The NEW Character (YAY! Legit!)

[Ordinator]

Name: Weston Douglas Jones
Alias: Wes, DJ
Race: Human
Age: 24

Courage: 3
Wisdom: 1
Charisma: 3
Agility: 3
Dexterity: 3
Strength: 3
Stamina: 3
Magic Apptitude: 1
Inyuition: 1

Talents:

Fighting <str/sta/cou>
Running the Crap Away <sta/agi/dex>

Backstory: Abandoned at birth in the vast arctic. He was abandoned near a cave of white wolves. The wolves found him and raised him, of course. If theyd idn't he would be dead right now, now wouldn't he? Anyway, back to the backstory. The wolves raised him for several years until he could stand and take care of himself. It was about three years before he could stand, anyways. He forged his first weapon at the age of six, a rock!......Okay, not very grand, but he was only six. He used it to take down an "Enemy" wolf and used it's fur to create a pair of pants and some shoes. At the age of twelve he had come back to his home-cae to find that his pack was killed, not by wolves, he would recognize a wolf bite or scratch from a mile away, but of a blade. A sword. Now, he seaks revenge on those who killed his "Family'.

Skills:

Swords: 4 <str/agi/cou>

Axes: 3 <str/dex/cou>

Hammers: 3 <str/str/cou>

Bows: 3 <dex/dex/str>

Summoning: 1 <int/wis/mag>

[k] Foreign Languages: 2

[s] Spell Resistance: 4
[s]Fire Resistance: 2
[s] Sword Techniques: 4

Abilites(swords):

Double-Strike: Two slashes of the same attack on one opponent.

Hack and Slash: A frenzy of hits to one enemy.

Razeno Konen: A frenzy of attacks hitting all enemies.

Double-Tech Abilities(swords):

X-Strike: Attacks one part of a monster while his/her partenr attacks another, forming an X.

Two-Sword Shield: Blocks an attack with the aid of a partner, 40% chance of success.

Triple Tech Abilites(swords):

Whirlwind of Blades: Spins with two other partners forming a tornadoe, damaging all enemies.

Abilites(axes):

Hack: Simple horizontal attack the deals a bit more than average damage to one opponent.

Boomerang Axe: Throws his/her weapon at one opponent damaging it twice, 45% chance of success.

Gaia Force: Hits the ground witht he flat side of the axe, making a shockwave damaging up to two enemies.

Double Tech Abilites(axes):

Three Pieces: Both throw their axes at the enemy, cuttin it into three pieces at the waist.

Toss and Tumble: One partner tosses his axe in the air while the second partner hit sit tward the enemy, throwing his/her axe behind it.

Triple Tech Abilites(axes):

Triple Gaia Force: All three partners hit their axes against the ground, making a larg shockwave that damages all enemies.

Abilites(hammers):

Ward of the Barbarian: Increase the speed and strength of the user by five, lasts for 20 seconds.

Home Run: Swings the hammer like a baseball-bat, htting the enemy in the chin or face doing above average damage.

The Secret Rifle: Uses a small, one-shot rifle built into the handle of the hammer.

Double Techs(hammers):

Face Smasher: Hits the enemy in the face on both sides. 15% chance of success.

Barbarian Nut-Buster: Exactly what the name suggest, both rapidly bash the enemy between the legs until it dies or becomes unconcious.

Triple Techs(hammers):

Ultimate End: All three use each of the listend attacks/stat-boosting effects against all enemies.

Abilites(bows):

Double Shot: Shoots two arrows at the same time.

Triple Shot: Shoots three arrows at the same time.

Homing Arrow: Fires a magical arrow that homes in on one enemy.

Double Techs(bows):

Ricochet Arrows: Fires two arrows and they ricochet against eachother, htting two enemies.

Arrow Shower: Showers all enemies in ten arrows.

Triple Techs(bows):

Advanced Arrow Shower: Showers all enemies in one hundred arrows.

HP: 75 + (STA *5)
MP: (MAG *10) + (INT *5) + (WIS *5)
TP: 20
Initiative: AGI + COU+ 2d6
AT/PA: AGI + INT + STR + COU

Personality: He's a comedian who's jokes aren't very funny. He speaks his mind...All the time, and never shuts up. You start a conversation with him and it's likely it'll never end.

