The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

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ChristianC
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The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby ChristianC » Sun Jun 22, 2003 8:17 am

Needs to be pointed out.
The very secret diaries plays heavily on the hidden sexual inuenda in LoTR, which is reflected here. Do NOT, I repeat NOT, take these opinions as either mine or the characters.


The Secret Diary of Ash Fanrico, hero and badass no 1.

Day 1:

Bought a diary v. cheap and now I'm going to write in it.

Day 2:

Met a old man today. He acted strangely and cackled alot. Grew uneasy but was v. relieved when he held out a pouch of gold. Apparently I've got to find some gal named Rydea or something. Still looking manly.

Day 6:

Been on the road for four days now. Tan still not present. Quite upset by lack of caves to explore along the way. Killed a goblin. Go Me!

Kills
1 Goblin

Day 7:

Woke up to find myself being surrounded by twenty goblins armed w. spears. Got kranky and killed them. Also, goblins were carrying water pouches. Yay... That is, yay in a manly, macho way.

Kills
21 Goblins

Day 11
Found a cave. Checked inside and found it only went in 1 meter. Stupid cave. Chopped down a tree in anger. That showed him. Think I was probably quite manly when I flexed my biceps.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree

Day 12:

Stupid road.
Stupid trees.
Stupid old man.
I hate my life. 'though I do look quite manly.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures

Day 15:

Encountered a wizard. Prepared to die in combat but was told he was friendly. Apparently a Archmage or something. Looks kinda funny. Decided to "recruit" him to my cause. Succeeded. He's sulking, of course, but I don't care. An adventuring party needs a wizard of some sort.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures

Day 17:

Out of food and water. Archmage whines about food and water, but I'm rough and manly and hit stuff instead. Concerned, however, of impending doom if no nourishment is found soon. Considering to shave and eat beard. No sign of Rydoa...

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes

Day 19:

Still no food or water. Beginning to experience hallucination. Archmage is mumbling weirdly. Not very manly if you ask me. HAVE shaven off beard and eaten it, not very tasty. Starting to dislike the situation and want to finish the quest as soon as possible and get drunk.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
(Soon) Archmage

Day 21

Found a farm. Unfortunantly the farmer was poor, so we had to eat him. Not such a big loss though. Archmage is whining again, something about not being able to breath. Pussy.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer

---

Right. Just testing if this'll catch on. The concept, of course, stolen from home.nyu.edu/~amw243/diaries/ . If you feel like it, go ahead and write your own part. I'm going to continue Ash's diary though. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">Christian Cordeus - Shamelessly stealing school supplies since 1993.</div></p>Edited by: ChristianC&nbsp; Image at: 6/22/03 11:10 pm

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Jak Snide
 
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby Jak Snide » Sun Jun 22, 2003 8:31 am

Knew what this was a parody of as soon as I begun reading it. And it was a good laught, too!


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KingOfDoma
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby KingOfDoma » Sun Jun 22, 2003 6:52 pm

Hilarious. Completely befitting the style of secret Diaries.

NOW MORE OR I SHOOT. <p>--------------------
"The only thing that makes the daily tedium bearable is knowing that I have power over life and death." -Chancellor Usurper, 8BT</p>

ArgusDevilmen
 

Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby ArgusDevilmen » Sun Jun 22, 2003 7:30 pm

XD Tis good laughing. Also I think no one should do thier own characters if they do these. It would be more amusing if people do other's chars I thinks. <p><div style="text-align:center">
Image
</div></p>

NamagomiMk0
 
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby NamagomiMk0 » Sun Jun 22, 2003 8:38 pm

Okay, I didn't see Kev's warning appear because it wasn't there before I typed it up. Anyway...forgive me if it's not funny. It's my feeble attempt.

Secret Diary of Na*crossed out* Kamos Mazuo

Day 001:Looted a nice-looking, though bloodstained diary off of a corporate soldier after the battle. Tore out the pages that were filled already.

Frags:26 Corporate Soldiers
Headshots:2 Corporate Soldiers

Day 002:Lack of any non-escort jobs, so I went to "Dohmah", or somesuch place...Asshole tried to rob me. I made his head rot.

Frags:26 Corporate Soldiers, 1 bandit, 1 deer
Headshots:2 Corporate Soldiers
Corrosions:1 Bandit

Day 005: Lent some guy 22 VC. He seemed trustworthy. Noted that Doma was the nexus country on the eastern coast, might stay here for a bit. Left my rifle somewhere to save on ammo. Found a nice halberd to hurt shit with

Day 011: Looked for guy to get my money back. He ran away and killed himself with a lightning spell. In exchange, I stole his stuff and went to his meeting. Some dragoon tried to kill me, and then melted. Weird-assed people...

