Check my character.

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ziratha
 

Check my character.

Unread postby ziratha » Tue Aug 03, 2004 6:42 pm

Personality:
Edward rarely trusts people and is afraid to become close friends with people, although he will be kind to people who are not his friends. He is willing to kill if it saves his life. He prefers to use magic but will use a weapon if he has to. If somebody is going to die, he will go to great lengths to make sure it’s not him. (Being chased by a huge badass dragon with no chance of anybody surviving? Trip the guy next to you.)

Past:
Edward walker Was born in the year 1290, in the town of grinto. Growing up as the child of a merchant allowed Edward to become fairly good at math, He also learned to use a polearm for protection. His mother died birthing him, so his father is his only family. He learned magic when a local mage was out on his luck. Being interested in magic instruction for a while, he managed to convince his father to trade some of his wares in exchange for magical instruction. At the age of 17, he left his home town to search for bigger and better things.


Appearance:
About 5.4 feet tall, and weighing roughly 140 lb. Dirty blond hair about shoulder length. Green eyes. He dresses in a long hooded cloak, usually with the hood down. He wears plain black boots one with a small crack in the side, He has a matching scar on his foot.

Equipment:
quarterstaff, equipped
leather bracers, equipped
Heavy dagger,
Two potions,
3 throwing stars
Some twine
And a small number of gold coins in a satchel.

courage 2
wisdom 3
intui 3
char 1
agil 3
dext 2
strengh 1
stamina 2
mag apt 4

HP: 65
MP: 70
TP: 20
Initiative: 5+ 2d6
AT/PA: 9/9

skills.


[k]Cooking 2
[k]Potions 1
[k]Mathematics 2
[k]Mechanical Knowledge 1
[k]Metals and Metal Properties 1
[k]Negotiation 2

[s]Remain Unnoticed - <Int> 2

Catch - <dex/Dex/agi> May catch physical projectile weapons in certain cases
(Cannot catch bullets except through a more painful method) 2
Etiquette[Tradesman] - <Cou/Cha/Int> 2
Bartering - <cha/cha/int> 2
Bribe <cha/cha/int> 3
Throwing Weapons - <Str/Dex/Cou> 3
Time Magic - <Mag/Wis/Int> 4
Summoning - <mag/wis/int>2
Polearm - <dex/dex/agi>3

current skills:
[Polearm=1] Guard[7 tp] Increase miss rate of enemies attacking for next 2+rank/5 rounds rounds. only effects those attacking me.
[Polearm=2] Blinder [5 TP]atempt to blind one target While attacking
.
[Polearm=3] Polevault [4 TP] Run and use your polearm to launch yourself over walls, steep hills or cliffs. May be used in battle to create a sort of flying kick or whatnot.

[Summoning=1]Cute bunny (5-rank/10 Mp) - Creates a cute bunny out of whatever materials are available, mud, stone etc. Bunnies can do simple tasks but aren't vary useful in battle.

[Time Magic=1]Slow (6 MP) - Disrupts the flow of time, slowing down a target's
metabolism, aging, and movement. If successful, a target enemy's turn is delayed
until the end of the combat round for 1d2+rank rounds, and they will move as
though they had -rank AGI, as well as suffering a -2/-2 AT/PA penalty.

[Time Magic=2]Transfer (1 Mp) Haste target slow self. Straight up speed transfer. Cannot be used if already slowed.

[Time Magic=3]Haste (10 MP) - Blesses a target with increased speed. The
target's metabolism, aging, and movement rates increase. This character may move
as though he had +rank AGI and gains one extra action per round for rank rounds.
Being under the influence of a Haste spell for more than a few minutes tends to
make one VERY hungry as a result of all the energy they burn.

[Time Magic=4]Metabolic Disruption (16 MP) - This spell deals damage by
increasing a target's metabolism to insane rates. The result is that the target
burns energy/ages extremely quickly for a short duration, leaving them feeling
somewhat spent, like the after-effect of a Haste spell, but on a higher level.
This attack deals 12+rank*4+2d6 points of direct damage and 1d2 points of
temporary STA damage. For each point of STA lost, a creature loses 5 HP. A
creature with less than -5 STA is unconscious, and a creature with less than
-10 STA is dead. This STA is recovered after sleeping or resting for a few
hours.

Skills for later.

[Polearm= 4] Parry skewer [5 TP] Will Attempt to skewer Rapidly approaching characters in following turns, effect lasts rank/5 +1d2 turns. (Think brave heart) higher critical roll if it hits, failure results in receiving damage*1.2 from attacks.