Languages:

Human Common: 100 Masterful

Wolven: 100 Masterful

Chosen God:

Agnostic



Is he good? If not please send onw hat I need to fix...

[Uncle Pervy]

It's a trap! <p>
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NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>

[Ordinator]

How can it be a trap? The guy's legit.

Edit: Oh, and please don't spam.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=ordinator@rpgww60462>Ordinator</A] at: 9/22/04 7:47 pm

[Shinigori V2]

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, LEARN ABOUT THE SYSTEM AND THE SETTING BEFORE MAKING A CHARACTER OR I WILL SHOOT YOU. >_< <p>

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<div style="text-align:center"></div>
<div style="text-align:center">Why Barius has no family reunions.</div></p>

[Archmage144]

For the love of God, why are your languages represented by numbers, why do you have "talents" (something you haven't displayed a hell of a lot of thus far, except a talent for being "special"), why do you have three million-point-five techs, why do you have no skills that aren't weapons or foreign languages, and why are you worshipping the Great Lord Agnostic? <p>

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<div style="text-align:center"></div>

</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Ducky: It's a trap! <p>
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NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>

[FlamingDeth]

You misspelled "intuition". <p>
<hr width="70%"><center>This month's "Transformer of the Month" is Pipes! He turns into a truck, and his primary function is not taking out the trash.</center></p>

[Kelne]

I like how he goes from discovering Rock to having M4d 5killz with no less than four different weapons. It utterly demolishes any lingering shred of plausibility that the unsuspecting (and slightly dim) might be taken in by.

I would offer pointers as to how to fix this, but it's a lost cause. Since I see that this is a second attempt at a character, I must conclude that so are you. <p>Zombie: Uuunnnhhh...
Shaun: Oh my god...
Ed: She is so drunk!</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=kelne>Kelne</A]&nbsp; at: 9/22/04 10:47 pm

[The Great Nevareh]

This is about as legit as my Diablo character who has what isn't technically a number for hit points. If you really, truly, honestly want to sit down and make your character work, then sit down with the rules and read them a few times. Then contact someone on AIM and ask them how it should be done. <p>[---------------------------]
"There is great disorder under Heaven, and the situation is excellent."
-Mao Tse-Tung</p>

[Molokidan]

Man, just when I think this guy can't get any more awesome, he makes his own double techs up and calls them names like "Face Smasher." This is unprecedented.

<p>---------------

"Well slap a dead fish on me and call me Molokidan!"</p>

[Lord McBastard]

All "witty" comments aside (witty was in quotations you see, meaning I dissed everyone by saying their comments were funny, but this was shown as sarcasm thusly I infact mean everyone else was, infact, not witty) this character needs alot of work (this is now called the setup, meaning I am saying something that sounds straightlaced and honest, but my punchline will be something very sarcastic), like bashing it with a rock until it actually makes some sense (this procceeds the setup, it's called the punchline, it's that sarcasm I mentioned, it's insulting intentionally because apparently it gets the point across better). Why in gods name did you think this was acceptable? (Rhetorical question here, means you're not supposed to answer it, I'll answer if for your in a moment) Have you ever made a character, read a book, or left the cave you apparently live in? (Another rhetorical question, this one is full of hyperbole which means exageration, you obviously don't live in a cave otherwise you wouldn't have the internet, however it is meant to state that you don't seem to know what a proper character should have, like a sensical story).

This whole post had a three fold point. One; to demonstrate how completely stupid it looks when you explain pointless details in the backstory, ones that would be grasped by even the dullest of lackwits. Two; to diss you, which is very popular around here because apparently RP characters are sacred. Three; apparently I'm a bad person that is amused by making others feel bad, I personally disagree with this but it does seem to be the consensus, if not the majority vote, and who am I to disagree with the majority.

Wow...that third point was completely off topic and sounded kinda angsty, sorry. But nothing is going to be accomplished in this thread, no mater how you cut it, so.....whatever.

