A L'Sarithe Ismas

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Nekogami
 
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A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Nekogami » Mon Dec 23, 2002 10:45 pm

A L'Sarithe Ishmas

The snow kept falling on the balcony of the L'Sarithe Apartment. It didn't snow in Hell. Not really, Rykki thought. The ash from the various volcanoes often fell like snow but it smelled horrible and it made her lungs burn to breathe it in.

Rykki sat on the back of a chair and watched the white fluff safely behind a window and 4 inches of wall. It was too cold outside. Another thing the little demon was not well accustomed to. Raptre had purchased winter clothes for her but she found them terribly oppressive. Heavy, itchy, and garish articles, Rykki would rather play in the warmer rays of summer. Why couldn't UpperRealm have one season like UnderRealm? The notion made perfect sense to the demon but UpperRealmers were strange and maybe their weather made them that way.

And what was snow anyway? She didn't see any volcanos close by. There were thick, silver clouds overhead but they didn't boil and writhe like volcano clouds. They looked like rain clouds, actually. Maybe they were rain clouds and they were just too cold to rain. Maybe they snowed to let the silly UpperRealmers know that it was too cold to rain properly. It might be considered a ridiculous notion but Rykki held onto it as sensible.

Tessei walked out from the hallway, humming a little tune and putting on gloves. He looked up and noticed Rykki perched on the chair watching the snow fall. "Bats, what are you doing? Afraid of a little chill weather?" He taunted.

Rykki growled under her breath and turn her head. "No, you stupid chicken! I'm just watching the snow." She gave him a raspberry and turned back to the window.

"Well, why don't you watch the snow from outside? It'll be closer to your beady red eyes and you can stare at it until you blue in the face."

Rykki hopped down from the chair relunctantly and walked over to Tessei. She stomped his foot painfully and kicked him in the shin for good measure. Why did he have to be so difficult?

"WARK! Oouch! Why.....YOULITTLE-!" Tesser reached for Rykki's throat but was quickly intercept by Raptre. Raptre scooped up Rykki by her waist before Tessei could strangle her.

"Why can't you two be civil?? I'm trying to have some iced tea and you two are in here starting a war."

"He started it!" " It's her fault!" Rykki and Tessei said simultaneously.

"I've heard it all before." Raptre was wearing a thin loose sweater and a scarf but the clothing was ornamental. The ice dragon hybrid had little to fear from the unforgiving cold. His body temperature skyrocketed at the onset of winter and he often felt too hot.

Tessei snorted indignantly, drawing himself up to rescue his pride. "I was just telling the twerp to got outside and enjoy the snow. Then she assaulted me for no good reason."

"NUH UH! You big liar!!" Rykki screeched. "You called me 'Bats' and said I had 'beady red eyes'!"

"Well, you do....BATS!" With that Tessei took off towards the balcony. As he swung the door open, a blast of cold air stopped Rykki right in her pursuit.

Raptre sighed with relief and walked towards the door. "It's beautiful outside." He pulled himself on the railing and looked up into the sky.

Tessei was all grins. He scooped up some snow and started compacting it into a ball. "Come ooooon, Bats. You skeered of a wittle snooooooow?"

Rykki hugged herself tightly, wishing she had three more of those oppressive sweaters on and trousers. The cold air wreaked havoc around her exposed ankles and shins.. "I am not scared, dummy. It's just cold."

Tessei tossed the snowball idly up and down."Scaredy Bats, Scaredy Bats, Come out and play. If you don't, I says you won't, I'll toss this ball you way."

Rykki took the taunt with pride, turned around, and lifted up her skirt. "KISS MY BUM, CHICKEN!!"

"Oh, too perfect!"

"Tessei!" Raptre barked but the warning came too late. Rykki yelped as the cold snow melted into a wet spot on her bottom. Outside on the balcony, Tessei hooted and hollered.

Rykki put her hands down her bloomers and felt her poor frigid skin......The chicken would pay for this injustice.


Dunno where to go from here.

Comments welcome. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=nekogami>Nekogami</A]&nbsp; Image at: 12/23/02 9:54:12 pm

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pd Rydia
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Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby pd Rydia » Mon Dec 23, 2002 10:53 pm

I like it!

^_^ As for what comes next, Rykki needs her revenge...oh yes she does.

And Tessei his revenge to her revenge.

And her revenge to his revenge of her revenge...

And so on...until Raptre breaks it up or they come to some sort of agreement. It's an idea anyway. :P

A typo: In your last sentence, you wrote "he" instead of "her." <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

Nekogami
 
Posts: 1204
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 12:28 pm

Serve chilled

Unread postby Nekogami » Mon Dec 23, 2002 11:46 pm

Raptre lay in his bed, reading a book under candle light. He felt tired and hot. The rest of the day after Tessei's attack was spent keeping the griffon and demon apart. He couldn't turn his back on them for a second. He decided to get up early this morning since Rykki was sure to get an early jump on her revenge.

He turned to check the clock. A quarter to the 6th hour. Rykki was still snoring away in her bed.

"WAAAAAAAARK!"

"HAAAHAAA!"

Well, then again....




