Standing at the Window

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Uncle Pervy
 

Standing at the Window

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 18, 2002 12:34 am

"Hey Aliester!" calls a voice from down the hall, "What are you looking at?"

Aliester looks away from the large, panelled window and sees a young man walking toward him. Much like Aliester, he wears a white, hooded robe bordered with a distinctive pattern of red triangles. However, they have little else in common. Though tall in his own right, the young man is dwarfed by Aliester's broadly built, six-foot four-inch frame. His blue eyes and sapphire hair stand in marked contrast to Aliester's emerald eyes and reddish brown locks. While Aliester's chin bears the growth of a thin beard he has never bothered to shave, the approaching man's face is free of any hair.

There are other differences hidden by their robes. The young man's hood obscures his rounded human ears. Aliester's covers two triangular feline ears, as well as the scar at the base of his spine from where a tail once extended.

"What's out there?" the young man presses, as he pushes past Aliester and peers out the window. Beyond the pane of glass, both can see a lovely view of the Val'Ri sea as the sun prepares to sink below the horizon for the night. Small fishing boats scramble to get to port and unload their catches for the day. People line the docks, buying supper for the night. Both Aliester and his friend know that men and women in white robes like their own are among that crowd, buying tonight's dinner.

"I don't see anything," says the man after a few moments. "It's just people swarming to get the catch of the day."

"That's because your not lookin' in the right place, Valenti," replies Aliester. "Past the docks; you'll see it."

"The sea?" Valemti asks, "Is there something swimming out there? Maybe we should warn the Headmaster..."

"Nah, nothing like that," Aliester replies, stifling a chuckle. "You let your imagination run away with you too much. Tis just the sea. Look at it, Valenti. Isn't it beautiful?"

"Yeah, in it's own way," Valenti admits, glancing out the window. Then he looks back at Aliester, smiling. "But not nearly so beautiful as finally graduating from here! I still can't believe we're almost done with it all!"

"Aye," Aliester agrees, as he scratches at the thin traces of a beard running along his jawline. "Been here for at least seven years now; never thought I would be done with it all."

"Indeed," Valenti agrees, "And in just one week, We'll finally be inducted into the Order of White Magic! We'll finally be full-fledged White Mages, Aliester! Travelling the world and helping those in need! I'll bet you're even more excited than I am! I've heard that you'll make Valedictorian!"

Aliester snorts in derision. "Me, Valedictorian?" He says, "Hardly."

"I bet you will!" Valenti presses, "You successfully cast Fade for your final test!"

"Heh, true," agrees Aliester, "But that spell hardly had enough power to knock over a kitten. Look at Alexandra; she managed to cast Wall, and held it against a Fire spell!"

"Yeah, but she told me that the Fire Spell nearly shattered it," Valenti points out.

"What about Richard?" Aliester presses, "While we were trying to impress the Headmaster by tossing the biggest spells we could, he comes in and casts a simple Harm just as pretty as you please. He's likely the smartest one among the lot of us for that."

"You do have a point there," Valenti admits. "Still, who would have expected a poor peasant boy from a no-name fishing village like you to come here and surpass us scions of wealthy merchants and nobles? You have got to be the best 'foundling' that Everbright Academy has ever had!"

"Best of the poor folks?" Aliester replies, chuckling, "Not hardly. Tis fun to rub it in the blueblood's faces, though."

"Oh, quit being so modest!" Valenti says, his voice full of friendly chiding, "By Ishtar! You're hellbound to demean yourself into the mud!"

"Just realistic, friend," Aliester answers.

"Bah," Valenti says with a dismissing motion, "You've full of it. Anyway, has the Order told you were they are going to send you yet?"

"No," Aliester answers simply.

"Maybe they want to keep you here to research new magic," Valenti says, "I've heard that the Order has almost created a version of the Life spell that can cancel out the negative energy that animates undead! Think of what we could do with that! I'll bet they'll want you to help research it!"

"You're letting your imagination run away with you again," Aliester chides. "Besides, to tell you the truth, I don't want them to send me anywhere."

"Huh?" Valenti asks, shooting Aliester an incredulous look. "Why not? You and I both know they'll be insane not to send you back home. Your village needs a healer desperately, and they know you there better than anyone."

