Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

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Shinigori V2
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Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Fri Jun 06, 2003 3:21 pm

Got it in me to do a fic or two.

Decided to start with a backstory fic.

Here goes.




Drip
Drip
Drip.

It was maddening. The constant dripping of a single drop of water into a chest-deep pool. Even with the eternal pouring rain outside, all that was making it this deep in the dungeon where those irritating drops. It was deafening. And to make matters worse, all he could see when he opened his eyes was that irritating glow off the surface of the water. How could things end up this way? Why was the great commander of the Black Soul Knights, Jaeko Messiah Williams, finding himself chained to a wall, chest deep in rainwater, being submitted to the famed Barian water torture? it all started with Him. The creator. The life-giver. The Father. Vladimir Vaniyakna. The most dispicable man on Gaera. Yes, it was His fault Jaeko woke up to the sound of dripped water, half submirged and shivering violently. he would pay. Pay and pay dearly. Once Jaeko freed himself from his watery prison, all hell would break loose... <p>


Catlovers everywhere...Must stop them from stealing the precous...Explosions...EXPLOSIONS!</p>Edited by: Shinigori V2&nbsp; Image at: 6/6/03 7:17 pm

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Shinigori V2
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Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Fri Jun 06, 2003 6:29 pm

Jaeko found himself thinking of the men who betrayed him for the fifth time today. It was funny, really. He would have died for either of them, and now it seemed both where trying to kill him. Vaniyakna...The man was like a father to Jaeko. Hell, he WAS technicly Jaekos father. But now Jaeko saw his mistake. Vaniyakna didn't want a son...And Miguel, ah, Miguel. Jaekos best friend scince "Childhood". And now he was just Vaniyaknas lapdog, following orders blindly. Jaeko never knew he could be so heartless. Turning in your friend for disobediance is one thing, but how could he have shot that child? Jaeko didn't even notice a hint of remorse on his 'friends' face when the kids lifeless body hit the floor. How old could that child have been? Six? Seven? And on her knees, praying for salvation...Well, Miguel certainly gave it to her. Nothing like a pair of shotgun shells to the head to deliver someone from evil. Just the thought of what Miguel did made his blood boil! He let his neck go limp, too tired to hold it up anymore, and lost himself in thought.... <p>


Catlovers everywhere...Must stop them from stealing the precous...Explosions...EXPLOSIONS!</p>

SALSAlys
 

Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby SALSAlys » Wed Jun 11, 2003 10:30 pm

*pounds table* MORE.

So far, I think the tone of the piece really fits with the subject... spelling is a bit off in places, but it's still comprehensible.

What you've given us is basically 'teaser', though. Given nothing of what this is going to be ABOUT, really. Just the dilemma, or part of it, but...

MORE, chiquito. Or I sic my Uzi on you.


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Shinigori V2
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Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Wed Jun 11, 2003 11:43 pm

Lightning danced across the blackened sky as the rain continued to pour down. The wind picked up the end of Vladimir Vaniyaknas long coat, making it billow. The design of lightning on the Generals back appeared almost real from the coats flapping in the wind, and the surreal glow that emanated from the man as he chanted in some long dead tongue furthered the illusion. He kneeled before a great alter, only a few yards away from the great Barian execution device, the Spire. Ignoring the rain, lightning, wind, and thunder, Vaniyakna concentrated. He had done this before, but never something this complicated. Never something human.


After a good deal of time spent chanting archaic invantations, Vladimir opened his eyes...It was working! The portal was opening! Soon, he'd have his son back again...He'd be damned if he went the rest of his life without seeing Jaek again...He looked to the ground to get the rain out of his eyes, and looked up when he heard footsteps. Although they where heavier then they should have been, he didn't think it odd till he actually raised his head to look...

"Welcome home, Jaek...Oh?"

The man standing before the great dictator of Barius was definitely not his son...First of all, his son would have been four or so by now. This...Man...Was probably in his early twenties. Clad in bigger versions of the black slacks and t-shirt he attempted to summon the copy of his son in, the man was dripping wet...And then Vaniyakna noticed the eyes. The eyes where horrendous! They weren't the light green he remembered his son having...They where glowing silver!

"...What the hell is going on here...?"

The man blinked a couple of times before responding...

"Where am I?...How did I get here?"

Vaniyakna snarled....

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I figure out what happened and correct it!...Come with me, I'll need to keep you..For now, anyway."