[polearm=6] Thwack [12] A vigorous whack upside the head, Has increased critical and damage rolls. May stun in rare cases, may cure confusion.

[Summoning=3] Ant Swarm [30 mp] - Summons A swarm of ants to attack all characters who are not the caster. Ants are harder to hit with weapons (How many ants can you hit with a sword???) and one ant killed is no big deal, also if attacked ant(s) are on a person that person will be hit as well. Magic effects fully. For use against non magical enemies.

[Summoning=4]Summon Lesser Golem (40-rank MP) - Creates a golem from the strongest, most abundant material available. If outdoors, this is likely to be clay or mud. Inside stone fortresses and the like, this is most likely to be stone, and in certain places, such as volcanoes or alternate planes, it is likely to be an elemental golem of the appropriate element. This summon, unlike others, does not have a fixed duration--it lasts until killed. If the creator of the golem is killed or disabled, then the golem goes berserk, attacking targets indiscriminately, or follows the last command given to it before going crazy. A golem can only follow simple commands, and is not intelligent enough to remember a sequence of them, only one at a time. Such commands might include "attack that creature," "defend this room," "protect me from harm," or "carry that over there." An average golem has 70 HP, an AC of 45, an initiative of 4+2d6, an AT/PA of 12, and deals 20+2d6 punching or 30+1d6 slamming at a -3 to hit penalty. A golem made from stone or iron will have higher damages and a higher AC. Elemental golems will deal appropriate damage bonuses.

[Summoning=5]Drop [10 mp] Summons a nearby rock/heavy object to fall on one target.

[Summoning=6]Wasp swarm [60 mp] - Summons a swarm of wasps, stronger than ant swarm.

[Summoning=7]Re-unite [15 mp-rank/6]brings nearby ally/allies to your location. Can be used up to rank yards.

[Summoning=8]Summon Golem (68-rank MP) - Creates a golem from the strongest, most abundant material available. If outdoors, this is likely to be clay or mud. Inside stone fortresses and the like, this is most likely to be stone, and in certain places, such as volcanoes or alternate planes, it is likely to be an elemental golem of the appropriate element. This summon, unlike others, does not have a fixed duration--it lasts until killed. If the creator of the golem is killed or disabled, then the golem goes berserk, attacking targets indiscriminately, or follows the last command given to it before going crazy. A golem can only follow simple commands, and is not intelligent enough to remember a sequence of them, only one at a time. Such commands might include "attack that creature," "defend this room," "protect me from harm," or "carry that over there." An average golem has 150 HP, an AC of 60, an initiative of 4+2d6, an AT/PA of 16, and deals 30+2d6 punching or 42+1d6 slamming at a -3 to hit penalty. A golem made from stone or iron will have higher damages and a higher AC. Elemental golems will deal appropriate damage bonuses.
[Time Magic=5] Time Warp (10 mp) Attempt to Randomly haste or slow all nearby characters.

[Time Magic=6] Reverse transfer[3 mp] Slow ally haste self.


[Time Magic=7] slow motion[15 mp] slow all nearby characters.


[Time Magic=8] Stop (20 MP) - Attempts to freeze a target in time for 2+1d4
rounds. This target's aging and metabolism stop completely, and the target will
exist permanently within the moment they were stopped. Therefore, they will not
observe or have any knowledge of anything that happened after they were stopped,
or even know they WERE stopped. If circumstances are dramatically different (the
target was stopped indoors, then carried outdoors and left there), the target
may realize what has happened, or at least realize that they were affected by a
spell. A stopped character or monster cannot move or act, and suffers a -10/-10
helplessness AT/PA penalty. Casting a Haste spell on an affected target
nullifies Stop.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=ziratha@rpgww60462>ziratha</A] at: 8/27/04 12:19 pm

Divinegon2130
 

Re: Check my character.

Unread postby Divinegon2130 » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:20 pm

.......hoo boy, this is going to take some work.

Positives:

- Your ability scores balance out.

- You followed the rank limitations for ranks of skills at level 1.

Negatives:

- You didn't calculate HP/MP/TP, initiative, or anything like that.

- You have 14 skill points still unused (noting that knowledge skills take half a point each). On that note, I seriously recommend you spend some in generally non-adventuring (or at least non-combat) skills.

