While you were away ( A "minific" about Erin )

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CronoLuminaire
 

While you were away ( A "minific" about Erin )

Unread postby CronoLuminaire » Tue Aug 12, 2003 5:47 pm

The sky was clear, and the air was cool that night. Earlier, children played as their families watched on. And friend's met to relax and hang out, here in Doma Park. But now, it's rather quiet and empty, no child runs through the grass. No friends chatter and laugh as the day goes by. Even The Ducks have drifted off to sleep in the pond, their pond.

But into this emptiness walks a lone figure, wearing a trenchcoat, jeans could be seen covering what little of the legs show from under the closed trenchcoat. Moonlight shines off of dark hair worked into a feathercut.

~
Twenty years ago, on a certain bench in this very park. A certain well dressed man, and a certain woman wearing a Trenchcoat much like our figure's, shared a very tender moment. The seeds of love took root that night so long ago.
~

And, it is on this very bench that Erin Vaza sits, this clear cool night. Everyone else in her house was asleep, even her brother Kris. But something was keeping her awake, and she felt a walk and some fresh air might do her some good. It certainly has been a lot quieter since she left... Erin thought to herself, looking around the park she recalled the conversations with about the trip...

~
“…are y'gonna come with us an' stuff, Erin?” the succubus half tilted her head to the side as she asked this question. “Come with you...?” Erin asked in reply, she had heard about the trip, but she did’nt know that Ryoko was going. She and Kris decided to ask their parents to go.

Kris and I had wanted to ask them separately, but we wound up asking them together…

“Daddy, can Kris and I go on this trip?” Erin looked up at her father, the two sets of silver eyes locked together. Eskei looked to Karin, and then back to Erin.
“Please Mom? Erin is going to go with me, I’ll be ok.” Kris’ ears drooped as he looked pleadingly into his mother’s eyes. Then, Eskei spoke “While you may be capable of handling this trip, it does’nt stop me from worrying, just like any father would.” Then, Karin said her piece “Kris, I don’t want anything to happen to you. We’ll think about it.”

And they did think about it, but the next day It was found out that Kris was needed to go assist Kaiser Griff with a project in Barius, so he could’nt go on the trip. Eskei then told Erin, “ Karin is actually relived that Kris won’t be going on this trip, a trip to Barius with Jaeko and Griff is much different than a trip to Nekonia on his own. Erin, I know you really wanted to go, and since you don’t have to go with Kris, and Argus seems to have no qualms about letting his children go… I won’t stop you if you wish to go.” Erin hugged her father “Thanks Dad”

I bet Dad knew that I would never leave Kris behind…
<p>
I should post more...<div style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:xx-small;">Kyle: *sips Cocoa*
James: ::Sips Cocoa::
Eve: ::Sips Cocoa::
Cocoa; Gecko-Fencers, Reploid-bishes and Epee wielding children agree, It's the best drink on Gaera!
</span>ULTIMATE ESOTERIC ELEMENTAL
(You won't know what hit you)</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=cronoluminaire>CronoLuminaire</A]&nbsp; Image at: 8/12/03 5:55 pm

SALSAlys
 

Re: While you were away ( A "minific" about Erin )

Unread postby SALSAlys » Tue Aug 12, 2003 6:02 pm

Write more. I like Erin. And this isn't much more than just an introduction.

And something about speech: Splitting the speech into separate paragraphs would make it a bit easier to read.


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Shinigori V2
Wishing she brought a backup turtle.
 
Posts: 7996
Joined: Sun Apr 28, 2002 6:13 pm

Re: While you were away ( A "minific" about Erin )

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Tue Aug 12, 2003 7:09 pm

Very nice, though I give the same suggestion as Lys. <p>

<div style="text-align:center">
Image</div>
<div style="text-align:center">Two heroes, two villains and a catboy...Life doesn't get much better than this....</div></p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: While you were away ( A "minific" about Erin )

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Sun Aug 17, 2003 8:43 pm

That, and putting speech in seperate Paragraphs is needed to be grammatically correct.



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