The Creation of Darkness

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Nekogami
 
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The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Fri Nov 15, 2002 3:11 pm

Praise the Holy Star of Light
That shines with holy pur'ty!
Sing to the star with all your might
And value sweet chastity!

Holy Maeran, we bless you
With are song we praise.
Our life, our love we behest you
Allow us you Word raise!

Sing sweet daughters to the Star
That gives all life meaning.
Measure for measure and bar for bar
And Maeran will always be gleaming!


The sweet chorus faded from the white marble gazebo. The tall women in the front of the chorus lowered her arms and gave a warm smile. "Praises to Maeran, my daughters. Surely her immaculate heart is filled with joy to hear such genuine praise."

"Praises to Maeran," the chorus of young women echoed.

"Go forward today, daughters, and reflect on Maeran's grace and the gifts she has given us," the instructor commanded. The chorus of girls dropped to one, then the other, before kissing the ground and rising.

The white cloaked girls, ages ranging from nine to eighteen, started to disperse. Yet one girl stood in the middle of the gazebo looking up through the skylight.

"Uta? Is something troubling you?"

"No, Elder Daughter. I was only wondering if Maeran would tell me how I sang today...." Uta dropped her gaze to her bare feet. "There are always so many girls singing, sometimes I fear she does not know that I sing for her..."

The woman's face softened as she approached Uta. She placed a hand on her cheek and beckoned for the young girl to look at her. "Uta,....Maeran has excellent ears and knowledge. She hears all that you say and every note you sing. It fills her heart with immeasurable happiness and this is why she bestows her blessings on us."

"Thank you, Elder Daughter....But I think I'll continue to sing all day...So Maeran continue to be happy." Uta kissed the hand of her Elder Daughter and ran off. Her deep brown hair trailed behind her as she ran over the dirt and grass.

The Isle of Maeran was small and several days from the mainland. The island was covered in greenery and small worship areas. The Daughters of Maeran dedicated every day to worship. Uta dedicated more than that.

Maeran was all she knew all she loved. She has been abandoned by the world of Men and Maeran blessed her with sanctuary on her island. Of course, Maeran wanted nothing more than to see Uta grow into a happy vibrant woman, as any mother would want. Every day, Uta bathed in the Star Pool and sang praises as she did so. She attended each of the five choirs throughout the day, and sang to her star at night. Devout, was the only word to describe her.

Uta found herself at the edge of the Star pool. The clear, shimmering water looked inviting. The sun was positioned just so through the trees that shadows formed lace on its surface. Uta opened her hands, arms spread, "Praises to Maeran." She then knelt to the ground and kissed it before stripping of her gown and entering the pool.

"Uta, are you bathing again?" Uta hummed in response. The girl that spoke had curly auburn hair and brown doe eyes. "This must be the millonth time today. I'm certain Maeran thinks you're clean."

"But since my last bath, I may have acquired some impurity. I must bathe regularly so that the filth does not cloud my shining spirit." Uta dunked herself under the water.

"But Uta....."

"Audrey, why don't you bathe with me? We'll sing songs to our Mother and enjoy her grace."

Audry tugged at a curl looking guilty. "I would...normally but...." A bird chirped over head, singing its own praises in the silence. "Hanna has prepared a picnic for us all....Why don't you come?"

"Because now is not the time for eating. It is time for reflecting," Uta said as though Audrey was an child. "But I understand. Go one and be happy. Your happiness will surely make Maeran smile."

They looked at each for a moment, Audrey somewhat imploring and Uta unyielding but eventually Uta won out and Audry ran off. Uta sighed and leaned back into the water. She let her body relax and the water hold her afloat. Nature went on, business as usual. Uta closed her eyes, a praise on her lips but sleep faster upon her mind.
<p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke</p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri Nov 15, 2002 8:01 pm

o_o

WOW. This is...great. I would like to give more comments, but this is so seamlessly woven, there's not a lot I can say. Except, it's a very well-written, drawing piece. Normally there's a smattering of little typos and such in one of your rough drafts, but as I read through this, I didn't notice anything.

