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short ficcy of char introduction

Unread postPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:38 pm
by pd Rydia
teh disclaimer: This is just kinda a char introduction ficcy, which I wrote mainly because I had the passing idea for it. It's a rough draft, which I plan to fix up later, so don't read it with much expectations for great writing. ^_^;;

---

"Whatcha doin', Daddy?"

Sizreina plopped herself on the ground by her father, sprawling on the dry, dying, prickly grass. Her long blue hair spread out in a cloud around her head, framing her face. A few stray bits of hair stuck to the sweat on her face and neck -- proof that she had, once again, been running around, very probably up to no good.

Somehow, a few loose strands had floated free of the young girl's head and floated over to land on the pages of her father's spellbook. The older ryuujin, Gain, simply brushed the distraction out of the way and continued reading.

"Huh, Daddy, so what're ya doin'?" she repeated, scrambling up to her hands and knees to try to sneak a peek at the book's pages. Her father gave her a stern glance, however, that convinced her it was in her best interest to behave.

Sighing loudly, she glanced behind her father. Then, she looked to her left, and to her right, and finally behind herself in her boredom. The lattermost direction yielded the most interest, because there she spotted two young boys walking her way -- her younger brothers, Will and Ryuu.

The oldest of the two boys, Will, led the younger one by the hand. Siz looked at him jealously. Will had red hair -- wild, flaming red hair. It was pretty and, most important of all, unique. Ryuu had the same old blue hair as the rest of the family...their mother, their father, their older brother Alex, and Sizreina herself. It was a deep, calm, royal blue...the Baseton Blue. A very boring color, Sizreina decided.

"Hey, Daddy, what's up, why'd you call us all here, huh?" Sizreina asked, turning back to her father. "What's up, what're you doing?"

Gain glanced up, nodding at the arrival of his younger two children. The seriousness etched on his face was really beginning to worry his daughter.

"Daddyyy! What's up?"

"Stand by your brothers, Siz," Gain commanded.

"Are you gonna cast a spell, huh, are you? What's up? What're you gonna do? How come Alex ain't here?"

"Isn't here," her father corrected in an undertone. He cleared his throat and eyed the three children assembled in front of him.

"Listen carefully: I'm going to cast a spell on you three. It'll protect you and keep you safe until after the war is over."

"Daddy, I can watch after Ryuu 'n Will! We don't need any spells!" Sizreina objected. "You know I'm good at magic, even Mom says so! And my teachers--"

It only took one look from her father to silence Sizreina. He's really worried, she realized, kicking at the ground anxiously. And I have no idea why. If there was one thing that bothered Sizreina, it was not knowing what was going on.

Well, she thought, I guess I'll find out when Daddy casts the spell!

Brightening, she looked up at her dad, only to see that he was already chanting. She listened in carefully, to see if she could discern what type of spell he was casting...

Falla...rahna...Piaer...? Stone?

Her eyes would have flown open, if it weren't for the fact that every muscle in Sizreina's body suddenly froze. She would have screamed, if it weren't for the fact she couldn't control her mouth. All she could do was stand there helplessly as she slowly felt the spell slowly creep up her body, turning her flesh into cold stone while she stood there powerlessly.

Her last thought, before her memory turned into cold blackness, was that her brothers were probably scared to death.

---

It seemed like it was the very next moment that the total blackness began creeping away. Sizreina's muscles spasmed as the life crept back into atrophied limbs, warmth seeping ever-so-slowly into her body. When the last vestige of the spell left her body, she collapsed into a shivering, shaking mess.

A woman was leaning over her. "This one has come to, as well. She doesn't seem any better off than the first one."

First one? Were they talking about one of her brothers?

A second voice, this one belonging to a man, spoke up from a short distance behind the woman. "I've tried and tried, but I just can't dispell the enchantment on the third one, and it doesn't look like he's going to come out of it naturally."

"Can we carry him, then?"

"He's too heavy like this, and besides, the spell may never come off."

"But it might...!"

"Listen, we'd do best to take the two that we can and evacuate now. Then maybe we all might live."

Siz blinked and opened her mouth to speak, but all that came out was a croak. She tried to telepath the woman who picked her up, but her mind was foggy and she couldn't seem to make the connection. You can't leave my brother! Don't do that! You can't do that! her mind yelled at herself, uselessly.

Why couldn't she communicate? They were going to leave her brother behind! She couldn't let that happen!