"Doesn't it get to you?" Asks the nekojin. "Think about it; they're trying to tell us where to go, and how to live. For the rest of our lives, we'll be working for the Order. Whenever they say jump, we hafta jump."

"Well, it's not like they are the Rivan Dragoons," Valenti answers, shaking his head. "The Order of White Magic seldom, if ever, tells us what to do. We're pretty much free to do what we please after being assigned. Personally, I'd like to travel a bit after they send me to Nekonia."

"Val, doesn't grate against your nerves?" Aliester presses. "I mean, if someone in white robes flashes a pendant at you, or you get a letter with the Order's Seal on it, you have to drop your whole damn life and dance for them. Simply because they said to. You aren't... bothered by that at all?"

"It's life," Valenti answers with a shrug, "If the Royal Guard comes, or you get a letter with the Chancellor's seal, the same thing happens. At least with the Order, you know it is your brother and sister White Mages who are asking for you to do something."

"True, I suppose," admits the taller man, as his gaze returns to the sea.

"Don't worry about it, Aliester" Valenti says, giving his friend a hearty and rather unaristocratic pat on the shoulder. "I gotta go meet Alexandra now. She and I are going to have dinner down at the village inn and talk about what we're going to do when we get to Nekonia."

"Have fun, Val," answers the nekojin, "Good to see the Order had enough sense not to seperate you two lovebirds."

"Indeed," Valenti agrees, "I might just propose to her once we reach Fickle."

"Do that, Val," Aliester says, as the blue-haired man resumes his course down the rather empty hall. "I know you two'll be very happy together. Trust me on that one!"

Valenti waves as he departs, and leaves Aliester alone to stare at the distant sea. The young nekojin watches as the sun sets, admiring it. Ever since he could walk, he had loved the sea. Simply looking at the waves begins back so many happy memories. Learning to swim, helping his father bring in the day's haul, rowing out in his own little boat... On the sea, Aliester was on his own. It was his own wit and courage that kept him afloat. His, and no one else's.

Aliester's thoughts begin to turn circles upon themselves as he watches the water turn golden, and the sky pink and purple. At the heart of this turmoil is a simple letter stashed in his pocket. It reads:


Dear Aliester Purvis

After considering your phenominal progress as a practioner of the Art of White Magic, we believe it is best to send you to the City of Doma. There, your skills shall be invalauble in combatting the occasional outbreaks of disease such a crowded city suffers from, as well as the unfortunate damage done by crime.

May Ishtar's blessings be upon you,

Nathaniel Serdias, Order of White Magic.




That letter burns like a hot coal in his pocket. Ever since he came to the University of Everbright, all Aliester has wanted to do was become a White Mage and join the Order. With his talents, he knew he could help relieve so much suffering in the world. With the Order's backing, he knows that he can do just that and be as effective as possible.

Yet, it galls him to his very core to be at their beck and call! All they need to is whistle, and he has no choice but to dance and sing.

Why live? He wonders, Why live if I cannot live as I desire? What good is helping the world, if I do not do it by my own will? Why should I live how they want me to? Are they better than me? Why should I to Doma and not home? Why should I go home, even?

As the sun sets, the nekojin continues to watch the sea. Even though it is too dark to see the waves any longer, the simple presense of the sea helps bring him a measure of peace. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showLocalUserPublicProfile?login=unclepervy>Uncle] at: 7/18/02 5:31:28 am

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<-- kitty person

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 18, 2002 12:47 am

You missed a couple words in there, and used "process" instead of progress once. Aside from that, very nice BG for Pervy. Are you going to be continuing this, hm, hm? o.o You better be. :P

A nice, smooth, and interesting read. ^_^ More. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: <-- kitty person

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 18, 2002 12:52 am

Yeah... I tried to root out all me typos... But I'm bad at that sort of thing.

I'll hunt again, but a little help is always greatly appreciated. (Directed to everyone)

Do I intend to continue it? Not presently. For the time being, it is a standalone fic. I wanted to focus on the situation and emotions more than any events. I like the semi-ambigious end, myself.

I may write another story later, though. If the muse hits me again.

Thanks for the comments, Sis. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>

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Re: <-- kitty person

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 18, 2002 1:46 am

Ya mind me slapping this up on the site? <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: <-- kitty person

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 18, 2002 2:18 pm

Oh hell no! I don't want this anywhere near the site! :P

...ahem.

By all means, sis.

