Weddings

[PriamNevhausten]

Marriage is a union between two people, a binding of two souls, two lives becoming one. A wedding, however, is typically considered the Bride's day.

Don't get me wrong; I can understand why this is--men typically care a lot less about the particular events that do or do not take place during a ceremony or reception than do most women, but what boggles me is the question of 'why.'

I understand--well, don't 'understand,' but I recognize--that the majority of American girls and women fantasize and dream about marriage: a beautiful ring, a beautiful dress, a beautiful wedding, the whole nine yards. This is the part that I don't truly understand--why is this something that is apparently dedicated so much attention, thought, and in some cases worry, years and years before it happens?

I briefly considered that it's the feminine version of a 'pissing contest'--"I'll have a better wedding than you" sort of thing. While this is, apparently, not entirely untrue of the whole affair, it is also not nearly the whole story.

Discuss. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[Choark]

This is honestly the first time ever, in my long long pointless life, when I've ever heard it being referred to as just the Brides day. Honestly and truthfully. I've heard Bride and Grooms day but never EVER just the Brides day. Personally that doesn't seem right... however in the intrest of not dissing the subject before its even lifted off the ground I'll just think of what is implied by such a sentance...

... Well I can only think that it might stem all the way back to when girls were married off to rich boys (or any boy). Then it was there special day as they'd be set for life with the husband that would provide for them all the time - so it truly was their special day. Men couldn't ever really have this sort of special day as no matter what it would be them who would have to earn the bread someone - so it was never "YAY! I'm suddenly rich!!" but more "Ah yes, now here comes the one to suck my earnings from me... joy" (>=P).

It may also be to do with the fact the brides father is expected (in this culture techically at least - never actually seen it go down like that) to pay for everything. As its her daddy paying out all the money then it may just be manners to say its her special day, as a nod to all the work her family done to get it off the ground and to the most wonderful day in her/his life - kinda thing.

But yeah - thats just off the top of my head. I'm not one with all the lingo on this sort of thing but I've been to quite a few and asked around *shrugs*

... like I said though - tis the first time I've ever heard it referred to that way. Intresting. <p><div style="text-align:center"> </div>
<div style="text-align:center">Cowgirl fanboy - Barbarian Ninja - Expert Mouse Catcher - Holder of the Iron Glasses Of Doom!</div></p>

[BrainWalker]

The following exerpt is paraphrased from a comedian whose name escapes me right now.

"The bride's wedding dress costs hudreds of dollars, is custom fit, and after the wedding is carefully sealed away for posterity for all time. The groom's tuxedo is rented and has to be back to the shop on Friday 'cause some other poor shmuck needs it for the weekend."

Also!

"The bride's wedding ring can cost thousands of dollars, and is some amazing diamond-encrusted work of art. The groom's wedding band is an $80 metal ring with some lines carved in it. Hell, sometimes jewelry stores will toss it in for free when you buy her ring. 'Hey, we jipped you pretty bad on that thing... here, have this piece of crap on the house. We got a whole basket of 'em... take a handful!'."

Some of that is a little inaccurate, but you get the general idea. <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[Nick Shogun]

Funny that only men have replied to this topic so far.

[pd Rydia]

I am here under orders, oh em gee.

Anyway. I know personally, I don't spend time thinking about my hypothetical wedding. The marriage, yes, but the wedding doesn't seem that important to me. The most I've spent thinking about it was to decide that I want a simple dress and ring. I wasn't aware that the vast majority of women daydream about their weddings and tiny little details about it. I guess the subject has never come up with the girls I used to hang around?

As for Brian's comments. That is rather unbalanced, and I never really thought of it. Perhaps this is a leftover from the days when women were so much meat being shuffled from one man to another. The groom spent a lot of money on the woman's dress and ring because she was going to be his property and he wanted to show her off?

Well, it started somewhere, for some reason, and didn't change, because that became "the way things are supposed to be." Women would be in a good position to hang onto the ring and dress perk, since they're the ones typically being asked to marry, and because we're typically raised to be better at certain types of subtle social skills (manipulation) than men.

And there's your dosage of estrogen. Enjoy. <p>

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<center>Hello, I'm Dia. I'm a dragongirl, and I bite. RAWR!

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</center><small>-=- "Maybe... or maybe you're just not drunk enough." -- Nakibe
-=- "Magic. As in, big flashy dink!" -- El Bob (Squintz)
-=- "Look hun, it's...uh...raining... ...frogs...O_o;;;" -- Aya, Queen of Doma (LDC)
-=- "I FOUND A CORNER! I found a corner, I found a corner! See, right here! Stuck on the wall! It's a corner! Woo hoo! Now, to stare at it!" -- Daenj'r (KingOfDoma)</small></p>

[PriamNevhausten]

Or, perhaps the dress/ring thing is an extention of the age-old, tried-and-true male tactic of earning a woman's favor by giving her stuff. Want a date? Buy dinner and a movie. In trouble? Buy some chocolates and flowers. Want her hand in marriage? Buy an expensive ring and dress.