Yet, as the nameless woman leaned Siz against her shoulder, the young ryuujin realized that's exactly what was happening. Too weak to move, talk, or telepath, she could only watch as the statue of her brother grow more and more distant.

I'll come back! I'll be back for you! When I'm stronger, I will, I will! she tried to telepath the statue of her brother.

Her words echoed around in her mind, mocking her promise and resolve.

---

Years later, Sizreina stood at the spot where her father had cast that spell, so many, many years ago.

I've come back. I'm back for you, a much older Sizreina thought to herself, as she stood looking down at the spot where her brother's statue had been left behind.

The place was utterly barren, devoid of all life except for her. Her brother was nowhere to be seen. The wind whistled chilly around her, tossing her blue hair into tangles.

But where are you, now? she asked the wind, as if it would answer in her brother's stead.

This place wasn't very safe to be...not that danger have ever really been a deterrent to Siz. She tilted her head back, listening to the wind, listening to her senses...

No, her brother wasn't dead. She knew that. She could still feel his presence somewhere, just as strongly as she could feel Ryuu's. Except Will's presence seemed so...distant.

Where on Draco was he?

Shaking her head, Sizreina once again resumed moving, heading away from the ruins of what had once been her home. She was going to find her brother...he just wasn't here. Sighing, she repeated her resolve in her mind; her brother was alive, and she was going to keep looking until she found him.

She had made a promise, and she was going to keep it -- even if her search took her worlds away from Draco. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 12/18/02 7:26:14 am

Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Fri Jul 26, 2002 8:42 pm
by WillBaseton
Nice job, even if it is just a start. I like it! ^_^ Sounds quite a bit like what I'd have imagined myself. I can't wait to see where this goes...

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/uwillbaseton.showPublicProfile?language=EN>WillBaseton</A]&nbsp; Image at: 7/27/02 12:53:56 am

Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2002 7:02 am
by Choark
Okay! Red and liked. Kinda reminded me of the introduction to Breath Of Fire! Which is a good thing.

You're writings really good too, very describtive, and a lot more intresting then some of the books I have in my possession ^_^ ehehehe I really enjoyed it. Poor girl (I've forgotten the name already O_o!) Lets hope she finds her brother... and he hasn't become some twisted megalomanic hell bent on destroying everyone.

>> Wonder what was happening that made the father risk a spell like that too... oooh so many questions O_o And I won't learn the answer until you RP with her....


Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2002 1:09 pm
by pd Rydia
Thankies for the feedback, Cho! ^_^

I introduced her last night in an RP, hopefully Squintz will edit it soon and link it from the chat RP archives. *bounces around hyperly* I really like RPing her char, 'tis fun! ^__^ <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Sat Jul 27, 2002 10:02 pm
by Deeum
I likes it.
Kind of sad what has happaned to her.

I know it was suppose to be short, but I felt the timelines went by to fast. But i guess you can't remember much after being turned to stone. Dreams are quicker then reality. erm.. if you know what i mean ^^;;

Still, i really like it! And I don't read fanfictions that much! Image <p><center><table border="0" width="400" bgcolor="#BF0101" cellspacing="1"><tr><td bgcolor="#FFC0C0"><font face=arial><font size="3"><center>Image<font color="#BF0101">Star-Dragon.net</font color="#BF0101"> <font color="#BF0101">SCV's House</font color="#BF0101"> <font color="#BF0101">Livejournal</font color="#BF0101"> <hr color="#BF0101"><font color="#17435D"></font size="3"><font color="#BF0101"><font size="1"><small>O__o;;; WE'RE ALL #$@# NUTS, SPADOOOGLE!!!!!!!! -- FFFan80</td></tr></table></center></p>

My opinion?

Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2002 3:51 am
by Nick Shogun
Her own father turned her to stone? Was he crazy?!

Anyhow, I enjoyed it. Unique names, and a original[tho crazay] plot. If she's an RP now, I hope I'll get to journey with her.


He should have stuck her in a pocket plane. *sage nod*

Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2002 2:25 pm
by Jak Snide
I enjoyed reading it. And that's all I can say, since I'm crap at critiquing writing. ^_^;;


Re: He should have stuck her in a pocket plane. *sage nod*

Unread postPosted: Sun Jul 28, 2002 3:46 pm
by pd Rydia
Yup, that he did, Nick. This is how the char came around...

WillBaseton was RPing his avatar in chat one day and mentioned his (the char's) sister offhand. I thought: o.o hey, I could RP Will's sister. That would be pretty damned nifty. And so I asked him if it was possible, and lo and behold, it was! ^_^ She didn't even have a name.

