Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

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Spleen
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Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby Spleen » Wed Jan 22, 2003 5:34 pm

(Hey, this is my first attempt at a fic. If anything, it'll attempt to explain why my avatar is called Spleen. Hope you enjoy it.)

On the outskirts of Doma existed a rather sizable farm, run by a man and his wife, two well-to-do farmers. Unlike many in the trade, they could read and write well, and knew all sorts of things in many topics. However, the wife was barren. Try as he might (and by the gods did he try!), her husband could not get her to bear children.

It came to pass one day that an old pilgrim, a holy man of the gods, passed through that part of Doma and saw the farmhouse, which he reasoned probably had much to spare of its wealth. He worshipped no particular god, for he held favor with all of Gaera's deities and did not see fit to choose just one to worship above all others

The pilgrim went to the house to ask for food. The husband, his face red and drenched with tears, answered his knock at the door. "My wife," he said, "is sick with a horrible disease. I must pray to the gods for her recovery. The only reason I even answered your knock is because I suspected you to be the long-overdue physician we sent for. You are obviously not he, so be gone! Return when she has passed and I am done with my mourning, and you may receive much food, as I will no longer need half of it."

Stricken by the man's plight, the pilgrim offered his help, which the workworn farmer accepted at length. He led him into the richly-decorated house and to his comatose wife's side. The old holy man did not cease his prayers for a day and a night, as it was morning when he came, and when the first rays of the sun came through the window and struck the woman's face, she awoke as though from a leisurely nap.

The husband was overjoyed at this, and once she realized what had happened the wife was as joyous. “Say what you wish, good priest,” they said, “and we will grant it with no hesitation.”

The pilgrim smiled at their beaming faces. “I wish nothing but food to sustain me over for a few days so that I may continue to help people like you.” They gave him a great pack full of food to last him weeks. “Tell me,” he said before leaving, “Have you any children? Radiant as you are I would like to see what amazing flowers have come forth from your kind seed.”

At this the couple was sad again. “Alas, but my wife is utterly barren,” the farmer said, “We have tried but cannot produce but one son.”

The holy man nodded. “For you piousness and love of each other, I shall grant you not one son but two, and it shall come to pass that both will be very skilled at whatever they do in life, be it art, poetry, farming like their parents, or even the warlike arts.” The holy man knew that it would be the last, that there would be nothing that the parents could do that would keep their sons from taking up blades. Taking up blades against each other, he reminded himself ruefully, for the intelligent sage knew that the naming of good twin and evil twin would be on their heads, and that it would be as true as their own lives. He hinted this to the parents; only saying that one would be considerably temperamental and deal falsely later in life. He just hoped they would figure out which one was the good twin in time…

Not long after the old man went on his way, the woman showed signs of pregnancy. There was rejoicing on the farm and at the birth of the twins a great feast was thrown in joy by the parents. The one born first of the two they called Seryntas, the younger they dubbed Sarakir.

Sarakir spent his infancy as the most loving and lovable baby imaginable. He rarely if ever cried and was always the joy of his parents. Seryntas, on the other hand, cried often and bit anyone who tried to put a hand near him. The parents of the twins, who were named Varell and Tarya (Varell being the father and Tarya the mother), saw this and reasoned that Seryntas might be the evil twin, for being as smart as they were, they realized what the old pilgrim meant. They knew it was too early to see, but they kept a watch on him just in case.

When they were old enough to help with chores around the farm, Sarakir had exemplary behavior. However, Seryntas did not. He was rather rude and callous and hated to work. His parents kept an even tougher watch on him.

Seryntas, on the other hand, knew what his parents did not know or were too blind to see. Sarakir enjoyed gambling and deceit. The only reason Seryntas appeared to hate work was because he was forced to pick up his brother’s slack all the time and hated it. But work was not the only thing Sarakir disliked. He hated everyone on the farm, especially his parents and his brother, and slowly formed a plot against them.

Sarakir easily won his parents’ hearts by breaking a number of rules, framing Seryntas, and telling their mother, who once bragged that Sarakir never got in trouble. Before long, he had them in the palm of his adolescent hand.

