Shrouded Past - A Fic

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Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Wed Jan 08, 2003 1:54 pm

It was midday in the bustling capital city of Doma. The stomachs of the populace demanded offerings to appease their rumbling, especially those denied ones in the early morning for breakfast time. The people were all too willing to satisfy them in the capital's numerous inns and taverns, each serving their own unique dishes and meals. At one location in paticular, an elderly woman and a young man shared a small drink after a recently finished meal.

"I must say... *sip*... it may not be 'quite' as good as back home, but this is certainly decent tea." The woman said to the young man. Her long silver hair and slightly rinkled complextion gave away her long life, yet her green eyes were as bright and cheerful as someone half her age. She wore a simple, but somewhat elegant robe of white, with a small hood in the back, and sheets of cloth hanging from her arms. The red triangles and runic patterns along the trims and her sleeves showed it was the robes of a follower of Ishtar, the Light Goddess.

"Of course, it can't 'possibly' be as good as tea at home, now can it mom?" the young man said, the sarcasm heavy in his voice as he smiled back to her. The man had short, slightly mangy brown hair, parts of which always seemed to be jutting out no matter how he attempted to style it. He looked back at the woman with bright, cheerful blue eyes, his face sharing the same, kind smile as hers. He wore light plate mail of bright blue with white/tannish trim, a tanned trenchcoat worn over it. The runic symbol on the armor showed that he was also a follower of Ishtar, a Paladin.

...well, "pseudo" Paladin, if one were to ask him.

"Hey now, there's nothing wrong with a 'tiny' bit of pride in one's country, Daniel. I can't help it if we Baronians simply make a superior beverage to the rest of the world." the woman told her son, getting a small laugh out of him.

"Hehehe, I suppose so... but I still think Kotoki could be a big contender for the coveted 'Shelia Hyral Tea Seal of Approval'." Daniel smirked, adding, "I know she's already got mine."

"True, true, but she obviously came to Baron at *some* point, nothing else can explain how well she prepared it." Shelia smirked back as she took another sip of the beverage, her son sighing in reluctance to debate it any further.

"As silly as this may sound, this was always one of my many regrets about your father, Daniel." Shelia said, trying to maintain a cheerful smile as she put her cup back down, "I could never get that man to enjoy a single cup of it."

"...really? But Dad always drank with us at lunch time?" Daniel asked her, sipping his beverage as the elderly woman chuckled softly.

"Oh Goddess no, he'd always just have a glass of water. I suppose that comes from not being raised on it, poor man. Even when I tried to slip a few leaves in, Alex..."

He smile fell for a moment at the mention of the name, stopping to compose herself for a moment.

"...Your father... would always seem to know, no matter what I tried."

"Heh... I never knew that about Dad." Daniel said, trying to smile back. His smile faltered a bit, however, as he added,


"...there's probably a lot I'll never know about him now..."


The two sat in silence a moment, Shelia's smile leaving her face as each stared at their cups. Talking about him was never easy for the two. At times it still felt like they had lost him just yesterday.

"...I'm sorry Daniel, I shouldn't have even brough it up." Shelia said, a small frown on her lips as she stared at her cup.

"No, it's Ok mom." he told his mother, trying to smile as best he could, "I'd rather talk about him and feel a bit sad, than risk forgetting anything about him."

Shelia looked up at her son, managing a tiny smile of her own.

"I'm glad you feel that way, Daniel."

The elderly woman reached into her robes, starting to pull out something rather large. The pseudo-Paladin raised an eyebrow, wondering what she had hidden away.

"There was a reason I asked to have lunch with you today Daniel, and this..." she placed the object down on the table, sliding it across over to her son, "...this is the reason why."

Daniel looked down at the object, picking it up in his hands and looking it over. It was a book of some kind, with worn, browned leather acting as the cover, the pages slightly yellowed from age. He looked up at his mother, a look of confusion on his face.

"...what's this?" Daniel asked, his mother taking a deep breath before she answered.

"It's your fathers journal."

Daniel blinked a few times, skimming over the cover to the journal. Sure enough, in the upper left corner of the book was the name 'Alexander Hyral' in embossed red letters.

"...but why are you giving this to me?" Daniel asked her. As much as his curiousity was screaming to open the cover, he did not dare open something so private.

"Before your father left, I promised him that if he... he didn't make it..."

Shelia took another moment to compose herself, before looking back to her son.

"...that I would give this to you and your brother. I suppose he knew one day you'd both feel that way, wanting to know more about him."

Daniel looked over the journal again, still in shock at what was in his hands at the moment. All the unanswered questions he had about his father, the things he never got a chance to speak with him about or ask him. All of the answers could lay in this very book.

But then again... what if they didn't? What if it only brought up more questions? Things better left buried in the past? What if it only made things more painful...

Shelia noticed the hesitant look on her son's face, and she had a pretty good idea why.

"Daniel, if your father didn't want you to see that, he would have told me to keep it hidden away."

She took her son's hand, patting it and giving him an encouraging smile.

"He obviously thought it was important for you both to see it. No matter what is written in there, he wanted you both to know the kind of man he was, good or sometimes bad."

Daniel gazed down at the journal again, pondering his own fears and what his mother had said. With a heavy breath, he grabbed the cover to the journal, turning it over nervously to the first page.


...the contents of which caused his eyes to go wide.


F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K F*&K


The line of profanities was repeated on each line, over and over and over again.


"...er..." Daniel grunted, a bead of sweat dripping down his cheek.

"Go on Daniel, go on." Shelia encouraged him, Daniel looking up in mild shock before going back to the journal. After about 20 or so pages, the contents of the journal finally started to change.


SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T SH#T


Now this was being repeated on each line.


"Uh... mom? I... think you goofed. This looks more like something Stephan would write than Dad." Daniel told her, referring to his similar looking, yet ill-mannered sibling. His eyebrow was still raised in disbelief as he flipped through the numerous pages of curses.

"...just keep reading Daniel, you'll see." Shelia said calmly. She stood up from their small booth, the Pseudo Paladin looking up at her in confusion.

"You're not gonna stay?" Daniel asked her, the elderly woman giving her son a small smile.

"As fun as watching you read would be dear, I do have some things to take care of. Besides..."

She walked over to Daniel's side, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"I think your father would want the two of you to read that alone. I'll see you later, Ok?"

The elderly follower of Ishtar departed from the Inn, leaving her very, very confused son sitting alone at the booth.

...she must have made a mistake... Dad *NEVER* cursed around us, *EVER* Daniel thought to himself, continuing to flip thorugh the journal, Heck, he used to give Stephan a good bop to the noggin if he let one slip...

Another 20 pages later, Daniel finally turned to a page in the journal that had more than a string of similar curses. The entry had no date, unlike most journals, and was barely legible:


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Stupid @!$@#$ing Journal piece of sh#$,

I am so godsdamn SICK of this little @#$#@$ing piece of $#@$@# town in this piece of #@$#@$ country. When I get the @$#@ outta here, I'm *NEVER* taking another @#$@#$ing hit job in Baron AGAIN. @#$#@$ing weird talking, p#$$ drinking @$#@$holes breaking my @#$#@$#@ing LEG. And if that @$#@$@#$ing B#$ch Shelly, Sherly, Shelia, whatever the @#$#@$ her name is asks me one more time if I'm @$@#ing thirsty and offers tea, I'll break her @#$#@$ing neck.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


"Oh..... Gods..." Daniel thought aloud. The other patrons glanced over at the young man from Baron, trying to figure out how he could be so surprised from a simple book...




(OOC: Well, there ya go. @_@;; *awaits waves of criticism about bad grammer*)

(OOC2: Tweaked it a bit ^_^; *will probably end up editing this numerous times* @_@; )

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=fffanatic80>FF]  Image at: 1/9/03 5:48:31 pm

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed Jan 08, 2003 2:09 pm

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!


Amusing Dave. Very amusing. Yes yes. Amusing.

On the technical side, you have two points where there is a lot of Exposition that you could work into text. For example, you didn't need to tell us that Sheila is Stephan and Dan's Mother. It would have come out in text. and instead of telling us how their father died outright, make some little references to it in the dialogue. Just hints, not outright telling.



And I am very tempted to uncensor this. ^_^




But I won't, because you're my firend and I love you. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Jan 08, 2003 9:37 pm

Dude that's terribly, terribly ace. o_____o Bwa ha ha!

Good grammar, good spelling, good flow. A few typos, though. Nice char development. ^_^ *gives both thumbs up* Definately superior writing. You should do this more often.

