by FF Fanatic 80 » Tue Jul 15, 2003 12:33 am
Despite the subject, this is also a bit of random, semi-angst inspired thoughts about a lot of things.
Maybe it's because I miss the early afternoon chats now, or for the past month have missed chats all together save the ones still on til the early morning, or that I haven't been RPing very much lately, or it could just be that I'm in a really bad mood at the moment... but it feels like Rpgww is slowly fading away, at least the one I remember.
I remember back in the day when, to me, Rpgww was a quirky message board I went to in order to have a little fun and forget a few of the problems that were going on with my life (school/aggravating parents/sibling). Everyone 'seemed' to be really interesting or silly, and everyone tried to outdo the weirdness/sillyness of other posters on the board. We've grown since then, changed boards, discoverd AIM to chat in real time with one another, made so many characters it makes my brain hurt thinking about it, and met so many new people, it's really amazing how much has changed in two years. In some ways, though, it makes me feel sad.
Rpgww doesn't feel that way from me anymore. When I really stop to think about it, I almost completely join AIM chat out of habit now more than anything else. It used to be because I was so eager to talk and have fun with everyone, but not anymore. When I go into chat now, I'm usually walking right into the middle of Person A complaining, and watching Persons B & C give conflicting opinions, while Persons D-G all lurk out of the chat to go and do other things. The chats just aren't fun. The people I've known the longest don't even seem to make an effort to chat anymore, they'd rather just lurk and either play games, or talk with other people privately, or work on stuff. It makes me wonder if they're just joining chat out of habit too.
I've tried to figure out what has changed so drastically that could have caused this, and after thinking it over, I think I finally have the answer, as painful as it is for me to openly say in this post. If I offend anyone, I'm sorry, but I'm sick of keeping quiet and hoping things will just sort themselves out.
When we all first met, we really didn't know anything about one another. We were all anonymous people who presented themselves with certain persona's. I usually did as the semi-obsessed final fantasy fan, others had their own way of doing it. When I was feeling like total shit, I would either find something else to do, or I'd come to Rpgww and be a bit silly, helping me feel better.
Then we started to get to know the people behind the screennames, their RL interests, feelings, etc. In some ways, this was cool. Of course, one thing anyone knows is, no one has a perfect life. So we slowly started to find out about things we had problems with in our lives. At first, it wasn't so bad, everyone has problems after all. Over time though, it seemed to me that anytime someone was having a problem, they needed to let everyone know they felt bad. And it started to happen more, and more and more. And this started to bring a lot of people (it seems to me) down, myself included. To the point it seems to be at right now. Anytime someone brings up that they're having problems, this feeling of dread seems to come over me and (to me) everyone else.
No one wants to chat because they figure someone's going to come in and complain, bringing everyone else in the chat down. Few people I've known for awhile seem to make an effort to have fun in chat anymore, and just go away instead of trying to make things better. Myself included v_v;;;;
Yes, I'm sounding selfish, and I sound like I'm saying "STFU AND STOP WHINING". I know people have problems, and I truly feel bad for people when they bring it up. But sometimes there's absolutely nothing others can do about your problems, I'm sorry. Sometimes we all need a chance to forget about how shitty life can be, and Rpgww used to mean that to me. But now all that happens is I get reminded that everyone feels like crap every day.
Were things better when we were strangers? If not, what can we do about this? I miss enjoying Rpgww, and I can't live with myself if I don't try to find out why this isn't the case anymore. I want to still have fun with all the people I've known all this time, but its feeling less and less likely. Why don't any of you hang around anymore? And what can I do to get Rpgww back?
Or maybe it's just too late, and I should stick to doing what everyone else does now. Logging in out of habit and being lurker #15 who's playing an online game the 2 hours he's logged into the chatroom, because its fun and the chat isn't anymore....
...so wee, now I'm bitching about life sucking too, go me Mr. Hypocrite.