Frags:26 soldiers, 3 bandits, 2 deer, 1 dragoon.
Headshots:2 soldiers, 1 bandit
Corrosions:1 bandit
Eaten:2 deer
Suicides:1 wizard
Melted:1 dragoon

Day 013: Went to Isil in search of some work. Got ambushed, captured, and then got the ass stabbed out of me by the melted dragoon. I really dislike him now.

Frags:26 soldiers, 3 bandits, 2 deer, 1 dragoon (revived)
Headshots:2 soldiers, 1 bandit
Corrosions:1 bandit
Eaten:2 deer, 1 K-class Ration
Suicides:1 wizard
Un-melted:1 dragoon

Day 014: Woken up by some hot drow chick named "Y". She wanted me to help kill some necromancer. I agreed, hoping to get kinky drow sex in return. Killed a ton of people, but no sex. She probably sleeps with that lizardman that accompanied us...he looked as if he'd rip my head off if I tried anything. Met this shadow-dragonhalf. She's cute, but scary.

Frags:26 soldiers, 3 bandits, 2 deer, 2 drow guards, 1 golem, 1 necromancer
Headshots:2 soldiers, 1 bandit
Fried:1 drow guard
Exploded:1 golem
Other person's kill:1 necromancer
Didn't give reward:"Y"
Cute and scary:"Dia"

Day 021:Met a golden dragon from a different dimension, goes by the name of Aya. How could one be so beautiful in both physique and personality?! Unfortunately, the king was with her.

In love with: 1 Aya

Day 024:Made some progress with Aya, until that homosexual king pressured her to choose. With his obvious lead, it was obvious who won. I hate him, and still love her. Time to go kill more shit

In love with: 1 Aya (still)
Will castrate via rifle: The king.

Day 044:Ended up killing stuff alongside Aya. Tried to get her to divorce the king, but to no avail. Those gelatinous cubes would've made good jelly on toast if they weren't acidic. Shot the fuck out of a beholder who petrified Aya. Sadly, did not know Gisak so I could nearly kill myself to heal her.

Still in love with: 1 Aya
Frags:1 ethereal thingy, 1 gigantic spider, 2 gelatinous cubes, 1 beholder (assist)
Melted:2 gelatinous cubes

Day 056:Cast some spell to make myself a chimera. Some hero named Ash thought I would be turned into something evil or killed. I think he has buttsex with the king

Is gay: 1 Ash Fanrico
Is a chimera: Me

Day 072:While drinking, met up with a bastet by the name of "Feral" or somesuch. Hot, but she seemed to be a little too "soft" for my tastes.

Not battle-hardened, but still hot: 1 Pheryl

Day 099:Got a job to kill some dragoons. Fortunately, these guys didn't melt. Found an armlet that let me control my chimeric form. Burned the shit out of a spider. Even if it almost killed me, the sight of it was well worth the pain. Beat the shit out of some "Psycho Elemental" or somesuch. Inadvertedly helped a fallen angel by the name of Riss'ar.

Frags:2 dragoons, 1 frog-thingy, 1 big-ass spider, 1 Psycho Elemental.
Burnination: 1 big-ass spider.
Stabbering: 1 Psycho Elemental

Day 121: Helped kill some fallen angel named "Zelse" or something like that. Lied to a couple of angels and fooled them into thinking that I was one of them, partly thanks to my chimeric form. Riss'ar became an angel. Like I actually care:

Made a dumbass out of: 2 angels
Kicked ass: 1 Zelse

Day 154:Met up with "Arnast", an evil-ish version of Aya. She seemed to be interested in me. I didn't really mind that. I liked it when she touched my tail.

In love with: 1 Arnast

Day 161:Arnast got killed by some big demon guy. Figures. I'm going to kill shit now.

Lost: 1 Arnast
Frags: 50 various forest creatures
Fried 22 various forest creatures
Exploded: 8 various forest creatures
Headshot:4 various forest creatures
Exploded by headshot: 1 squirrel

Day 180:Arnast came back, but...well, I don't have much of a liking for sirens....so I left her after explaining. Broke her heart. I'm going to kill more shit.

Day 256:Met this hot fallen angel. Put some moves on her...didn't exactly work out right. I feel lonely. I'm going to kill shit again.

---Lost entries coming soon!--- <p>ChibiUrusai: *chomps* I am underage. ^-^
Arch mage144: This means nothing to me. =P
T3chn0Namagomi: *motherly voice* Brian! What would Kate think if she heard you say that?!

---Dirtiness in a chat. Blame my mind for being in the gutter.

