Oh no Dia is of ficcy trying?

[pd Rydia]

the disclaimer:

Erm, yes...I'm trying my hand at writing another ficcish thing. I really want to just get into the groove of writing regularly again, so I can eventually work on improving my (admitedly lacking) skillz, so please: do critique (as gently as possible, granted ^_^; ) and please, please bug to finish this (if you think it's worth finishing). My last fic died because I lost motivation.

As a curious side note, I was originally motivated to do this out of anger. Yay! Anger CAN be productive!

Anyway, on with the fic.

---

"Journal of
"Ellyn Josselya L’Kathara"

The little girl hugged her journal, then carefully tucked it away in her tiny wooden chest safely. She would probably forget it was there...she was always forgetting her journal. Luckily, the voice would remind her if she did lose it.

Ellyn had talked to her momma about the voices once. Momma had said they were her "sense" talking to her. Ellyn thought that was funny, because she did not know she had sense -- she did not even know what sense was! But she had the idea it was something bad, because when she tentatively mentioned sense and the voices once to her neighbor, Mister L'Holmet, he gave her a funny look and changed the subject. He kind of stopped talking to her after that.

Then again, nobody ever talked to her or her family much, anyway. Papa said it was because they were shadow dragons, but Ellyn never understood that. In the sprawling city of Fatier there were earth dragons and sky dragons, fire dragons and ice dragons, but none of the other dragons were given the silent treatment -- just the single shadow dragon family. Ellyn's family.

Well, her neighbors may have ignored her parents, and her parents seemed willing to leave them to their peace, but Ellyn was too curious for her own good. The little girl visited all her neighbors, striking up lively conversations, asking myriad questions, and helping out with chores. Her neighbors smiled and treated the young girl politely, but for some reason as she grew older, they grew more distant and cold. Maybe, a voice whispered, they were really that way to begin with, and you never noticed.

She shook her head from her musings. The voices interrupted her thoughts at the most curious moments. Sometimes they said rude things about her friends and neighbors, but then again, the voices were always there for her. As her neighbors stopped talking to her, the voices were there to keep her company.

You’re coming to visit me, right?

That is what she forgot! Ellyn felt chided -- no wonder the voice had interrupted her thoughts. She had something to do today.

"I’m going outside, Momma!" she called out, heading swiftly for the door.

Momma frowned and began to say something, but Ellyn was quick, and was already out the door and heading away from the house by the time her mother could react. Momma shook her head and smiled reluctantly at her daughter, waving a hand at her retreating back.

Momma probably thought she was going to visit neighbors or explore trails again. Well, she was, really. but this was a different neighbor and these would be new trails. Ellyn was not worried about getting lost, though. She had her voices to guide her to the right place. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; at: 6/10/05 16:51

[Nekogami]

Nice use of a child innocence and the 'voices'. I don't know anything about grammar and what not so I can't comment on that. And this is Neko, prodding you *takes out a cattle prod* to write more. <p>

---

<center><table border = 1><tr><td><center>
"You're cruel." "I am?"
"Yes. You are." "I aaam?"
"Yes. You are." "....Well, what can you do? *sigh*" --Nadeisco</center>

---

<center> 2 Sugoi!~~Mmm, Mechage RPGWW style!~~Live Journal</center></td></tr></table></center></p>

[pd Rydia]

---

Left now...that's right...

What a good girl...

Ellyn had been walking forever...she was now farther away from home than she'd ever been. Was this even part of Fatier?

No, it's deeper into the Shuman Mountains than that...

Hurry...

We're waiting to meet you.

Sometimes, Ellyn mused, it was hard to tell when the voices were themselves or her own thoughts. Today, however, they were clearly and distinctly themselves, and the farther she trekked, the more clear it was that the voices belonged to individuals. They were people just like her -- not Momma's "Sense" and not her neighbor's "Rai," either.

Ellyn hurried her pace, eager to finally meet the friends she had known for so long. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Very good use of innocence. No grammatical troubles that I note.

Well done Dia. I have no idea who this character is; nor do I want to know until the story is done. You've done quite nicely with it. I suppose I'll have to keep an eye on the forum now.

