Ah, the tale that went untold.
I love your style of storytelling. Everything flowed well, and your language was well chosen throughout. As Doug said, yes, John is portrayed as creepy (Very... very... creepy), Zea's portrayed as the badass she is, and the villains were hateable, but enjoyable. (Though you may have to work on three-dimensionality on them. Not that they were bad, on the contrary, they were excellent. But seeing as you made the incredibly dense and complex characters like Zea and John, I would expect just a little less "one-note"-ness to them. Just a thought.)
All in all, for what you have accomplished in this story, it's a success. Congratulate yourself. You've done quite well.