But... I think I might continue it after all. Image So let me work on those awhile first, and see if I can be happy with them. Image <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>

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<-- dwagon

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 18, 2002 5:19 pm

Okies. Just send it in to my email addy when you've finished it to your liking. ^_^ <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: <-- dwagon

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 18, 2002 9:36 pm

"Good evenin'!" says the cheery voice of the shopkeep, as the bell on the door announces a customer coming in.

"Evenin' indeed," answers Aliester; closing the door behind him.

"Need anything in particular, sir, at this late hour?" asks the shopkeep, his voice becoming less jovial and more polite.

"Just lookin' around, friend." answers Aliester. The White Mage frowns a bit at the obvious change in the storekeeper's demeanor. Why aren't you so friendly anymore? I'm no noble, I'm just a fisherman's son. You don't have to bow and scape to me.

Shaking his head a bit, Aliester turns his attention to the many wares that the store contains. Not needing anything in particular, the nekojin is here more to escape Everbright's halls than anything else. He glances out the store's front window, and sees the University; an expansive collection of single and double story buildings connected by a number of halls. It is old, dating back several hundred years, which the weathered granite stones of Everbright show most plainly.

Looking away from the window, Aliester turns his attention to the wares contained in the store. It is particularly well stocked, which is unusual given how small the village of Judon's Cove is. A small row of lesser healing potions lines one of the shelves; payments from students who lacked for money. Several racks of thick, coarse cloth-of-wool take up one corner of the store. While the village is too small to support much in the way of readymade clothing, a fair number of the people lack livestock that provide any sort of cloth to work with

Fishing gear takes up another wall, and several shelves in the middle of the floor. Everything thing from simple hooks and sinker to whale-sized nets and sailcloth can be found among these shelves. Fishing is the lifeblood of Judon's Cove, and it shows in the selection of supplies available; as well as the numerous empty spots on the shelves.

Common household utensils take up another portion of the store. Pots, pans, brooms, spindles, shovels, pickaxes, and dozens of other tools and supplies can be found. Not far from those rest foodstuffs. Jarred preserves, dried vegetables, and hard wheels of cheese can be found here, as well as a small variety of liquors.

Perusing those liquors is the only other customer in the store. He is a small man, nearly a foot shorter than Aliester, with curly dark hair. He is dressed in rough, brown clothing; simple peasants fare. He seems no older than Aliester himself. The nekojin's sensitive nose can smell both seasalt and liquor about him, as well as the normal odors about any human. A sailor, Aliester does not doubt.

"Hey there," Aliester says, approaching the man. "Name's Aliester Purvis. What's yours?"

"I be Nathan Hawkin's, friend," says the little man as he looks over, "Navigator of the Gem of Kohlingen." Nathan smiles and offers his hand to White Mage. Instantly, Aliester takes a shine to the sailor. Nathan spoke to him like an equal, rather than treating the nekojin like some noble.

"A man as young as you navigating a ship?" asks Aliester, "I thought it took years for a sailor to learn how to do that."

"Aye, normally," Nathan agrees. "But the King, he recently established a School for Navigation in Kohlingen. He wants t' encourage trade an' exploration of the world, and I'm keen t' get me a piece of it, eh? Tis my first voyage, it tis! Just glad that my stomach's held out, aye Pervy? Ye don't mind if I call ye Pervy, right?"

"Not at all!" Aliester says happily. Indeed, it thrills the nekojin that the sailor game him a nickname! It makes the young White Mage feel accepted, like he was a seaman too. That name has a rather happy ring in his ears.

"Well then," the Navigator continues, as he picks up a bottle and examines it. "Like I was sayin', I'm just glad my stomach behaved itself since we sat out. After outdrinkin' half th' crew, t'wouldn't be seemingly t' spend half th' day wit' my head over th' railing!"

"Indeed, Indeed," Pervy agrees. "That would explain why you're here, lookin' at th' bottles."

"What, drink this stuff outright?" Nathan says with mock outrage, "Never! I'm Nathan Hawkin's, son o' Daniel Hawkin's; the greatest brewer Kohlingen has ever seen! This stuff tis but raw material for th' masterpieces of distillery that I craft!"

"If I had a sister, I'd marry her to you right now," declares the White Mage. "My family would welcome you with open arms. So, how long are you going to be in port?"