Good job. o_o I hope you write more to it. <p><div style="text-align:center">
<span style="color:navy;">So take these Broken Wings
And learn to fly again, learn to live so free
When we hear the voices sing
The book of love will open up and let
</span></div></p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Nov 19, 2002 1:01 pm

An interesting character.

I hope to see you explore the origins o her overwhelming faith. <p>Image Image Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits. That's th' life fer me. Image Image</p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Mon Dec 02, 2002 4:54 pm

Update: I've been meaning to add to this, so I will.


Uta opened her eyes to the stars. Somehow she had slept the daylight away. Maeran must have rewarded her with rest, recognizing some weariness in her body that she in her imperfection did not notice. How wise and careful was Maeran. Uta shifted her weight until she felt the soft ground beneath her feet. How long had she floated supported on the cool water? She looked at her fingers; they were only slightly wrinkled.

The young girl swam to the bank and climbed out. She had hoped to dry in the sun but she would have to allow the wind to do it. The moss-carpeted stone path to the housing buildings was soothing and cool to her feet. Uta looked up at the sky. She was always looking up. Even when she was a child, she could remember looking out of her window and up at the countless stars wondering who made them and what the were. Were they homes of gods or distant worlds that looked down at her the same way she looked up at them? For certain, she knew one was Maeran, goddess of light, benevolence, and purity.

Behind her Uta heard the soft rustle of cloth and turned. "You slept all day, Uta." It was Hanna in her white robes. Her gold hair shone even in the dim light of the stars and waning moon. Her eyes were clear-the color of the sea. Her skin was soft, supple, and milky. She was terribly beautiful and though jealousy was shunned as an impurity, no girl could resists feeling insignificant next to her.

No girl but Uta.

"I did. I was bathing and slipped into a slumber. Maeran must have blessed me with such a sleep. I did not awaken until just now."

This did not seem to please Hanna. Her lips pursed but she did not say anything again on the matter. She nodded and walked passed Uta. The wind caused by her passing was cold and caused a chill to run through Uta's body. Somehow she could not help but to feel threatened by Hanna. Every nerve in her body raised in alarm whenever the golden haired girled neared her. For that feeling she felt guilty and made a note to pray to her Mother for forgiveness and understanding. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke</p>

Just Damn Evil
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Just Damn Evil » Fri Dec 06, 2002 5:54 pm

I like this. The narrative style is nicely descriptive, and in a way that isn't too drawn out. The character developement is also done well. Overall, it was a fun read, although it could use a bit more foreshadowing - the past two parts seem to center on character establishment, which is always a good thing to do, especially if it's done well like it is here, but there could definately be a bit more emphasis on the plot. I see a few little hints within the story that probably won't be understood until I read the rest of it, but nothing that really identifies the storyline plainly.


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pd Rydia
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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby pd Rydia » Mon Dec 16, 2002 9:13 pm

Good, good stuff. Not sure I can say much that hasn't been said already. Definately one of your better works...it'd be very nice indeed to see more of this. <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Sat Dec 28, 2002 2:56 pm

The next day was not a day of peace. Man had arrived to their island. There was only one man. He was broad-chested with curly, brown hair, tanned skinned, and he was unshaven. His ship lost it's way in a nearby storm and he wrecked on the northern shores of the Isle of Maeran. The elder Sisters were terribly upset by this. In 100 years, never had a man set foot on these holy shores.

Remma had ordered that they put him in the infirmary. He was very ill and needed care. Remma was the healer of the island and one of the unofficial leaders. She said he needed healing and though there were looks of dismay there were no words of protest.

The rumor of Man's arrival had reached the ears of the younger Sisters. Some of the girls were very nervous, others very scared, some curious, some indifferent, and at least one very happy.

"There's a man here...." Hanna cooed. She brushed her golden hair slowly as she contemplated the meanings of those words. "There's a man here..."

She sat in her room, staring into a mirror but not seeing. The other girls were in a frenzy outside, hoping, or fearing to catch a glimpse of the creature. Most of the women and girls on the island had never seen a man. Some of the Elder Sisters saw them on the excursions to the mainland. The younger girls may vaguely remember their fathers or brothers but most girls viewed men as completely alien.