When the twin brothers were sixteen years old and working in the fields, their mother ran screaming out of the house. Varell had been killed! It was quite obviously the work of Seryntas, as there were bits of chicken feed strewn about and the older of the twins had fed the chickens. Sarakir supported this by saying that he had seen Seryntas in the house at the time when the coroner said their father had died.

Sarakir easily persuaded his widowed mother to banish Seryntas and give Sarakir his disgraceful brother’s birthright. Seryntas was given enough food to barely sustain him on his long walk to the nearest city and a change of clothes and sent on his way.

When Seryntas was about a mile away, he finally turned and looked back at his childhood home. It was burning! Foaming with rage, the stricken Seryntas screamed, “DAMN YOU SARAKIR! WHEN I SEE YOU NEXT I SHALL KILL YOU AND FEED YOUR SPLEEN TO THE VULTURES!”

Seryntas then named himself Spleen, so that every time someone spoke to him he would be reminded of his oath to destroy his evil brother.

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=spleeninfinity13>SpleenInfinity13</A]&nbsp; Image at: 2/1/03 8:12:24 pm

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pd Rydia
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Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Jan 22, 2003 6:15 pm

Hm.

Story: Nice conception, and interesting backstory on your avatar.

I'll be honest and say the execution isn't perfect, but I'd also say it's pretty good for your grade level.

The parenthetical remarks kind of detract from the narrative...I'd try to use less of them in future writing.

As for this particular work, I must say I want to smack the father. You make him sound like an ass. Might want to work on that... >.>;;

:P Funny how it's always the wife that's barren...not the man who's impotent...

Anyway, overall, good work. *gives cookies* <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>

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Spleen
I put a BOMB inside EVERY BAD GUY!
 
Posts: 2625
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 5:07 pm
Location: Demon Realms of Niu-Jiurzi

Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby Spleen » Wed Jan 22, 2003 7:35 pm

Heh...I've been reading too much of Bulfinch's mythology. It's coming out in my writing (my teacher noticed it too today). Thanks for the comments, Dia. *hoards cookies* <p>_____________
"O_o Come to think of it... I'm not thinking now. Hwehehehehe! Hahahahahaha! Goodbye brain, hello endless space in which my skull is a part of!"
-ZuljinVernand</p>

Choark
 

Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby Choark » Thu Jan 23, 2003 5:56 am

Aye lad, tis a fine tale. It also reminds me of a few ye old folk lores I used to know (when I actually knew over 50 of the darn things). The speech of the characters are cool. I love the way it was all worded too.

On the ( ) in your story :P While I admit it broke up a few too many sentances, some of them held some of the best lines and made me chuckle a fwe times.

The whole thing was better written then anything I have ever managed to od as well. Pretty decent fic all in all.


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Spleen
I put a BOMB inside EVERY BAD GUY!
 
Posts: 2625
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 5:07 pm
Location: Demon Realms of Niu-Jiurzi

Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby Spleen » Sat Feb 01, 2003 9:13 pm

Expunged all the parenthetical references except for the really funny one. <p>_____________
"O_o Come to think of it... I'm not thinking now. Hwehehehehe! Hahahahahaha! Goodbye brain, hello endless space in which my skull is a part of!"
-ZuljinVernand</p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Feb 05, 2003 2:20 pm

Yay. ^_^ <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I wanna get so drunk that I start seeing my friends as cows." -- Aya (LadyDragonClawsEDW)
-=- "If you're still able to see in colors and not in scents...you're CERTAINLY not drunk enough." -- Nakibe
-=- "LET'S ALL RUN FREE, NAKED, AND DRUNK!" -- Shirinai</span></p>

User avatar
Spleen
I put a BOMB inside EVERY BAD GUY!
 
Posts: 2625
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 5:07 pm
Location: Demon Realms of Niu-Jiurzi

Re: Shadowed Twin - The Story of Spleen

Unread postby Spleen » Sun Feb 09, 2003 8:56 pm

What, no one wants to of post?

: ( TJORD.


Image <p>_____________
"O_o Come to think of it... I'm not thinking now. Hwehehehehe! Hahahahahaha! Goodbye brain, hello endless space in which my skull is a part of!"
-ZuljinVernand

DWSage008: Death is loading....</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/11/05 16:59


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