Oh, and more. ={{{ <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Rydia: ...and...squish?
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby WillBaseton » Thu Jan 09, 2003 6:55 pm

>.< *stifling a laugh*

AHAHAHAHHA! Those are some long curse chains...hee hee...funneh! FUNNEH FUNNEH FUNNEH! Image <p>......</p>

Choark
 

Re: Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby Choark » Mon Jan 13, 2003 11:49 am

More? ehehehehheheh

Either way... coo! Very Coo!


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Re: Shrouded Past - A Fic

Unread postby KingOfDoma » Wed Jan 15, 2003 12:53 am

<span style="font-size:large;">MORE.</span> <p>--------------------
"Life is pain. Anyone who says otherwise is selling something." - The Dread Pirate Roberts

... frik, that's morbid.</p>

Kotoki
 

...

Unread postby Kotoki » Wed Jan 15, 2003 4:37 pm

...I'm amused, and concur with Cha. ^___^


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Shrouded Past - The Cage of Concern

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Wed Jan 29, 2003 1:37 pm

A few days had gone by since Daniel's last meeting with his mother, the Pseudo Paladin once again at Kotoki's Inn. It was busier than usual this day, and compounded with Jak having to 'evict' certain unruly customers in a fiery manner, very loud as well. Daniel didn't mind too much though, as he only had a short time to read before meeting Kyra for lunch. On his lap sat the same journal his mother had given him, which he had not touched or opened since the first day reading it. He was still too shocked at the first things he had read in the journal.

...I just... I guess part of me doesn't want to believe this... Daniel thought to himself, picking up the journal and placing it on the table, Dad calling mom a bitch? Making fun of Baron? It doesn't seem anything like him...

He gave his life for Baron... why would he say those things?

As Daniel looked down at the journal, deep in though, he knew the only way he could find out the answer to that question.

...whether he liked the answer or not.

With a small sigh, Daniel skipped past the 40 or so pages of profanities, turning to the next page in the journal to continue reading:


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


It looks like I'm @#$#@$ing stuck here.

What a great @#$@#$ing way for it all to end, !@#!@#ing #$@holes making me come here. "OOOH IT'LL BE *EASY*" they said, my @$$ it was. 10 f#$king guards is not f*&king *EASY*, last time I @#$@ing checked. Too bad too, getting that sword would've been @$@#$ing sweet. If I wasn't feared before, that @$#@#ing thing would have guaranteed it.

So much for that.

Now I'm stuck listening to this bitch nagging me, like she gives two sh#$s about me. All those Ishtar types just do it to 'look good' for their God/Goddess/whatever the f#$k it is anyway. All a bunch of @#$#holes anyway...

At least this @#$@#$ing book thingy the tea b#$ch game me'll keeping me from loosing my #@$@#$ing mind in the meantime. Not for long though, I can't @#$@#ing stand being stuck in one @$#@ing place like this.

I wonder how long it takes before the p@$$ drinking guards find me? If they're even semi-#@$ing competent I'm pretty much @#$#@$ed.

Well, I won't go down without a @#$@#ing fight, busted leg or not.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


...I think that Shera/Shelly/Shelia/whoever b#$ch is trying to @#$#@ing torture me.
It's been a @#$#ing week, where the @#$#@$ are the guards?! Shouldn't @#$@ing holy people turn someone like me in by #@$#@$ing now?! Does she want to stuff me full of this shitty leaf water and biscrap until I @$#@ing die?!

WHAT THE #@$@#$ DOES SHE WANT FROM ME?! IS SHE NOT GETTING THE @$#@$ING HINT!? I DON'T GIVE A @#$# WHAT SHE SAYS!

I wanna make something @#$#@$ing bleed...


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


I don't @#$#@$ing believe this.

Tea b#$ch decided I was 'calm' enough today to try and talk to me. She tried asking me for my name, so I told her exactly how @#$#@ing 'calm' I was.

I called her a b*&ch to her face.

...and what a big @#$#@$ing mistake that was. She sat *RIGHT ON* my @#$@$#ing busted leg and *GROWLED* at me! Started spouting sh#$ about me being an 'Ungrateful Bastard' and a 'Bloody Twit', whatever the f#$k a 'twit' is...

She's a @#$#@$ing nutcase, if you ask me.


So she's not talking to me anymore... good if you @#$@#$ing ask me, I don't wanna talk to her. I just wanna get the @$#$ outta here...


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


...well well well, this was a @#@#$ing interesting night.

I guess tea b#$ch thought I was sleeping or something, cus she had some other @#$@#$ from the village in to talk with her.

And whaddya know, she @#$@#ing hates my guts. She wanted to have someone else 'babysit' me, like I'm some @#$@#$ing child or something. Well tough sh#$ for her, guess everyone in the village knows about my 'attitude' and doesn't want anything to do with me. Good. So now she's stuck taking care of me til my leg's fixed.

Oh, I'm gonna be *MUCH* more @$#@$ing pleasant around her now, hehehe...


...I can't @$#@$ believe I just wrote 'hehehe', I gotta get the @#$@#$ outta this place...


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


It's about @$#@ing time something 'GOOD' happened.

Tea b*&ch just said my leg should be ready to go in about a week. Weee@#$#@$ingha, I can finally get the @#$@#$ outta this place! Good @#$@#ing riddance, I say. I don't care how much @#$#@ing money or sh#$ they give... I never wanna see this place or tea b#$ch again.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~



"...Daniel dear?" a gentle voice called out, distracting the Pseudo Paladin from his reading. He looked up to see a smiling woman in white Ishtarian robes. Short blonde hair surrounding her smiling face, her violet eyes gazing into Daniel's, causing him to smile back.

"Oh, hi sweetie." Daniel told her, getting up from the booth to give the woman a big hug, and planting a small peck on her cheek, "How is Doma's lovliest lady this morning?"

The woman smiled a bit wider, a small blush spreading across her entire face.

"Oh, just wonderful. Sorry I was late, Elly decided to play some hide and seek on us at the castle today." The woman told Daniel, "For such a little girl, she's quite good at it."

He just smiled back, letting out a small laugh, "That's fine Kyra, I think lunch can wait a bit for a child's fun, especially for the little princess."

He helped the woman to a seat, sitting back in the booth across from her. Daniel reached across and held her hand, causing another small blush. As she did, she glanced down and noticed the journal lying there.

"Ah, still reading your book dear?" Kyra asked him, the Pseudo Paladin sweating a little at the question.

"Yeah... it's definitely been... 'enlightening'..." Daniel told her, seeming a bit nervous. Kyra picked up on it though, her face showing a bit of concern.

"...is something the matter, dear?" she asked him, rubbing his hand gently.

"No...not really." Daniel told her, rubbing her hand back gently. She smiled again, returning the show of affection back.

"...Kyra?"

"Yes Daniel?"

"...did your parents always care about one another?"

Kyra blinked a few times, taken aback by the question.

"...well... um... honestly... uh..." Kyra started to answer, looking slightly confused, "Daniel, why would you ask such a thing?"

He glanced down at the journal briefly, before looking back up at Kyra.

"I was just reminded that sometimes, love isn't always at first sight."

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=fffanatic80>FF]&nbsp; Image at: 1/29/03 12:37:51 pm

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: Shrouded Past - The Cage of Concern

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed Jan 29, 2003 3:04 pm

Hm hm hm hm hm hm hm...

...

I can't believe I just wrote that.


Lovely stuff, Dave. Well written, the setting is good, and the voiceyness of it excellent. You're still tempting me to uncensor it. though...

Leaf water ^_^

<p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - The Cage of Concern

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Jan 29, 2003 5:39 pm

Whee! More~! <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>

Choark
 

Re: Shrouded Past - The Cage of Concern

Unread postby Choark » Wed Jan 29, 2003 8:37 pm

Yes More! Dude ya story has tons of personality! Me like!


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Shrouded Past - Antics and Angst

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Wed Mar 05, 2003 2:19 pm

As he had been for past few days, Daniel was at his usual table at Kotoki's. He was becoming an accustomed sight there now, a few patron even starting to come over and ask how his reading was going. This day however, he was breathing heavily and wiping sweat from his brow instead of reading, his arm draped over his forehead. Noticing this odd behavior in the Pseudo-Paladin, a familiar figure of said inn came over to speak with him.

"Morning Dan!" Kotoki, owner of the popular Inn, said to him, her usual perky and cheerful smile on her face as she carried a tray of glasses over. She noticed the Pseudo-Paladin's face was pink and flushed, a concerned yet curious look on her own face as she asked, "...something the matter?"