Hanna had never seen a man. She was brought to the isle when she was only a few weeks old. She was the love child of a merchant's daughter and needed to be 'taken care of'. She coaxed this bit of information from Elder Sister Drew, keeper of records. Drew, who could tell you the origins of every girl on the island, often couldn't remember her own name. She was going batty, Hanna decided with a smirk.

"There's a man on the island..." She cooed again and again and again. The words were always so sweet on her lips. "There's a man on the island and I want him."
<center>~*~</center>

Uta sat in the Gazebo of Songs and sang a few hymns. There was a man on the island and she could care less. Maeran loved all things, man or woman. The man needed aid and Maeran obviously bestowed him the blessing of washing up upon her shore. He would recieve the best care then sent on his way to tell of his journey to Heaven. Men could not properly become Bearers of the Word because they were not the equipped to fully understand the careful creation of life. However, they could appreciate the benevolence of Maeran and wish to do well in her name.

Perhaps she would go to meet this man and convince him to spread the word. Men were very beast-like and it would take careful coaxing to tame him but they were not mindless creatures. It wasn't their fault they were built to be brutish but even the wolf would kindly eat from a gentle hand.

She finished her song and smiled up at the sun. "How generous of you to present us with this opportunity and test, Our Mother. I will gladly accept this task."

Uta glided from the gazebo. Groups of girls were gathered chattering. She didn't have time for gossip but did say a few hello's and general comments on the situation. The Elder Sisters would certainly be relunctant to expose the Younger Sisters to a man but Uta felt confident that she could handle a man. They were creatures of Maeran and all of Maeran's creatures loved her.

The Nursery doors were closed. A rare thing but the man was inside. A few girls were waiting by the door, talking in hushed tones. Elder Sister Yanni was guarding the doors. Her dark skin glistened in the light and she looked very intimidating. Elder Sister Yanni was a skilled fighter and handled most disciplinary matters.

"Elder Sister Yanni," Uta began.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"I see. Is he well?" There was no using fighting over it.

"He was a little feverish earlier but he's sleeping now. Remma says he just swallowed too much bad water."

"Will we try to convert him? Perhaps when we send him home, he will in turn convert more men."

Yanni looke at Uta first firmly but he face softened. She put a hand on Uta's shoulder and squeezed it gently. "Perhaps but it takes much to bend a man's mind. Keep hope but don't be disappointed if it does not happen."

"Of course, Elder Sister. If I can help in anyway-"

"Yes, dear. You'll be the first we contact."

"Thank you. Elder Sister Yanni. Maeran's Wisdom is apparent in you."

Hanna glared from the path. Uta had beaten her again. Who was the raven haired bitch fooling. She wanted the man just as much as she did. Always one-upping her, always a step ahead....But this was a game Hanna was bent on winning.



To be continued. ^^;;;
[edit] Sorry, I had to leave suddenly and couldn't finish. (I.E. had to go to Diane's house! ^_^) <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=nekogami>Nekogami</A]&nbsp; Image at: 1/3/03 12:01:06 am

Teh Jade Dragon
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Teh Jade Dragon » Sat Dec 28, 2002 6:32 pm

Yeah, it'd better be! :P I know where you live.


Uncle Pervy
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Fri Jan 03, 2003 4:38 am

Lovely!

Interesting view into the thought processes of the two main characters.

More or I stabber. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image</div></p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jan 09, 2003 11:09 pm

Just got around to reading your editted post, thanks to Bro for bumping it.

Hm. That very last bit from Hanna's POV...I think that should be expanded, juuust a little bit. It seems a bit sudden, but it is well-placed and does well to move the plot along, rise the tension.

I really, really love your characters in this fic. o_o Please, do continue this one. I want to read more. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Animala » Thu Jan 09, 2003 11:36 pm

The characterization in this story is excellent, and the interactions between characters are great. I really get a sense of Uta's incredible faith. And the contrast between her and Hanna is excellent. The rising tension and the multiple perspectives add a lot to this story.

-White Knight


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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Mon Mar 10, 2003 1:22 pm

Days came and went as the man was nursed carefully to health. He was interrogated throroughly by the Elder Sisters and forbidden against many things, including excess conversation. They were afraid and concerned over what influence he could have. Words are powerful and so are men.

