Intro to a story I may or may not continue.

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Elementalist Daien
 

Intro to a story I may or may not continue.

Unread postby Elementalist Daien » Sat Feb 15, 2003 9:47 am

Here, I will show you the reason why I don't post my writings. Yes, it is meant to not provide too much information, as it is the intro, but still. Posting it so I may improve.


If I continue the story, I will post it here, but even if I do, it will be a long time.

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It has been quite, quite some time since it all happened... And yet I remember it like yesterday, even with my weak memory, characteristic of my humanity.. It was the forty third day in the Length of Death, the four hundred and twenty seventh cycle in the Korathian Legacy, and I remember well the excitement, the enthusiasm, and the elation with which I walked down the crudely built, hidden path in the Whitevale Forest, leading up to that small hut in the middle of nowhere.

Pausing for a moment, I looked to my side, admiring the beautiful red ball of fire in the sky, the masterpiece of the gods, through the web of branches which gave shade to the path. Even in the stillness of the Length, the only thing that held me from remaining mesmerized there, in the vision that lay in front of me was my destination... It was far from the first time that I had taken this path, and I knew all too well to where it led, but that day... That day was different.

Because that day was our day. The day when the Order of Everlyn, which most mages had not even heard a passing mention of, and only the best wizards from all around not only the empire, but from all over Gaia could ever dream of joining, would show the world its worth. When the Order would give back to this world the knowledge it had lost hundreds of years ago through its own foolishness, and bring back the ones responsible for the rise of humanity in this world. And I, Velkar, son of the Archmage Alkar, would go down in history, as one of them...

Bringing myself back to my senses, I realized that the sun had gone well down, and so I hurried to the meeting, to meet the others, who by now were surely awaiting my arrival. Sure enough, I arrived soon after, going along the path I was so used to, and upon arriving, I was, as was the procedure, greeting by a pair of our less powerful mages, used to guard the procedures.

“Arnatha al Sair” one of them said, and I replied.

“Mailen varn”

Sure enough, the door opened, and I walked in, greeted by the guard mages.

“Greetings, Velkar. The others are waiting for you.” I remember being notified.

“I know, thank you for waiting.” I hastily muttered a reply and walked in. Sure enough, everyone was there, and I nodded and was about to start my apology for being so late, when a voice silenced me. Looking around, I saw the familiar face of our leader, tall, dark haired, and handsome in a strangely scary way. His skill was one which would leave even the best mages of the empire itself in awe, and his knowledge was vaster than an elf could hope to achieve in his lifetime...

“There is no time to waste. The summoning circle is ready.” He said with a stern voice, and slowly but surely, we all went to the positions assigned for us. Even a materialing would have noted the raw power which emanated from the intricate circles, runes, and designs drawn on the ground and prepared with extreme care over entire weeks, under the Archmage’s hawk-like eyes...

Once again, my attention was broken as the chanting started, a low-pitched cacophony of voices, mixed with the humming sound that the emission of mana from the summoning circle.

“Illanox serva zellis...”

I looked around. Everyone else was in a deep trance, and the light was almost blinding. Even though I was following quite easily, I could not help but do the same...


“Luxaris veldt kamin ahw” …

I looked up for a second, and just kept myself from yelling out in glee, which would have undoubtedly caused a huge disaster. Floating high above the circle were a large number of white starts glowing bright, slowly and ceremoniously coming down in a perfect fit into the large circle..

“… an stail was, saia lur daw libatt…”

A hot tear almost sprang to my eye as I saw the mass of white dots in the black night sky through the hollow roof of the hut. Slowly, slowly, they grew near. I looked up, still muttering the lines I had memorized without even thinking; more intent on watching the white dots slowly move down. It was almost done, when suddenly...

From the door, we heard a mixture of screaming and yelling, and the rustling of leaves, together with the thudding of something hard on the ground. I gulped, knowing what this meant. And I was quite right. However, I never expected it to end like that…

“In the name of the Empire of Korathia, we order you to stop immediately, or we have been given permission to kill everyone who does not obey!” a voice yelled out. I felt my blood freeze in my veins, and time slow down. Kill...?

I knew the Empire have never been fond of our field of magic, and it was for that reason that the Order has always been secretive, but killing? And... And how did they found out where we were? I looked around frantically, hoping to see a reaction, any reaction from the others around the magical circle, but none of them had moved an inch... And sure enough, the Imperial soldiers sent kept to their leader’s word...

From that moment on, my memory is cloudy... I remember running faster than my legs ever took me before, running away from the hut as it went up in flames... I remember the feeling of fear as I turned around from where I was and saw the tongues of fire coming up from the hut. Never did I feel the same as I felt that day, feelings of anger, hate, fear, sadness, all mixed into one huge concoction that bubbled frantically and threatened to blow up the flask that held them. Tears swelled in my eyes, this time cold as ice, as I knew then I had lost not only my friends, but also my life, and my one dream. With no-one I could run to, nowhere that could help me, and no hope of justice, I did all I could do. I cried. I don't know how long I stayed there, but when I stood up, it was over, and I felt like I had no more tears to. I turned around and continued running, hands in my face, trying to think how I can continue living...

In my panic, though, what I did not notice was a large white ball of light flying directly above me, disappearing over the horizon as the spell we worked so hard on was broken...

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Information:

Length of Death = Autumn
Cycle = Year


Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=elementalistdaien>Elementalist] at: 2/15/03 9:00:37 am

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pd Rydia
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Re: Intro to a story I may or may not continue.

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat Feb 15, 2003 2:53 pm

Odd and interesting little piece. o.o What inspired you to write this? Where does this Gaia world come from? <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Why must my flaming debris be so delicious and edible? ;_;" -- FlamingDeth
-=- "oye KoD! tu griego me rockearia, si fuera griego de verdad..." -- ikozaedro
-=- "Seriously. The undead just don't stop. Great, aren't they?" -- Dirk (Skull Dragon)
-=- "Kelne's a natural magnet for everything, from lovers to planetary destroyers to carrots." -- End Reshiki</span></p>

bunnygirle78
 
Posts: 1245
Joined: Fri Jul 26, 2002 11:36 pm

Re: Intro to a story I may or may not continue.

Unread postby bunnygirle78 » Thu Feb 20, 2003 1:12 am

Very good. You have my attention. That's always a good thing, I do have a small suggestion though. You repeat yourself a cupel of times. For ex:

"Bringing myself back to my senses, I realized that the sun had gone well down, and so I hurried to the meeting, to meet the others, who by now were surely awaiting my arrival. Sure enough, I arrived soon after, going along the path I was so used to, and upon arriving, I was, as was the procedure, greeting by a pair of our less powerful mages, used to guard the procedures."

This is the only place I saw that. We know he's arrived, and we know hes meeting someone. It works the way you have it, and by no means am I bashing your work. It might be more effective if you don't repeat in this paragraph. I hope you do another, I am hooked.

I hope I offered helpful and constructive advice.
<p>Sometimes when I se squirls I feel the urge to kill. . .is that wrong?</p>

SALSAlys
 

Re: Intro to a story I may or may not continue.

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu Feb 20, 2003 6:00 pm

Continue or I'll bite.

Because 'tis mind-provoking and it makes me curious.


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Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/11/05 17:24


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