- The techs/spells you listed as requiring more than rank 4 should be italicized with notes that they are unusable. Spells requiring more than rank 10 should not be listed at all on a level 1 sheet.

Other Notes:

- You do not need to use the names listed in the spellbook for spells. Feel free to rename some of the spells.

- Develop the backstory a little more deeply. It'll make RPing more fun.

- A couple spelling and punctuation errors here and there ("become" rather than "becoem", for instance). Not too bad, I don't think.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=divinegon2130>Divinegon2130</A] at: 8/3/04 7:24 pm

ziratha
 

Re: Check my character.

Unread postby ziratha » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:53 pm

Thanks for the input, I'm fairly new to this and dont wanna muddle anything up. Thats why I kept the names so far... after I get A little less nervous i'll rename them, before I get into someones actual rp. Maybe even try to change them a little

I actually did calculate the hp mp etc, but As I said I accidentally posted another copy in the ooc forum and When i copied to this one, I missed them.
So i shouldn't list spells of a higher level than 10 this early? That'll make the text shorter. Now I gotta come up with some new skills to use those extra points up. Ill come up with something.


Thanks Again. :)




Banjooie
 
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.

Unread postby Banjooie » Tue Aug 03, 2004 7:59 pm

Diran: Ahem. Now we've got something to work with. The history, if you please, Nagan.


Nagan: Alright, after running a spellcheck, consulting the Oracle of Delphi, and getting some nachos, I've basically figured out the history and apparently the personality. He was born in Grinto, his dad was a Merchant and his mother...died in childbirth, fine, birthing his sister, a stillborn, with his...uh...sister. So they both died. So, living up with his dad, he...somehow or other, learned magic, decided he liked it, and apparently he's lonely, and all his friends know this.


Diran: He's lonely, and all his friends know it.

Nagan: That's right. Every last one of his friends knows he's lonely.

Diran: Well then. And then he learned magic.

Nagan: For no particular reason, yes.

Diran: Well. And what does he wear, then?

Nagan: A cloak. A long hooded cloak.

Diran: So, he has..mysteriously accrued powers, a tragic past, and a mysterious cloak?

Nagan: Why, yes, yes he does.

Diran: WELL. Alright, he's got no knowledge of anything but how to fight. And cast magic. Which we have established was for NO REASON WHATSOEVER. Except he knows both Time Magic and Summon Magic, again, for no ostensible reason. How he learned how to use Polearms is also a mystery.

Nagan: Dare we check the skills?

Diran: For the good of RPGWW, yes.

Nagan: Okay. Basic Telepathy, again for no apparent reason. And he...he's apparently a psionicist WHAT THE FUCK.

Diran: And there's the summon magic which he can't use.

Nagan: So...right now the character is useless, but later on, he'll be overpowered and twinky?

Diran: Yes. But he'll have a mysterious cloak, so that's all good.

Nagan: Rightio!


ziratha
 

Yay more input.

Unread postby ziratha » Wed Aug 04, 2004 7:44 pm

Hehe funny banjooie.
Ok I removed telepathic skills (just for you, to even things out) and added some physical skills(Bribe,). Ill also try to tweak the story. I also took out the >level 10 skills And I will mark the skill he didn't yet have.




Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=ziratha@rpgww60462>ziratha</A] at: 8/5/04 3:03 pm

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Shinigori V2
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Re: Yay more input.

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Wed Aug 04, 2004 8:42 pm

Good god.

This is all I say for right now. >_< <p>
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Re: Yay more input.

Unread postby NamagomiMk0 » Wed Aug 04, 2004 10:31 pm

...There's an 'edit' function on this board for a reason. <p>ChibiUrusai: *chomps* I am underage. ^-^
Arch mage144: This means nothing to me. =P
T3chn0Namagomi: *motherly voice* Brian! What would Kate think if she heard you say that?!

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Re: Yay more input.

Unread postby Besyanteo » Thu Aug 05, 2004 12:53 am

Ok. I'll let someone else bug you about personality. At worst, you'll figure it out later when you're RPing this guy.

But the skills:

You don't need so much combat related junk. It just holds you back to try to focus on so much come level up. In other words, if you want to be powerful, you can't try to be all encompassing. Pick one or two fields of magic, and a weapon style. Or better yet, even fewwer than that. Support skills: They're neat and all, but they don't always get counted. Don't put too much stock in them.