Vaniyakna signaled for Jaeko to follow him inside. Once inside, they where handed towels to dry off with by a servant. A girl in her teens. Vaniyakna whispered something to her, and descended the nearby flight of stairs. The girl smiled at Jaeko.

"Follow me, I'll show you to a room..."

Jaeko nodded and followed her down the flight of stairs, but turned and continued going down. And all Jaeko could wonder is where he was being taken.... <p>

<div style="text-align:center">
Image</div>
<div style="text-align:center">Two heroes, two villians and a catboy...Life doesn't get much better than this....</div></p>Edited by: Shinigori V2&nbsp; Image at: 7/17/03 3:20 am

SALSAlys
 

Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu Jun 12, 2003 2:03 am

Good, but the dialogue seems kind of abrupt; loses the flow. Nice descriptions though. And Vaniyakna likes expose, doesn't he?


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Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby Shinigori V2 » Thu Jul 17, 2003 3:58 am

Jaeko followed the girl down a couple of flights of stairs, then through a labrynth of hallways. He felt something wasn't right, as if the silence needed to be broken somehow. Without even thinking about it, he began moving his lips to speak. "So...Where are we?" He couldn't see the girls facial expression, but he was almost positive she'd be rolling her eyes at his question. Instead, he was surprised to hear the same tone of friendlyness and understanding that was in her voice before. "We're in Squall Castle, in the City of Storms, capital of Barius." Jaeko couldn't help but think he had heard those names before. The girl turned down another hall and continued the conversation- "My name's Vyshemila Bernikov. Whats yours?" Jaeko was taken back by the question...What was it the man in blue had called him? "....Jaeko." Vyshemila giggled, causing Jaeko to become even more confused. "Jaeko? Thats a nice name....Know what it means?" Jaeko simply shrugged, and figured his lack of a verbal response would give him away. "It means 'regent'. One who rules. Vaniyakna must have alot of faith in you, if he named you that...Are you the one he was talking about? The one who will save us from the storm and give everyone a better life? Y'know, the messiah?" Vyshemila's words where going right over Jaekos head, and he had no idea how to catch them. Rather then even try, he just gave his honest answer: "I have no idea." Vyshemila's giggles continued to confuse him. "Well, I'm sure of it. I can tell by looking at you that theres big things in your future, oh great 'Messiah'."

She turned to a door near the end of the last hall and opened it for Jaeko, guiding him in. It was a small room, but very well decorated. Like the rest of the castle, weapons hung from the stone walls. Perfectly upkept and polished, there must have been an entire team dedicated to attending to the castles 'decorations'. Axes, swords, shields, maces, polarms, spears...And right above a very luxorious looking bed- A pair of shotguns. Both shined black in the dim candlelight. Jaeko found that as soon as he saw them, he couldn't take his eyes off of them. Their black luster grabbed his eyes and wouldn't let go. He quickly walked over, slipped his wet, heavy boots off, and stood on the bed to reach them, pulling both down and looking them over carefully. The only difference he could note was that the first had only a single barrel, while the other had two. He stood, looking over them silently.

Vyshemila's thoughts where elsewhere. Seeing Jaeko at all brought back painful memories, but now seeing his reaction to the 'decorations' hurt her even more. "Um...Well, this is your room....Go ahead and look at anything you want, the General shouldn't care very much...I'll be back for you in the morning, so get a good nights sleep, alright?" Jaeko simply nodded, as Vyshemila closed the door to his chamber, then leaned against the wall with a heavy sigh. "...Oh, William...Why'd you have to go and die on me...?" <p>

<div style="text-align:center">
Image</div>
<div style="text-align:center">Two heroes, two villains and a catboy...Life doesn't get much better than this....</div></p>

SALSAlys
 

Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby SALSAlys » Thu Jul 17, 2003 2:22 pm

Much better. ^-^ I tend to put dialogue on separate lines, which would also help break this up to be a bit more visually appealing, instead of just big chunky paragraphs. Not bad, though. And you ARE going to write more, aren't you? To explain more of Vyshemila's last question?

And incidentally, Ryoko approves of the bed.


RagingLeprehcuan
 

Re: Character Backstory fic: Coming of the Messiah

Unread postby RagingLeprehcuan » Tue Jul 22, 2003 5:13 pm

Dia Duit!

Wow, and I thought Jaeko was cool as it was! This Messiah thing has really got me interested!! I just can't wait till he trys those bad boy guns out.

I'll be looking forward to the next post. So keep 'em coming!



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