ZIM! <p><div style="text-align:center">

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"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wagh'nagl fhtagn"-Call of Cthulhu</div>
<div style="text-align:center">"Go tell your alien brothers, that Ronnie Cordova says they're gay!"-Ronnie Cordova</div></p>

[NamagomiMk0]

Okay, excuse me for a few minutes while I decide to laugh at this until I nearly suffocate myself.

...

...

...

...Okay. Now, for actual review.

Normally, I would go sequentially from attributes to backstory to skills to techs, but in this oh-so special case, I will decide to bother you about backstory first. This way, the rest of it looks even dumber, relatively speaking.

Okay. Baby gets abandoned in arctic. First problem right there. Unless you're willing to create a whole new polar continent (which is not recommended), there is no "arctic" area. The closest areas to arctic would be Valth, and a general "band", consisting of places such as the Far North and Gre'Parth, north of the Shumans. Additionally, we do not know why the child was abandoned. This stuff doesn't always happen, you know. Now, baby gets picked up by a pack of wolves and raised by them. Second issue. More likely, the wolves would either have killed and eaten him out of hunger, or left him alone. The Ruyard Kipling clause does not work here.

Okay, so he "forges" a rock. I'd assume more like "finds a rock which he can use to hurt things yet is heavy enough to hurt things with". Besides, being raised by wolves, he wouldn't know how to "forge", anyway. And then killing an "enemy" wolf and then making a shirt and pants from its fur? Okay. Wolves do not know how to tailor. They know nothing of craft whatsoever. YOUR CHARACTER WOULD NOT KNOW HOW TO MAKE SHOES AND PANTS. Not that it would've even mattered, because he probably wouldn't have been taken in by wolves anyway.

And now at twelve, he finds his "family" dead. Because someone went and killed them! Ohnoes. Honestly, people often do not go out of their way to kill wolves, last I checked. They may've pissed the wolves off somehow, but honestly? Nobody would've gone out of their way to kill wolves. It's not worth it. And how would your character recognize a sword by the wounds alone? How would your character KNOW WHAT A SWORD IS?! Not that he would've known, anyway, since he wouldn't have lived past infancy.

Blah blah blah, revenge, blah blah. Now let's get to the fun parts. Stats. Which you also did horribly on.

First of all, okay. Attributes. They obviously do NOT fit the background. WIS would likely be in the negatives, and CHA wouldn't be very high either, given how messy one would look (and how smelly he'd be) after no baths, no hair care, and the fact that he wouldn't be able to even speak Common, or if so, in an atrocious manner. At least this isn't your other character who had attributes in the 60s range and Ubergod equipment.

Next: What the fuck are "Talents"? They do not mesh with PS at all. And you act as if fighting and running away are special, even though just about ANYONE can do such to an extent. This will be passed off as nothing.

Skills. Which make NO SENSE WHATSOEVER in relation to his backstory. Okay. HOW THE HELL WOULD HE KNOW HOW TO DO ALL THIS?! How the hell does he even know what all of these are when he was raised by wolves, which he realistically wouldn't have been. I could see a skill involving rock usage, maybe, but that's it on weapon skills. And summoning. WHAT THE FUCK WOULD HE KNOW ABOUT SUMMONING?! HE IS A DAMN KID THAT SOMEHOW GOT RAISED BY WOLVES! And let's not get into the fact that you don't even meet the stat requirements to get [s] Spell Resistance, somehow added "fire resistance" (What the hell? Seriously.), and somehow, he knows other languages. And lastly, sword techniques. And somehow, he knows these things, probably because the den was full of genetically superior "superwolves" that somehow knew magic, four different weapon types, Common, and sword techniques. And knew about how to make asbestos.

Right. And he has no equipment, which renders all the weapon skills useless.

Anyway, I would give an in-depth review of each tech, but I might as well handle them all as a whole. The whole damn thing is fucking RIDICULOUS. No costs. No stats at all. And this is NOT CT. Once, a doubletech has been made ("Penta Soul Beam" being the only one there), but it was made by both players. And it was basically one attack that did the combined damage and element anyway. THESE are just fucking ridiculous. No sense at all, and we do not use "Single Target/All targets" as far as selection. More often than not, it is either a single target or an Area of Effect ability.

And what makes this worse? You didn't even bother to calculate the derived stats yourself. Given your character, though, I'm not that surprised. And it's hilarious that you even got the HP equation wrong.

