RPGWW

Hey, I'm Chris and some of you may better know me better as Conor Malone, the Compulsive Gambler Conman with a soft heart for children and women. Below this is an opening chapter of a book I'm writing and I'm looking for some feedback as to how good or how bad it is.

So, tell me what you think and if it sounds like your like it, I might post more.

Chapter 1

That Which ...

(Hey there! This is a little of Semiru's backstory, especially of the events on the night where he was banished from his hometown. Now, Semiru doesn't remember what happened that night, so any events here have no bearing of his character as of yet. P.S. Radlin = Semi's dad, and Grimm appeared briefly in Rum, White Magic and Cabbits!)

It was a quiet day in the White Whale Inn, and the various nets and ropes ...

But he ends up writing something that he doesn't even understand. Argh my arguements are designed to just confuse so don't worry if you find they're completely wrong. Anyway this is just a fic to set the background to most of my characters.

Felsannios

Consider…everything. By this I do not mean that you should even attempt to consider all possible things in their infinite diversities and uniqueness, but instead consider everything as a single whole. ...

Okay, here's the deal. I've had this idea in my head for quite a while and I really need to get it out. Comments are appreciated, as usual. But I might also note that this story is FAR from finished. PLEASE give me some suggestions if you have any. I'll work them into the story if I can. Hopefully I'll update this once a week or so.
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"School is so BORING... why do they ...

There is a house in the countryside where the sun never shines. Winds blow fiercely apon it, and rain beats down on its tattered roof without mercy. Some describe it as haunted. Others say that it is a cursed place and that no one could possibly live there. Yet someone did.
It was a shack that sagged like a loose tooth. The white paint was chipped and peeling. The grass lay uncut and empty bottles ...

Ah..just to let you know.......It's not completely about RPGWW...... ^_^; BUT it is connected to it.... And without further ado.... :D The story ^-^ Btw....Crits (And comments of course ^^) are gladly accepted!

Prologue
Looking back over the scattered adventures and periods of travel in my so-called life, I wonder how I ever managed to come to the standing I find myself in on this day. Of course, I account it to all the help ...

(OOC: Yes, I KNOW I have posted this elsewhere. However, as we are no longer reliant on the Abstract Magic forum, where this was first posted, I am re-posting the first segment for your reading pleasure. Also, I'm going to fill in stuff that didn't happen when other characters were there to what has been witnessed.)

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The southern part of Doma City. While not exactly having the same bustle as the rest of the ...

Needs to be pointed out.
The very secret diaries plays heavily on the hidden sexual inuenda in LoTR, which is reflected here. Do NOT, I repeat NOT, take these opinions as either mine or the characters.

The Secret Diary of Ash Fanrico, hero and badass no 1.

Day 1:

Bought a diary v. cheap and now I'm going to write in it.

Day 2:

Met a old man today. He acted strangely and cackled alot. ...

Everyone played the game. If you didn't, you were an outcast of society. The game revolved around a fantasy world called Erinae. Players placed the software disk into the CD-ROM drive and put on their suit. Each suit had a helmet which rested on the players' head, gloves with wires connected to the helmet, and a chest set strapped around the players' chest which was also connected to the helmet. On top of helmet was ...

<span style="color:blue;">This is something Pervy did for me and I wanted to share!</span>

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Why is that stupid white mage staring at me? This thought ran through Jenna Tymisson's mind as she tried to skip rope in the middle of the street. Not that she could blame him for staring at her. After all, she is Jenna! She'd watch herself all day! But white mages are nasty holy types, and she wasn't about to just ...