And then, inspiration happens

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CronoLuminaire
 

And then, inspiration happens

Unread postby CronoLuminaire » Thu Jul 17, 2003 2:32 pm

I was afriad I was going to lose this, thank goodness I did'nt. Being at work did'nt leave me enough time to actually have any action, or characters, sorry, but Chibi has told me I am good at descriptions... what do you think?

The year? That isn't very important. The day, Monday. The sun peeks out over the horizon at the city sprawling below its celestial playground, the urban cancer spreading over the long lost nature this place once laid claim to. Varied cells with different functions. In the center, spires of metal and glass slice into the sky, scratching the underbellies of clouds as they go by. Spreading outward, the buildings grow smaller, buildings storied by the hundred replaced by buildings storied by the ten, so called "high rise" apartments, at least, they once were called that. The classier ones sporting doormen and red carpets, the lesser, sporting buzzers and darkened stairwells. Further out, buildings made low, lucky to have an attic as a third floor. Conjoined at the sides like Siamese octuplets, they extend from one end of a block to the other, looking out at the broken sidewalk with the same vacant eyes, perhaps wondering when they will get away from the family and start a life of their own.

The sun now surveys his kingdom in its entirety, the lethargy finally shaken from him, head held high, beaming brightly over the city. In spite of it perhaps.

But while the sun is just barely awakened, we find that the city below has been awake for quite some time. The lights have reluctantly switched off now, seeing that their better has returned from his slumber. And the people below hardly care to note the change, from light artificial, to light true. But there is always an exception.
<p>
I should post more...<div style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:xx-small;">Kyle: *sips Cocoa*
James: ::Sips Cocoa::
Eve: ::Sips Cocoa::
Cocoa, Gecko-Fencers, Reploid-bishes and Epee wielding children agree, It's the best drink on Gaera!
</span>ULTIMATE ESOTERIC ELEMENTAL
(You won't know what hit you)</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=cronoluminaire>CronoLuminaire</A] at: 7/17/03 8:36 pm

SALSAlys
 

Re: And then, inspiration happens

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu Jul 17, 2003 5:41 pm

This needs to get into more stuff. And one sentence in the first paragraph, "Varied cells with different functions", looks incomplete and stuff. So figure out what went wrong.

For this is just setup, and we need STORY! *chomps*


CronoLuminaire
 

Re: And then, inspiration happens

Unread postby CronoLuminaire » Fri Jul 18, 2003 4:10 pm

But standing on the elevated platform, a young man waiting for the train takes the time to glance up at the bright disk. He then looks at his watch. One hour, fifteen minutes, and fourty seconds. He noted to himself the time he had already been awake, The train should be arriving soon. As is the custom of many in the city, he steps towards the yellow line, gazing towards the stop before this, to see if he could spot the train. Noting a small pair of lights in the distance, he leans back against the pillar and awaits its arrival.

No one can really say why that practice is done. Who is really in such a hurry to get to work, or a dentist appointment? The train will get there... but it never seems to be fast enough.

The sleek silver colored train, doors and windows at set intervals along its sides, slides into the station. It comes to a halt, the sound of its deceleration spreading to the outside world, announcing to those walking up the stairs that they might not make it. Our young man enters the train, and finds a seat by the window, the seat perpendicular to the window, and facing towards the rear of the car. The conductor finishes his announcement, the volume set at a bearable level this time, and the doors close soon after, the usual beep accompanying this event.

The young man stares out the window, at the streets going by in reverse. Soon, they disapear from sight as the train travels out of of the sun's gaze. Lights whizzing by the window at known intervals, why take a window seat, if there is nothing to look at? But there is, in the darkness between each light, the young man sees his own reflection, but he is reflecting in another manner. Random thoughts move in and out.

The old neighborhood, seems to get worse all the time... I'm making good time today... I wonder how backed up we are from the weekend this time...

A child further back in the car begins screeching loudly, the relatively pristine calm of the car is shattered, and the young man's train of thought is derailed.

He cringes slightly at the sound, but trys his best to ignore it. At the next stop, a little Asian women enters the car, adorned with various knick-knacks. He was familiar with her function. It was long before the cry of "One dalla, One dalla" can be heard, barely competing with the child. "Doub A, Shrip A, One Dalla" This day, she'd have his custom. The young man waved her over, and payed for his purchase. Two packs of double A batteries. He took out the player from his bag, and placed the new batteries inside. Placing the headphones on, he set about trying to drown out the screams of the child, the screech of the breaks, the conductor's voice... everything... <p>
I should post more...<div style="text-align:center"><span style="font-size:xx-small;">Kyle: *sips Cocoa*
James: ::Sips Cocoa::
Eve: ::Sips Cocoa::
Cocoa, Gecko-Fencers, Reploid-bishes and Epee wielding children agree, It's the best drink on Gaera!
</span>ULTIMATE ESOTERIC ELEMENTAL
(You won't know what hit you)</div></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=cronoluminaire>CronoLuminaire</A] at: 7/24/03 12:28 pm

SALSAlys
 

Re: And then, inspiration happens

Unread postby SALSAlys » Sun Jul 20, 2003 1:02 am

You need to get to more stuff. Spelling is off in the first paragraph, and somehow, the rest of this has a somewhat semi-surrealistic feel to me... interesting.


RagingLeprechuan
 

Re: And then, inspiration happens

Unread postby RagingLeprechuan » Tue Jul 22, 2003 4:57 pm

Dia Duit!

So far you've got me pulled in, and I'd have to say that your display of detail has left me with much loathing and a feeling of great jealously! I've also taken note of your spaceing, which is nice because oh so often do people jummble things about to the point that it just becomes annyoing.

Well I'll be looking forward to the next post, and maybe prehaps they'll be explosions?!

P.S. Nice touch with inserting the asian woman. That alone made me wanna read more! *Thumbs up*



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