And personality. Totally unfitting to the background, again. He wouldn't HAVE a sense of humor that was verbal in nature. And let's not get into the languages. WHAT THE FUCK. Oh, wait. I forgot. They were genetically hyper-engineered superwolves that somehow know all this.

And the saddest part is, he wouldn't have even lived past infancy anyway. Because the wolves would have not raised him. Would've saved me time I used writing this review, anyway. <p>ChibiUrusai: *chomps* I am underage. ^-^
Arch mage144: This means nothing to me. =P
T3chn0Namagomi: *motherly voice* Brian! What would Kate think if she heard you say that?!

---Dirtiness in a chat. Blame my mind for being in the gutter.

-Namagomi, who lives up to his name in this case.</p>

[EKDS5k]

Wow, someone sure got really annoyed by that. Had a bad day, Doug?

As far as the "arctic" goes, why wouldn't there be one? As long as the planet follows basic physics, the further north you go, the colder it gets. At some point it's going to be more winter than anything else, and there's probably wolves or something.

And you seem to have a problem with said wolves, too. You see nothing wrong with half slimes, dragons, deities that walk among the populace yet don't ever demand tribute, and so on and so on, but you can't suspend your disbelief long enough to let someone get raised by wolves? Maybe they were of above average intelligence. Or maybe this character has some kind of magical animal affinity. Hell, this whole board is based on something that isn't real anyway, what's one more implausible thing?

Also, remember that necessity if the mother of invention. When you've been naked for six years in the arctic, you learn to tailor pants and shoes real quick. Though is more likely would have been a cloak, or possibly a bloody tarp.

Anyway, now that Doug has gone back to masturbating to GGX. That was a joke. For all I know, Doug could be further defining his ego by how much the people of this board praise Valth. Where was I? Oh yes, the character, which nobody seems to want to actually critique. And frankly I'm disappointed. You all seem to correctly realise that this guy is mildly retarded, but nobody wants to help? For shame.

Now, I don't actually know anything about Philsys, so I'll skip most of that. It's stupid anyway. But let's go down the list, shall we?

There's a good reason not many people live in the arctic. It has to do with freezing to death, which infants are especially prone to do. Unless these wolves both a) found him immediately after he was abandoned, and b) knew how to make fire, the infant would have died in less than an hour from the cold alone. Hell, most adults would have.

So maybe he's descended from a race of humans (or near-humans) who have a natural resistance to cold. But still, one doesn't so much "forge" a rock as one "finds" them on the ground. And wouldn't like a club have been way more effective? Better reach and all? So where did he get the knife to skin the enemy wolf and make pants from it? And if he had a knife, why didn't he use that instead of the rock?

On with the show. Recognising a blade wound isn't so tough. It's not a huge leap of the imagination to picture something pointy that's bigger than teeth or claws. But how would he know how to use one, being raised by wolves and all? Same goes for axes, hammers, and....summoning magic? And while I'm on skills, the same goes for foreign languages. You need to get rid of all the skills, and replace them with these three:

Rock fighting
Growling
Scratching self with teeth

The last two are about the entire skillset of your average wolf, even the baby raising kind.

As for the techs, they all suck, and one has a Japanese-sounding name for no reason. Do you have any idea how ineffective spinning around in a circle with your sword held out actually is? (The answer is "very.") And how is throwing an axe in the air, and then having someone hit it and throw their axe after it more advantageous than both guys just throwing their axes? And "The secret rifle" doesn't make any sense. Where did he learn how to make guns, let alone conceal them in hammers? A hammer, by the way, is one of the worst places to conceal a rifle. Rifles, being sensitive equipment, would likely jam if you tried to fire them after hammering lots of things.

Not to mention that if you actually tried to use that tech, then Namagomi will get mad, and possibly IM you in all caps saying how only the Valthians have firearms technology and how they never ever share it, and also they have a completely perfect system for keeping it inside the city. Which apparently isn't quite so perfect, because I think several characters have pistols anyway.

