My First Character! Help wanted!

Character sheet archiving. Help with characters can be solicited here. This is also the place to talk Philsys or other RPing systems.
GiftedRichard
 

My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Fri Nov 07, 2003 5:18 am

Well it was suggested to me that I post this here so that I can get help with my character if I need it.. So here he is! Remember this is my first character so he isn't going to be great.
Name: Andres Diego
RPer: GiftedRichard
Race: Inujin
Age: 19
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 198 lbs.
Eye color: Deep dark Brown
Hair color: Black
Fur color: Black specked with white across his back and upper
arms and legs. Brown forearms and lower legs along with entire
chest except for a small patch of white fur in a long thin di-
mond on his chest.
Clan: Zul
Occupation: Caravan Guard.
Hobbies: Cooking, Minor Magics.

Andres is an Inujin, who currently works in the employment of a Merchant by the name of Fernando Torres as a caravan guard. He enjoys working as a caravan guard, and gets along well with his coworkers, and is always eager to please his employer. He is always full of energy and opinions, and his friendly nature allows him to get along with many people. Andres dislikes dishonest and malevolent people.


He originally hails from the city Kiskele, near the boarder with Nekonia. His clan tending more towards mercantile professions, and this is part of the reason he has become a caravan guard, but mostly the reason came from his natural instinct for the hunt. Finding he was not well suited for the merchants life, due to taking a more aggressive stand on deals than was at all necessary, he decided to become something where he could find adventure and possible a place for himself.

In his early life he had few friends as he tended to be fiercer than others liked. These friends are still friends in his heart. Marcos and Menendez were of the same clan as him and felt the same way he did. The former was sent to his uncle in Hanule, in part because of his nature and in part to keep him from the other two, After being sent to Hanule he had an accident as an irritated stallion who he was tending to, lashed out and broke several of his ribs, puncturing one of his lungs and killing him. Menendez stayed in Kiskele and was a close friend to Andres till his death by drowning while off swimming in the papillon river on a trip they had made.


Due to loosing his friends Andres became even more fierce, and decided that he would leave Kiskele and travel as many bad things had happened during his life there. At the age of 17 he signed up as a caravan guard with Fernando's caravan. Knowing little about fighting he was taught by the other more experienced members, who would rather spend the time teaching him than have a useless guard when they needed him. While he learned he found that he enjoyed cooking food and would volunteer to cook when ever possible showing a knack for it.


After sometime with the caravan Andres found himself talking with an older human on the caravan about magic more and more often. The man happy to have some one to talk to who showed more than a passing interest in his talks about magic started to teach the young Inujin how to cast magic and when was the right time to cast it. He learned how to move objects and how to light campfires even with the wettest wood, He learned how to make someones nose to run and give him a fit of coughs, he also learned how to make a ball of light with the power of his will alone, the last thing he learned was how to pull heat from the very air around him forming a fire ball which could be hurled at enemies.


As the caravan Andres was working in left for Doma he felt grand and happy that he was finally leaving the areas that where known to him. As they neared Doma the caravan was attacked by a group of bandits who killed most of the caravan taking the precious cargo meant for Doma city. Andres was knocked cold during the attack and assumed dead. When he awoke to find himself among the bodies of the caravan he remembered nothing but his name and that he was heading to Doma. Andres buried the people of the caravan feeling that it was the right thing to do before setting off towards Doma again.

Having arrived in Doma City Andres has been looking for a job to pay for his bill that is getting larger and larger as he continues to stay in an inn. Being unable to find a job being turned down time and time again Andres is willing to consider almost anything as being in debt is driving him mad.


Other notes:
Weapon skills: Battle Axe
Magic: air,fire,light,
Clothing: Andres wears a dull brown tunic and a pair of baggy black pants and a pair of black boots. He also wears a leather vest over his tunic and a green headband along with fingerless gloves.
Items: Battle Axe, Clothing, 22 chi, dagger, cooking pot, flint & steel (as long as various other items need for survival out doors ^.^)




Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=giftedrichard>GiftedRichard</A] at: 11/24/03 4:18 am

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pd Rydia
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Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Nov 07, 2003 12:16 pm

Andres has too many skills; you have him down using 2 weapons and 5 magics. Cut that down to 1 weapon and 2 or 3 magics and you'll be set.

Otherwise, looks fairly decent. The background needs to be proofread; there's a lot of errors in it, particularly run-ons. <p>
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GiftedRichard
 

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Fri Nov 07, 2003 12:28 pm

I didn't really mean he could use them He just knew something about them. He just has them and only knows how to use the axe with any skill. Yes I didn't really proofread it sorry! I will do so later when I get some time. thanks!

