Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

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Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

Unread postby ArgusDevilmen » Tue May 27, 2003 7:49 pm

Hooo boy, this is my first fic so please be kind.

Death, violence, rage and hatred. To most people these are things that come at bad times, or when friends or family are in danger. To some however these are the emotions that fuel one's will to live.

For a demon half at the age of 15 these were his rules to live. Having lost his brother to a demon at a young age he despised demons even though he knew that he himself was part demon. He considered it ironic when he was face to face with a demon while he himself was in his demon form. He never listened to them, why should he? They would never spare him if he was in their place.....

The echo of screams filled the catacombs as Argus walked silently down it. He paused for a moment adjusting his blue trenchcoat, tightening the gloves on each of his hands. He drew his sword from its sheath slowly beginning to run along the hall. He remained quiet not wanting to let anyone know he was here. Although, from what was ahead of him it seemed a bit late for that.

A muscular red skinned Demon stood ahead of him. It's eyes were solid yellow and it stood a good 7' feet. Argus snarled under his breath as he slid to a stop sword pointed at the demon.

"Stand aside weakling, I don't wish to waist time on lesser demons. Especially if they are as ugly as you."

The demon slowly curved a smile to its fanged lips, and in a echoing voice he replied to the demon hunter. "Fool, I am no lesser demon. I am one of lord Damoncious's personal guards. If I recall you are the brat that has been hunting for my master...."

Argus snarled as he leapt at the demon with demonic speed. The Demon not expecting a attack so soon only managed to sway to the side, but lost his right arm in the process, blood spraying out of where his arm once resided. The demon let out a yowl and held the wound a large portion of the blood on Argus.

Argus sneered, "You tell me where Damoncious is or it will be your head next time!"

The demon growled. "Foolish boy... you think I will tell you anything? Why I might as we..." His sentence was cut off abruptly as a Argus's blade was lodged in the demons neck, Argus staring at him in the face with a crazed look in his slitted eyes.

"Wrong answer.... Now... you DIE!" Argus turned the sword sharply in a circle then swung it out of the demon's neck slashing it in the air to clean the blood off it. As the Demon fell backwards creating a pool of blood from his neck and arm Argus sheathed his sword glancing at the dead demon.

"Seem's I am getting warmer.... Soon dear Brother you will be avenged..." Argus turned around and continued to walk down the catacombs looking for his original target.....

Ummm and also reference sprites!

Image Image <p><div style="text-align:center">
</div></p>Edited by: [url=>ArgusDevilmen</A]&nbsp; Image at: 5/27/03 7:52:09 pm


Re: Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

Unread postby SALSAlys » Tue May 27, 2003 9:27 pm

*huggles* Yay for making this!

Overall, me likey muchly. Only issues I have are some things that I do way too much as well—

'Kay, the sentence structures get a bit repetitive after a while, so even if the content is good, my eye tends to skim over it. Nice descriptions, though.

For section with blurb "It's eyes were solid yellow" or something like that, it should be "its", I think, not "it's".

Capitalization is a bit odd at times, like saying the demon, then the Demon, etc. And when he's asking about the lord Damoncious, in the context you're using it, "Lord" should be capitalized.

"Argus snarled as he leaped at the demon with demonic speed." Using demon twice, so close together, makes vocabulary kinda boring.

And final quibble: Some sentences I think could use some commas or other punctuation. It's kind of a personal thing, since if I can't say a sentence in one breath, I usually either split it or put a comma in it.

*then gwomps Kevin* WAAAAI! WRITE MORE!

Uncle Pervy

Re: Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed May 28, 2003 4:10 pm

Lys raises every point that I wanted to.

He seems to have a very easy time with a Demon who is a personal guard, I note. One would think such a foe would be a trick to take down. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>


Re: Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

Unread postby ArgusDevilmen » Wed May 28, 2003 8:24 pm

Hn.... Well I suppose it was repeatitive. Oh well.... forward I go or something.

Argus continued, his eyes scanning the sides of the walls. He was getting closer to the inner chamber of the catacombs. It was obvious to him, as the walls were getting slowly wider.

"Hmmp.... This is easy. I have gone without incident since that weak demon back there...."

Argus came to a halt as he entered the inner chamber, the walls were decorated with various symbols, most likely runes. However it was odd that some of them were glowing. He slowly drew his sword from its sheath and stepped closer to the middle of the chamber where a large pedestal stood. Nothing was on it though, but something was not right.

"Heheheheh..... The little demon boy thinks he can prance about my lair does he?"

Argus arched a eyebrow and looked about the chamber scanning it for the source of the voice. "Show yourself! I know you are here some where...."

The voice's owner landed atop the pedestal, a slender man with long blue hair and red eyes stood there. He has nothing on besides some ripped up black shorts that were incredibly tight.

"Well boy do you think you can just barge though here without any permission? You are a bad brat aren't you?" The man waving his finger making a tsk tsk noise.

Argus snarled under his breath again, usually which led to a anger induced attack. "I am NOT a little boy you demon bastard...."

The man chuckled to himself and at Argus. "Demon? Oh my dear boy, I am simply a hired hand by Lord Damoncious. I am some what surprised how fast you took out that meager guard who thought he could take you on. I will be much more difficult, as I am much more powerful then that no name." The man jumped down from atop the pedestal and landed on his feet gracefully, dipping into a bow then looking up at Argus. "I am Yomakai Demon swordsman."

Argus glared at his opponent. "Swordsman? Fool! You don't have a sword!"

Yomakai smirked and placed his right hand on the ground, the runes on the walls starting to disperse, releasing their energy. A hilt made out of stone slowly raised out of the ground, Yomakai placing both hands on it. He looked up at Argus his eyes slanting as he grew fangs and a large white horn on his forehead. "YOU WILL DIE THIS DAY!" Yomakai raised his hands, pulling out a blue katana from the ground. He stepped back quickly, and rushed at Argus with a forward thrust....

Is like, that better than the last one? Image <p><div style="text-align:center">


Re: Finding one's self. (Argus Backstory)

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu May 29, 2003 9:12 am

Sentence structure is better this time, but there are still a few spots that I think are a bit off.

"The voice's owner landed atop the pedestal, a slender man with long blue hair and red eyes stood there." Personally, I think the comma should be a semi-colon or whatever you call the ";" thing, since it just seems odd to me.

Tenses were also better. ^_^

As a final quibble, I think that there should've been more description about the sword coming from the ground, but that's a personal issue. ^_^;

*snuggles* Nightbride desires more story of her bishy. *sage nod*


Edited by: [url=>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/12/05 15:13

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