God Hates Figs
Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 10:28 pmPage 1 of 1
Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:20 pmJack Chick, get a comic about this topic out ASAP! Millions of people are going straight to hell!
Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 4:54 pmAnd lo, did Jesus sanctify the microwaveable chicken pot pie, and denounce all food that have not had the purifying grace of preservatives. Amen.
Posted: Tue Mar 17, 2009 10:27 pmJesus comes off as kind of a douche in those first two stories. I mean, what, he's hungry, and he's pissed because figs aren't growing on a fig-tree, in the fig off-season? What the Hell did you expect if figs aren't in season, genius? So rather than moving on and finding something that IS in season, he kills the tree with harsh words. That's class.
That's not cool, man. That's like going to a party horny and calling the first girl you talk to a whore if she won't fuck you. And then stabbing her to death.
Classy.
It's a good thing I am aware the Bible was written by human hands, otherwise much of it would be rather detrimental to maintaining both faith and sanity. Not that I'm sure I have either, lately.
That's not cool, man. That's like going to a party horny and calling the first girl you talk to a whore if she won't fuck you. And then stabbing her to death.
Classy.
It's a good thing I am aware the Bible was written by human hands, otherwise much of it would be rather detrimental to maintaining both faith and sanity. Not that I'm sure I have either, lately.
Posted: Wed Mar 18, 2009 1:15 amTree got off easy. If it had been bearing fruit at the time, it would've had to watch as Jesus ate one of its children.
Seriously, though, it's really just a metaphor. You know, for the fact that if you don't serve Jesus when he calls on you, he'll kill you.
... Hrm...
Seriously, though, it's really just a metaphor. You know, for the fact that if you don't serve Jesus when he calls on you, he'll kill you.
... Hrm...
Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 10:53 amBut plants want you to eat their fruit so that you will deposit their seeds elsewhere.
Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:35 pmWhat sort of thing are these trees planning by getting us to deposit their seeds in our sewage system?Archmage wrote:But plants want you to eat their fruit so that you will deposit their seeds elsewhere.
Posted: Thu Mar 19, 2009 1:52 pmCrocodiles, obviously.
Posted: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:10 pmAre you sure it's not the conchodrilos? I have heard they cause problems when yelled at.
Posted: Wed Mar 25, 2009 9:09 pmhow dare you all ridicule my zombie king
Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 11:26 pmMolokidan wrote:how dare you all ridicule my zombie king
Yeah, we should be eating him instead.
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 7:22 amSo the moral of the story is that the root of all evil is in fact the root of a fig tree?
Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 9:59 amHell yeah. It be keeping us from the hot classical genitalia and all that. Oh, right, and the Bible says no.