Raptre once said to Rykki that she would have to get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on Tessei. She as the time didn't understand what he meant but now it was obvious what he meant. She woke up at third hour that morning to use the bathroom when she decided that now was the perfect time to prepare for battle.

She put on her sweater and trousers, careful to be silent. She tugged her cap over her head and head towards the door but surely Raptre would hear her? Then it struck her: She was an angelus, she could just dissipate to the other side. Such a genius.

She floate through the closed door and headed to the streets. She would need snow for this assault. The snow on the ground was fluffy and clean. It sparkled like nothing she had never seen before. It was beautiful. It would be a blessing to use that snow and being a demon recieving a blessing would not be a good idea so she moved on.

She spied icicles hanging from the eave of buildings and considered stabbing Tessei in the head. A pleasant idea, but UpperRealmers were very iffy around murder and Raptre was rather attached to the chicken. Alas, yet another idea laid to waste.

It was still dark outside and no one was out yet. There were a few drunks stumbling around but they didn't count as people. They were drunkards. An Ashuran nun that substituted for one of Rykki's classes said that drunkards were terribly sinful folk. Drunkards weren't people, Rykki decided, they were demons like her. Thusly, she promptly told the nun that she wanted to be a drunkard when she grew up or something better. The poor human looked faint when the heard her. Maybe she was shocked that a young girl had such high aspirations.

Rykki walked around for a few more hours. The snow was utterly undisturbed and it was disgusting. She was most of the way home when she saw it...The most beautiful thing in the world....Brown, dirty, disgusting....slush. At 5 in the morning, the traffic was already starting among the vendors and merchannts. They're horses, chocobos, and carriages had churned up the snow and filth and created something so heinous........This....was what Rykki had searched most of the morning for. Rykki ran over to the waterspout of a nearby building. Someone had placed a small, dented bucket under the spout to catche the water but today the buckey had a more meaningful purpose. Transportation of revenge.

Rykki frantically collected as much of the dirty slush as she could. She luckily found a patch of black slush. She didn't know why it was black but what did it matter? It was obviously a gross reason and that was good enough for her.

With childish glee, she skipped the rest of the way home. Suddenly, the cold was meaningless. The wind howled at her grin, nipped at her skin, but she was oblivious. She was on a mission. She raced up the stairs and phased through the door once more. She was careful, not to walk on any squeaky floorboards. Raptre was certainly on his guard for this retaliation. She crept to Tessei's door. It was cracke just a wee bit. She looked inside. He was snoring like a baby, the big stupid goose.

Yes...the time was now. She pushed the door open slowly, praying that it would not rat her out. The door was silent and Rykki crept in. The door hated Tessei as much as she did. Good.

"Merry Ishmas, Chicken," she whispered. Then she dumped the movoltov cocktail of slush on the sleeping griffon's head.

"WAAAAAAAARK!"

Justice was, indeed, best served cold.



I'm such a bum. I didn't even bother proofreading this part. ^_^;;; <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: Serve chilled

Unread postby pd Rydia » Mon Dec 23, 2002 11:56 pm

Ha ha ha ha! Very nice. ^_^

Could stand a proofreading, there's a couple of misspelt words, one or two wrong synonyms used, and I think one run on. Very amusing addition, I especially like the bit from Rapter's POV, though I'm not sure that'd be better at the end of the segment or not. If you put it at the end of the segment, you might want to add something to the effect of Tessei wanting to get Rykki back, to create a bit of reader anticipation. *nods* <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: Serve chilled

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Dec 24, 2002 4:32 am

Okay Neko, I've asked this before, and I ask again.

Please tell me who these people are!

Who is Raptre? What does he look like? Just enough to give me a general idea.

Also, what is Angelus? o.o

Now, aside from that, this is quite amusingsome. Well written, and your lack of proofreading vs. the amount of mistakes you made shows that you do this well.

Keep up the good work! Just don't keep us in a void! ^^;
<p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image</div></p>

Nekogami
 
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Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 12:28 pm

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Nekogami » Tue Dec 24, 2002 6:49 pm

Raptre's info is on the RP board but, at any rate, he about 20 now. He has short, spikey white hair with black tips and yellow eyes. He's tall and thin and always has a happy, serene look on his face. While he lives in Doma, he assumes complete elven form for convenience. He's a draco griff. His mum was a griffon and his father was an ice dragon.

Tessei is Raptre maternal cousin, so he's a full griffon. He looks a lot like Raptre except he has black hair, blue eyes, and looks arrogant as can be. He also for convenience assumes complete elven form. He's living with Raptre as his squire since he was outcast from Solasia for a failed war.

Rykki is an angelus demon. As Heaven/HighRealm has its angels, Hell/UnderRealm has its angelus. They a corruption of angels, just a step above fallen angels which can redeem themselves. SHe has dragon/bat wings, horns, and red eyes. The only other angelus demon in Doma is Ship. When Raptre traveled with Hakaril to UnderRealm in order to retrieve Sirvix, Rykki tagged along and adopted Raptre as her long lost brother.