<p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[FlamingDeth]

...methinks I know who this character is. Write more.

*sucks at teh writing of stuff, so really has no crticism* <p>New sig pending.</p>

[pd Rydia]

---

Finally, Ellyn scrambled up the last rock. She didn't need the voices to tell her she had reached her destination -- she knew.

"I'm here!" she annouced enthusiastically.

Silence.

"Where are you?" she asked, brushing a strand of dark brown hair back from her face. Was this a game? Why were they not here?

Even though she was in her human form, she was crouched down on her hands and knees, perched upon a boulder easily twice her size. From her vantage point, she looked around.

She had been traveling up a mountainside almost the whole time. She wasn't near the top by any means, but she was still a good deal above Fatier. Some of the homes of the village were visible from where she was, including her own -- they only appeared as mere specks below, however. She had traveled far. She had traveled far to meet her friends.

So where were they?

"Hello?" Still, her friends remained ominously silent, like the neighbors who don't have the heart to tell a little shadow dragon they despise her for what she is. Ellyn shook her head of such thoughts. These were her friends.

Where were her friends? They were her friends, right? Her friends should be here.

She glanced west, just in time to watch the last sliver of crimson sun dip below the mountainous horizon. Momma was going to throw a fit when she got home. She might call Papa to yell at her, too. She bit her lip and called out again.

"Where are you?" Slight panic had creeped into her voice by now. She hopped down from her boulder, stumbling slightly. Frantically, she began to search the small ledge.

The ledge was bathed in twilight shadows, which were steadily deepening. Ellyn jumped, heart beating furiously, as three tall figures emerged from behind a large rock slab. She gaped, mouth dropping open and eyes staring.

Her friends were here!

"Hello," the woman of the group greeted her, voice low, soft, and kind. She smiled compassionately at Ellyn, kneeling down and opening her arms wide.

The young girl ran over quickly, hugging her friend happily. "You're here! You really are!"

"Of course," the man behind just behind the woman said, smiling faintly. "Real friends would always come."

"We've wanted to meet you," the woman asserted, breaking their embrace and standing up. "Our friend, Ellyn." The smile never left her face, her voice was level and compelling -- the voice of someone you could trust. She was beautiful, too -- her silver hair framed her delicate face perfectly, and complimented her bright blue skin. Ellyn watched her in pure admiration, wordless.

The third member of the group was standing farther away from the rest, leaning against a wall, watching everything. Ellyn glanced at him worriedly. Why was he so quiet? Was he upset? Had she done something wrong? Had she disappointed him somehow?

He suddenly flashed her a winning smile, bright white teeth contrasting with his dark blue skin. "Of course not, Ellyn." Had she spoken her concerns aloud, she wondered curiously. She must have...

He grinned in a friendly manner, and knelt by her. "You're exactly what we expected...and you're everything we could ever hope for." <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/updrydia.showPublicProfile?language=EN>pd]&nbsp; at: 7/15/02 2:42:48 am

[Uncle Pervy]

Intriguing... I was not expecting the voices to be any more than simply part of her imagination.

Now I am definately interested.

Oh yes, no grammitcal flaws or Typos that I can see.

Well done, Dia. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[Squintz Altec]

That clinches it. I think I know who it is. And I like this muchly. *sage nod*

[pd Rydia]

o//o Whee...people like it...

I'll try to write more tomorrow or something... <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Jak Snide]

o.o Dragons and Drow. You have my complete and utter attention.

o.o Oh, and it's good stuff as well. I was a little surprised when the voices weren't the cause of her being Rai.

o.o And yes, my face is stuck like this. Get me a crowbar, damnit.

[Archmage144]

Dia. I am liking very much this thing you call your ficcy. You will be of writing more of it before I am of having to be driving to your home to be attacking you with the crowbar of writing.

...*exorcizes the language demon that has possessed him*

I really, really like it. Makes me think I should start writing again >_>;;;. <p><center><table border=1><tr><td><table cellspacing=0 cellpadding=4><tr><td></td><td><center>The Archmage:
Sadistic GM or handsome bishounen? You decide!
RPGWW! Beware of GM!