Had to talk to Will about her backstory and personality, but he didn't have much plotted out for her specifically. The turning to stone part was one of the things that was already set. So were her siblings and family.

^_^;; This also explains why Will and Ryuu don't SAY anything, because they're both Will's chars. I'm normally heavy on dialogue, IMO, because me likies teh dialogue. When I fix this up, I'll probably consult Will so I can put some dialogue in here.

Her name is funny, to me. :P Sizreina [*spoiler*] Baseton. She got that name because when Will and I were discussing her over AIM, we called her Sis because she didn't have a name yet. Reina is Spanish for Queen (Sis is full of herself, a wee bit), so I put the two together, changing Sis to Siz because I thought it looked better. ^_^ And her middle name is just a joke, but you have to RP with her to find it out. ^_~ <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Re: He should have stuck her in a pocket plane. *sage nod*

Unread postPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2002 4:35 am
by pd Rydia
*bumps*

o.o I forgot I still need to fix this up...

[edit] Proofread it and spiffed it up a bit. Still not entirely pleased, I think I might go over it a couple more times.

Tried to fix the transitions. Does it still seem to go too fast, as DM mentioned? <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div></p>Edited by: pd Rydia&nbsp; Image at: 12/18/02 7:27:05 am

Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2002 1:44 pm
by bunnygirle78
Great job Rydia. I loved it. Flowed realy well.


Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2002 7:32 pm
by Uncle Pervy
How the fuck did I miss this story?

Sis, I owe you ten thousand apologies.

Excellent work. Great Flow, excellent characterizing, and especially good on the Petrifying scene.

It would be nice to have learned what happened to Will's statue, though. But I suppose that would have killed the flow.

*Gives sis a Stinkin' Rich Sizreina Plushie* <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image</div></p>

Re: Excellent.

Unread postPosted: Wed Dec 18, 2002 7:43 pm
by pd Rydia
Dude, sweet. o_o

Oh, and I might ficcafy that. Mebbe. Or I could just tell you over IM... <p><div style="text-align:center">
"On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me...an F.N.W.C.!"
-- VampireJesterJinx (VA by...Dia! :D!)</div>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

Very good.

Unread postPosted: Tue Dec 24, 2002 12:37 am
by Nekogami
I think that is is one of your best writings. I can really see no flaw, which is not to say you can't make it better. :P It was a really easy read and I didn't feel the urge to skim or skip at all. All of your text was relevant and to the point but also not skimping on detail. A+ work here, Dia. <p>

Words to live by:
OMG PRIAM: ninja sex would be neither felt nor seen by either partner
OMG PRIAM: each would just suddenly need a smoke
Holiday Love:
Don't eat the yellow, red, black, brown, green.....If the snow at white don't eat it.</p>

Re: short ficcy of char introduction

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2003 10:57 am
by pd Rydia
Hm. Probably my next item to do is to expand this story. I have an idea, an outline of what I'd like to do, but...any suggestions? Or should I make the expansion a separate story, so I don't screw this one up? ^_^; And are there any suggestions for a title for this one? <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">Barge: *raises his sword* Game... *twirls it* Set... *smirk*
Big Fat Chocobo: *a big fat chocobo falls on the demon Barge* ^)-(^
Rydia: ...and...squish?
Hakaril: .......Dia? Did YOU do that?
Rydia: *stares* o_O ...I think so.
Hakaril: ...that's great!
Richard: O.O WOAH. Remind me NEVER to get YOU mad, Dia. O.O;;;;
Raptre: HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA!!!!!!
Idran: So remember everyone. Crushing works good on demons.</span></p>

Re: short ficcy of char introduction

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 08, 2003 1:03 pm
by Uncle Pervy
I suggest it's title be Marquis.


Oh! That kind of title?

In the Blink of an Eye. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

Re: short ficcy of char introduction

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2003 1:25 am
by WillBaseton
Heh...oddly enough, Cho...That IS my version of the opening of BoF. <p>......</p>

Re: short ficcy of char introduction

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 09, 2003 1:33 am
by pd Rydia
Image <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Got Dragonale?" -- Richard Storm (Nakibe)
-=- "Bah, my past was full of drinking and polymorph spells." -- Hakaril (Archmage144)
-=- "I REJECT YOUR PRESENCE!" -- CaptainPervy (UnclePervy)
-=- "What. In. The. @#%. Are. You. Two. Doing?" -- Hzar (Banjooie)</span></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/8/05 22:34