That's how they came to live together. o.o Sufficient? <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Dec 24, 2002 8:40 pm

Sure. Tis groovy ^_^

Now find a way to work a little of that into the fic. Not all of it, just enough to give us a sense of who they are.

It is rather disconcerting tojust encounter names and learn nothing of them, you know :P. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image</div></p>

Nekogami
 
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Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 12:28 pm

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Nekogami » Tue Dec 24, 2002 8:59 pm

I would do that but is seems a little redundant to people that do know them to go into a full rediscription. I can agree with more description of how they look. However, I don't feel like their histories are irrelevent to the plot of the story. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=nekogami>Nekogami</A]&nbsp; Image at: 12/24/02 8:24:55 pm

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Dec 24, 2002 10:08 pm

Indeed.

A little reminder here or there wouldn't hurt, though. Just a little one. Such a a momento from their past doings. It can also come out in a bit of dialogue.

And never assume your audience knows. Image It's always better to give a little too much than not enough. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image</div></p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby pd Rydia » Tue Dec 24, 2002 10:16 pm

It's okay to be redundant, at least about backstories, in a story. You get a lot of it in sequels and series and such. It's cool. <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

Nekogami
 
Posts: 1204
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 12:28 pm

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Nekogami » Sat Dec 28, 2002 2:39 pm

Again, I anxiously post without proof reading. But I will and soon.


Tessei spit out some of the acrid slush that had dripped into his mouth. Rykki was long gone by the time he shook off all the mush from his face and hair. His blood boiled and his mind was on murder. Raptre arrived at the door. He surveyed the damage and concluded he had to end this silly Ishmas war and immediately. Ishmas was only two days away and wasn't about to have it ruined.

"RYKKI!" the dracogriff bellowed with all his might. The neighbors all turned stirred in their beds at the sound. A certain angelus girl also heard it. It was sound she hadn't heard before but she new it wasn't good. Rykki maintained her post in the cabinet.

"RYKKI!" There it was again a little more intense and closer. Rykki hugged a pot. "RYKKI GET OUT HERE NOW!!" No where to go and she was sure to be found. However, for a few moments there was nothing but silence. No movement, no yelling just the beating of her heart.

"RYKKI!!" The door was yanked open. Busted. Completely and entirely busted. Raptre's yellow eyes burned as if he had been the victim of her strike. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her out of the pot cabinet. Now seemed like a perfect time through a tantrum.

She opened her mouth to let loose a scream but Raptre was right in her face. Something very dragonic burned behind those eyes. Something that dared to be challenged. But Rykki was no fool. She knew from class that dragons were very big and could also be very mean and that they would have no qualms about gulping down naughty demons. She couldn't very well imagine Raptre being big and mean but she had never seen him this angry either.

Raptre lead her to a chair and sat her down. Tessei was sitting at the couch scowling and hissing bloody murder. A look from Raptre lessened his hiss to vehement glare. Raptre stood between them. "I want this to stop right now!" he barked.

Both Tessei and Rykki started to defend themselves but Raptre interrupted. "ENOUGH! Tessei you are a grown gryphon. You should know better than to be this petty and this immature. I don't know how many years I looked up to your example but now you've fallen into this childish state of bickering." Rykki nodded in agreement. She totally agreed with this. Tessei took the admonishment, not trying to defend himself. He knew it was true.

"And you, Rykki.....I took you into my home. I took you away from the UnderRealm, I clothed you, I feed you, I make sure you receive a good education. All I want is for you to grow into a fine, young woman, a happy person that will live out her days with no regrets and this is how you repay me? Yes, Tessei teases you and can be a pain but you should take the high road. You're not some common demon that just creates Hell wherever she goes. You can be better than that."

There was some silence after that. Rykki didn't know what to say. She felt this heavy lump inside, some kind of numbing pain. It worked it's way from her stomach to her throat and it made her eyes burn. What Raptre said was true....in a way. But why was she in trouble too? She knew the answer to that but didn't really want to admit to it. So she started crying. She didn't want the chicken to see her cry nor did she want to cry at all. She ran to her room and slammed the door.

Raptre sighed. "When did I become the father of this house??"

"Heh....You're just like him...you know?" Tessei stood and started to walk to his room himself. "Like Sharfah....."

Raptre stood there after Tessei had left. "Aw dammit dammit dammit. So what would Dad do now?" <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>

Teh Jade Dragon
 

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Teh Jade Dragon » Sat Dec 28, 2002 6:37 pm

o.o Hmmm... Interesting. Nice bit of characterization. ::nods:: I'd like to see where you take this from here.


Vampire Jester Jinx
 

Re: A L'Sarithe Ismas

Unread postby Vampire Jester Jinx » Fri Jan 10, 2003 4:23 pm

o_o wai wai more more. when i have time i'll add a critique.....but so far i've been highly amused.:wai:


Image <p>
<div style="text-align:center">
I died for beauty, but was scarce
Adjusted in the tomb,
When one who died for truth was lain
In an adjoining room.

He questioned softly why I failed?
"For beauty," I replied.
"And I for truth, - the two are one;
We brethren are," he said.

And so, as kinsmen met a night,
We talked between the rooms,
Until the moss had reached our lips
And covered up our names.
</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 18:15


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