Daniel removed his arm from his forehead, leaning forward and hanging his head slighty toward the table.

"I...I'll be Ok... just been having a... rough morning..." he told Kotoki between breaths, "Forte... one of the... chocobo's... got... loose and... scared again..."

"Oh, I remember him from the wedding! He's nice..." Kotoki said with a grin, sweating a little while she added, "..and a bit of a nervous wreck, right?"

"...that's... putting it... mildly... but... yeah, he's fine... now..." Daniel told her, leaving back into the seat again, resting his head on the top while his breath caught up. He turned to Kotoki, smiling politely.

"Seems like I... can't avoid crazyness sometimes... it's strange." he commented, the inn-keeper chuckling slightly at the comment.

"Believe me Dan, I know exactly what you mean. Why just last night, we kinda had a... 'loud disagreement' here."

She gestured to a nearby wall, Daniel looking over to see what she was pointing to. Said wall was black and charred, the nearby furniture haphazardly put back together, apparently from being broken in the previously mentioned 'disagreement'.

"Yikes... sorry to hear that Kotoki. You need any help cleaning up?" Dan volunteered, the Innkeeper still smiling as she shook her head to the sides.

"It's Ok Dan, I've got Jak taking care of it, since he was... sorta involved in it happening in the first place." she told him, the Pseudo-Paladin raising an eyebrow in curiousity.

"Really? Who was he fighting wi..." Daniel started to ask her. As he attempted to finish the question, he noticed that Kotoki's smile had thinned a bit, her hand with the tray rubbing the back of her head nervously, face turned away slightly. Daniel stopped, his mouth dropping into a slight frown, as a suspicion of the culprit occured to him.

...oh Gods, don't tell me...

"Actually Dan, that reminds me..." Kotoki said nervously, forcing a polite smile as she sweated a bit, "...could you ask your brother to avoid the Inn for a few days?"

...Gods dammit...

"...yeah, I'll let him know." Daniel sighed, resting a palm against his forehead in annoyance at his sibling, "Sorry about the trouble."

"Oh, don't worry about it... they've done worse." She told him, rubbing the back of her head as she giggled nervously, "Sides, the business we get from him almost makes up for it. And Midoku's a nice guy too."

Doesn't mean I won't give him hell for this... jeez... Daniel thought, already debating how he would confront Stephan about this.

As Daniel let out another sigh, Kotoki happen to glance down at the table, noticing the book he had been reading.

"That must be a nice book, you've been reading it close to a week now. Who's the author?" Kotoki asked, Daniel's face freezing a moment in surprise at the question. Kotoki noticed this, blushing a bit in slight embarrasement.

"Oh, um... sorry, I didn't mean to pry or anything Dan.." she started to say. Daniel looked over at the Inn-keeper, smiling reassuringly.

"Don't worry about it, I don't mind." he said, glancing down at the book, "The author's... my dad, actually."

"...I didn't know your dad was a writer?" Kotoki asked, Daniel chucking a little and shaking his head.

"No no, he's not an author, it's his journal. My mother gave it to me last week." Daniel explained to her.

"Oh! Wow, no wonder you're reading it so much." Kotoki said. Smiling a bit mischievously, she asked,

"...has he talked about anything... 'interesting' yet?"

Daniel blinked a few times, the Inn-keeper adding a quick wink at him. Recalling his past conversations with the inn-keeper, it finally dawned on him what she was implying.

"U...uh...er.... well, uh..." Daniel stuttered, his face contorting strangely as it usually did when talk of... 'personal' matters came up. Kotoki giggled a bit, quite used to this reaction from the Pseudo-Paladin by now.

"I'm just teasing Dan, don't worry about it, I know it's private stuff." she said with a smile, patting him on the shoulder. "That's nice your finding out stuff about your Dad there. From what Stephan's mentioned sometimes, I know how much he meant to both of you."

"Th...thanks Kotoki..." Daniel stammered, starting to calm down a bit. The inn-keeper turned around toward the other tables briefly, then back to Dan.

"Looks like the other customers are getting a little impatient, I'd better get going. Enjoy the reading!" Kotoki said, smiling and nodding toward Dan before turning around to take a few lunch orders. Daniel watched her walk off briefly, taking a deep breath to calm himself down.

...I don't know how she manages to be so nice yet so... like that too sometimes... the Pseudo-Paladin wondered. Putting the thought aside for now, as he had little time before going back to 'clean up' after Forte, he opened the journal where he had left off the other evening.


His father had mentioned all the things he was looking forward to doing once he got out of the, as he called it, 'Piss Drinker's Land'. Most of them were things that simply horrified Dan. His father mentioned things such as fighting with a number of people, torturing them slowly and methodically, and inflicting ample amounts of severe pain toward a number of people he felt had wronged him in some way.

He seems so angry at everything... just like Stephan can be. But why...? Daniel thought, as his father had not decided to write about anything specific from his past yet. The Pseudo-Paladin knew, and had seen first hand, some of the horrible things Stephan had gone through, almost driving him completely over the edge. Daniel wondered, yet also feared at the same time, what had led his father down this same path. But for now, he continued to read.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


...well f#$#. So much for getting the @#$#@$ outta here. Seems tea-b*&ch forgot to mention something, of course. She always leaves something @#$@#ing out of everything. My leg's finally fixed up... BUT I CAN'T @#$@#$ING WALK! She mentioned something about the muscles antro.. something or other, cause I've had to sit on my @#$@#$ing ASS for @#$@#$ing WEEKS.

I think whatever @#$#@$ing Gods might exist must @#$#$#@ing HATE ME or something.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


I want to @#$@#$$@ing HURT SOMETHING SO @#$#@$ING BAD RIGHT NOW.

Tea-b*&ch is trying to 're-teach' me how to walk. What, does she think I'm a @#$@#$ing BABY or something?! I know how to @#$@#$ing walk, my leg's just f@$@#ed up. She also told me I need to stop swearing so much. Well, too @#$$@#ing bad for her.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


As if the @$#@$ing embarrasment wasn't bad enough already.

Tea-b*&ch had some sh#$ she had to do, so I got left alone today. She had the @#$#@$ing nerve to tell ME to stay in bed. And GLARE AT ME, she's @#$#@$ing lucky I can't walk yet...

...and I @#$@#$ing hate when she's right. Made it about two steps before my @#$@#$@ing legs went limp on me. So she gets back and finds me on the floor...and CARRIES ME back to the @#$#@$ing bed! She's @#$#@$ing HALF A DAMN FOOT SHORTER than me and she can @#$@#$ing carry me. And then slaps me, @#$@#ing SLAPS me and yells at me like I'm a Godsdamned CHILD! Dammit, if she wasn't such a @##@$#@$ing b#$ch, I'd be so @#$@#$ing turned o...

(At this point, a massive scribble of lines follows the o, the text restarting a few lines down.)

I HATE HER I HATE HER I @#@#$@#$ING HATE HER!!!


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


Wee, Tea-b*&ch has yet ANOTHER $@#$@#$ING plan to help me.

She says my leg should be strong enough to try walking around the house by myself, about @#$#@$ing time. She said someone in town could use help sweeping up their shop, SWEEPING! I'm a @#$@#$ing WARRIOR, not a @#$@#$ing SLAVE. I just want to get the @#$#@$ outta this @#$@#$ing town.... but I can't. If I'm found out like this, I'm @#$@ed. But I can't @$$#@ing stand staying here, depending on these @#$#@ing piss drinkers! Tea-b#$#ch keeps telling me I get too worked up over it, and that helping people can be 'The most satisfying experience one can have.', especially family, she says.

She's obviously never shoved a blade into a backstabbing @#$#@$er's stomach before, THAT'S satisfying.

As if you can count on anyone anyway, everyone only cares for their own @$#@$ing interest anyway, even your supposed 'caring family', what bullsh#$ that is.

Cause in the end... all you can #@$#@$ing count on is yourself...


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


"Mr. Hyral?" a voice said, interrupting Daniel. He glanced up, his face faultering a bit at the sight before him. It was a soldier from Doma Castle, one whom Daniel often spoke with during his visits. Said soldier, however, was now covered head to toe in multiple colors of Chocobo feathers.

"My Goddess, what in the world happened?" Daniel asked, the soldier letting out a short sigh.

"Apparently, one of the soldiers was so busy 'looking' at her majesty, he neglected to lock Forte's stall. And well... we have about 2 dozen chocobo storming around the city streets..." the soldier told him. His face was pointed at the floor, in an attempt to hide the heavy blush of embarrasment on his face.

