Something I thought Dia might like ^^ (Or any dwagon lovers)

[Firnthuleien]

Well.......T'was digging through my closet and found my old poetry binder. I got inspired and wrote a poem :D

Dragon Song

Dragons wake within dark gloomy lairs,
Leaving gleaming hoards for the bright sun's glare.

Dragons spread great wings, taking flight,
Flying with grace and crushing might.

Their eyes gleam bright as diamond powder,
The melodies sung growing louder and louder.

Dawn comes to dusk, the hours fly by,
The world of dragons settles as night draws nigh.

Dragons sleep through the dark sacred night,
Awaiting the glint of next morning's light.




:{ Crits and comments greatly appreciated ^^ <p><div style="text-align:center">
(9:58:37 PM) Shinigori has entered the room.
DWSage008 (9:58:39 PM): I'm disturbed. How about you?
</div></p>

[SALSAlys]

Nice, though the rhythm of it seems a bit off in places... The images are nice though. As for rhythm, I start making suggestions! =D

First line: Strong opening, and the awakening serves as a good intro to the poem. However, I think using one less syllable would make it better. Like, oh, I dunno... drop 'gloomy' and change 'dark' to 'darkened', so it'd be more like

Dragons wake within darkened lairs.

Second line: Not as strong as the first line, but not bad. Still gives a clear image.

Second stanza/paragraph thing (I forget all my poetical terms! Wah!): The rhythm's slightly off again, in the second line.

Third stanza: I like the first line, and 'tis a unique image there. However, second line has slightly offkilter rhythm again, and to a lesser extent, the 'louder and louder' bugs me for some reason, maybe because of the repetition.

Fourth stanza: I like. Peacefully drawing near the ending.

Last stanza: Wonderful way to round up and end the poem, going through a day of dragonhood. The first line seems offkilter, but I can't quite place my finger on it. The second line is still good though.

[Firnthuleien]

Thankee Lyssy ^_^ *BIG huggle!* That's pretty darned helpful stuff! (I always did have a thing for throwing un-needed words in XD)

I seem to have more luck writing un-rhyming poems. 6.6 n_n;
*snugglies the semi-finalist letter she got from some poetry contest thing from, like, junior high* ^^; <p><div style="text-align:center">
(9:58:37 PM) Shinigori has entered the room.
DWSage008 (9:58:39 PM): I'm disturbed. How about you?
</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=firnthuleien>Firnthuleien</A]&nbsp; at: 2/22/04 10:21 pm