Edit1: Damn posting between classes is not fun.. Get to many errors of all diffrent kinds. :(

Edit2: Ok I take from the genral lack of me getting yelled at that I did an acceptable job? Well thanks for the help Pd rydia!

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=giftedrichard>GiftedRichard</A] at: 11/8/03 4:24 am

Choark
 

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby Choark » Sat Nov 08, 2003 12:33 pm

Your character seems fine and dandy to me matey. In fact the background was great and I'm impressed ya put so much effort into it - very tagic/upsetting at the end. Its almost surprisening you did put so much effort into the background considering hes forgotten so much of it but eh =P Least we all know where hes from now.

So yeah, great job, can't wait to see how he's actually Roleplayed and where he goes from here.


GiftedRichard
 

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Sun Nov 09, 2003 8:20 am

Quote:
Your character seems fine and dandy to me matey. In fact the background was great and I'm impressed ya put so much effort into it - very tagic/upsetting at the end. Its almost surprisening you did put so much effort into the background considering hes forgotten so much of it but eh =P Least we all know where hes from now.


So yeah, great job, can't wait to see how he's actually Roleplayed and where he goes from here.



Thanks Choark! I tried to make it good.. Looked at a few other Characters and asked in chat for help a lot of times! By the way thanks Shini,Shan,Priam,Bes,pd Rydia and SongtressEnill! Your help on what is allowed and not and about the Inujins was very apprecated! Well just beacuse he forgot it doesn't mean it didn't happen you know? Yeah I want to see what happens too ^.^!

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=giftedrichard>GiftedRichard</A] at: 11/24/03 4:18 am

GiftedRichard
 

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Thu Nov 13, 2003 6:23 am

Yeah well I don't feel like I should have another thread so.. Heres the rest of them! Thanks to however is doing this! And thanks to Neko for sugesting it!


Name: Devlin FireForge
Race: Human
Age: 28
Weapon(s) of Choice: A large Axe with minor enchantments. Throwing Axe for fighting over distances.
Appearance: Just about 6 feet 5 inches tall. Long brown hair down to his back usually in a pony tail, clean shaved, Hazel eyes, a black vest, long black pants, and thigh boots.

Background: Wanting a life of adventure Devlin left his home at an early age and joined up with a group of mercenaries who taught him how to fight and survive on his own. After traveling with them for several years he decided to set out on his own staying in or around Doma usually. Devlin will usually take the job that seems the most exciting to him at the moment regardless of pay or danger.


Abilities:
- Burst of Strength : Devlin is able to use a wild Burst of strength at times to lift and move objects that many would consider him unable to.
- Long Jump : Finding that being able to jump from tree to tree or from roof top to roof top is a needed skill Devlin developed it.
- Fierce Howl : Devlin can let out a fierce howl that often times frightens his enemies.

Other Items:
- Pouch : Anyone with a good sense for traveling knows to bring a pouch full of items and food.
In the Pouch (usually):
- Some Flint
- Bandages
- An apple or peach

- Backpack: Devlin likes to be able to carry items he finds on his jobs with him and thus he carries a pack at all times with him.

In the Backpack:

- Spare set of clothing

- A minor healing potion or two

- Devlin's money! (Just a handful of Gil right now)




Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=giftedrichard>GiftedRichard</A] at: 11/24/03 4:19 am

GiftedRichard
 

Re: My First Character! Help wanted!

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Mon Nov 17, 2003 1:21 am

This is a very basic Character in the making for me.. Feed back on the Techs would be appreciated.
-=-=-=-=-=-


Background: Found as a baby by a merc Gatts was raised in there camp where he learned to sword fight and survive on his own with very little. While he grew up he participated in the battles that they fought whether it be against undead monsters or an enemy army. The man that raised Gatts was killed in battle sometime after his 14th birthday greatly saddening Gatts. Days after he died Gatts left the Mercenary Company and traveled on his own hiring himself out to people for whatever jobs that needed to be done... From hunting bandits to persuading people to leave there land. Nothing really was to bad for him as long as he was paid.

After several years of this Gatts hears of a war in the distant land of Midland and heads there. When he arrives he finds that the war has been over for sometime and that Midland had won. After several months of doing odd jobs for the government a wizard known for his abilities to create new spells hired Gatts to be his test subject for a spell that would Create a rift in this dimensions that lead to a completely uninhabited one. This was not the case however as when the spell was cast and Gatts stepped threw he found himself on the outskirts of a city. Haven been told that he had a single day to come back after exploring the land there about he set off into the city to learn something about it.