"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."~Voltaire, French Philosopher
"Learn about art, Captain. When you understand a species' art, you understand that species."~Grand Admiral Thrawn
"It involved the internet, my brother, a burner drive, a copy of FF7 for Windows, and my foot."~LadydragonclawsEDW, explaining a case of motherboard failure</center></td><td></td></tr></table></td></tr></table></center></p>

[FF Fanatic 80]

Nifty fic Dia. o.o I'm definitely curious now as to who this is...

<.<;;; Cause, I'm not sure. ^.^;;;

*feels dumb* V.V;;;

[Blaze Yamato Spirit]

Me likee. Me likee a lot. This is a really interesting story so far, and I'd like to see how you develop it further, especially the development of the drow characters.

...well, right more, quick! And well done.

~R <p>

---

Quotes:

RL Quote of the moment:

"This is a GHOST town, what could POSSIBLY happen to us?!? Oh...yeah...ghosts..." ~Myself at a RL RPing session.</p>

[RebelKitsune]

I um... er... *thinks* It's er... really... um... though... I think... well... um...

...
...
...

DAMMIT! IT'S GOOD! IT'S JUST GOOD, OK? >_<

(seriously though, I really like it. o.o sorry i can't biuld any constructive comments but that's just me. sorry.) <p>

---

<font size="1">
<center>Don't fight the system... Just bite it on the kneecaps and run like hell!

People who who shout out any of the words; "wai," "kitty," "puppy," "cute," "bunny," "fuzzy," "cabbit," (and many others related to these) in an insanely loud voice, on a regular basis, are respectable people and you should love them. *nods*"You're acting like a kitsunejin with a bouncy ball!" ~ Ross (Consolelover)"Vanilla Coke is all like "bend over!" And you're all like "'kay."" ~ ArchMage</center></p>

[pd Rydia]

Thanks for all the encouragement, people! ^_^ I really appreciate it. Helps me avoid being lazy and letting this die. So now, here's the fourth installment!

---

Ellyn lost track of the time as she and her friends --Decia, Maipin, and Ruel-- talked and got to know each other. The twilight faded into night and the mountainside grew as dark as Papa's scales before Ellyn even realized it. Maipin was the one who eventually reminded her.

"It's very dark out, isn't it?" he commented offhandedly, interrupting a story Ellyn was telling Decia about Fatier.

"Yeah, it is," the young girl responded, finally noticing it herself.

"Does the darkness scare you?" he asked, that funny faint smile of his tugging at his lips.

Ellyn frowned a bit, feeling teased. "No. I'm not afraid of the dark. I don't know why other dragons ever are."

"You can see just fine in the dark, can't you?"

"Well, yeah...I can..."

"That's because..." Maipin's smile grew. "You were born of shadow."

"I...was?"

"That's why you are called a shadow dragon. It's because you are...special."

Ellyn beamed. She was special. Momma and Papa always said she was special, but it somehow meant more when her friends said it. And maybe, now, she understood why her neighbors shunned her and her family. Because the Kathara were shadow dragons, and others dragons were jealous because they were special.

"Still..." Decia's smooth voice interrupted Ellyn's thoughts gently as te woman glanced at Maipin. "She does have her parents to consider. Maybe she should head home now...it is late."

"Already?" Ellyn exclaimed. "But I'm having so much fun getting to talk to you finally!"

The drow woman smiled and kissed her on the forehead. "I'm sure your parents are worried. We can meet up again sometime."

The dragon shook her head, but noticed that Maipin and Ruel were already out of sight. They must have things they needed to do. "O-- okay...I guess I should really go home now."

Decia smiled --her beautiful, kind smile-- and said, quietly, "Safe journey." She turned around and walked away -- even though she was walking slowly, she disappeared from sight quickly, leaving Ellyn blinking in confusion.

With a sigh, the little girl started trekking back down the mountain.

--- <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Hmmm... Time for my first real criticism.

The woman is Drow, how does Ellyn know? She doesn't seem to be the type that would know a drow on sight. Nor do I think a drow would reveal it, for they have a rather dark reputation.

