MK2: Alrighty, been through the demo again and picked out stuff that I think could be improved on. Of course, I am just a playtester, so if I'm overstepping my bounds just tell me so.
Dialogue quoted first, with suggestion below with a "-" as a suffix. Any other comments in brackets.
Archivist Scene #1
"The Year Was Global Calendar 9/07/1653:"
-Change the date to the year alone.
(The island nation isn't named. Is this intentional?)
"a country that utilized weapons far beyond the capabilities of its enemies"
-"a country that possessed weapons far more advanced than those of its enemies"
"they quickly invaded"
-swiftly?
"The current emperor"
-get rid of current?
"until, enraged, the emperor sent..."
-"enraged by the defeat of his forces"
Battlefield Scene #1
(Background noise of battle, such as the clash of swords, yells and so on, would add greatly to the atmosphere of this scene.)
"God's Hammer"
-"Hammer of God"
"Show me your strength"
-"Show me what you've got!" (Unsure about this one)
(Note: BG music needs to loop cleanly, not fade off at the end)
Duel
"and wounded our innocent"
-"and slaughtered our people"
"I'm a soldier. It's simply what I do."
-"I'm a soldier. Battle is my purpose.
"I'll kill you and end the war!"
-"I'll kill you and end this war!"
"Looks like I'll have to finish you off the old-fashioned way."
-"You leave me no choice."
Battlefield Scene #2
"Never underestimate the power..."
-"You should have never underestimated the power..."
"What in the hell...?"
-"What the hell...?"
"Final" Battle.
"You stupid fool!"
-"You arrogant fool!"
"...but now I will repay your aggression...with your own blood!"
-"...but now I will repay you for every drop of my blood you spilled!"
"I will purify him, Lord Sohma"
-"In the name of God, I will purify him, Lord Sohma!"
"Stupid fool! Challenging the powers of hell is a surefire ticket into it! Accept your judgement!"
-"Insolent fool!"Those who challenge the powers of hell shall burn for eternity! Now face the consequences of your actions!"
"...FUN, now would it?"
-"...FUN now, would it?"
"His body just heals itself every time we damage it!"
-"His wounds heal as soon as we inflict them!"
(Note: Damage should be dealt to Theris and Sorion when the soulfire goes out of control)
Battlefield Scene #3
"You can't die on us after all we've been through!"
-"You can't die on us, not after all we've been through!"
"It'...too late"
-"It'...too late for me." (Maybe not? Shortness of breath due to dying?)
Funeral
"...devout not only in his loyalty to his God, but to his nation as well."
-"...devout, not only in his worship of God, but in his service to his nation as well."
"Without his aid, we perhaps would have failed in our defense of our beloved country."
-"Without his aid we may have faltered in the defense of our beloved country."
Outside Church
"I could have killed Amanos..."
-"I should have killed Amanos..."
Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=jaksnide>Jak] at: 11/9/04 1:09 am