Gatts found he did not know the langue of the people and he knew of no langue like it. After exploring a bit he tried to return threw the portal but found that it had closed. Finding himself stranded in this strange new land Gatts decided to make the best of it and learn the langue of the people here. He found no difference in the people finding them to be human mostly with other creatures about. After many months of learning the langue Gatts felt he was ready to start traveling and working again. The first thing on his mind was finding a job to fill his purse with the local curency and thus he set out looking for a job.
name: Gatts - age: 19 - eyes: Hazle - hair: Brown -
height: 6'3" - weight: 278 lbs



--Basics--
Name: Gatts
RPer: GiftedRichard
Race: Human
Level: 1
XP: 0/1000
Max HP: 85
Max MP: 0
Max TP: 20
Initiative 9+2d6

--Attributes--
Courage +5
Wisdom 0
Intuition 0
Charisma 0
Agility +4
Dexterity 0
Strength +6
Stamina +6
Magic Aptitude: 0



Base AT/PA - 15/15

-=- {mention what armor and weapons do you have equipped here} -=-

Weapon Damage - {weapon name} {adjustments}
Thrusting - {base thrust damange + STR+1d6}
Slashing- {base slash damage + STR*2+2d4}
Chopping - {base chop damage + STR*3+2d6}


--Skills--
Swords - <Cou/Str/Agi> 4
[s]Pain Resistance - <Sta> 4
[s]Magic Resistance - <Cou/Int/Mag> 3
[s]Distance Running - <Sta> 3
[k]Survival 3
Horse riding/Equestrian - <Cou/Dex/Agi> 3



--Spells/Techs--


[Innate] Berserk (20 TP) - The user goes berserk gain +2 to Strength, +2 to Stamina, and +3 to Courage for the rest of the combat, plus an additional 20 HP. The character loses all these bonuses (HP included) at the end of combat. Can only be used when taken below half hp and/or outnumbered 3 to 1.

[Horse riding/Equestrian=2, ] Basic Fight Ride (2 TP) The user of this has mastered the rudaments of fighting while on horse back and recives a +1d6 per Horse riding/3 skill when he applies this to a strike.


Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=giftedrichard>GiftedRichard</A] at: 11/26/03 3:05 am

Divinegon2130
 

Some opinions.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Tue Nov 25, 2003 7:42 pm

Hmmmm....

Since it seems no one else will comment on this, I feel I must.

First, the nagging issue of spelling. The most chronic spelling error I see? "Langue" should be "language".

Now, on to a more serious matter. The character's attributes seem a little...... skewed. I'd suggest balancing them out a little better - if you want suggestions on what to make them, I'd consider asking other people. Or if you notice me online, under the AIM name DraconicKobold, you can ask me about it.

Skills I will say only one thing on. Even with the backstory the way it is, I'm a little concerned that Gatts has very little in the way of non-adventuring skills. It's a typical trouble I have to assign non-adventuring-oriented skills to most characters - again, I suggest asking other people for ideas.

Now, for what YOU asked for. Techs. Basic Fight Ride I won't comment on, as I'm not too knowledged in that area.

Pain Resistance doesn't need to be noted in techs. It's covered in the PhilSys addendum. I'm reprinting its listing here for your convenience (modified a little so that ezCode doesn't try to screw me up).

{s}Pain Resistance <Sta=2>: This skill allows a character who would ordinarily be unconscious to keep fighting until they recieve too much damage to ignore or are incapacitated totally. For each rank of {s}Pain Resistance, a character may stay conscious an additional hit point under 0. Thusly, a character with 4 ranks in this skill is still active and able to fight at -4 HP. This skill also reduces penalties for being in "critical condition" by rank/2 (thusly, a character with 4 ranks in {s}Pain Resistance suffers a -4/-4 penalty where others suffer -6/-6 from injuries).

Berserk... the way you present it reminds me very much of something I asked Shaun (AKA Nakibe) a while back. What he told me was that for that cost, the character would gain +2 to Strength, +2 to Stamina, and +3 to Courage for the rest of the combat, plus an additional 20 HP. The character loses all these bonuses (HP included) at the end of combat (the equivalent of the fatigue you listed). The outnumbering thing I think is simply unnecessary, or at least should be lessened - I think 3 to 1 or maybe even 2 to 1 is fine.


GiftedRichard
 

Re: Some opinions.

Unread postby GiftedRichard » Wed Nov 26, 2003 3:11 am

Thanks Divine! Now he is supposed to be like that. I wanted a character that I could develop in character from scratch and this is he. He has only known fighting and travels from and to the fights. So he has no non-adventuring skills as he has had no non-adventuring life :D I didn't see that thanks Divine! Now it removes the one I was mainly worried was a crap skill so again thanks!


Quote:
First, the nagging issue of spelling. The most chronic spelling error I see? "Langue" should be "language".


I can't believe that I missed that. I will have to fix that!



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