This will likely also cause Doug to come up with another idea for Valth, only to have it shot down by probably Brian. Then he'll whine about it for an hour like a five-year old, get pissed off, and probably leave the chat, causing everyone else to ask "What's his problem, anyway?" and then everyone will say how much they dislike him. Then he'll come back and whine some more, but nobody will listen, and eventually he'll take solace in the fact that he can beat everyone at GGX, or possibly GGXX (both games are shitty anyway).

Kinda went off on a tangent there, sorry. Do you see the trouble you'll cause with that tech? I suggest removing it.

My last point is why would he be agnostic? Gods clearly exist, and often can be found walking among the populace. Not believing in, or being unsure of the existance of Gaeran gods is like saying you're not sure if cars exist.

In conclusion, this character, and by extension you, is stupid. Also, Pervy's not funny, Shini's dumb, Brian sucks, FD's right about the typo, Kelne rocks for having a Shaun of the Dead quote, The Great Nevareh is properly abbreviated as TGN you MORONS, Molokidan is cool, and Brandon is so very very ugly (I mean geez). I already dealt with Doug.

I'm done.

[NamagomiMk0]

EKDS: I don't care about how you say or think I act, or about your opinion on GGX/GGXX. However, you have some factual details wrong.

1: It's Valthi. Get it right. XP

2: Valth is not the only country with firearms technology. It just has the most advanced of such, and conceals their better models. The pistols would've been passed off as obsolete by them, anyway. It's their more advanced technology that they keep inside.

And as for the bad day comment, more like four months' worth of pent-up emotions that didn't make it into the review of the King's sheet. I find doing this to be a good way of venting. <p>ChibiUrusai: *chomps* I am underage. ^-^
Arch mage144: This means nothing to me. =P
T3chn0Namagomi: *motherly voice* Brian! What would Kate think if she heard you say that?!

---Dirtiness in a chat. Blame my mind for being in the gutter.

-Namagomi, who lives up to his name in this case.</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=namagomimk0>NamagomiMk0</A] at: 9/23/04 2:28 pm

[Uncle Pervy]

I told you it was a trap.


Also of note: Valthi is hardly the only cold place in Gaera, or even Igala; I daresay its not even the coldest in Igala. Ervingshal, the Redwaters Region, and Cotiego are all fairly cold; I think Ervingshal is Scandanavia equivalent, and Cotiego fairly close to Iceland or Greenland. <p>
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NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>Edited by: Uncle Pervy&nbsp; at: 9/23/04 5:43 pm

[Banjooie]

lamest troll ever :( <p><Chat> <Matto says, "What's up?"
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Angst."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Drama."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Betrayal."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Plushies."</p>

[NebulaQueen]

Also, what about the tundra? Tundra's pretty damn cold, last time I checked. <p>

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<span style="font-size:xx-small;">
*Megaman sounds like a little girl*-Uncle Pervy, on the Voice Acting in MM8</span></p>

[Archmage144]

EKDS is winning this thread so far, by wholly arbitrary determination. I award him an espresso brownie and the beverage of his choice. <p>

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</p>

[SuperRube]

This is the best arbitrary hate thread ever.

Also, by reading Molo's post before paying a damn bit of attention to the original post, it made it sound like this guy got into rock music, and that somehow inspired him to become some sort of warmonger.

And that would have been awesome. <p>

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"Dreamcast's hardware was entirely 64-bit except for a single 128-bit internal math coprocessor. That little chunk of silicon didn't make DC a 128-bit system any more than my grandmother's artificial knee makes her a cybernetic super-soldier." --Jeremy Parish</p>

[Deeum]

And I don't think he's coming back.
Sad. <p><div style="text-align:center">

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[KingOfDoma]

Not really surprised. I mean, we welcomed him poorly. I think we need less critics and more coaches around here... <p>--------------------
I HAVE FURY!</p>

[The Great Nevareh]

Yes, that what you say because you're an inferior life form that could benefit from me ranting at you endlessly.

More coaches would be good, except for the fact that he never actually asked us for help. I've noticed that some of the harshest critics make the best coaches- when their advice is asked. I have a feeling a good lump of the venom was caused because of the fact that he posted a faulty character and he never really asked "Okay, how do you suggest I fix it?"

[Uncle Pervy]

See, if he weren't obviously a troll... <p>
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NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>

[Jak Snide]

I wouldn't bother locking this thread.