Purple Prose for the Lose
Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:30 pmThis was amazing. And it got better and better.
<blockquote>So, let's pretend it's pretty late and you're doing a little light reading before bed, as you sometimes do. This book is one that you bought used probably fifteen years ago and it has sat on your shelf since then. Now, you've decided to read it and within the first page you realize it's one of those fantasy novels, written by a man who wants to idolize his fantasy princess dream woman. But after he gets past describing her in chapter one you think, okay. Maybe there's a good story in this book anyway.
Anyway, it's only 200 pages, so even if it's awful it'll be quick.
So it's late. You're about halfway finished with the book. The princess has met the faerie king and he's brought her to the faerie court! She's met the faerie wives! And you turn the page and come across this:</blockquote>Two scanned pages are on the original entry. You have got to read this. I've never seen similes and metaphors so cracked out in all my life. "Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners." Just wait until you see what the author says is a ferret.
Also, if you can tell me what the gibbous moon smells like, I will be in your debt.
<blockquote>So, let's pretend it's pretty late and you're doing a little light reading before bed, as you sometimes do. This book is one that you bought used probably fifteen years ago and it has sat on your shelf since then. Now, you've decided to read it and within the first page you realize it's one of those fantasy novels, written by a man who wants to idolize his fantasy princess dream woman. But after he gets past describing her in chapter one you think, okay. Maybe there's a good story in this book anyway.
Anyway, it's only 200 pages, so even if it's awful it'll be quick.
So it's late. You're about halfway finished with the book. The princess has met the faerie king and he's brought her to the faerie court! She's met the faerie wives! And you turn the page and come across this:</blockquote>Two scanned pages are on the original entry. You have got to read this. I've never seen similes and metaphors so cracked out in all my life. "Her thighs were geese, pythons, schooners." Just wait until you see what the author says is a ferret.
Also, if you can tell me what the gibbous moon smells like, I will be in your debt.