If you were going to reveal it, I would have a little scene where one of them revelaed it, and Ellyn reacts in some way, forcing them to calm her down.

Or, I would never have mentioed drow at all, and left the three's identities secret.

Aside from that, an interesting bit. I'm curious to learn more of shadow dragons. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[pd Rydia]

Hm, normally I write in 3rd person omniscient, so I guess that's where I tripped up...this is 3rd person, but somewhat from Ellyn's point of view...I wonder if that's causing the problem?

Noted, and thanks. ^_^

I might write more today, because the next section I have planned is short. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Jak Snide]

*pokes Dia continuously until she writes more*

[pd Rydia]

>.o Ha! I did write more!

...Problem is, it's a segment from further into the story, so I can't very well post it here yet, now can I? XP

Well, I went to write the next segment, but instead, I wound up plotting out the story, and writing a segment about halfway through it. I have this bad habit, see, of writing a good intro, leading up to a conflict...and having no resolution at all. But I have it all planned...just got to write it. ^_^ *pleased with herself*

I'll get about writing the next segment sometime late (or possibly very early, but not likely) tomorrow. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Blaze Yamato Spirit]

My only critiscism so far would be the same as Jak's, and that' already been covered, so... *goes back to waiting for more* <p>

---

Quotes:

RL Quote of the moment:

"This is a GHOST town, what could POSSIBLY happen to us?!? Oh...yeah...ghosts..." ~Myself at a RL RPing session.</p>

[pd Rydia]

Not my best installment, but hopefully I'll spruce it up at the end, when I get the whole fic ready to put up on the site.

---

It was late, and very, very dark. If it weren't for the fact that shadow dragons were gifted with night vision, Ellyn would not have been able to see her way. As it was, she made steady progress, but it still took a while to work her way down the mountainside.

The sounds of night filled the forest -- tree branches swayed and creaked in the wind, brush rustled as little creatures darted to and fro, and insects filled the air with their droning. It was, all in all, very peaceful, actually. The forest life barely paid any attention to Ellyn as she made her way back toward Fatier.

Soon, however, she became aware of a commotion in the distance; something or other shattered the normal nighttime noise of the forest. Ellyn scrunched up her face in concentration, trying to figure out what it was. The forest grew deathly quiet directly around her.

"Ellyn Josselya L'Kathara!" barked out a deep, disapproving voice behind her. Ellyn startled, and turned around to face her father reluctantly.

"Papa," she mumbled, her mind filling with dread. He looked mad.

"And just where have you been young lady?"

"I was out--"

"Trapsing around at night in the forest! Your mother thought something had happened to you..."

"But I'm alright! Nothing bad happened, I can see FINE in the dark, nothing bad--"

"The darkness isn't what you have to worry about," he said shortly, stopping just short of growling at his daughter. He took a deep breath, appearing to calm himself, before continuing. "It's what roams in the darkness."

Ellyn pouted, unimpressed. "I'm just fine, Papa, really..."

"Your mother has been worried sick," he responded sternly. "Come on, we're going home."

"Yes, Papa," she replied quietly. It would figure...the day that her father actually took time out to talk to her, he was yelling at her. It wasn't fair...it was like he only paid attention to his daughter if he was angry at her.

Sullenly, she followed her dad home. As predicted, her mother threw a fit when she got home. If Ellyn herself had acted the way Momma did, they'd say she was having a tantrum, but, of course, adults don't have tantrums. The girl took her parents' chastising bravely, and finally slinked off to her room to finally go to bed. She laid awake on her bed for a long time, thinking about things, before the sound of the crickets outside finally lulled her to sleep. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Nice.

It would have been good for you to elaborate on Ellyn'd thoughts before she went to sleep, telling us how she felt about the events of the day. But I guess we can't have everything.

I wonder what she is dreaming? (Hint hint) <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[viator22]

Do Shadow Dragons dream of black sheep?


Sorry, Pervy's last comment was asking for it. <p>--------The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster "is like having your brain smashed out by a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick."</p>

[pd Rydia]

Gotcha Pervy, and that's a good idea. Must've slipped my mind in my hurry to finish. o.o I'll make a note of that when I go back to reread and fix everything up for the site. *nods* For now, I'd like to just try to get the story finished. ^^;; Anyway, onward and upward, or something...

