by Uncle Pervy » Tue Mar 02, 2004 7:33 am
Ishtara 10, 1314
What I have seen today, Yoko... It is hard to put into words. Pardon me if I ramble, I've not quite gotten my thoughts together yet.
This city is at once amazing and frightening at the same time. I've never seen a place so...stark before. No, that's not the right word. It's strange, the cirty seems to have been pulled from the bones of the soil itself. Every foundation is seemless; it seems as though the structures were part of the earth itself. Yet...it feels so unnatural to look at them. They aren't ugly or even particularly...I don't know what I want to say. But something about them feels wrong. Perhaps I am just paranoid.
Why am I ranting on architecture? The people, dear Ashura. Yoko, I thought life in Doma would ready me to accept just about any mix of colorful races as commonplace. In my time, I have seen elves, dwarves, jin races of all kinds, werebeasts, scaled folk...even a Celestial once in my life. Yet here, there is naught but demons. Beings of all shapes and sizes, so few alike! It is like some strange dream, where everyone that I know has become something else. Perhaps that is what is most odd to me. They aren''t acting like demons.
It is...oddly like home. Beings of inhuman shapes, beings masquerading as humans, beings that are without shape or even matter; all are living as though it were a normal town. No, not normal. I see no fear of thieves here. I see no mistrust between neighbors. It is...surreal. There are arguments, I have heard them! Yet, true rancor seems forbidden. This is nothing like the church taught me. Does Ashura know of this miracle? Is it a distortion passed down through the Faith, some way we have failed the Goddess of Life?
I now feel less at ease with having to leave that portion of my life behind than I did mere hours ago.
Then, there is Sir Reshikal himself. I knew not what to expect, when I saw the Spire. A tower like a fang stabbing hundreds of feet into the sky, immense yet slender. I pondered who could live in such a place. The guards, two demons that resembled alligators meshed with gargoyles, took me to his chamber. We ascended hundreds of stairs to the chamber at the top, taking me past murals of infernal scenes that I could only guess were the many hells that your people come from. I was afraid to ask, truths be told. Perhaps it is better to assume that they were works of fancy and leave it at that. Then, we reached the top.
Yoko, I can see why this man has had such a profound impact on your life. Reshikal wore the guise of a white-haired man when he met with me; I know not if that is his preferred shape, or something he donned like a fine cloak for the occasion. Those his stature was small, though his build more like a bird than a man, there was something...around him. A feeling, maybe? The ghost of a half-remembered dream? I cannot say. I felt as though he were a man who had seen the worst of sins, and grown stronger from it. At his side was an angel, a true being of light and holiness; I could see it plainly! I watched as this incarnation of the light freely pledged his fealty to this...being that is Reshikal.
Then, he spoke to me. His first words were, "Avon opens its heart to you, Marcus of Doma." There was such strength in his voice, such...conviction. As though by simply giving his word, he knew without a doubt that would know nothing of unwelcome here. I could feel his faith in the people who followed him, that he knew they would make it true. He then proceded to ask me to tell him my tale, of how I came to been in your body, and of my life before.
It is a hard thing for me to recount, Yoko. I seldom tell people the story, rather I say that I am in another person's body and ask them to leave it at that. It was still a hard tale to tell. But, that man made it feel less uncomfortable than usual about it. Perhaps, I did not feel judged. I don't think male or female holds any meaning to him, as though he were beyond such definitions...
I explained it to him as best I could. There is a lot I haven't seen, so much I know only because you have wrote it here. Still, he and that angel considered every word that I said with care. I told them that it would be best to speak with you, but Reshikal deferred, saying that you had given him a report. I am quite curious to see that report, but that's for another time. Reshikal then told me that he would have to ponder what I have told him, then he send me on my way.
That angel escorted me to the entrance of the Spire again. We walked in silence, but there was so much I wanted to ask him. Had he seen the face of Ashura? Had he spoken with the saints? Was the church's hatred of demons truly her will? Am I forever tainted by what I have become? Yet, I could not bring myself to ask these questions. Something...stopped me. Thinking back, perhaps I was afraid to learn that the church was right. No...I was afraid to learn that I was wrong.
When we reached the bottom of those winding stairs, the angel looked to me, his face calm. Finally, he said, "Find what you desire the most. Once you know this, find how to do the most good with that desire. Decide this, and your course shall be clear to you." With that, we parted ways.
I suppose that you said much the same to me the whole time, have you not? It's what I've been trying to decide ever since I awoke in you body. If nothing else, I know what I don't want to do. I don't want to go back to fearing for my being. And, I don't want to go back to the Church. I don't think I can accept it anymore. I suppose it will come to me in time.
Ishtara 10, 1314
I suppose I should mention this to you. A...friend of yours came to visit not long after I finished the prior entry. She wore the form of an elf, but she certainly spoke like no elf I had ever met before. In truth, I'd rather not go into too much detail, but she did seem quite keen on learning whether or not you were still upholding a vow of chastity that you seem to have taken. I presume that she is a succubus as well?
I tried not to say anything either way, and merely insisted that I was tired from the trip. She seemed to accept this reason, and went on her way. Her final words were something the nature, "You're really cute when you keep them small!" I confess it was a very new sort of embarassment I felt when she said that. Gods, does that woman see you as only a piece of meat? I swear that if you hadn't left my quarterstaff in Doma, I would have taken it across the back of her head! Only, I'm afraid she would enjoy it it, the way she was rambling on. What an infuriating woman!
I think I'll go take a walk, and pray that helps me deal with this frustration. And I'll pray she isn't the type who thinks that stalking is a cute way to show affection.