"We set sail at about nine tomorrow," Nathan replies, as he tucks the bottle he was examining under his arm, and looks at a new one. "Th' Captain's been looking for a few folk t' help keep things in line onboard, but he hasn't had much luck. Not many folks seem t' want t' leave."

Pervy nods, as he eyes wander over to the final, and smallest section of the Shop. There, he spies something that instantly catches his eye. Walking over to it, he takes the object in hand, and admires it. Then he looks over at the shopkeep and asks, "How much for this?"

"That?" Asks the Shopkeeper, "I didn't think a one of your Order would want one of those. Two hundred gil."

"I'll take it!" Pervy decides, a smile on his thinly-bearded face. <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>Edited by: [url=http://pub30.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showLocalUserPublicProfile?login=unclepervy>Uncle] at: 7/19/02 2:22:32 am

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Re: <-- dwagon

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 18, 2002 10:14 pm

Couple of typos (easiest thing for me to point out, since I'm not that great a writer/critiquer, and I don't think the story itself needs much improvement):

"tore's" -- assume ya meant "store's" :P

"'...Ye don't mind if I ye Pervy, right?'" -- assume ya meant to stick a "call" in there. Oh, and that's a nifty little dealie, too. XP Wondered how your char got that nick name.

"'If I had a sister, I'd marry her to you right now'" -- 'Ey! No marryin' off your sister without permission! XP

Again, I'm lacking in the real constructive criticism department. It's a damn fine little story, and I wanna see more. Mew Mew Kachew. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: <-- dwagon

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 18, 2002 11:19 pm

Sis, I need all the Technical C&C I can get. Those typos got throught me reading the whole thing aloud.

I have a lazy eye for editting, so I love the help. Image I'll admit I eat up in depth C&C like a Lapdragon eats up dragonnip, but don't feel as though you have to give it <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>

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<-- ninja

Unread postby FlamingDeth » Fri Jul 19, 2002 5:02 am

Image

I did NOT post this here for the sole reason that I couldn't think of a clever title for a thread of it's own. I had other reasons, too! <p>New sig pending.</p>

Uncle Pervy
 

A Conclusion

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Tue Jul 23, 2002 10:21 pm

"Uhhhhh..." Groans a sleep-heavy voice in the darkness. "Al'ster? Izzat you?"

"Aye," answers the white mage, as he pulls a few spare robes from his wardrobe and shoves them into a bag.

"What're you doing up so late?" Asks the voice through a yawn.

"I'm packin', Val." Aliester answers.

The sound of sliding sheets fills the silence left as Valenti stops speaking. A moment later, soft footsteps pad across the room. Aliester ignores them, as he stuffs the robes into a burlap sack. "What's going on?" Asks the blue-haired man, clad in a long nightshirt, as he come to the nekojin's side. "Did they finally assign you somewhere?"

"Yeah," says Aliester evenly. "They did."

"Wonderful!" Valenti replies, "So you're finally going home?"

"You could say that," answers Aliester calmly.

"In the middle of the night?" Valenti notes drily. "Right... Hey, what's this on your bed?"

"I bought it earlier tonight," answers the nekojin, a bit of joy creeping into his voice despite his attempts to the latter. "Sank most of my savings on it."

Steel slides against cloth, and Valenti gasps. "This is a sword, Aliester!" He exclaims, while trying not to be too loud, "You know that we're forbidden to have any sort of weapon here! Especially a bladed weapon! We don't draw blood, friend, we preserve it!"

"I know," answers the nekojin as he buddles up some more things. "I'm leavin'."

Valenti sighs. "I thought you were going to do this. After talking with you today in the Seaside Hall, I figured you were going to throw it all away. I suppose I can't get you to stop and reconsider, can I?"

"I made up my mind, Val," Aliester answers simply.

"You don't have to just run away, you know." Valenti says. "Just ask the Order to delay your intiation. Take some time and think about it. You could come with Alexandra and I to Nekonia and see for yourself . The Order wouldn't force you to join if you really didn't want to."

"That's not the point," Aliester counters, his voice calm. "I don't hafta ask them for permission to leave. I'll leave as I want, and they'll smile and like it. It's my choice, not theirs. "

"Why?" Presses Valenti, as he sits down on the nekojin's bed, "Aliester, I've never seen you like this before. Why have you suddenly rejected the Order?"