---

Ellyn woke up slowly the next day, blinking from the sunlight that spilled into her room through the window. It must have been early afternoon, she thought groggily, rubbing at her eyes sleepily. The brightness made a sharp contrast to the comforting darkness of sleep. Trying to block out the light, Ellyn buried her head into her pillow. The cool darkness against her face reminded her of a dream from the night before...but as soon as she tried to remember it, the memory flitted away, hovering teasingly just out of reach of her brain. She hated it when that happened.

With a sigh, she sat up reluctantly, dragging covers up against her chin and just sitting in her bed for a moment. Like the other inhabitants of Fatier, the family Kathara spent most of their time in their two-legged form, and Ellyn was no exception. Papa had tried explaining it once to Ellyn -- it had something to do with space, food, and hunters, or something, apparently. It did not make a lot of sense to the young girl but she obeyed her parents' rules obediently...for the most part.

Ellyn sighed -- she wanted to spend more time in her dragon form. She also wanted her father to take time out to teach her how to hunt; he had been promising to do so for a long time, but he kept putting it off. Ellyn had finally gotten him to promise to teach her this weekend, but now she worried that he wouldn't anymore, since she had gotten into trouble. Even though he'd promised, he might put it off. Again.

Deciding that she'd delayed getting up as long as possible, Ellyn reluctantly rolled out of bed and opened the door to the hallway. To judge from the sounds, Momma was in the kitchen; she guessed that Papa was probably in the other bedroom, sleeping. He might be out hunting, too.

Creeping down the hallway, Ellyn poked her head around the corner and peeked into the kitchen, trying to judge Momma's mood.

"You just missed lunch," Momma said, startling Ellyn. The girl could swear her mother had eyes on the back of her head sometimes. "You'll have to wait till suppertime for a meal...there's a roll on the table for you to eat until then."

Ellyn scooped up the roll and munched it in grateful silence. If Papa were here, she wouldn't have even had the roll to eat, but Momma was more lenient and understanding about things. Papa was harsh in his discipline, and Ellyn felt lucky that she had gotten out of last night with only a talking to and a missed meal.

Standing up, Ellyn shoved the last piece of bread into her mouth and headed for the door, but Momma stopped her with a look.

"Where do you think you're going, young lady?"

"Outside to play...I'll stay in our yard! I promise!"

"No, you won't." Momma shook her head. "Papa says you're grounded. You'll stay inside the house for the next week."

Ellyn's lower jaw dropped at Momma's pronouncement. "But Momma...!"

"No buts, young lady." Momma shook her head again, looking stern. "You could have been seriously hurt last night."

"No I WOULDN'T have! If anything bad would've happened, the voic--my friends would have told me--"

Momma frowned in Ellyn's direction, stopping her sentence halfway through. "I don't want to hear it. You're to stay in your room to think about what you did wrong. You can come to the kitchen at mealtimes only."

"But what about Papa teaching me how to hunt?"

"You'll just have to wait a while longer to learn," Momma replied.

Ellyn knew it. Face fallen, spirit deflated, hopes crushed, she slinked back towards her room.

It's not fair! she thought as she pounded an angry fist into her pillow. She hadn't been doing anything wrong, her parents just didn't understand. She had just been visiting her friends, what was so wrong about that? She hadn't been and wouldn't have been hurt, her parents were just being irrational and unfair. For all that they talked about Ellyn needing to go out and make friends, in the end they were just lying, because when she did, they got upset with her.

Finally, she burst into tears at the injustice of it all, crying until she grew a throbbing headache between her scratchy eyes and her lungs ached with each breath.

It's okay... Was that Decia's voice? Or was that Ellyn's thoughts? We'll meet again sometime.

That was right, too. Sniffling back the last of her tears, Ellyn pulled out her journal. Writing in it always made her feel better, and it would help pass the time until her punishment was over. Then she could find a way to meet up with her friends again. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Nice, Dia.