Knowledge Skills: These don't seem like much, but if a GM wants you to be educated, and you don't have these, you could be in trouble. Just go with what fits your characters backstory. Did he learn cooking somewhere? Maybe survival skills, for when on the road? How about mathematics, economics, socio-political studies? Go with things that compliment your basic concept.

That's all I'm doing for now. Later folks. <p>
Mrao~!

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"IM: ....my brother is a baby drinker." ~Ara</p>

Banjooie
 
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Unread postby Banjooie » Sun Aug 15, 2004 1:34 pm

...I don't have words for how broken the bunny summoning is. I don't.



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NebulaQueen
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Re: .

Unread postby NebulaQueen » Sun Aug 15, 2004 4:16 pm

Backstory: It has a bunch of grammar mistakes that need to be fixed; mostly run-on sentences and random capitalization. For example...

He learned magic When a local mage Was out on his luck, Edword convinced his father to sell items to said mage In exchange for magical instruction, Something edward had long been interested in.

Now, let's see what it looks like with proper some rewriting, hmn?

"He learned magic when a local mage was out on his luck. Being interested in magic instruction for a while, he managed to convince his father to trade some of his wares in exchange for magical instruction."

By the way, it's spelt Edward. It's a bit silly when you can't even spell your own character's name.

Personality: It needs to be fleshed out more. It seems like the stereotypical "loner with trust issues", but with no explanation about why he has trust issues in the backstory. After all, being the son of a trader isn't exactly prone to make someone paranoid. Now, this doesn't have to be anything big or dramatic, but please, have some sort of explanation for why this guy is the way he is.

I repeat, flesh this guy out more.

Equipment: His stuff needs stats.

Skills: Catch doesn't seem to fit as a support skill, since they tend to be more passive. For example, having good reflexes would be a support skill, while knowing how to catch a football would be a normal skill. It should likely be changed.

Techs:

[Polearm=1] Impale [12] Attempt to impale one target, More accurate at higher ranks.

This tech is completely redundant. It's like giving someone a knife skill called "Stab". Where you attempt to stab one target (possibly in the face).

It's pretty much assumed that polearms can stab people, so a tech isn't needed. This needs to be ditched, or at least changed so it does more than just stab.

I'll let others comment upon polearms, since this isn't exactly my area of expertise.

[Summoning=1]Cute bunny (30-rank Mp) - Blah Blah Blah

While Banj may not have words for how broken this is, I do.

This spell is really, really stupid.

I mean, c'mon, where to start on this...

NUMBER ONE: You're essentially creating bunny golems, so you're going to need a /lot/ more than rank 1.

NUMBER TWO: The "can't attack if one has low int/wis and/or affinity to bunnies" is complete bullshit. Liking bunnies is one thing, but it doesn't take a lot of brains to figure out the difference between a cute fluffy rabbit and a miniature mud beast that's trying to claw off your face.

NUMBER THREE: Unless it's magical poison mud, status ailments aren't going to cut it. Or at least, he needs to know other magic for it to work.

NUMBER FOUR: And, most importantly...why the hell is this guy summoning bunnies, anyways? That's just completely pointless. And don't tell me it's to instill fear into his enemies, either.

Aaand, that's all I have to say on the bunnies for the time being.

[Summoning=2]Semi-Random (Any Mp) Summons a creature who techs/mp/hp/magics/stats are based on mp used/rank/semi randomness.

...no. Just...no.

There is no way this is going to work. You can't just summon "whatever" for "whatever" MP costs. This spell is too damn vague and wishy-washy. It needs to be ditched, and replaced with real summon spells.

Not involving rabbits, either.

[Time Magic=2]Transfer (20 Mp) - For the next 3 rounds, The target takes the casters turns.

This spell is completely redundant, since there's another spell that does a similar thing.

It's called "using your turn to cast Haste on somebody else".

I might comment on the "skills to be added later", er...later, when I get a chance to look at them in depth. <p>

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Besyanteo
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Re: .

Unread postby Besyanteo » Sun Aug 15, 2004 8:08 pm

Time for the other techs!

[Polearm= 4] Parry skewer [5 TP] Attemp to skewer Rapidly approaching characters, effect lasts 4+rank/5 turns +1d3. (Think braveheart) Always critical if it hits.

So at rank four, for 2-4 rounds (PS rounds down in most cases, techs being one of them) for 5 TP you spend one time, you always miss or crit, with no penalties to strike or any other such thing. ... I'm thinking... NO. Less rounds, higher rank, and if you miss, you fall flat on your face, and until your next combat motion, your enemies get to auto-hit you.