Uta stayed nearby and alert in case she would be called upon. The next ship to the mainland would not arrive until the next dead moon and that was yet many weeks away.

She had noticed increased tension between her and Hanna in spite of the kindness and increased time they had been spending together. It was as though Hanna was reaching out to Uta with a cold hand. It was a dismal thought and, therefore, quickly banished from Uta's mind.

This day, Uta was sitting in one of the smaller gazebos looking at the see. She heard someone come up behind her though they said nothing. For a while, Uta and the stranger were satisfied to watch the sparkling waves.

"The reason I became a sailor," said the stranger. Uta sucked in breath quickly. She turned and looked up at the man staring at the see. "Blue waves, sea mist, taming the wild seas....That's a real challenge."

Uta turned back around. " I suppose it is. But why try to tame something that is impossible to tame. You should try to live in harmony with it."

The man neared and crouched down to his haunches. "You've got a point there. But that's how men are." He looked at her with his blue-grey eyes. "That's why I like this place. Everyone here's got it exactly right."

"Do we?" Perhaps the man was making a jest or maybe he believed what he said. Perhaps there was hope.

The man nodded and looked thoughtful. "Exactly right. You see, the ladies here think that men are brutes. Big, warthogs that tear things up wherever they go. Right?"

Uta considered this. It wasn't as delicately put as she would like but if that analogy was familiar to him then should would compromise. "In a sense."

"Well....it's right. Women, now, they've got a more gentle touch on things. They've got the sense that men sometimes lack. You've got right here. But...I'll tell you where you got it wrong." He eyes twinkled and he smiled a little.

Uta felt charmed. The man was coming off very intelligent and gentle. There was more than hope here."Well, this is an argument that I've not encountered. Please test my faith."

The response was rewarded with a laugh, as the man slapped his knee. "I love it! I absolutely love it, Ishtar bless you, girl." He fell to sit on is bottom and rested his back against frame of the gazebo. "This is where you're wrong. You say you can't tame nature right?" Uta nodded. "Well....what if....it's the nature of men to be ruthless?"

"But men can be so kind! And it's impossible for the nature of anything to be truly ruthless. Why would such a thing to exist?"

"Because...of balance?" The man clasped his hands in front of his chin. "If there is light...there's shadow. If there's gentility...there must be a harshness by which it's measured. Agreed?"

His argument was sound. A child of Maeran hardly, if ever, considered life in terms of this. So how should she respond. Something inside of her said carefully. So Uta contemplated the man's words with great concern.

"If it is so," she began. "It doesn't change anything. Nothing in the world is solid. Even the sea can dry up. The mountains can become silent sentinels or fiery destructors. Men can wield sword or feather. Women can wield song or curse. But it is the natural inclination of things not the exceptions that are generally of great concern." Uta finished with a nod.

The man considered this. He shook his head and hawed, stomping a little. Uta was taken aback by such an open display but she considered that her words had brought him pleasure. This pleased her as well.

"Exactly right.....Everyone here's got it exactly right and don't you forget it." They smiled at each other. Two philosophers from different sides of a vast sea. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Choark: Good luck there. You'll have to shit out darkness and send people into oblivion.</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=nekogami>Nekogami</A]&nbsp; Image at: 3/26/03 8:32:32 am

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed Mar 12, 2003 3:09 pm

Yay stereotypes! Image !


Interesting bit, our Neko. Oh yes yes, interesting. I want to see how she is going to apply this dualism. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Wed Mar 26, 2003 9:57 am

Elder sister Llewnwyn stood across from Uta. She never that that she would have to admonish the girl but it was necessary to install greater caution into the girl.

"Uta, you are because you were conversing with the man. That is strictly forbidden on and off this island," she began with a harsh tone. "It shames me to be saying this to you but sometimes you go too far. You are not an elder sister yet so don't go thinking you can bend the rules. Understood?"

Head hanging low, the redness of embarrassment and hurt across her cheeks, Uta nodded. She had an apology on her lips but it didn't seem the time. What would Maeran think of her now?