Too bad she can't recall her dreams; I was quite curious to see what little dragons see in their sleep

A nice bit of home life for poor little Ellyn. Too bad the Drow keep her up so late.

A question. In the fourth Paragraph from the end, Ellyn is railing over why her parents don't understand. Some of the the thoughts are in italics. Are those her voices, or her own thoughts? If it is the latter, you should change it to avoid confusion.

Once again, Nice! <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[pd Rydia]

It's a mixture...the point is that she has a hard time separating her own thoughts from those that are "planted," and I kinda aimed for it to be confusing. Gradually, it's going to get harder and harder...well, I'll stop before I reveal any more spoilers. >.>;;;

Anyway...thanks for the continued commentary, bro. ^_^ I'll try to do another segment again, tomorrow. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[viator22]

Ooh. When you can't tell the difference between your own thoughts and someone else's who is it that's really in control? <p>--------The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy says that drinking a Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster "is like having your brain smashed out by a lemon wrapped around a large gold brick."</p>

[pd Rydia]

*gives Viator a cookie*

Yup yup, that'd be the point. ^_~

Any comments on the fic itself, Vi? <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[pd Rydia]

Pushing the story along...

---

No sooner had Ellyn's punishment been up than she once again visited her friends. She soon began to regularly visit her friends, sometimes weekly, sometimes every few weeks, depending upon her parents' resulting punishments when she returned from the last trip. Almost every time she left to meet up with the others, it was dark by the time she returned home; Decia explained to Ellyn that the sunlight hurt their eyes.

Grounding became a regular occurrence. Each time that Ellyn returned home after dark, her parents would punish her, but to their exasperation, it seemed to have no effect on their recalcitrant daughter. No amount of grounding, chores, extra lessons, or chiding could deter their daughter from her excursions. Instead, Ellyn gradually learned how to sneak around behind her parents' backs and lie in order to make her trips. Within months, she began to meet her parents' chastising with angry words -- where there was none before, there was now quite a bit of fighting in the Kathara household, which caused no end of gossip in Fatier.

Ellyn gradually grew resentful and rebelious, angry at her parents for their lack of understanding and continual punishments. Eventually, communication with her family broke down; she still talked to her parents, but only using the most necessary of words. Ellyn grew quiet and withdrawn, only truly opening up when she was with her friends, in whom she confided all her worries and complaints. They were always sympathetic, even as Ellyn and her parents grew more and more apart.

Ellyn sat at the dinner table one night, daydreaming about the next day and playing with the food on her plate. She was excited --tomorrow she was going to visit her friends again, after a long time of not seeing them-- but she carefully hid her excitement under a mask of emotionlessness. If her parents knew she was excited, they could guess what she would try to do again tomorrow.

Momma and Papa shared worried glances. They probably had never grown accustomed to a quiet dinnertable -- the innocent chatter of a happy, obedient young girl used to fill the kitchen with empty words about neighbors, lessons, and trees. Ellyn idly wondered what happened to that girl...she didn't know who she was anymore. She knew her parents wanted her back...but she was gone forever now. Ellyn wasn't sad that she was gone.

Momma gave Papa a significant look. Papa finished chewing his food, swallowed carefully, and cleared his throat. He raised his eyes from his plate to look across the table at his daughter.

"Ellyn..."

"Yes Papa?" she replied, voice as carefully emotionless as her face.

Papa cleared his throat again, looking as if he wasn't quite sure how to word what he was about to say. Finally, he seemed to figure it out. "How would you like to come out in the forest with me tomorrow and learn how to hunt?" he asked.

Pretense at emotionlessness shattered, Ellyn's eyes widened and her fork halted in its figure-eight path on her plate. Hunting? Really? With Papa? Finally? Maybe...Papa wasn't so bad after all...maybe if they actually spent time together tomorrow, then she could finally explain about why she was always leaving the house and coming back so late. Maybe he'd understand and they would stop punishing her...

But we thought you were coming to visit us tomorrow... Decia's voice interrupted Ellyn's line of thinking, only the hurt tone making it distinguishable from her own thoughts. Carefully, Ellyn reconstructed her mask. Papa had almost made her betray her friends.

"No thanks..." she mumbled, returning to picking at her food.