[Polearm= 5] Attach [4 tp] (Requires string/rope etc). Attach something to an end of the polearm (daggers,pointy things , etc) may be used to make a double pointed polearm allowing yout to hit 2 enemies nerby that are close together (However a succesful parry or a simple miss of either target causes both hits to miss.),or attach to the pointed end for a small increase in damge and critical rolls If parried the string/rope(?) may break.

... No. Destroy this tech. There is nothing you could attatch to a pole arm in the space of a few seconds (your combat motion) that would be firm enough or reaching enough to hit two enemies. This needs to be trashed.


[polearm=6] Thwack [12] A vigorous whack upside the head, Has increased critical and damage rolls. May stun in rare cases.

This is a maybe. Put it before a GM to have it tweaked, and given actual damage/crit poential/whatever.


[Summoning=3] Ant Swarm [30 mp] - Summons A swarm of ants to attack all characters who are not the caster.
Ants are harder to hit with weapons (How many ants can you hit with a sword???) and one ant killed is no big deal, also if attacking ant(s) That are on a person that person will be hit as well. Magic effects fully.

As with the last tech, this is not a real tech yet. There are no stats, no calulations, nothing. Put this before a GM, don't expect much from an ant swarm. ... Oh, and be afraid of mages if you really intend to use such a thing on combat. One good fireball will take out a full swarm of ants.


[Summoning=4]Summon Lesser Golem (40-rank MP) - Creates a golem from the strongest, most abundant material available. If outdoors, this is likely to be clay or mud. Inside stone fortresses and the like, this is most likely to be stone, and in certain places, such as volcanoes or alternate planes, it is likely to be an elemental golem of the appropriate element. This summon, unlike others, does not have a fixed duration--it lasts until killed. If the creator of the golem is killed or disabled, then the golem goes berserk, attacking targets indiscriminately, or follows the last command given to it before going crazy. A golem can only follow simple commands, and is not intelligent enough to remember a sequence of them, only one at a time. Such commands might include "attack that creature," "defend this room," "protect me from harm," or "carry that over there." An average golem has 70 HP, an AC of 45, an initiative of 4+2d6, an AT/PA of 12, and deals 20+2d6 punching or 30+1d6 slamming at a -3 to hit penalty. A golem made from stone or iron will have higher damages and a higher AC. Elemental golems will deal appropriate damage bonuses.

Right out of the Spell Book, no problems.


[Summoning=5]Mystery Chests [2 mp per chest] Summon A Series of chests, The chests Have varied effects when opened, (-+hp,+-mp,More enemies, Temporary ally npc etc.) May also place item(s) in chests on casting, said items are distributed randomly. Chests Disapear one round after being opened. Chests may be picked up/thrown.

This is a highly complex spell, which needs some good GMing before it can be put on a sheet, and it requires higher MP and magic rank.


[Summoning=6]Wasp swarm [60 mp] - Summons a swarm of wasps, stronger than ant swarm.

See Ant Swarm Analysis, replace fireball with wind gust.


[Summoning=7] Midget twin [55-rank mp]Summons A miniature copy of One character, The miniatures stats are equal To the selected character's(the origional's) stats-5+casters rank/6, The miniature Has the magic / techs the target Had At The origional's rank*(casters rank/10)/3, If the miniature's stats are lowered in any way, the Origional recieves 25% of the effect and vice-versa. The Miniature Also is effected by any status ailments of the origional.

Try summoning=14. Then rest in the knowledge that no GM will ever accept your sheet with this on it, as casting it requires them to make a whole new sheet for your NPC, on the fly. Golems alone are a hassle. This is just stupid.


[Summoning=8]Summon Golem (68-rank MP) - Creates a golem from the strongest, most abundant material available. If outdoors, this is likely to be clay or mud. Inside stone fortresses and the like, this is most likely to be stone, and in certain places, such as volcanoes or alternate planes, it is likely to be an elemental golem of the appropriate element. This summon, unlike others, does not have a fixed duration--it lasts until killed. If the creator of the golem is killed or disabled, then the golem goes berserk, attacking targets indiscriminately, or follows the last command given to it before going crazy. A golem can only follow simple commands, and is not intelligent enough to remember a sequence of them, only one at a time. Such commands might include "attack that creature," "defend this room," "protect me from harm," or "carry that over there." An average golem has 150 HP, an AC of 60, an initiative of 4+2d6, an AT/PA of 16, and deals 30+2d6 punching or 42+1d6 slamming at a -3 to hit penalty. A golem made from stone or iron will have higher damages and a higher AC. Elemental golems will deal appropriate damage bonuses.