Llewnwyn grabbed a cane about an inch thick from her desk. "Now drop your robes. You know what comes next for an offense like this."

It seemed harsh to something inside Uta. Why should she be punished for her first offense in such a hard way? Could she just wash all the halls, spend the next month caring over the Infant Sisters?

"Uta...." Llewnwyn warned. There was too much hesitation.

Uta slid her robes off her shoulders and let them crumple to the floor. She turned slowly around and kneeled to the floor as she would in prayer. Llewnwyn pushed Uta's hair from her exposed back.

"I'm being merciful. As you know, punishments are usually carried out in public. But for you, I'll save you the humiliation."

There was a sigh of gratitude on her lips but it was knocked out of her when the first blow came. Uta gritted her teeth but the cane blows came one after another until she couldn't stand it and cried out.

After he back was left sore and raw, Llewnwyn left the room, closing and locking it. Uta was left alone. She knew that she had did wrong but she began to feel the urge to justify herself. Insider her, the priest that questioned nothing and the girl from a farming village the questioned every wrong combatted their reasons with each other. Uta was left confused. The man had bore the feather to her and the woman had wielded the cane. Who was brutish now? Who had it 'exactly right'?

The door handled jiggled, Uta made no move to open it. Self-pity made it hard to stand and the fact that pity to oneself was a sin made it even harder to bear. The door jiggled again and there were scratching noises.

For a few moments the scratching dominated, until finally there was a click and the door opened. It was the man. He looked at her then the ground. He was holding a thin wire in his hand which he quickly pocketed. He was ashamed, Uta noted. But for what?

The man shut and locked the door behind him and leaned against it fro some time. His eyes were casts every until finally he was forced to look at Uta, kneeling, back bleeding, and all.

"My fault, huh?" She didn't responded and looked fixedly at the tile before her. "Yeah......Yeah it's my fault." He slid to the ground with a grunt. "I thought you ladies had it right here....now I don't know."

The priestess inside wanted to defend the Ways of Maeran and the Island but the farmer's daughter preached the greater sermon of self-preservation. Uta did not speak.

He observed this. "All this because we just spoke? Look, I understand that this place is an exclusive...." He searched for a word. "Club. An exclusive club for women, but, seriously, is it worth getting beaten over. Ishtar would never wish this on anyone."

Her lips parted but she only breathed. There were words on her mind but not in her throat. Why was he trying to make her hurt more. But he was right in a way, he was doing nothing wrong and if he is innocent, why should she not speak with him. She was doubting again, more sin.

"Man may be crooked in your eyes but...I want to make this right." He stood up and walked to her kneeling besided her as she kneeled. "I don't let anyone...get in trouble over me. I'll make this right but I want you to know that I apologize, if for anyting, for being a man."

"It's not a sin.....to be a man." She stood up and grabbed her robes from the ground. "It's just a sin to be out of place." She walked passed him disobeying again the laws and opened the door.

The man watched her as she slid out the door but before she closed it he said, "My name is Dominique....if it means anything to you." He thought he saw her pause but she closed the door anyway. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Choark: Good luck there. You'll have to shit out darkness and send people into oblivion.</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Apr 01, 2003 11:37 am

Ah, Juxaposed names.

Intersting bit of inhuman strictness they have, and I like how Uta is coming to question it. Great Jaerb, Our Neko.

And I apologize for taking so long to get to this. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Sat Apr 26, 2003 11:32 am

The girls watched Hanna. She was so beautiful. She was blessed by Maeran and she knew it. Hanna was dancing now. Her white robes flowed about her legs and her hair danced on is own. All eyes were on her graceful movements. Flawless. The Elder Sister watching felt her heart hang heavy as she watched Hanna. Suddenly she became aware of her on flaws. Her aging body and face were a sin next to this youthful angel. When she watched Hanna dance she felt as sinful for feeling so jealous.

Hanna stopped dancing and bowed to the girls. She expected applause and received it without hesitation. It was to be expected when you are perfect. Maeran was obviously tired of homely, unwanted crows that sang all day. She wanted something more glorious to look at and be proud of. What better to keep spirits up than to be graced by the presence of someone blessed.

