Expectations and Disappointments (Fic)

[Elementalist Daien]

This is my first real fic, so please don't haze me... Well, here's the first part. It's rather short.
(edit: thanks for pointing it out, Blaze)
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Greetings, friend… I see I am not alone to be lost in this forest. Well then, the night is still rather young, but the forest ahead is said to be full of dangers. I suggest that you tackle it tomorrow, unless you would like to risk your neck for the sake of speed. In the meantime, make yourself at home… I’m afraid you’ll have to use your own food, however; my provisions are running low. Feel free to use the fire, however, and I’m sure I’ve got some spare sheets somewhere, check in the backpack.

Come, I can see in your eyes that you have also had quite a few adventures to tell, my friend. As I said, the night is still young, so in the meanwhile, we can share our stories. Whether I look it or not, I’ve had my fair share of adventures myself. But before that, I suppose I should introduce myself to you…

My name is Kuri Hankei. Yes, I have quite the reputation of being a pervert, down at the Mercenary’s Guild, indeed… But no one’s perfect, I suppose. Anyway… I’ll go first. I’ll start from the very beginning.

I am Kuri Hankei, son of Izwe Hankei, Ex High Paladin of Istaria… Yes, it seems like quite the title, doesn’t it? That’s what I thought too. Well, I was young back then, and everything was all flowery, my life had no problems. The other kids looked up at me; I was the son of the almighty Izwe. Every few days, he’d come back, having accomplished yet another great deed, and every time his, and my family’s reputation rose. Every time I saw the glint from his silver plated grey suit, with the symbol of the scales on the chest plate, declaring his allegiance and his devotion to the Goddess of Balance to the entire world, I knew he had come to tell yet more stories of his brave adventures. His stories were one even more unbelievable than the other, and it wasn’t the first time that I didn’t believe him, until the same story was repeated by those who had accompanied him on his venture, that is…

As you can imagine, my father was quite the hero, always on everyone’s good books, and there was no place in which we could go without someone noticing, gaining somewhat… unwanted attention.

Well, I suppose that apart from what I’ve said, my childhood was a pretty normal one… I was all that you would expect from a child of my age. It was not like life in the village I was born and raised in was an adventure, either… But I, as the one and only offspring of the High Paladin of Istaria, was different…



Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/uelementalistdaien.showPublicProfile?language=EN>Elementalist] at: 7/16/02 11:21:04 pm

[RebelKitsune]

wow, Dan. o.o that's truly nifty. Didn't know that the perv had such an interesting background...

Besides the traditional cookie, consolation and pat on the back, I might havea slight question to ask about this fic... Regardless of risking sounding like an idiot...

o.o Every time i see you Roleplaying Kuri, he doesnt have such a noble-ish sort of way of talking... Now i know this may not have anything to do with it but i was just wondering how that is possible in the fic.

If this question is, in fact, totally senseless and incoherent to anything related to the fic... I advise you to take only the first paragraph into consideration. Thank you. Also, I hope to see more. 'tis real interesting, it is. <p>

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<font size="1">
<center>Don't fight the system... Just bite it on the kneecaps and run like hell!

People who who shout out any of the words; "wai," "kitty," "puppy," "cute," "bunny," "fuzzy," "cabbit," (and many others related to these) in an insanely loud voice, on a regular basis, are respectable people and you should love them. *nods*

"You're acting like a kitsunejin with a bouncy ball!" ~ Ross (Consolelover)

"Vanilla Coke is all like "bend over!" And you're all like "'kay."" ~ ArchMage</center></p>

[Elementalist Daien]

Answer to Jean's question: It's the setting. Being in a dark, dangerous, lonely forest in the middle of the night and being in a bar is different.

Of course, I'm referring to the mood when saying that.

Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/uelementalistdaien.showPublicProfile?language=EN>Elementalist] at: 7/16/02 8:36:40 pm

[Blaze Yamato Spirit]

This is good. Very good. Now, to switch into my critic mode (don't take any of this the wrong way - it was definitely very good, and I'm only commenting in the hopes that you can improve even more.)

There are a few minor grammatical errors, an example being the following:

“I’m afraid you’ll have to use your own food; however, my provisions are running low.”

I’ve made the problem spots bold to show you exactly what I mean.

“I’m afraid you’ll have to use your own food; however, my provisions are running low.”

If you had just put the comma before “however”, and put the semicolon in after it (as opposed to the other way round, which you’ve done) it works as a sentence. As it is, this very minor msitake transforms the whole sentence. This is how it would look if you changed it using my advice:

“I’m afraid you’ll have to use your own food, however; my provisions are running low.”

Other than those, I didn’t notice anything, though it seems to me that the whole tale should be in speech marks, as someone is presumably saying all this? o.o
<p>

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Quotes:

RL Quote of the moment:

"This is a GHOST town, what could POSSIBLY happen to us?!? Oh...yeah...ghosts..." ~Myself at a RL RPing session.</p>

[pd Rydia]

*is reading it* Mew. o.o Kuri got backstory, huway. ^_^


<p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; at: 6/8/05 22:33