--- <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

Hmmm... ::Nods::

Nice little segue, this.

I'm a bit surprised she didn't mention Papa's reluctance to teach her to hunt in the little monologue where months and weeks pass by. It seems like it would have been a continuing source of disappointment in him with her. After all, months have passed by, and he has yet to do it.

It would add a bit of poignancy to the end, as well. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[pd Rydia]

Hn hm...good point...I'll see if I can't fit that in later. o.o ^_^ Thanks for the suggestions and feedback, bro. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Jak Snide]

Silly girl, being twisted by the suggestions of the drow. She should know better. ^_^

Oh, and keep it up. This makes a good read!

[viator22]

Um, comments. Lessee. How about... it's better than my writing. By a lot. Keep this going Dia, it does make a good read. Now to important stuff.

*eats the cookie in one bite*

Wait, this is made of rat poison. *whump*

[pd Rydia]

There is more coming to this part, but I decided to drop off here, because this one's a long one. Woo! The story is roughly halfway done!

---

One day Ellyn woke up to the sound of arguing in the kitchen.

"My daughter is not rai..." her father growled. Who was he talking to? Momma?

"You...you know it just happens sometimes with the...a-any dragon..." stuttered the voice of her neighbor, Mister L'Holmet. He sounded worried and nervous, and Ellyn wasn't surprised at that; it sounded like Papa was really mad at him, and no one in Fatier wanted Papa mad at them.

"Ellyn is just going through a phase." This time it was Momma's voice that spoke up, but she didn't sound as sure of herself as Papa did. Briefly Ellyn wondered, once again, whatever happened to the little girl her parents missed. Momma had good reason to be uncertain, she decided silently, creeping closer to the kitchen to hear better.

"There's no need to worry about our daughter's grip on reality," Papa's voice was low and dangerous. Even Ellyn knew better than to argue with him when he sounded like that...what was Mister L'Holmet thinking?

"But...the voices, do you remember those?" he piped up. An awkward silence followed, which L'Holmet decided to interrupt himself. "What kind of...n-normal child hears...little voices in her head...I-I-I mean..."

"Those are just Ellyn's imaginary friends," Momma explained dismissively, wearing the look of someone stubbornly clinging to the first excuse that comes to mind. "Lots of kids have imaginary--"

"They're not imaginary!" Ellyn yelled, startling herself by her own, sudden anger. Somewhat sheepishly, she stepped around the corner to the kitchen, and glared at the three grown-ups in the room. Her parents wore dubious expressions on their face which practically shouted their disbelief. Why wouldn't her own parents believe what she said?

Mister L'Holmet's face reflected a rapid succession of emotion, from similar disbelief to thoughtful to worried. He edged a bit closer to Ellyn, earning a glare from Papa. Ignoring the look, he addressed Ellyn. "Your friends...they're real?"

"Of course they are!" she replied angrily, sending a quick, angry look in the direction of her parents. She could tell, they still didn't believe her.

"Wh, what do they look like?" he continued -- he was trying to sound soothing, but he just came out nervous. Either way, Papa blinked and Momma looked startled; apparently, they had believed so strongly that her friends were imaginary that the idea of asking what they looked like had never occurred to them.

It hadn't really occurred to Ellyn, either, for some reason -- she could prove her friends were real by describing them! Somewhere in the back of her head something was warning her to remain silent, but she ignored the voice and went ahead, talking quickly and with energy. "Their names are Decia, Maipin, and Ruel, and they look like blue-skinned elves -- they have little pointed ears like elves, you see? But their skin is blue. And they all have long white hair and Ruel wears his in a ponytail and Decia--"

It suddenly occurred to Ellyn that all three of the adults were staring at her in wide-eyed surprise. Momma looked distressed and Mister L'Holmet looked positively fearful. She trailed off and looked from Papa to Momma to Mister L'Holmet in silence, trying to discern what was wrong.

"Oh, oh my..." Mister L'Holmet muttered. He began to edge away from Ellyn, heading oh-so-insubtlely toward the door.

