And now I correct Priam's corrections!
Disclaimer: Counter-nazing is a despicable, despicable practice. I am only doing this for three reasons.
1) Priam's editting was very thorough, so I generally only have problems with things he already noted
2) Priam's corrections are occasionally suboptimal
3) There's no reason he should get to have all the base, base bastardly fun.
"...the Administration,
who run..."
Good show on the subject/object issue, but "who" is incorrect in the current usage, because "the Administration" is not a person, and "run" is incorrect because "administration" is a singular noun.
Both these issues can be eliminated by replacing "the Administration" with "the Administrators," which also increases the parallelism with the following sentences. ("Administrators" follows the "Regulars," "Newbies," "Outsiders" pattern more closely)
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"For correctness's sake, an admin is not equitable to a president, as the forumgoers have no vote. Analogous, yes. Comparable, yes. But they're more equal to benevolent absolute monarchs."
Right answer, wrong reasoning. Your reasoning is a wonderful argument against the use of the world "equivalent" (and, in fact, a good argument for scrapping the comparison altogether), but the real problem is that "equitable" means "fair or just."
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"'...that a "mod," for short...' The comma goes within the quotation marks. Same with 'district' and 'moderators' within the same paragraph."
Actually, all those things are perfectly acceptable British usage. And since Banj is a kooky Canadian, that may well be what his teachers are used to. (PREPOSITION AT END OF SENTENCE. GO TO HIGH ALERT. SEAL ALL SUBFORA. DO NOT PERMIT THE PERPETRATOR TO ESCAPE.)
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"'However, whereas income is what most professions are ranked by, information...' You end the clause with a preposition. Bad Jooie. Consider something more like 'However, whereas income is the index by which most professions are ranked...'"
The clause is incorrect because it is awkward, not because it ends in a preposition. Priam's replacement is slightly less awkward, but still unwieldly. Furthermore, both "however" and "whereas" express contradiction, so "however" can be safely removed.
Try "Whereas most professions are ranked by income,..."
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I think you slightly exaggerate the plight of the newbie, and Priam's suggestion about noting the advancement potential is wise. Also, n00bism is more about failure to fit in than lack of experience. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that a newbie is an Outsider who is given special consideration due to his lack of experience. Note that this does not imply better treatment...
While it might be worthwhile to include some stuff about how easy it is to change identities and the effect this has on forums, that might be beyond the scope of your paper.
Good job, for the most part.
-White Knight <p>
Behold! Sig figs!</p>
Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=whiteknightdelta>White] at: 10/21/03 7:47 pm