Daniel sighed, having a pretty good idea who the soldier was. Most likely the same one Aya had removed from guard duty on her chambers, for sleeping and... 'staring' frequently.

"...Alrighty, we'd better get a move on then." Daniel nodded, getting up from the booth and placing the journal inside his light platemail. The two started down the road following a multicolored feather trail, as Daniel thought a bit to himself in silence.

...is that what it was, Dad? What did your family do that was so terrible...?

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=fffanatic80>FF]&nbsp; Image at: 3/5/03 1:27:12 pm

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Re: Shrouded Past - Antics and Angst

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed Mar 05, 2003 5:07 pm

Yay Camoes, Kefka quotes, and Chocobos! Image !

I am really enjoying how Dan is trying to figure out his Dad's mentality, you are doing a great job with that ^_^

And Old Man Hyral is as colorful as ever! Image ! <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - Antics and Angst

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Mar 05, 2003 5:51 pm

More. ^_^ <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Anybody have any valuables? It's been several hours since I pillaged anything!" -- UnclePervy (DFRD, Nick Shogun)
-=- "YOU! The big, injust, green guy with the perplexed look!!" -- Mikan (2 Sugoi, Nekogami)
-=- "Upgrade complete. Please reboot your ass" -- Squintz Altec
-=- "I SMASHIES....in a very intellectual manner" -- Banjooie
</span></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - Antics and Angst

Unread postby ValkyrieShan » Fri Mar 07, 2003 10:08 am

I concur with the Dia ^_^

Also, let me guess Old Man Hyral's favourite FF character. Ummmmm... FFVII Cid? I'm certainly glad the Tea Bi- er... 'Lady' bears almost no resemblance to a Miss Sherra ;]


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Shrouded Past - Swords and Socializing

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Sun Dec 14, 2003 6:03 pm

(OOC Note: IT LIVES! =O

Btw, this fanfic was started long before the Malachias incident, so I may reference places in Doma that no longer exist ^_^; )

As it seemed to nearly everyday around this time, Kotoki's Inn was once again bustling with activity, the seating nearly filled to capacity for the midday meal rush. Warn plates of delicious meals adorned each table, the patrons happily downing them to satisfy their hunger. Everything seemed as it was everyday around this time.

...well... aside from the fact that Daniel was not there today.

The Pseudo Paladin was currently relaxing against a tree, having decided to get away from the hustle and bustle of the Capital City for a few hours. He had chosen to spend some time in the Doman Forest, at a well known location a few miles away from the Capital. Many an adventure had been retold by those who ventured into said woods. Some spoke of ancient ruins, others of strange creatures, and much more. So it made sense that he had decided to stay relatively close to the forest's edge, near some local farmland.

Daniel was once again deeply engrossed by his father's journal. The young man's reading pace had increased substancially in the past few days, his father's comments about his family fueling Daniel's growing curiousity.

...it must have been mentioned *somewhere* else, right? Come on Dad... Daniel thought to himself, sighing as he turned a page in the written work.


Since being told he needed to get off his feet, tea bi... rather, Shelia had agreed to help find Alex a job. It seemed she wanted to keep him occupied and out of bed. This turned out to be a bigger challenge than either originally thought, however. He was quickly banned from the Sugar Plum Bakery, after several cracks on the male cook's 'manhood'. Samuel's Grocery asked that he never set food within again, after he kept taking 'samples' of all the produce each day for lunch. Shelia was quickly losing patience not only with finding him a steady job, but putting up with him period.

This was something that seemed to bring him much satisfaction, to Daniel's dismay.

At this point, it appeared he was currently working in Remarte's Arms, being asked to keep the floor and weapon displays cleaned...


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Work SUCKS.

And I'm not talking about FUN work. You know, where you actually ENJOY the sh*& you have to do? Like beating on some f#$ker who hasn't payed his dues, or taking down some arrogant, fat stuck up pr#$k? I'm talking about "It's either this or lose my Godsdamned mind." work. Hell, being a bodyguard to some whiny b#$ch is better than this sh#$. Sweep and clean, clean and f#$#@$ing sweep, whoop de f$#@ing do.

...if anything, at least the sh@# here's kinda cool to look at. The guy's got one hell of a collection of weapons. Katana's from Nekonia, Sabre's from Inustan, guy's even got lances from Riva of all places. Riva... like anything from that sh#@$hole's worth having. The Lances here are ten times better than the sh#$ I've seen come outta that place. But the guy here says he only wants to sell stuff not from around here. He better hope he has room for all the Rivan spears that'll end up stuck on his shelves.

I can't figure this Remarte guy out at all, really. I mean on top of this, the bastard MUST know about the $h#@ that happened in the other places, but he hired me anyway. I swear to the Gods if he's one of those '^-^ EVERYONE DESERVES A SECOND CHANCE, HEHE!' people, I'll deck him right in the damn face. And if tea-b*&ch talked him into it, she'll get one too, 'lady' or whatever sh#@.

But.. he doesn't seem it, thank f#$king Gods. He sure knows his sh#$ about weapons. He must've been a merc or soldier I'd guess, especially with that nasty limp and crutch he's always using. Seems most of this he's collected all his life, or trips he takes outside of Baron. Wish I could have something like this...

...but what the hell do I care? It's not like I ever stay in any one place... by choice anyway. I wouldn't have a place to put it... and its pointless anyway...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

THAT SNEAKY SON OF A B@#CH.

There I am, dusting off this pretty sweet looking ceremonial katana, when Remarte comes over and asks me if I like it. I tell him f#$k yea I do. I mean, most ceremonial weapons suck ass for fighting from most places. With all the gold, jewlery and other metals a lot of them have decorating it, they're just too soft, weak, or heavy to really work. This katana though... everything was forged and engraved into it... making it the same weight as any other katana, but a sh#$load more detailed. You could be praying with it and lob some guy's hand off if you knew what you were doing.

...So anyways, I'm about to put it back when Remarte comes over, says something about the way I'm handing it. Before I can even answer him, the bastard grabs a longsword and takes a swing at me! So, of course I take the katana and deflect it, hopping back best I can with this @#$ed up leg. He lunges toward me next, I dodge to the side and take a swing at the f#$ker. Then he deflects it, tries to make a strike for my neck. I just barely avoid the damn thing leaning over, and make a wide swipe for his chest. Guy manages to hop back a bit, and I notice him stumble slightly from his leg. So of course, I take the chance to charge forward...

...and fall over when my f#@#ing leg gives out. I heard him start laughing, so I rolled myself over and looked up at the f#$ker. He was putting the longsword back on the shelf, then just turned and looked at me, smirking. I asked him what the f#$k he was doing, and he just said he wanted to see if his hunch was right about me. Said he suspected I was good with a sword for awhile, from how I handle the ones in the shop. Also said some sh#$ about this being the best way for him to find out. He leaned down and offered a hand to help me up, so I took it...

...and kicked the f#$king crutch out of his hand, knocking the bastard on his ass. I got myself up, and glared down at him, telling him if he needed someone to make feel like an a$$, go look in the mirror. And that's pretty much it for me working there I figure.

...and naturally, tea b#$ch won't let me hear the end of it, now that she heard about it.

I need to get the f#$k outta this town...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Guess who else is a sneaky little b#$ch? Yup, our favorite one of the tea variety.

Remarte stopped by to talk to me, guess she must've invited him. I figured he'd piss and moan about how disrespectful I was being to him, like anyone over the age of fourty seems to for some f#@king reason. But he just laughed. Said he thought it was hilarious what I did. Guess he's never had an assistant with the balls to really fight back. He said he wanted me to stay working there if I wanted. I really wanted to tell him to f#$k off, that if I wanted to be humiliated like that Shelia was doing a good enough job on it.

...then I saw the glare forming on her face. Anything but no and she'd never stop pissing and moaning about it.

...eh, I'd rather deal with a crippled a$$ then one who can smack me around, back to the store I'm going it seems. I wish this @#$#@ing leg would heal up, then she'd know what getting smacked really feels like...

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

There aren't many people who go from being an a$$ to being ok in my book... but I think Remarte's getting there. He's letting me do a lot more sh#$ around the shop now, said I knew a few things he didn't. Anyone who can admit they don't know every f#@king thing in the world scores points in said book. Plus, the sh#$ he has is just kickass.