Papa's look of bemused shock was quickly replaced by a look of dark anger as he intercepted Mister L'Holmet. The sound of short, angry, muted words came from the living room where the two were, but Ellyn couldn't hear what was being said. Was Papa threatening Mister L'Holmet? Why would he do that...?

"Momma, what's wrong? What did I say?" Ellyn asked, glancing at her mother in worry.

Momma pursed her lips. "Go to your room, Ellyn. We'll talk in a bit."

"But..."

"Now, young lady!" <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Squintz Altec]

woo! I like this ficcy a lot. ^_^ So, in honor of you, I'll write up a BIG critique when you finish, and suffice to say your favorite fic-related word:

"More."

[Uncle Pervy]

::Clap clap clap::

This was something I really wasn't anticipating. I didn't think they would ever catch on.

I truly hope this doesn't become a witch-burning. I would hate to see Ellyn simply labelled as a heathen and run out of town or an attempted burning. There are several other paths this could take that would be far more interesting.

But I know not how far into stone this is set.

Nicely done
<p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[pd Rydia]

Momma's look brooked no argument. Confused and slightly alarmed by the unusual circumstances, Ellyn decided to obey her mother, and retreated to her room.

She closed the door behind her and jumped on her bed, only to roll away as her ribs hit against something hard. Digging under the covers, she pulled out the journal Papa had given her -- she must have left it in the bed when she crept out to listen to the others arguing. Pulling the cover open, she grabbed a pencil and began scribbling away. She needed to record this new strangeness in an entry.

"I woke up today to hear Momma and Papa arguing with Mister L'Homet. They were talking about my friends and how they were imaginary but I proved them all wrong and finally proved my friends were real. But when I did, they all got surprised and stared and everyone but Papa looked a little scared. I don't know what's wrong but I've never seen Papa so angry or Momma so worried. I think they're probably just all being silly, but...I hope everything will be alright."

Hearing footsteps out in the hallway, Ellyn scrawled the last bit down quickly and closed the journal, hiding it under her pillow.

Momma opened the door, looking just as worried as before, but also looking...somewhat resigned. "Ellyn, dear, pack your things. We're leaving Fatier first thing tomorrow morning." She then shut the door again and was gone before her daughter could respond.

Ellyn's mouth dropped open. Moving? Leaving Fatier? Going away from what had been her home for her whole life?

Away from her friends?

No. No. No! They weren't going to take her friends away! Is that what Momma and Papa had been trying to do all along? Well, she wasn't going to let them! They had no right to do this to her! They didn't even ask...they didn't even care. They just wanted to control her and make her do what they wanted! They didn't care what she thought or felt so long as she did exactly what they told her. They weren't parents...they were tyrants!

Angrily, she grabbed a small pack from under her bed and started throwing things in it. She didn't have much: a couple changes of clothes, a hairbrush, a necklace, some pencils. She threw in her journal last, almost forgetting to put it in. Then she laid down on her bed, curled around the pack, fuming, plotting, and impatiently waiting for the night. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/updrydia.showPublicProfile?language=EN>pd]&nbsp; at: 7/20/02 11:51:07 pm

[pd Rydia]

Heh...I was posting the next segment as you were posting your post, bro. ^_^;;

Yeah, I pretty much have a set plan for what's going to happen. It's more or less clear in the last segment I posted.

When this is all finished, I'll post up my writing notes on this piece. They're mildly interesting, and should explain what just happened with L'Holmet better than how Ellyn understood it.

I'll post mooooore...later. >.> I might finish this within a week's time, and stuff. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

[Uncle Pervy]

It seems so, sis.

Well, no direct escape from the witch-burning scene. I knew you were better than that

Imight be interesting for Momma and Poppa to meet the Drow. Let Ellyn try to get them to understand how important her friends are to her. Much fun could result from this.

One minor grammatical quibble:

They were talking about my friends and how they were imaginary but I proved them all wrong and finally proved my friends were real

I would rewrite that so it doesn't have prove in it twice. Try: "...but I prove them all wrong and finally showed them that my friends are real!" <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td></td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td></tr></table></p>

[pd Rydia]

I would, too, but this is a kid writing something as fast as she can, too. XP

More coming...latah... <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>