Taken right from the spell book, that's fine.


[Time Magic=5]Time rip(6 mp) Creates a portal To an area outside of time, In this area Anything in this area is considered to be 'stopped' Except for the caster and anyone he wills to not be stopped. May be used as a storage area for food etc, as nothing inside will age.

This is one of those spells where it would be fine, if it were a higher rank. ... Like 20.


[Time Magic=6]TimeWarp-Reversal (Max mp/(rank/3), max Tp/2 or, Max Hp/(rank/3)+2) Return target to status of rank/5 +1d6 rounds ago in battle, or hours out of battle. May not be used on self.

Rank 25, 30? Definitely not Rank 6. Jesus. Powermonger anyone?


[Time Magic=8]Stop (20 MP) - Attempts to freeze a target in time for 2+1d4
rounds. This target's aging and metabolism stop completely, and the target will
exist permanently within the moment they were stopped. Therefore, they will not
observe or have any knowledge of anything that happened after they were stopped,
or even know they WERE stopped. If circumstances are dramatically different (the
target was stopped indoors, then carried outdoors and left there), the target
may realize what has happened, or at least realize that they were affected by a
spell. A stopped character or monster cannot move or act, and suffers a -10/-10
helplessness AT/PA penalty. Casting a Haste spell on an affected target
nullifies Stop.

Taken from the spell book, it's fine.
<p>
Mrao~!

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"IM: ....my brother is a baby drinker." ~Ara</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: .

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Aug 15, 2004 8:13 pm

So why is this guy an expert at polearms, throwing weapons, and able to summon multiple things, create golems, and use time magic?

Seems an incredibly random array of skills thrown to together on a whim, rather than composing a logical or well thoughout character's skillset. <p>
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ziratha
 

Ok, i got it,

Unread postby ziratha » Fri Aug 27, 2004 12:38 am

Well bear in mind that this is my first attempt, I posted it for the very purpose of criticism.

He's good at polearms Because His father taught him to use them to protect himself when he was working in his fathers shop.

Hes not a master at throwing weapons, hes only rated 3, but if thats even too high, I'll lower it. How hard is it to throw something...?

As said in the story he was tutuored by an old mage/wizard when he was younger. Time and Summoning happened to be his specialty, plus I figure it would be easier to have my first character rely more on support skills than pure attack skills, helps prevent me from accidental godmoding.

Golem bunnies... it was just a thought. I'll make them weaker, a lot weaker and increase its rank requirement.
stupid... Again, new, sorry but I am and my stuff will suck as long as I'm new. I'll try to find a gm willing to help me with these attacks.

Anyway im listening to you all, every time you guys point out things like this out im getting a better idea of what I can and can't do.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=ziratha@rpgww60462>ziratha</A] at: 8/27/04 12:23 pm

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Re: Ok, i got it,

Unread postby Jak Snide » Sun Aug 29, 2004 3:06 am

Okay, looking at his background you say that his father taught him to use pole-arms to defend himself? It may just be me, but I'm pretty sure that pole-arms are mainly used by military bands since they're most effective when used in formation. If his father wanted to teach him how to defend himself he'd have him tutored in smaller weaponry, such as the many varieties of one handed swords. Either that or a quarter staff, which excels at defense.

Now, as for the magic. At what age was he given to this mage as an apprentice? And how much can one boy learn by the age of 17? The mage would have kept him busy with chores and assisting him in experiments which would means that Ed wouldn't have had the time to be anywhere as near as good as he is now with any sort of weapon. Also, I doubt any mage who had the skill and funds and equipment to train an apprentice, while conducting his own studies, would be down on his luck. If he was less than a proper teacher then I could buy it, but Ed would walk away with 2-3 ranks divided between summoning and time magic. Also, why would the father fork out a substantial amount of money/supplies to train his son? Did he dote on him? Did Ed make himself useful? How did the father take it when the son he'd pored time and effort into training upped and left him?

As for throwing weapons, while it doesn't take much skill to throw a ball in roughly the right direction, how much trouble would an untrained man have hitting a target with a throwing knife?

Finally, you need to expand the background to include more than an explanation as to how Eddy got his skills. What was his family like? Did he get on with them? What did he do in his 17 years of life besides train up those skills?



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