Plus, apparently he knows a few things I can try doing to strengthen my leg, since he has to himself so much. It hurts like f#$k, but I can feel the difference in the last week already. I keep this up, maybe I can finally stop being so @#$#ing dependant on everyone and actually LIKE this @#$ing job.

...ah f#$k, I meant get the hell outta this town. What the hell possessed me to write that?


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

...I may have to 'arrange' getting fired from here sooner than I thought.

And it isn't due to the cleaning sh#$ either... it's actually not too bad with this Remarte guy around. At least he's seen combat before, not like half the f#$ktards telling me to 'relax'. He's actually asking me what I think of the stuff he's got now. And I gotta admit, most of it ain't half bad... though he needs to sharpen the sh#$ outta some of em. But if he thinks Inustani weapons are better than Nekonian, he's off his rocker. Probably the only guy here I don't mind talking to in town.

That's part of the problem, though. This guy talks, a lot. And he also asks a lotta questions. I think he's catching on that I'm hiding something. Hell, yesterday I almost forgot mentioning I was from Doma and started talking about sh#$ towns in Riva. Course, I always did s#$k at hiding my damn accent anyway. If he knows where I'm really from, he's not saying. But if he gets close to, I'll have to get the f#$k outta here, busted leg or not. If he realizes who and what I am... I'm pretty much @#$#ed as far as getting out of here... maybe even staying alive.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


"...so that's how you ended up working for him, huh Dad?" Daniel said aloud to himself, closing the journal for a moment and stretching his arms. Once again, he was surprised at his father's thoughts and feelings. He leaned against the tree, thinking about the kindly weapons dealer from his childhood. As long as he could remember, Remarte had always been a close family friend. He could remember stopping by there with Stephan to say hi, Remarte always ready with a smile and a bit of candy he picked up in the capital. His father and the shopkeeper would even have small sparring matches in the back, something he remembered not being fond of, but Stephan always looking forward to, not to mention a few other kids in the village.

And now, it seemed, Remarte had played a role in turning his father around. What else happened between them? Had the shopkeeper played a part in his parents changing their feelings? And what about this life in Riva he kept talking about? What had happened to him there? Perhaps Daniel had family there he never knew about, but there was only one way to be sure. He had to keep reading.

...but that could wait, for his stomach was demanding some form of edible sacrifice. Gathering up his things, Daniel began the long treck back to Doma for some much needed munch.

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=fffanatic80>FF]&nbsp; Image at: 12/14/03 6:16 pm

Choark
 

Re: Shrouded Past - Swords and Socializing

Unread postby Choark » Sun Dec 14, 2003 7:07 pm

Woo! Niiiiiiiiice and groovy dude! I'll either say ore later or... talk to you over IM about it but. Niiiice indeed! <p><div style="text-align:center">Image </div>
<div style="text-align:center">Cowgirl fanboy - Barbarian Ninja - Expert Mouse Catcher - Holder of the Iron Glasses Of Doom!</div></p>

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Re: Shrouded Past - Swords and Socializing

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Mon Dec 15, 2003 2:19 am

One nitpicky Grammatical point: Katana's = Katana, Sabre's= Sabre

That being said, very nicely done. The censoring makes getting the direct meaning a bit hard sometimes, but that's a minor complaint at best. I like the way this flows, the way that Shelia's being sneaky, and way the narrator is starting to respect Remarte. <p>------------------
Greetings, large black person. Let us not forget to form a team up together and go into the country to inflict the pain of our karate feets on some ass of the giant lizard person.
</p>

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Shrouded Past - Moving and Scheming

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Mon Jun 28, 2004 3:53 pm

Mid morning approached the lands of Doma, the sun's rays working their way slowly across the capital city with the sunrise. At the city's vast library, said sunlight moved across the floor from the numerous windows. Eventually, it began to shine directly on a familiar pseudo Paladin's face, blinding his view.

Daniel squinted, shielding his eyes as he gathered up his numerous books. He moved himself to another table, hoping this would be the last time this morning. The sun seemed to enjoy blinding him every hour so far today.

The library seemed very quiet this morning. Granted, that is expected of a place where people go to read in silence. Still, only a few people other than the Pseudo Paladin sat reading books, with barely a page turn or a step to be heard.

Daniel glanced at the pile of books next to him, letting out a slight sigh. The titles of said books appeared to be of old fables and legends, ranging from "Great Warriors of Inustan" to "Troll Children's Fables". Daniel made a habit of picking up books that Kyra, his wife, might enjoy reading. And once again, at the rate he was going, he was going to need a cart to carry them all.

...Goddess why do I always get so carried away with being nice to her...? Daniel thought to himself with slight sigh. As he pondered, his lips smirked a bit.

...I guess too much is plenty better that nothing, hehe...

...like dad right now...

Another sigh escaped him, as he picked up and opened his choice of reading material over the past several weeks. He hoped, as he read on in the large volume, that working with Remarte turned his Dad around. Maybe being happy would cause him to be nicer to folks, especially his mother. Sadly, as the past few entries had shown, this was not the case. It was actually getting much worse. Alex seemed more determined to get away from her than ever before, now that his mobility was back. While Daniel knew the eventual outcome, he found himself growing impatient for it to happen. How could two people go from having such animosity to such affection? Perhaps this time, the Pseudo Paladin hoped, he would find the answer.


~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

FINALLY. ABOUT F#$KING DAMN TIME.

Talked with Remarte a bit today, and he's got a spare room in the shop if I wanna use it. Said I'd have to do my share of sh#$, cleaning, cooking, whatever. Not much different than what I gotta put up with in the shop or with T-B there. Maybe I can finally get better in f#$king peace and get outta this place.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

I swear women are insane. Or something's just put together f#$ked up in their heads.

I told her when she got back from her priestess sh#$ about what I planned on doing. And she just stood there, just stood there saying nothing for like... I don't know how long. I thought she was pissed off or something but, then she just said 'fine' and wished me luck. I was gonna ask what her f#$king problem was, then she just up and left the house.

I don't know what the f#$k's wrong with that woman.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Today's the day. Remarte said he's got the bed ready and whatever I gotta bring along should be good. Before I can even get going though, TB stops me. I thought for sure she'd tell me what a sh#$ I've been to her, since she did look upset about something. But she just handed me a big sack with some blankets and pillows, says I gotta keep comfortable or I'll wreck something again. Told her thanks, I mean, not like I'll have to put up with her much anymore anyways. Then she did something I haven't seen her do once since taking me in.

She smiled at me. At least I'm pretty sure she did, it didn't last long before she coughed and said something about smacking me if I get hurt again.

Gods I'm glad I'm gonna be rid of that crazy Shelia.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

This is pretty damn good so far. No more nagging priestess and I get to talk to people at work about sh#$ I want to. She did stop by to drop something off for Remarte and asked how my leg was, but other than that I don't have to put up with her much anymore.

Life is good.

Least... til I can get outta this place.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

...this is starting to freak me the f#$k out.

Its been two weeks since I left Shelia's place there, and guess how many time's she's had to 'deliver something' to Remarte? At least ten times. She never did this sh#$ before, what the hell is she up to? She still trying to f#$king babysit for me? What kinda f#$ked up b#$ch is she?! I told Remarte about it and he just started laughing lke crazy.

For f#$k's sake I swear the whole town's bloody crazy.

@#$#@$ NOW I'M F#$KING WRITING LIKE THEM TOO #@$#@$ DAMMIT.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Confronted Shelia about it today, she said she doesn't know what I'm talking about. Like f#$k I don't. Told her I'm a grown man and I don't need her Godsdamned help.

So she slapped me and stormed out, muttering some shit about me being a 'tosser' whatever that means. Probably not good, well too bad.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

My Gods some people are f#$king stupid.

This guy walks in and asks me what the most expensive sword in the place is. Which translates to 'I'm too f#@king stupid or lazy to learn to fight and want something shiny to boost my ego with'. Now, my first reaction is to tell him to drop the damned penis compensation and learn to actually fight. But that's not gonna put food on the table.

So I try to explain to the guy that its not the cost, its the type of sword and what he feels most comfortable with. He has the balls to tell me he didn't come here for a lesson, and to just point it out. So I point out this solid gold rapier some old pirate used to own. Guy gets all hyper and asks me how much it is.

At which point I tell him its not for sale. The look on his face... it was soooo worth it. Even if we lost the sale. Oh well, Remarte would have been pissed if I sold it. He said it reminds him of the adventures he had with this pirate bloke. Guess I could see that... if I had anything...

....

....DAMMIT I'M DOING IT AGAIN, F#$KING COUNTRY.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Something's up.