She bowed before the Elder Sister. "Sister, may I take a walk. I feel the need to contemplate." Of course the Elder Sister replied. Why wouldn't she? "Thank you, my sister." She glided down the stairs from the platform to the path and began walking.

Contemplate? Yes, contemplate on how to keep Uta out of the picture and the man in the center of the frame. She concluded that one side of the that problem was solved. Turning Uta in to the Elders did not way on her mind at all. She performed it with the same thought she'd give crushing a bug beneath her foot. Both are insignificant and will probably bother her later is not dealt with.

The man, however, was a different matter. He would be sent back on the next ship. What should she do about that? Hannah stopped at a fountain and took a drink of the cool water. What should she do? It was vexing. Firstly, she would have to seduce the man but how impossible was that? Hardly, at all. Secondly, she would have to convince the elders to keep him here....Or should she leave with him?

That was quite an idea. Leave this wretched island of spinsters and virgins to a world full of life. What would she be sacrificing in the long run? Nothing she could do without she wager. But just leaving seemed so plain, and plain was not the style of Hanna. She would leave with a scene so glorious she would NEVER be forgotten.

<center>~*~</center>

Uta lay in her bed. Her back ached horribly and her world was becoming dark. She was having difficulty communicating with Maeran. She felt terribly betrayed. Somehow, Dominique was a light in the darkness. He was kind and intelligent. He had strong views about the world and enjoyed challenging them. He was not a beast like many on the island would view him. Why was she punished? More questions.

She sighed. The door opened and someone walked towards her. "My...what horrible scars you'll have...Uta," said a silky soft voice. "How did you get them? Oh....were you punished for something?" The tone in the words leaked of bitterness and malcontent. Someone was enjoying her pain. She hated them. A sin.

Hanna moved into Uta's view and sat down on the bed across from her. "Tch, tch. You must understand. I had to tell Elder Sister Llewynn what you had done. What kind of holy woman would I be if I let you sin like that?" Hanna's eyes glittered and gleamed. She was a witch, full of cold ice and barbs. She was a bitch. More sin.

"I thank your for correcting me, Hanna," Uta managed strongly.

Hanna's smile twitched. She put her hand on Uta's shoulder. "I only want what's best for us both. Don't worry, I'll make everything up to you." She stood and walked out of the bedroom. Uta was left alone to brood and think. How could she think clearly with all of this pain? She would learn to accept the pain, she decided. Defeat it by accepting it as a course of life. Not to be hated but to be loved like all things in life. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Choark: Good luck there. You'll have to shit out darkness and send people into oblivion.</p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sat Apr 26, 2003 8:36 pm

A few lost or improper words (mostly prepositions, maybe a handful) in these last two and a half installments (if you'd like a more detailed list of them, like I do for Pervy, just ask, otherwise I'll leave it be). Otherwise, the story continues its superb quality. The characters are just so...yeah. o_o I really feel for Uta and her situation, quite a feat. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Careful wit' that blade, th's innkeep's a cranky sort when folks start fightin' Ye dun wanna know how many rowdy drunks she's ate" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "I'm sorry, but there are rules to uphold here. No nakedness is one of them. Along with no suicide and no fighting." -- Will Baseton
-=- "Maybe... or maybe you're just not drunk enough." -- Nakibe</span></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Apr 27, 2003 3:52 pm

Hmmmm...

I wonder what our Dom is doing during all this politicking and whatnot? If Uta was beaten, he must have got the thumbscrews.

I also wonder why Uta doesn't comtemplate leaving...?

Interesting chapter. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Nekogami » Fri May 02, 2003 1:05 pm

Dominique sat on the beach watching at the glitter of fading light on the ocean. He patted his pockets reflexively looking for his cigarettes. He always smoked when he was thinking. It seemed as though was going to be quitting the habit a lot sooner than he had hoped.

There was something about the girl. She was pretty, long raven hair slim bodied; she was strong, intelligent and stubborn. She was something else....something he couldn't put his finger on. The whole island was appearing to be of one thing and was really something else, he mused. The way the priestess ruled over the girls filling there head with ideals and damning anyone that raised a question was more like brainwashing than instruction. This was a island full of radical corrupting the minds of young girls.

