Electric Sass!

[Vampire Jester Jinx]

<span style="color:maroon;font-family:courier;">*puts on a top hat and a snidely mustache* Greeeeeetin's ladies and gents. I have got something so splendiforous, so Ginormously amazings, fantasmigorial, and neat, that you can't pass it up! My product ladies and gentlemen, is "Jesterlex's Electric Sass", I can hear your little hearts all aflutter, but please wait just a moment more, to hear more about the product! BUT FIRST, a word from our disgustingly satisfied CUSTOMERS!</span>




How has "Electric Sass" changed your life for the better?


Best answers, win a strange little prize. El teeheehee.

Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=vampirejesterjinx>Vampire]&nbsp; at: 10/6/05 11:38

[E Mouse]

I WAS EMO ONCE

NOW I AM NOT EMO

I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANS

BUT I SUPPOSE IT'S A GOOD THING <p>

---

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">"Their rhetoric... You didn't put communists in his bed did you!" came Amber's indignant reply.

"Why not? All I had to do was open a gate to his bed and stick up a sign saying 'Hot virgin willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of international socialist fraternity.'"</span>

<span style="color:blue;font-size:xx-small;">Excaliburned:</span> <span style="font-size:xx-small;">Ah yes, I'm thinking of having the USS Bob be preserved outside the Arena as a monument of sorts</span></p>

[Zemyla]

I like it. It's all electricy and sassy. <p>-----
Do not taunt Happy Fun Zemyla.

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">I think boobs are the lesser of two evils. - Inverse (Pervy)
Dammit, Dan, I'm not dating a damn NPC! - OOC Will (Will Baseton)
Of course! Anything worth doing is worth doing completely wrong! - Travis English
Ultimately, wizards and clerics don't say, "Gee, I want to become a lich because weapons hurt less and I don't have to worry about being backstabbed; that whole 'eternal life' thing is just a fringe benefit."-Darklion
But this one time I killed a walrus with my bare hands, and I suddenly understood spherical coordinates. - KnightsofSquare
Also, when you've worked a 36-hour shift as an intern you too just might pour yourself a catful of coffee and sit down to cuddle with your travel mug. -eirehound
</span>

Adventurers! | RPG World World | The Phantom Lord's OT Board mkII | Indie Madnesse | Brotherhood of Elitist Bastards</p>

[Jak Snide]

I used to be a whiney layabout, but then Electric Sass came up and punched me in the fucking face and yelled "Sort your crack out!" Now I own seventeen small European countries and run an empire founded on unpaid labour. Thanks Electric Sass!

[PriamNevhausten]

I used to be completely unpopular. Nobody wanted to be my friend, I never got any dates, and people were always telling me to stop giving them Sass. I figured, it's time for something new! So I got Jesterlex's Electric Sass, and boy, could I tell the difference! None of that other stuff changed, but when I sass someone, they know and appreciate its modern look and feel. <p><span style="font-size:xx-small;">"It's in the air, in the headlines in the newspapers, in the blurry images on television. It is a secret you have yet to grasp, although the first syllable has been spoken in a dream you cannot quite recall." --Unknown Armies</span></p>

[Nick Shogun]

I touched the Sass Electric and all I got was this crummy t-shirt...


...AND FIVE MILLION DOLLARS! WOOOOOOOOOOOO! <p>---
FAVORITE CD: Coheed and Cambria, God Apollo I'm Burning Stars
FAVORITE MOVIE: Serenity
FAVORITE BAND: the Flaming Lips
FAVORITE COMIC BOOK: Hip Flask/Blade of the Immortal
FAVORITE WEB COMIC: Five Bucks to Friday
FAVORITE VIDEO GAME: Psychonauts
</p>

[E Mouse]

When I was three and a half years old, a weta tried to eat me.

Now, thanks to Electric Sass, I eat wetas! <p>

---

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">"Their rhetoric... You didn't put communists in his bed did you!" came Amber's indignant reply.

"Why not? All I had to do was open a gate to his bed and stick up a sign saying 'Hot virgin willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of international socialist fraternity.'"</span>

<span style="color:blue;font-size:xx-small;">Excaliburned:</span> <span style="font-size:xx-small;">Ah yes, I'm thinking of having the USS Bob be preserved outside the Arena as a monument of sorts</span></p>

[Dragon Sage007]

Before Electric Sass I was a little nerd, who was refused even basic services by Save Moogles and Exit mice. Now, thanks to Electric Sass I am a manly man that kicks puppies and eats mice! Thanks, Lex, for introducing me to Electric Sass! <p>

---

<div style="text-align:center"></div>
<div style="text-align:center">I have no idea how this happened. Really</div></p>

[Capntastic]

S is more groovy than B, and thus Electric Sass allows me to funk things up to the next power.