I noticed Shelia talking to Remarte outside earlier, and he's been avoiding me all day. knowing my luck she's trying to nag me through him. I swear if he gives in to her....

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

Village dinner. Why the hell would I wanna go to that? Half the town wants me lynched, and yet Remarte asks me to go. Shelia has something to do with it, I know it. He says its a chance for a new start here. My ass it is. I want nothing to do with this damn place after I'm well. 'maybe' occasionally check up on Remarte here, but that's it.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

He asked me again today. For f#$k's sake doesn't he get it? I don't CARE. This town could go up in flames tomorrow and I wouldn't give two sh#$s. Well... cept Remarte... that would suck. But the rest of em can piss off for all I care.

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~

...I give up.

I know when he gets this insistent, he won't stop asking. Same thing happened when I used to refuse polishing. So apparently I'm going to this thing. I know its going to suck big time. And if those people at the thing have a problem with me, they better be ready for a reply right back

~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~.~


"...oh hell, not again." Daniel sighed, the light from the window in his eyes once more. He went to get up and move his books again... when it occured to him what time it was.

"....OH GODDESS!" he shouted, bolting out of the library at full speed. The townsfolk looked on, wondering why this castle guard was bolting full speed down the street toward the castle.

Apparently none of them were over an hour late for guard duty before.

(x.x; ...not that great a restart, hopefully I can touch it up in the future)


Choark
 

Re: Shrouded Past - Moving and Scheming

Unread postby Choark » Tue Jun 29, 2004 2:55 pm

Lookin forward to more cause I like what I have read so far. Give much better critque later.... <_< >_> Honest! <p><div style="text-align:center">Image </div>
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Re: Shrouded Past - Moving and Scheming

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Jun 29, 2004 9:29 pm

It's a damned fine reentry, my friend.

Keep it coming, I find no errors I can point out. <p>
-------------------------------------
NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>

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Shrouded Past - Catastrophe and Catacombs

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Sun Aug 15, 2004 12:58 am

It's amusing how one moment, life seems quite content, almost perfect.

And the next moment, it can all go straight to hell.

Daniel wondered what could compare to today in recent memory, as his two companions began to speak.

"...I don't know what to say, really..." said one of them, a look of guilt on her face while she glanced at the grime covered floor.

"Good luck I suppose would be a good start, given where he's about to go. I dare say he'll need a big helping of it." said the other man casually, as he brushed a small piece of debris off his cloak. The woman turned in his direction, giving him a glare though the barely lit room.

"Oh honestly! You're making this seem much worse than it is!" she fumed, before her expression changed to one of slight nervousness.

"...I'm pretty sure..." she added, rather unconvincingly.

Daniel let out a soft sigh, leaning against the stone wall behind him. The torches above him and on the wall opposite flickered silently, casting several distorted shadows off the three.

One looks to be a dragon or half-dragon of some kind from her appearance, and somewhat shorter than the two men standing by her. Her long red hair, appearing more auburn in the shadows, is brushed back and held together with a gold clip, gold fin-like dragon ears barely visible from within the locks. Next to her stands a man with long blue hair, hanging loosely behind his shoulders. A wide-rimmed red hat rests on his head, casting a shadow over most of his face. A single feather lay in the middle of said hat, held in place by the white band in the middle.

Both are wearing rather formal attire, especially the woman, compared to the battered and dented armor on Daniel. It is hardly what one would expect to see in a dark, dreary room such as this one. The woman wears an elegant dress of dark green, fitting loosely and hanging from just the right places to accentuate her graceful frame, though well-built compared to most. A belt around her waist is decorated with 5 gemstones of different colors, similar to ones in the woman's famous weapon, the Dragon King Sword. On her forehead rests an elegant tiara, upon which the seal of the Doman Kingdom can be seen. Said tiara signifying this is in fact Doma's Queen, Aya Du Mythril Domanada.

The other gentleman wears a cloak of black with intricately woven red trimmings, resting over the man's somewhat lean body. Beneath the cloak he wears long white pants and a form fitting shirt of dark blue, upon which another seal of the kingdom is displayed. The seal shows this man to be one of Doma's Generals. Specifically, he is the head of the kingdom's magical forces, Hakaril Silvar. Doman General. Graduate of Gunnir Academy. Improvisational Lawyer. And several more titles that no one, other than Hakaril, had a chance in all of Gaera to remember.


It was odd to see them both formally dressed at times for the Pseudo-Paladin. Daniel was much more accustomed to their casual adventuring garments, from the days before their current ties to Doma. There was Aya, always travelling in her form fitting green shirt and equally fitting blue pants. She usually had an eager smile most of the time, green eyes wide and excited at the prospect of finding more 'shinies' somewhere in Gaera. Apparently it was a trait common to most of her species, a race of Holy Dragons known as Ryuuzoku. Her face was usually somewhat dirtied from her adventuring, her hair much more wild and jutting out in every direction. It is a stark contrast to the woman with neatly prepared hair and makeup before him, now a Queen instead of a travelling adventurer. Even so, Daniel knows the same adventurous spirit is still within her, something that has been both a blessing and a curse for those serving the royal family.

In Hakaril's case, however, his current attire differed little from his garments for traveling. Instead of the cloak, he tended to wear a coat of red and black, similar to his current garment. The wide-brimmed hat, plain shirt and pants were all far from being formal wear, as the mage made no attempt to hide his dislike of many royal protocols. The cloak was a compromised worked out by Aya and the General, though it seemed obvious to some that their ruler, King Charles Robert Franklyn Galzern Domanada, still disliked it. Whether or not Hakaril acknowledged this, or cared for that matter, is a matter open for debate.

To a casual observer, the sight of the three must seems rather strange. The Queen of Doma in her elegant dress, a General in his somewhat formal cloak, and a Knight in a worn jacket and light plate mail all standing next to a door in the castle depths. One might wonder what they are doing dressed up in the castle's dark depths. Truth be told, moments before they had very good reason.



The King and Queen, as well as their Advisors and Generals, were entertaining an ambassador from Inustan. Said nation lay to the southeast of Doma, known largely for its inhabitant's canine ancestry, among other things. The Royal Entourage greeted the ambassador in the main hall of the castle, with bright light from the morning sun shining down from the windows. Banners bearing the royal seal and colors hung from the ceiling, portraits of past King's and Queen's lining one side of the hall. The ambassador, rather short in height even compared to the Queen, had started to walk down the hall to greet the royal couple. He had a head of black fur, the end of his long snout covered in fur of white. Some tan fur ran along the bottom of his mouth and near the ends of his eyebrows, the rest of his body covered in fur of dotted black, white and tan. The Inustani wore an intricately crafted robe of navy and teal, bearing the mark of Fideleo, the God known to those outside of Inustan as Inugami. His thin ears flapped lightly as he walked, something Aya remarked to one of her guards as 'cute'. All seemed to be going well, as the King and Queen went over to greet him.

Well, that is... until Daniel Hyral's life went straight to hell.

It was difficult for those present to work out what happened, given how fast it occured. One moment, the ambassador and the royal couple were heading toward each other, down the carpet. The next, there was a loud bang as something barged through the main doors, into the hall. Whether it was his momentum entering the room, a snag in the hall's carpet, or just his inherent knack for being a klutz to blame, no one is sure. Whatever caused it, there was now a blue and tan blur tumbling and rolling down the carpet.

He first smacked right into the Inustani ambassador, the blur now containing streaks of navy and teal as it barreled right toward the royal couple. Aya let out a loud shriek in surprise, pushed out of the way by her husband before she could react. Unfortunately by doing so, Charles had no time to react himself, as the tumbling blur went sailing right into him. The three continued to tumble down the carpet, until they collided with the doors at the end of the hall with a loud thud. The royal entourage hurried after them, Aya leading with a look of fear and concern. They eventually caught up to the three, the group gathering around to see if anyone had been hurt. On top lay Daniel, the end of his coat flipped over his head and covering his face. He pushed it aside with a slight groan, rolling over and trying to get himself back up. As he turned to look at what he collided with, his eyes went wide, a look of total horror on his face. Some of the onlookers gasped, Aya placing a hand to her mouth as she did the same.

The Inustani ambassador was completely unconcious, his canine toung hanging from the side of his muzzle as he lay sprawled out on the floor. On top of him lay Charles, his formerly pristine robes of purple and white now marred with several splotches of dirt and tears in the fabric. But that was not what caused the look on Daniel's face, or the onlookers. Charles sat there with no hat on his head, short locks of unruly black hair laying over his chesnut skinned face in every direction. His dark brown eyes stared at his hand, the same direction Daniel and the rest were currently looking.