He didn't know what to make of the notion that they were taught to believe men were beasts. Uta didn't believe it. She had a good head on her shoulders. She feared no one and her heart was pure and good. She shouldn't be here, he thought firmly, She's better than the whole lot and they'll only corrupt her. Dominique pretended to take a puff of a cigarette and flick it into the sand. Something he always did when had made up his mind.

"I'll take her away from here. Yeah....That's what I'll do." But how? Simple, discuss it out with her like two rational human beings. Uta was too smart not to see it his way.

Dominique headed up the path. Elder Sisters Yani was watching him. He was guilty until proven innocent here. It was no more than a tyranny lead by bitter old women. He nodded to her as he walked passed and headed to the main building, the Womb. The notion of coming in and out of something called the Womb made him uneasy but he laughed at the notion nonetheless.

He looked behind him, she was still watching. Still making sure he did not corrupt their false island of ideals. With a snort, he passed under the arch leading to the vast domed Womb and preceded to his quarters. Shoving open the door and closing it gently, he started to spout his own ill thoughts. "Treated like a damn criminal when all I did was wash ashore. My government will hear of this, they will that."

"What's a government?" said soft voice to his right. Hanna was sitting languidly in an arm chair, her leg thrown carelessly over the arm. Her eyes were half open and her lips were pulled upwards in a slight smile.

Dominique scratched his head and looked around. If Uta was punished to simply talking, what did this girl think she was doing? It perplexed him but her pushed the confusion aside. "It's a structured system of leadership such that a large area of property and people can be governed," he answer.

"Like a conclave?"

Dominique found it hard to concentrate with Hanna sitting there, provocatively, and speaking so suggestively. She was trying to seduce him. It perplexed him. "Nothing like here. Our leaders are selected by the people, you see. We're all equal and well....It's really not like this place."

Hanna slid her leg from the chair and stood. She snaked her way over to the door and locked it. She rested her body against the door. "Not many men, come here."

"I'd imagine not. This is a nunnery if I've ever seen one." Dominique crossed his arms. She was just a young girl hot for a man. It was rather disgusting, he noted, and shameless.

"I don't know what a nunnery is....but I do know what a man can do for a woman...." She smiled and turned to him. She pulled the light fabric from her shoulders and let her robes fall. "And I know what men like.....They like pretty girls....like...me."

The ex-sailor considered Hanna for a moment and nodded slowly. "What I see is a very beautiful girl...." He grinned. "With the most hideous personality imaginable." He was pleased with the look on Hanna's face. Always expect the unexpected, he mused.

"What?.....What do you mean?" Hanna dug her nails into the door. Suddenly her plan seemed to be taking a turn fro the worst. If the man did not take her then she would be suspect. How could he deny her? No one had ever denied her. Ever.

"I mean, you succubus, that I can't stand to be in your company. You blasphemous naga, be gone with you before I tell your Elder Sisters what kind of priestess you really are." <p>

<div style="text-align:center">Image

Nekogami Character Pantheon--Deviant Art Gallery--LiveJournal</div>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Choark: Good luck there. You'll have to shit out darkness and send people into oblivion.</span></p>Edited by: Nekogami&nbsp; Image at: 5/2/03 1:06:20 pm

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pd Rydia
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Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby pd Rydia » Fri May 02, 2003 5:56 pm

Yay Dominique! Stick it to her! Errr... ^_^; Mew. I mean, more. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Careful wit' that blade, th's innkeep's a cranky sort when folks start fightin' Ye dun wanna know how many rowdy drunks she's ate" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "I'm sorry, but there are rules to uphold here. No nakedness is one of them. Along with no suicide and no fighting." -- Will Baseton
-=- "Maybe... or maybe you're just not drunk enough." -- Nakibe</span></p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: The Creation of Darkness

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Mon May 05, 2003 1:05 am

Dominique makes me proud for not Succumbing.

If you want to addd strength to his rejection you could also add that he hardly knows her at all.

Well done, Our Neko. I like. ^^


Image <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 17:34


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