-Namagomi, who lives up to his name in this case.</p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=namagomimk0>NamagomiMk0</A] at: 6/22/03 9:58 pm

Kadrin77
 

Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby Kadrin77 » Sun Jun 22, 2003 10:39 pm

They both made me chuckle.

Well done, and more! :D


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ChristianC
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby ChristianC » Sun Jun 22, 2003 11:09 pm

Ash's diary continuing...

Day 24:


After some nice R&R we're on the road again. Proves the farmer had some rupees stashed away in a pot. Smashed pot. Cheapass farmer. He deserved to die. Archmage is whining again, feel an intense urge to smack his bitchy ass. Beard growing ok. Looking macho.

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer

Day 26:

Is really getting ticken on Archmage, whines about his precious hat again. Swear to god that if I hear him mentioning that hat again...

AM is apparantly a fag of some sort... And I don't mean an eatable one. :)


Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer

Day 27:

I'm fearing that I'm beginning to melt for AM. Not V. Good. Decided to work against it and went out hunting. Found nothing. Returned back beaten, sore and humiliated only to find Archmage ready my diary. Felt that some form of punishment was required, so I didn't allow him to sleep right next to me. He he, wanker.


Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(does that count?)


Day 28:

Found some orcs! They were feasting on a caravan. I made quick work out of them and found a person in the rubble... Who the...

Archmage got all woman and adopted the person, who proved to be a deranged wizard named Jat or something. Never was good with names. Either way, now I have two wizards. Not looking v. good. Still manly though. :D

Kills
21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(does that count?)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)

Day 29:

Appararently approaching Doma, but don't know if true. Jak proved to be a better conversator than Archmage, who've lost his hat(he he he). Although Jak says himself that he's a White Mage, I don't really believe that... Perhaps he's a time mage.

Also, trimming beard with sword is a bad idea. Many cuts. Thinking of growing a full-beard.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)

Day 34:

Was approached by Archmage this morning. He whined something about "Hakarij" or "Hekoroj" or whatever. I didn't listen. Instead I gave him a bitch slap. That showed him. Can't wait for Doma!

On a secondary note, think Jak is acting funny. He's talking about blood and murder in his sleep and always gives me that freaking glare. Doesn't he realize I just want to be a friend?

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air
13 Orcs
1 woman
More Air

Day 36:

Reached Doma! Go me!
Archmage surprised(and scared) me when he snuck up from behind and gave me a hug. Not even a man-hug! I slapped him, naturally, but that thing is harder to get off than Cho on a drunk night. e_e Gotta find Ridondo now.

Current Beard status : Really Manly.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)

Day 37:

This town's like a maze! I can swore I've seen the same castle THREE times! In different directions, of course, but it's still weird. Found some place called Kotoki's, but Jak got bad wibes, and we went to The Jade Dragon instead, on remarks from Archmage. Little wanker not that useless after all.

Have been methodically killing off Doman guards to ease escape. As a well-versed and experienced hero I know there's always a running scene near the end. Jak called me wanker. That little beast.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)
about 13 doman guards

-Later

Well, what do you know! It seems I've found Diarrhea! She was in the JD all along. She doesn't suspect a thing. Old man didn't specify dead or alive, so I'm going to just make a break for it tomorrow. Wish me luck. :D <p>
<div style="text-align:center">Christian Cordeus - Shamelessly stealing school supplies since 1993.</div></p>

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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby FlamingDeth » Mon Jun 23, 2003 4:23 pm

"Day 056:Cast some spell to make myself a chimera. Some hero named Ash thought I would be turned into something evil or killed. I think he has buttsex with the king

Is gay: 1 Ash Fanrico
Is a chimera: Me"

I'm sorry, but that had to be repeated. <p>
I AM A CHEF. MY MISSION IS TO COOK FOOD.

That was a recipe for kicking your ass!</p>

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ChristianC
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby ChristianC » Wed Jun 25, 2003 9:51 am

Ash's diary continuing...

Day 46:


Haven't written in diary for long. Mainly because of running from Doman guards. Did not find Dia Rai (got scolded for saying it wrong), but instead some chick named Kotoki. Also, think that Archmage may be hitting on Kotoki, Jak'll kill him if he tries anything.

Beard : Rug-ged. rowr.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)
about 29 doman guards

Day 47:

Found a small cat-like creature in backpack. It was blue. Wanted to eat it but got stopped. No respect for heroes these days. Decided to eat small blue cat-creature when no one's looking.

Kotoki is acting weird and keeps mumbling something about a ring. Wanted to bitch slap here, but realized Jak would kill me if I tried anything.

Jak is a pussy.


Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)
about 31 doman guards

Day 49:

Proves cat-creature was a nekojin kid. Just my luck. Still wants to eat her, though. Been meeting less resistance from Doman guards, as they are obviously frightened by my incredible sword skills.

Archmage says it's because I killed most of the soldiers. Bah. Did, however, get slightly worried when I saw a wanted poster with my face on it. Ripped it down, could be useful some day.

Also a bit upset about my beard. Cat-kid have been playing with it all night and now it's att twangled. I hate that cat.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)
about 31 doman guards

Day 51:

Woke up to find Jak bending over me in a very awkward position. Screamed a bit and bitch-slapped him, but the guy just doesn't seem to learn. Swore I'd cut of his 'nads if he tries it again.

Also, catgirl (her name's Pure. Stupid name) has been given too much attention if you ask me. I think I may need to do something drastic soon. I think perhaps Archmage is starting to like Pure, he's just a pervy cat fancier if you ask me. I hate this party.

Kills

21 Goblins
1 Tree
49 Cute & Fuzzy creatures
Uncountable Bushes
Assorted rocks and some grass.
1 Farmer
Air(It can most definantly be killed, Jak has said to me)
13 Orcs
1 woman(don't tell anyone)
More Air
Some farmer again(quite scrawny and bony too mind you)
about 31 doman guards
(Soon) Pure.

---

Archmage Hakaril's diary

Day 36:

Finished defeating the evil demon lord that was attacking the town. People got happy and celebrated, thanking me. When will people realize I want MONEY for what I'm doing? The pull to the dark side is getting stronger every day.

Heard rumors of a warrior passing through town. Will find this man and confront him, perhaps he owes me money.

Current Status : Poor.

Day 39:

Met Warrior, big disappointment. Was forced to join him on his "quest". I swear, if he tries anything...

Noted also that the man was quite inept, for he didn't know the way to Doma City. Decided to carefully guide him without him knowing. He might prove to be a valuable pawn after all.

Current Status : Disappointed.

Day 41:[b]

That Ash must be the absolutely most unintelligent warrior I've ever met. I bet that when they were rolling intelligence, he was drunk. Or something. Either way, I'm hungry as hell, for Idiot forgot to buy food at the last town. Also, water supply running real low.

Doesn't he realize I need to be fed and watered daily, less I turn into a dark lord of chaos? Pschaw. Also, Idiot seems to have some kind of repressed anger, because he's hitting stuff all of the time.

Current Status: Hungry.

[b]Day
[/b][/b]

Was forced to use magic to feed myself. Oh the humanity.

Didn't offer Idiot any food since he'd already eaten his beard. Expect to hear funny things from him in the near future.

Want to finish this quest quickly and get drunk.

Current Status: Fed and watered.

Day 45:

We found a farm. Ash wanted to eat the farmer , but I scolded him. The lunatic tried to choke me to death! Luckily I got away from him, but when I recovered he'd eaten all of the farmer. Greedy bastard.

Realized I couldn't breathe and was damn well near death, not that Idiot cared. I think I may have to kill him soon.

Current Status: I want to... kill him. <p>
<div style="text-align:center">Christian Cordeus - Shamelessly stealing school supplies since 1993.</div></p>

ArgusDevilmen
 

Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby ArgusDevilmen » Thu Jun 26, 2003 7:27 pm

Har har..... Wait....

Ash Kills Pure he will have a very, very, very mad Demon-half on his hands. <p><div style="text-align:center">
Image
</div></p>

Vampire Jester Jinx
 

Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby Vampire Jester Jinx » Thu Jun 26, 2003 7:40 pm

*amused* <p>
<div style="text-align:center">
Have you ever spent days and days and days making up flavors of icecream that no one's ever eaten before? Like chicken & telephone icecream.

Delirium, in Brief Lives[i][/i]
</div></p>

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Ash Fanrico
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Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby Ash Fanrico » Tue Jul 01, 2003 12:31 am

*sues ChrC for character infringement*Image <p>"Well What do you know. Alcohol does burn, and here I thought they said that just to keep flame throwers out of the hands of drunks."</p>

NamagomiMk0
 
Posts: 1223
Joined: Tue Apr 23, 2002 1:47 am

Re: The(Very) Secret Diaries of RPGWWers

Unread postby NamagomiMk0 » Tue Jul 01, 2003 11:51 am

But it's parody, Ash. I don't believe you can sue for that.

So...NYEH!Image <p>ChibiUrusai: *chomps* I am underage. ^-^
Arch mage144: This means nothing to me. =P
T3chn0Namagomi: *motherly voice* Brian! What would Kate think if she heard you say that?!

---Dirtiness in a chat. Blame my mind for being in the gutter.

-Namagomi, who lives up to his name in this case.</p>


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