For in his hand lay two halves of the Royal Turban, the crown of the Doman Kings.

He looked up at Daniel, the glare in his eyes so intense, the Pseudo-Paladin thought for sure a hole was being drilled into his skull. The King stood up, dusting himself off as best he could before taking a deep breath.

"...Smartz, Purvis, take the ambassador to the white mages." he said, glancing over at the nation's Chancellor and the General of Doma's Navy, "Do what you can to keep him calm once he's concious, and let me know as soon as possible, so I may speak with him."

The pair nodded, each holding the canine man from one end as they carried him off. Charles then walked over to Aya, taking her hands in his.

"Are you alright?" He asked her, the Queen blushing slighty as she gave him a nod. He smiled back to her, pulling her forward for a brief hug before they parted. He turned toward the door, pushing it open before turning to look at Daniel once more, the smile quickly gone from his lips.

"Hyral, we need to speak, NOW." he told the Pseudo-Paladin, a slight growl in his voice despite his efforts to remain calm, before disappearing through the door. Daniel glanced over at the rest of his colleagues, some with shocked looks still on their faces, and one or two attempts not to burst out laughing. His glance ended on the Queen, her face a mixture of sympathy and remorse as she looked back. With an audible gulp, Daniel turned and entered the door, dreading the fate in store for him.



And that is how the trio came to be in the dungeon. For his actions, Charles ordered Daniel stationed in the dungeon blocks, on guard duty, for two weeks. The King asked Hakaril to take him down to one dungeon in paticular, and make certain he arrived and stayed. Aya chose to come along with them, once they were clear of the throneroom. She felt bad for Daniel, and wanted to try and cheer him up somehow.

"You know, I'm sure we'll all laugh about this day someday." Aya told Daniel, forcing a cheerful smile in hopes of raising his spirits. From the frown still on his face, she figured it wasn't helping.

"Actually, I find this entire incident rather interesting..." Hakaril remarked casually, rubbing the knuckles of his hand against his shirt, "It's leading me to believe your family may be under the effect of some kind of jinx or curse, since I seriously doubt any normal person could have as many spectacular mishaps."

"Hakaril?!" Aya fumed, giving him a slight punch to the shoulder, the multi-titled general wincing and rubbing the now sore spot with his hand.

"Well, it's true." Hakaril retorted, "Why just last week he had that incident with the Chocobo's in the city streets, and the week before that there was that problem with the exploding chairs, and the week before that..."

"I get the idea Hakaril, thanks..." Daniel sighed, the mage shrugging and turning to look at the two torches.

"With all the money Charles has, you'd think he could afford to get something a little less dirty and more efficient for lighting down here." Hakaril remarked to himself outloud, holding his chin in thought, "Why, back at Gunnir, we had a weekly rotation of mages who had to restock the lighting with..."

Aya sighed once again and walked over to Daniel, placing a hand on his shoulder as Hakaril continued to rant and reminisce.

"I'll try to talk to Charles, OK? He's just, really angry right now." She told Daniel, as he leaned his head back against the wall and closed his eyes.

"I don't blame him, really. I mean, I'd be bloody pissed too in his position." he remarked, rubbing at his temples with his two hands, the stress of his current situation starting to wear on him.

"Well.. sure, he's upset NOW, but give him time, and he'll be less angry." Aya said, "I mean, it's just a turban, it's not like you took someone's head off."

Daniel opened his eyes, serious doubt in her words evident by the look he gave her.

"I see... and if someone like, say Smartz, 'accidentally' chipped off part of the Dragon King Sword?" he asked her. Her face froze a moment, as the possible scenario played through in her mind.

"I'd... be pretty pissed off... I suppose... good point." she answered, pulling at a small strand of unruly hair touching her ear. As far as Charles was concerned, they both knew it was far from just an old piece of headgear. It symbolized the entire Doman line of Kings, their struggles, their sacrifices, everything they gave to make Doma what it is today. Something that would be damn near impossible to just simply replace.

"...so how's the ambassador doing?" Daniel asked her, trying to change the subject somewhat.

"Fine mostly, but uh, he's still unconcious." Aya told him, getting another sigh in response, the Queen frowning soon after.

"He's really doing better though!" she suddenly piped up, trying to force a wide grin on her face again, "Really! Kyra and the others white mages did a great job for him. He's even mumbling things now li...

..."

She suddenly stopped short, the grin falling as she remembered something.

The subject of said ambassador's mumblings.
Mostly about a person's large 'pechos'.

While she was certain Daniel didn't understand Inustani, she decided against mentioning it, or risk him figuring out what it really meant. Daniel gave her a puzzled look at the abrupt silence, but she quickly smiled and grinned back. Daniel raised an eyebrow at the odd behavior, but shrugged it off and leaning his head back again, sighing once more.

"...does Kyra know yet?" Daniel asked, wondering how worried she'd be once she found out. He didn't know who she'd be more upset with, Charles or himself. Either way, the thought of her worrying over him for the next two weeks was driving him mad.

"I don't THINK so, we just told her the ambassador fell and hit his head. But I'm sure it's only a matter of time until she hears it from someone." Aya explained, knowing full well how fast the castle's 'gossip network' tended to spread information.

"Could you, maybe let her know, before she hears it from someone else?" Daniel asked, getting a nod back from Aya.

"I'll try to track her down when I can." she told him, Dan nodding back and smiling in thanks.

"...but if he really has to cut corners over something as trivial and more effective as magical lighting, then it makes me question what else he could be holding back for the sake of the allmight gil." Hakaril continued, apparently oblivious to Daniel and Aya's discussion, "But anyways. You agree with me, don't you Aya?"

"...huh? Oh um... yeah, sure Hak. I'll mention something to Charles about it or, something." Aya responded, having no clue at all what Hakaril was talking about. He glanced back at her, an eyebrow over one of his red-amber eyes raised. Apparently he suspected she heard nothing, but the mage simply ignored it and turned to Daniel.

"What about you, Dan? Surely you can appreciate what I'm saying. Baron's a somewhat magical land, if I recall. You must be somewhat familiar with the benefits of enchantments there?"

"Uh... maybe?" Daniel answered, shrugging. The Pseudo-Paladin refused to debate over the land of his birth and Doma. While Baron may have a slightly larger presence of magic, it could not compare to the large diversity of races and people in Doma. Both had their strengths, and he was proud to call both home. Hakaril simply shrugged back, gazing up at the torches again.

"Well, at least Charles has the sense to maintain a robust contingent of magic users in his army." Hakaril states, more to himself than anyone in paticulr, "Though, he should seriously consider my proposals for an increase to our budget, given the...?"

Hakaril suddenly glanced over at the Queen, Daniel following his gaze to find Aya giggling.

"...and what suddenly has you so amused?" Hakaril asked, as Aya coughed and tried to compose herself.

"N..nothing really, just the thought of you trying to advise Charles on how to use money responsibly." Aya answered, still trying hard not to smirk. The Doman General raised an eyebrow, noting that Daniel now had a smirk on his face as well. He stood there puzzled for a moment, before it dawned on him what they were thinking of, letting out another sigh.

"I still fail to see how that was a 'Gross Misuse of National Funds' as Charles put it." Hakaril stated, Aya giving him a look of disbelief.

"Hakaril, we've talked about this before... how can you POSSIBLY justify giving an Inn-Keeper a #### GIL TIP?" Aya shouted, the General casually standing there, glancing back as if the answer was obvious.

Daniel still remembered hearing about it from Kyra, as it happened in her hometown of Varrock. The Pseudo-Paladin always meant to ask if the man really got the money, and how the town was doing with it. But something always seemed to come up before he remembered.

...such as being stuck in a dungeon for two weeks.

Daniel sighed and leaned his head back again, as Aya and Hakaril continued talking.

Why this dungeon? Out of all the bloody dungeons in the castle, why THIS one Charles... he thought to himself.

This was not the first time the Pseudo-Paladin had been to this paticular dungeon block. He suspected it was why Charles sent him to this one specifically. During his early days as a Knight for Doma, Chancellor Smartz had asked Daniel for a favor. He asked him to retrieve a lost document from the castle dungeon, specifically from the H block. At the time, Daniel had no idea what the various dungeon block letters stood for, and he casually walked down and attempted to enter the area. He quickly found out however, running through the castle screaming. It took nearly an hour before he stopped raving about creatures and demons with long tentacles, trying to get him before he managed to escape. It was a dungeon known throughout the Capital for its unusual creatures, and a punishment for the most hardened of criminals.