A pragmatic view, but no less plausible. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[pd Rydia]

Ah yes, that does ring more true to me. No pun intended. <p>

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<center>Hello, I'm Dia. I'm a dragongirl, and I bite. RAWR!

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</center><small>-=- "Maybe... or maybe you're just not drunk enough." -- Nakibe
-=- "Magic. As in, big flashy dink!" -- El Bob (Squintz)
-=- "Look hun, it's...uh...raining... ...frogs...O_o;;;" -- Aya, Queen of Doma (LDC)
-=- "I FOUND A CORNER! I found a corner, I found a corner! See, right here! Stuck on the wall! It's a corner! Woo hoo! Now, to stare at it!" -- Daenj'r (KingOfDoma)</small></p>

[Uncle Pervy]

I wonder. How many of our modern (Past 100 years) wedding customs are drawn from those of the nobility, and how many are drawn from the peasantry?

I would argue that both classes had their own...methods for marrying off thie daughters. In both cases, the bride essentially is a piece of meat. In the peasant's case, it was typical that the father or family tried to manuever her toward someone with a good job who could support her, and perhaps make the family look good. However, I want to say that the bride herself had something of a say in it; but I cannae back that up.

In the case of nobility, especially when knights were still a functional part of society, it was all about politics. Women had no place i either ruling or fighting. Thus, they were pieces bid off to other families to make alliances. If she was pretty, all the better; that meant she could be bartered off for more. Did this mean that nobles didn't love their daughetrs? Of course not. This was simply how things were done; it was part of how sociey worked.

From these two differing methods and reasons, I expect we have two different forms mentalities for actually conducting the wedding. This is just conjecture, though. Anyways, in the poorer case, it's ensuring the bride's good fortune and in the noble's case it's ensuring the family's fortune. Not that the two can't cross purposes, but typically they would stay respective of each other. Thus, eachwould have their own meanings to traditions, even if the traditions are the same.

I wonder how much we draw from both?

Of course, this is all just conjecture.

[PriamNevhausten]

I dunno. I'd like to think that among peasantry, marriage had a bit more to do with love and all that. It seems that if it were an entirely political affair, people would not take the 'love' part of marriages so seriously today, methinks. I can see the family wanting a bride to marry a 'good (rich) man,' of course, but there's something of a pressure to do that today as well--pressure, mind you; not force.

Perhaps this is just me being romantic; I may have forgotten just how little respect that women had back in those days (whichever days they may have been). But maybe this all happened as a matter of circumstance--a great number of women seem to be attracted to money just as often as they are attracted to men anyway. Witness, for example, Mick Jagger. I rest my case. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[SALSAlys]

Hn. I never daydreamed about the wedding. o.o As Dia said, MARRIAGE, yes, but not the wedding... maybe it's just because I personally hate the fancy dresses and shoes.

As for why... hm. I dunno, never talked about weddings with any of my friends, though I've noticed that we tend to enjoy organizing parties and such more. May be an extension of that. And I'll admit that it's fun to dress up once in a while, but again, that seems to be something that girls enjoy more than guys. Or at least something that we admit to a bit more, since not all girls like dressing up, and guys who say that they do so tend to be thought of as a bit of a sissy.

[CronoLuminaire]

What do you mean by "dressing up" though? I tend to wear clothes that might be described as "nice," not quite "fancy" but far from the jeans and jersey type of causual.

I've worn suits before, to my senior prom and my graduation for example, they were not custom fitted, but they were my own, and comfortable enough. I'd consider wearing a suit to be "dressing up" but I do not consider it a sissy thing. But I suppose a suit is different from a tux. I've never worn a tux in my life, and if I had my wya, I'd probably get married in a suit. ( Ono a man thinks about the wedding at all? What's next? A fancier wedding band? )

Maybe it's just the tux thing... I think they are called "monkey suits." Not a favorable sounding nickname. And the bowtie? You take a man's phallic symbol and twist it into a little bow? Maybe that leads back to the whole situation (as portrayed on TV, and in movies which we all know is the absolute truth for everyone. ) where a woman announces to her friends that she is getting married and there is a celebratory response. On the other hand, when the man announces it to his friends, there is a response that seems like he just died. Perhaps the bowtie is a castration metaphor. The ultimate TV definition of marriage?

Note: Well, I'm just rambling inbetween classes again, I hope that this time I'm not too out of date. <p>

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[Vampire Jester Jinx]

I admit to dreaming of my wedding since I was a little girl. Still do occasionally. It's just an important sort of milestone in life. And something I look foreward to.

And as for the dressing up... I love dressing up. The more times in my life I get to wear several hundred dollar clothes the better. And my wedding looks to be the last since the proms are over. <p>

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Too cool to sig...</div></p>