World's End (Prologue)

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Arinacci
 

World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Arinacci » Sun Apr 20, 2003 7:58 pm

It was a dreary night when 20 year old Electrical Engineer, David Schneider, had to stay late at Fionorai Labs to work over time. He was assigned to a task that involved clearing a dead employee’s files of the company’s server. Though it seemed like a tough job to do, David had no problem with it.

You are the best archivist in this company,” said his boss, General Norwell. “We need these files off our server ASAP.”

David nearly had been “eyeballing” his computer for two hours getting rid of emails, program files, and documents Professor Angela Zen Smith left behind. She had died in a fire when Section 28 of Fionorai Labs went up in flames during one of her experiments.

Boring, boring, boring…” David says to himself after sighing. “I don’t know why I even volunteered for this job.”

“Eh? What’s this?” David comes to a complete stop as he looks an email file having a huge file attached to it, labeled “Important,” that is addressed to General Norwell.
The Email reads:


To: norwell@fionorai.labs.org
My experiment was a total failure. The matter animation process did not work out like it was supposed to. You were right; it was another one of my “stupid experiments”. I’m very sorry for not listening to you. This time, I probably will not be able to tell you in person. At the time I sent this email to you, Section 28 is going up in flames. If I do not make it out alive, give this message to all who have not run my program:

THE PROGRAM WILL CAUSE A CHAIN REACTION MAKING THE SYSTEM OVERLOAD AND CATCH ON FIRE. DO NOT, I REPEAT, DO NOT ATTEMPT TO RUN THE ZEN KINESIS SYSTEM.

-&nbsp &nbsp &nbsp &nbsp Professor Angela Zen Smith



“So, could this be the event that caused section 28 to catch on fire? All because of a faulty program error. I must see how I can fix this.” David says.

David hears some footsteps coming toward his workroom and quickly hides the email within the taskbar on his desktop.

His boss opens the door and pops his head in saying, “Schneider, are you finished yet?”

“Almost, sir.” David replies after clicking on a button that sends the email home to his private e-mail’s inbox.

“Good.” General Norwell replies as he closes the door behind him.

David finishes the last of his work and goes home. When he gets home, he sets up his lab ready to correct what Professor Smith did incorrectly.

After hours of searching for the one “error” that caused Professor Smith’s death, David stumbles upon something in the program that makes him choke on his coffee.

“What!” David exclaims. “No wonder why Angela’s system caught on fire! The size of the entity overloaded the processing unit’s thinking process. Hmm… I’ll think I’ll change the size of the entity to 18x18x18.”

David then finds another error in the program that did not supply a “targeting point” for the entity. Without the targeting point, the entity is free to show up anywhere in his house. After doing that, David clicks on a button telling the program to run and looks to a small stool in front of him. This is where he set the entity to show itself.
<p>Revised Quotes
-----------------------------
"I, master engineer Cid has something in store for you Golbez... As well as my middle finger." (Escape from underworld scene in FF4)</p>

Arinacci
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Arinacci » Sun Apr 20, 2003 8:11 pm

One more thing.... Dont worry about the odd names... its on a different planet. (Is that allowed?) <p>Revised Quotes
-----------------------------
"I, master engineer Cid has something in store for you Golbez... As well as my middle finger." (Escape from underworld scene in FF4)</p>

Banjooie
 
Posts: 900
Joined: Fri May 31, 2002 11:20 pm

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Banjooie » Sun Apr 20, 2003 8:38 pm

The funny thing is how this has like..nothing of interest. <p><Chat> <Matto says, "What's up?"
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Angst."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Drama."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Betrayal."
<Chat> <Prince_Herb says, "Plushies."</p>

Arinacci
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Arinacci » Sun Apr 20, 2003 8:47 pm

THAT was uncalled for....Image <p>Revised Quotes
-----------------------------
"I, master engineer Cid has something in store for you Golbez... As well as my middle finger." (Escape from underworld scene in FF4)</p>

Ghastly Knight
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Ghastly Knight » Sun Apr 20, 2003 9:09 pm

Odd names? What odd names? David? Angela?
At any rate, I didn't really find much that was incredably intriguing about the story... I assume you aren't done yet?
I believe you might need something that REALLY catches the reader's attention. 'jooie may be harsh, but he is correct. The story doesn't really draw you in. <p>
Quoth the Magus...
"The Black Wind begins to blow... Okay... Give me your best shot... If Your Prepared For The VOID!"
"Fool... Nothing lasts forever"</p>

Arinacci
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Arinacci » Sun Apr 20, 2003 9:27 pm

Is it really supposed to be? This is my first time making a fic. Oh well, back to the drawing board....Image <p>Revised Quotes
-----------------------------
"I, master engineer Cid has something in store for you Golbez... As well as my middle finger." (Escape from underworld scene in FF4)</p>

User avatar
pd Rydia
Moderator
 
Posts: 5269
Joined: Mon Apr 22, 2002 4:12 pm
Location: Temple of Fiends

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby pd Rydia » Sun Apr 20, 2003 9:33 pm

...Most stories need to be interesting to be catchy, yeah. Uh, keep trying, though. <p>
<span style="font-size:xx-small;">-=- "Careful wit' that blade, th's innkeep's a cranky sort when folks start fightin' Ye dun wanna know how many rowdy drunks she's ate" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "I'm sorry, but there are rules to uphold here. No nakedness is one of them. Along with no suicide and no fighting." -- Will Baseton
-=- "Maybe... or maybe you're just not drunk enough." -- Nakibe</span></p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Mon Apr 21, 2003 12:34 am

Yeah, interesting helps. So to does character description, background, and whatnot.

The first parts have to be some of the best to catch your reader's attention. <p><div style="text-align:center">Image Image Image Image Image ImageImage</div></p>

SuperRube
 

Re: World's End (Prologue)

Unread postby SuperRube » Mon Apr 21, 2003 1:36 am

OFF TOPIC FUN.

'Jooies avatar needs a little bar that reads "57%" on it. <p>

"Things should be harder to understand, harder to use, and as painful as possible. Pain builds character."</p>


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