And now Daniel had two weeks of babysitting in it to look forward to. Despite Aya's earlier attempts at reassurance, he doubted he would be leaving here any time soon, or that Charles would simply calm down over this. The fact he was assigned here to begin with, of all places, seemed to confirm this for the Pseudo-Paladin. He only hoped he could think of some way to make up for this. But for now...

"...but if you insist on SOME other 'valid' reason, I'm more than happy to think of a few for you." Hakaril continued, as Dan thought to himself, "There is the influx of large monetary value into their community, which will help to increase their standard of living rather significantly. Given that their ancestral traditions focus on the healing arts, this also has the added benefit of solidifying relations with Doma, not to mention..."

"Alright Hakaril, alright..." Aya interrupted, throwing her hands up to stop him from talking. She turned to Daniel, poking him on the shoulder.

"Still there?" she asked, Daniel blushing slightly at his lack of attention.

"Y...yeah, just thinking about things." he told her, glancing back at the stairs, "Much as I hate to say it, you both should probably get going."

Aya nodded, about to give him a small hug when Hakaril walked in front of her, facing Daniel.

"Before we go Dan, I do feel it's only fair to warn you that much of this dungeon is a mystery, even to myself." Hakaril started to tell him, "However, based on what information I've gathered from the people who didn't go completely insane..."

Daniel gulped loudly, Aya sighing again as Hakaril continued.

"...I can tell you what we definitely know. For your own safety, naturally, I doubt Kyra would like to see you again as a gibbering lunatic, or anyone else for that matter."

He reached into his cloak, pulling out several sheets of parchment. On them were various notes in Hakaril's hurried handwriting, not to mention several small sketches.

"Now then, so far I've managed to categorize at least 30 creatures of varying types in here. There may be less, as you know that some people tend to exagerrate certain details afer a stressful situation, and several of these descriptions do seem to be very simliar. I would have to either venture in there myself or have someone else go in to verify firsthand whether..."

"...I hate to interrupt this Hakaril, but I really just need to know how to stay safe, if you don't mind." Daniel asked, the General shrugging and skipping ahead through his documents.

"...well in that case, I'll get to the really dangerous ones. For example, there are at least eight known creatures in this block with appendages long and narrow enough to penetrate the a..."

Hakaril suddenly found himself interrupted by a smack to the back of the head, letting out a loud "OW!" as the angry Ryuuzoku fumed once more.

"WHY THE HELL ARE YOU TELLING HIM ABOUT THAT?!" she yelled at him, "DO YOU WANT HIM TO... oh crap."

Daniel's eyes were already glazing over, Aya catching him just in time as he started to fall over in a faint.

"Well, he DID ask me, you know. What should I have told him? That Fluffigami and her fluffy white bunnies and kitties sit waiting to greet him behind the door?" Hakaril retorted, removing his hat and rubbing the back of his head. He replaced it and glanced down at the unconcious Pseudo-Paladin.

"Well.. we certainly can't put him in there like that, or he probably WILL wake up with several things in him." Hakaril remarked, Aya glaring daggers at him in response.

"How can you say something like that?! By Ceipheid..." Aya told him, as she tried to fan Daniel awake, "Sometimes you can really be an insensitive jerk, Hakaril..."

Hakaril's eyes narrowed a bit, as the blue haired mage looked at Aya, a slight glare on his own face.

"I'm a jerk for pointing out the obvious? You're acting like I WANT him to go in and have horrible things happen." he remarked, trying to help by slapping Daniel lightly on the cheek.

"Well it sure sounded that way..." Aya told him, shaking the Pseudo-Paladin slightly.

"Of COURSE not. I'm not like some of the cousins Sirvy has..." Hakaril told her, referring to his wife of the succubus persuasion, "In fact, now that I think about it, I'm surprised none of them have found out about this place from her. Though I guess she wouldn't want them trying to get into the castle after that incident with the..."

"Ok Ok, sorry Hakaril..." She apologied, trying to help Daniel stand back up on his feet, "But, seriously, you definitely need to pick up some tact."

"...really now? You know, Sirvy says too sometimes..." Hakaril said, helping Aya with the job of lifting Dan, "...but I always figured it was her time of the month talking."

Aya sighed again, tempted to try and explain it once more to the mage. She was interrupted, however, by Daniel's moaning.

"One of these days I should do a case study on this... or suggest it to a colleague." Hakaril remarked, turning around and holding his chin in thought again, "I'm sure they'd be interested to see what different conditions lead to these fainting spells of his all the time. One has to wonder if its physiological, or psychological, or possibly both. There's also the possibility..."

"Dan? You ok?" Aya asked as Hakaril went off again, getting a nod from the Pseudo-Paladin as he steadied himself.

"Yeah, just... sorry... I started thinking about last time and..." Daniel started to say, gulping and trying hard not to think about it.

"Like I said before, I'll do what I can Dan. You're not staying in this place for two weeks, turban and unconcious diplomat or not." Aya told him, Daniel managing a slight smile back.

"Thanks, your highness." he answered, Aya giving him a slight smirk.

"You know, I've told ya before wou can just call me Aya, I don't mind..." she said to him, as Daniel raised an eyebrow back.

"This coming from the person who proclaims 'CALL ME QUEEN!' after four rounds of dragonale?" he smirked back, Aya blushing slightly.

"Well... it IS nice to hear, hehe." she chuckled.

"...though I doubt I should mention Stephan to them, even in the name of research I'm not sure they'd wanna put up with him. And then there's his mother of course, they'd have to travel to Baron..." Hakaril continued, the pair looking over in slight disbelief at the mage's lack of awareness while he spoke.

"I... guess we should go then..." she told Daniel, giving him a brief hug, "Be careful down here, Ok? I don't wanna have to tell Kyra you got hurt."

"I will, and thanks again, Aya." Dan smiled, giving her a wave as the pair left up the stairs.

"Oh! Dan!" Hakaril suddenly shouted from up the stairs, "If you DO see something, try to remember as much detail as you can. Colors, approximate measurements, whatever you can. I strongly suspect that several crossbreeds have..."

"LET'S GO HAKARIL!" Aya shouted, the sound of dragging feet echoing down as the two disappeared up the stairs, leaving Daniel alone at the dungeon block door.

He stared at it for a minute or two, fully aware of what may lay on the other side. He so wanted to run up the stairs, and out of the castle, and out of Doma, anywhere but here. But he knew that wasn't an option. He couldn't bare to leave Kyra, and taking her away would be selfish. She was finally settling into life in Doma, much as he had years ago, and he had no right to take that away from her. And there was no way in hell he'd dare be anywhere without her...

With one final, loud gulp, Daniel approached the door, pushing it open and finally entering Dungeon Block H, the door closing behind him with a loud clank.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=fffanatic80>FF]&nbsp; Image at: 9/23/04 10:17 am

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FF Fanatic 80
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Hn

Unread postby FF Fanatic 80 » Sun Aug 15, 2004 11:43 am

This is the first time in a good while I've tried to write for other people's characters. Overall I'm pleased with it, though I'd still like to tweak a few things eventually. Any criticism is, as always, welcome.


Uncle Pervy
 

Re: Hn

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Aug 15, 2004 3:26 pm

That poor poor man ;_;

Excellently done, my friend. I could find no glaring grammatical errors, and the flow of the narrative is quite nice.

I think you pinned down Hakaril and Aya quite well; especially Hakaril.

Presently, I'm curious to see how this will relate to the story beforehand, so don't leave waiting too long ^^ <p>
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NebbieQ: After all, nothing says romance like fighting the forces of Cobra and Druggies with a Rocket Launcher of 80s Justice.</p>

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Woo!

Unread postby LadyDragonClawsEDW » Sun Aug 22, 2004 11:53 am

Excellent! You did a wonderful job portraying both Aya and Hakaril. One tiny little nitpicky detail thing though, Aya's ears aren't green, they're a gold color like her tail is. I look forwards to reading more on Dan's adventures in DBH! Bwah hah hah! <p>"Peace is when both sides are reloading at the same time" -Silver</p>

Choark
 

Re: Woo!

Unread postby Choark » Sat Aug 28, 2004 2:49 pm

Just noting I read it, but I'm out of time to give crtique so I'll come back later and do it. However...

Rawkage! I liked it all.


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<div style="text-align:center">Cowgirl fanboy - Barbarian Ninja - Expert Mouse Catcher - Holder of the Iron Glasses Of Doom!</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 18:22


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