"I've been thinkin', Val," answers the taller White Mage. "Been thinkin' 'bout a lot of things. I want my freedom, friend. I don't want to live under anyone's thumb. Not the Order's, not the King's, not no one. I jus' wanna live my life like I want. I don't want to have to dance when someone tells me to."

"Why now, Aliester?" questions Valenti. "You lived here since you were ten, and put up with all the rules for so long."

" I thought it would end, I guess," Aliester replies with a sigh. "I thought that once I had graduated and earned my staff, I'd be done with it. Then I could go home and help my friends and family out. But instead they're tellin' me to go to Doma!" He pauses for a moment. "I can't take it, Val. I can't follow their orders just because they say so. There ain't a pint of sense in it! I gotta be free, friend."

"Aliester," Valenti says after a moment of silence, "There are far harsher mistresses than the Order. But I suppose I can't convince you of that. But, what happened to your dreams, my friend? Not even a week ago, you told me how you wanted to use my magic to help save the world, to cure the wounds of the unfortunate and stop plagues from decimating the land. What happened to that?"

"I still wanna help, Val," Aliester says after a moment, "But I gotta do it like I want to, not as they tell me to."

"So what are you going to do, then?" Inquires the blue-haired man, "Go home?"

"There's a ship leavin' tomorrow," Answers the nekojin, "They're short of crew; I'm gonna sign on as a sailor and a medic. I'm gonna take to th' seas for awhile. There's freedom on the seas, Val. There, it's just ye against the elements. That's what I want, to live on me own like that."

"I see," Valenti replies after a moment, looking away. Then he looks at Aliester and says, "I don't understand it, but I'll not try to stop you. Good luck, my friend."

He stands and offers a hand to Aliester, and thus is caught a little off guard when the nekojin suddenly wraps him up in a massive bear hug! "Val," Aliester declares, as he lets go, "I'll come see ye and Alexandra in Fickle someday. Propose to her in the meantime; I wanna see a half-dozen kids when I drop in on ye.

"Valenti, you're a better White Mage than I could ever hope to be. I might have more skill wit' magic, but you're better suited for it. You're a lot more humble than me, and you're willin' to live wit' the Order's rules. Remember back when we were fightin' over Alexandra? The first thing I did was tell you to step outside; and ye said no. Ye thought with your head, not your fists. Alex made the right choice, she did"

"Until we meet again, Aliester," Valenti replies.

"The name's Pervy now," answer the nekojin. "Be good, Val. I'll see you again someday." With that, Pervy gathers his belongings, takes the sword in hand, and walks to the door. Looking back, he waves, then opens the door and departs.

Taking a deep breath as he walks out into the hall, Pervy smiles. I'll miss you, Valenti. You were my best friend here. Ye'll do far better than I would've...

Pervy glances out one of the windows, and smiles as he sees the moon reflecting off of the sea. That's where I belong, on the waves. Away from everythin'. Away from th' people who want t' control me jus' because they can't stand people bein' free...

To think th' Order wanted t' take th' sea from me. They want me to leave th' beautiful, rollin' waves behind, just because they say so... Never! I belong on th' sea! My family's fished it fer generations! I swam in Mother Ocean's waters not long after I learned t' walk! I was in a fishin' boat before I was ten!

Aye, on th' sea. That's where I belong. With a Deck pitchin' an' rollin' under me feet. I can't believe I left it for so long... Heh, I likely spent more time at the piers than in class. I even snuck off in those fishin' boats when I could...


The Nekojin walks through the front doors of the University. The close, cramped halls and rooms sudeenly give way to the open night sky. Pervy breaths deeply of the cool, salt tinged air. "Aye," he says quietly, "This is what I want. Th' stars, th' open sky, and th' sea. Freedom. Away from those who wanna control me because they can't think otherwise. I'll make my own way on th' waves; th' way I want t' do it." <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>

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Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby pd Rydia » Wed Jul 24, 2002 12:56 pm

Whee-ness~! ^-^

I red this last night, bro, but was a wee bit too scatter-brained to be able to post anything constructive. Anyway, here goes:<ul>
"I know," answers the nekojin as he buddles up some more things. "I'm leavin'."