[KingOfDoma]

<p>

---

<div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[E Mouse]

Shit. I can't even stand up to that. <p>

---

<span style="font-size:xx-small;">"Their rhetoric... You didn't put communists in his bed did you!" came Amber's indignant reply.

"Why not? All I had to do was open a gate to his bed and stick up a sign saying 'Hot virgin willing to make the ultimate sacrifice in the name of international socialist fraternity.'"</span>

<span style="color:blue;font-size:xx-small;">Excaliburned:</span> <span style="font-size:xx-small;">Ah yes, I'm thinking of having the USS Bob be preserved outside the Arena as a monument of sorts</span></p>

[BrainWalker]

It's the single greatest technological marvel of our time! Why, before Electric-type Sass, I was an unseemly ne'er-do-well; a vagrant and a miscreant! I could not seem to help but run afoul of whomever I met. A tragic figure, indeed. Ah, but those days are behind me now that I have JesterLex's patented Electric-type Sass! Where the package reads "Thrice as effective as the average sass!" is no mere disclaimer, friend, it is proven fact! Now I have social and political influence, I'm living like Rockerfeller, and I hire muscle to beat comman rifraff like I used to be just because I can! Those little punks will think twice before they trample my begonias again, I'd say! <p><div style="text-align:center"></div></p>

[Elitegamer7539]

Before Electric Sass, I was a nobody. Just some hopeless nert sitting on a street corner, willing to do horrible, disgraceful things just to get enough money for another hit from World of Warcraft. Eventually, it got so bad that I joined the Mob. Since I'm not Italian, I only got the shittiest jobs. I killed men, women, and children, and I had to live off of meatballs those Italian scumbags threw at me. All this time, I barely had enough to get my WoW fix.

Soon, though, it wasn't enough. Those bastards in the Mob wanted me to kill a ninja. Even though I was a bad dude, I was not a bad enough dude to save the president from ninjas, let alone just kill one for no reason. I was in a group of ten other people that day, and we were all going to go and shoot this one ninja that had pissed off our boss. When we approached the ninja, guns loaded, safty off, and ready to blow him away, it happened... He just totally flipped out and killed two guys with nothing but a spoon and some macaroni. The guy next to them was in the process of saying "Damn! That was badass!" when the ninja took out a dime and threw it into his mouth. He choked on the word "ass."

The rest was a blur of bullets and blades, and suddenly evey other man in the group fell to the ground in peices. He sheathed his spork and butterknife and turned to me. Without pausing between words, he said to me, "Youarenotworthyofdieingbymyblade. YouaretoopatheticI'msurprisedyoustillbothertobreath. TrysomeElectricSassitdidwondersforme."

With that, he riffed on an electric guitar, and I passed out from the sheer badass.

I woke up the next day, in a puddle of my own pathetic, when I remembered his words. I started looking for some Electric Sass that very moment.

The results were amasing. Suddenly, people were throwing money at me and begging me to go play WoW. My character leveled up so fast that soon characters died just because I unsheathed my sword.

I also found that I had attained incredible physical strength and skill. Soon, I decided that I was ready... Ready to take on the Mob!

I entered thier hideout. They were naturally surprised to see me--they thought the ninja had killed everyone that day. I pulled out my pair of pistols. The first bullet killed three men, though one was actually a bystander. The firefight that ensued was too crazy to describe. Thier bullets bounced off my skin, while each bullet I fired killed or wounded two men each. Then, at least, the mob boss stood before me. He was known for making a face that was so horrid, it caused men to die on the spot. He didn't hold back any punches. The face of fear itself stood before me.




I laughed at this, and put a bullet between his eyes.



Today, I own three different plants, have more money than Bill Gates, and badassedness almost on par with the ninja that saved my life.

Thank you, ninja. And thank you, Electric Sass. <p>

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____<span style="color:fuchsia;font-family:helvetica;font-size:x-large;">t(</span><span style="color:black;font-family:helvetica;font-size:x-large;">'.'</span><span style="color:fuchsia;font-family:helvetica;font-size:x-large;">t)</span>____
Kirby is not amused.</p>Edited by: [url=http://p068.ezboard.com/brpgww60462.showUserPublicProfile?gid=elitegamer7539>Elitegamer7539</A] at: 10/9/05 0:18