Valenti sighs. "I thought you were..."
</ul>Valenti's response seems a bit too ready here, even if he had been expecting this. I'd expect a pause, a halt in speech, maybe just a drawn-out sigh, but a little something to show that Valenti has just been either mildly shocked, or faced with the inevitability of one of his good friends leaving the order. At least that's my own opinion.<ul>
"Why now, Aliester?" questions Valenti. "You lived here since you were ten, and put up with all the rules for so long."

" I thought it would end, I guess," Aliester replies with a sigh.
</ul>I just think that's a nifty explanation, myself. I liked eet.<ul>
"...Alex made the right choice, she did"

"Until we meet again, Aliester," Valenti replies.
</ul>Well, first off to mention I like the characterization of both Valenti and Perv that the description of fighting over Alexandra did. *nod* Secondly to mention, again, I think there should be some indication that Valenti didn't shoot off that reply immediately, because that seems a bit awkward. "Valenti replies at length" seems to make more sense to me. But again, that's my wee opinion. >.o

The only typo I saw at a glance was "sudeenly" for "suddenly." The thought monologue at the end was very nicely done, indeed.

Aaaand I think that's about all I can say for now. ^_^ Hope this helps. Thanks for gifting us with this ficcy. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

WhiteShadow
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby WhiteShadow » Thu Jul 25, 2002 3:09 am

Great work, Cap'n!

But just one thing - even Dia missed it 0_0 - you say "buddles" when I think you meant "bundles up some more things."

Otherwise, top notch. *thumbs up*
<p>Image

Uncle Pervy
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Thu Jul 25, 2002 4:12 am

Heh heh.

You give Pervy swelled head. Head now filled with much swelledness. Pervy not gonna be able to move it soon, eh?

</Chongara>

Thanks for the happy reviews, WS, Sis ^^

The Technical commentary is much appreciated, and shall be put into play on the final version. ^^

I've decided there will be three stories. This one, the tale of how Pervy came to be a Pirate, and the tale of how he met Ushyu.

I'm curious, should I present them all as different chapter of a Single story, or as totally seperate tales? The second will happen not long after the first, but the third will take place fifteen years later.

Also, anyone know of a good site about sailing? ^^;; I know a bit, but not enough.
<p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>

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pd Rydia
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Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby pd Rydia » Thu Jul 25, 2002 12:41 pm

I'd do them as separate stories buuut...that's what I've been planning to do with my fic, once I get it done (I plan two more stories after it, but I won't say what they'd all be about ^_~). So that'd be better off at your call there, bro. <p><hr width="47%"><small>Quotes of the moment:
-=- "Eat chicken, live forever...until you die, then you're screwed." -- Matt
-=- "*Dilute them bloodlines! Make Hitler roll in his grave!*" -- Uncle Pervy
-=- "Inorafeeb eedrayob fehc tae dna ekawa llahs slived." -- Bloodhound Gang
-=- "I exist to celebrate the onion." -- 'Pepito,' (mis)translation of Pablo Neruda's «Oda a la cebolla».</p>

WhiteShadow
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby WhiteShadow » Fri Jul 26, 2002 1:08 pm

But just one warning, although I'm sure you have a lot more discipline than me, make sure you go through them step by step - don't make the mistake I made, which ended up with two unfinished stories, one a sequel to the other...! <p>Image

Vampire Jester Jinx
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby Vampire Jester Jinx » Tue Aug 20, 2002 2:06 am

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
whee! great! wai!

ok, now for the constructive part, i loved the flow of the story.....very nice....... other than a few spelling mistakes nothing distracted me from the story. the characters were well done to my mind, and both quite interesting. >:P very original....... and amusing....... ^_^ more more more.
<p><center><p>Image I bend minds with my spoon. </center></p>

SALSAlys
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby SALSAlys » Tue Aug 27, 2002 12:21 pm

Unkie Pervy!!!

Please pretty please write more? 9.9

I need storytime!


Uncle Pervy
 

Re: A Conclusion

Unread postby Uncle Pervy » Wed Aug 28, 2002 3:00 am

Ah, my dear unobservant neice ^^

http://pub30.ezboard.com/frpgww60462frm ... D=45.topic

The Story continues here. Read and Commentate, so your mother doesn't get lonely there.


Image <p><table align="center" cellpadding=2><tr><td>Image</td><td align="center">Rum, White Magic, an' Cabbits.
That's th' life fer me.

Seig No-Pants!</td><td>Image</tr></table></p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=pdrydia>pd]&nbsp; Image at: 6/10/05 16:52


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